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I keep having to make up more elaborate ones, dunno why i even bother really as nobody gives a shit.
to fake doctor's appointments for the morning after key PPVs then roll in at 12...'god, the waiting room was packed' etc.
No one seems to give a shit. But in the past I had mysterious unplanned doctor's appointments, had to take my dog to the vet (I don't have a dog), tubes were fucked, buses were fucked, flatmate got locked out so I had to go home and let them in - all of them false.
are we talking part time or full time office job?
Because I just don't factor the time taken to do an unexpectedly large or difficult shit into my morning routine, boss.
Should I be a tad late though, I have one in reserve thanks to my recent move - TOWER BRIDGE WAS UP AND I COULDN'T CROSS IT, FUCKING TALL SHIPS, WHAT'S THEIR PROBLEM, EH?
"oh i'll be in a little bit later tomorrow", you can just turn up whenver you want the next day, it's great.
what a country
is 15 minutes early...
At least phone me when you're aware you're going to be late to give me a heads up!
More like I have an incredible amount of client meetings in the mornings...
'my train was cancelled'.
though this morning i was 30 minutes late and simply told my co-worker 'i am late because i was listening to the radio and i preferred doing that to coming here'. it was true and he responded simply 'that's fair'.
because if it was you shouldn't be working.
But it was a maze made of maize halfway between Bristol and Bath.
It's easy to get out of Hampton Court Maze, is all.
which lasted a long time.
late, but the one time I was massively late (because I woke up late) I just called in said I was feeling a bit sick but I'd heroically try and make it in. Came in about 1 1/2 hours late, left on time. Late.
that I'd trodden in dog shit on my way to the tram and had to go home to swap shoes. Plausible, relateable and just embarrassing enough that you'd not question it.
was a friend of mine's excuse when turning up late for his Saturday morning shift having had to walk through the gay pride crowds in Brighton.
if it's going to be 5-15 minutes I'll just come in and stay the extra past normal hours, nobody says owt which is good.
The 20-45 minute window is tough as it is really obvious you're late, in these situations I'll normally leave it at least an hour then turn up. If anyone questions it then some sort of doctor/parcel delivery/dentist excuse will suffice.
Tough one to phone your female line-manager with but by God, it wasn't questioned at all.
Fucking buses/trains/people. So slow today! God everyone was angry!"
Cover yourself with it just before going through the door. Tell everyone some madman tried to kill you on the way to work and you just about managed to get away. Have a knife in your hand for effect if you'd like.
Use this method every time you're late for work, but change the reason slightly (dog attacked me, group of nuns turned into zombies, bird strike). Eventually they'll stop asking.
is that I'd have to be disastrously late to ever need to make an excuse, and because I'm a grown up who is able to manage my own time I'm only ever disastrously late for good reasons.
If I'm supposed to start at 9.30, I'm there at 9.30. If I'm supposed to start at 9, I'm there at 9.20. I'M WINNING BACK PRECIOUS TIME FROM THE MAN!
then they are endless: my child was sick down me/pooed on me/threw their cereal across me/hid my car keys/wallet...
uses their kids as an excuse brilliantly and on a daily basis. it's at a point where she just sort of mumbles something followed by the child's name and she's off out the door three hours early. directly to the pub i'd wager.
no one cares
I think the trick is to look sharp and as if you're doing nothing wrong.
Always sorts me out.
dunno why that was happening. weird. anyway, i'm popping out for coffee - anyone want anything?
Used that one once, was still leathered.
Wasn't even a thinly veiled
And then when they said will you be staying longer to make it up I said I can't cause I'm going back to the beach.
Just say "Went dogging, took longer to finish than expected."
Works perfectly well for Londoners but also for non-Londoners too who wish to add a gynaecological flair to their excuse making.