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and 'walking around with two lads... dressed like THAT' (wearing a dress). I wouldn't tell them my name cos I was cocky and drunk and had done NOTHING WRONG so a policewoman proper threw me against a wall and held me there til I told them. They rang my mam and I got taken him but my mam didn't care cos she hates the police anyway.
(Apart from when I hang around with lads whilst wearing a dress)
and they were chasing me through town shouting SHELLEY and I didn't turn round (obviously, because it's not my name) and when they caught up with me they gave me into trouble for not stopping when they shouted my name. Then they dropped me off at shelley's house and I had to pretend to ring her doorbell, argh, it was so bad.
My mate was picking flowers/ruining the flowerbeds in front of the local police station one night, so they nicked him, drove him to the nearest big town, interviewed him, done a DNA swab and kept him overnight then didn't give him a lift home.
(Our town was gunning for 'Britain in Bloom' that year)
when drinking down the park was a pretty regular occurrence at age 15
worked well until I tried to shake one of the copper's hands and one flew out and smashed on his doc martens.
Once I hid some cider by burying it in the sand at the beach and then I couldn't find it again and I was more upset than I would've been if the bizzys had taken it cos it was my own fault :(
sorry, been drinking
As in, post baby's arm guy?
but underage drinking on the train, they told us that they had a black maria waiting for us at the end of the line, but then when we got there they just sent us back. I was more worried about trouble I'd get into at home.
But, I was with two friends here at Place de Bastille after Hollande's elections. No public toilets, they decide to go and piss on an inconspicuous looking building while I'm standing nearby. Three police roll up, yell at them to stop, one friend yells back 'I can't!' in French and then one of the policewomen throws a cup of coffee at him. They leg it, round the corner straight into four burly french officers. Turns out they'd been pissing on the police station.
(ambassador's son) and the other moved back to Switzerland about a month after this. Never paid the fine.
I do not fancy messing with the french police.
I would have got a ticket but I had a masisve labrador with me and the policeman said it reminded him of his dead dog, and let me away with it.
but had runs in with them a lot, like being told to stop drinking, climbing up on the school roof, fingering a lassie in a park, etc.
run in with them this weekend, as a matter of fact actually.
that's how long it has taken me to finally get this post.
What happened in cumbria pal? What did you do?
well, not much. basically we were at a campsite and came back at 10.45pm to drink more. and kept drinking. beer pong and stuff. so anyway, they came in and told us to go to bed, and we all reluctantly did (about at 1.30am). but we were back into our room for 5 minutes when the cops showed up. they were beyond nice, realising that the owners had not came across a rowdy stag as they probably told the cops, but a few lads just drinking and having a good time, not breaking the law. and there was no grounds to chuck us out, as long as we played ball. so yeah, was really disappointing from our perspective, as we'd not done anything really bad. and the cops were probably quite surprised too really.
so anyway, THE OWNERS came in and told us to go to bed, and we all reluctantly did (about at 1.30am). but we were back into our room for 5 minutes when the cops showed up.
how disappointing/ annoying.
they did bring a police van though, which was amusing, probably expecting to have to lift all 11 of us. :D
Been put in the back of a police car a couple of times to try and scare me cos of my obnoxious backchat.
I'm sure you backchat was much better/more obnoxious than mine, after all you're one of those law talking people.
that's why I always pretend I'm just that actress of river city ;)
It was a nightmare. One Friday evening I had to go out and find my (lovely...) step-daughter who had disappeared. I found her at the local community centre pissed up on cheap booze so I half-walked/half-carried her back home despite getting abuse from her (equally lovely) scumbag ''friends''. Managed to get her home with a group of rough-arsed teenagers threatening all sorts. However, after a few minutes, she went out again when I was distracted and went to the house of one of the group. She was then egged on to make a complaint against me for physical assault (I had had to carry her part of the way home) hence the police got involved.
(and oddly reminiscent of something my friend's stepdaughter did to him.) They're a nightmare at *that* age and, well, I don't envy what you had to go through.
Worst thing was that Social Services got involved. Because my lad was 2 or 3 at the time, I was considered a potential risk to him and had to attend Child Protection meeting with reps from 4 or 5 different agencies to prove I wasn't. It was only when we got to that stage that my step-daughter said I hadn't really done anything to her.
and the feds turned up within 1 minute, made the road safe, calmed me down, let me sit in the police car while I spoke to the insurance people and gave me some hot tea. They said "you weren't at fault here" and gave me a lift to the nearest train station. Absolute scumbags.
I feel a bit teary thinking about that copper last ngkht hugging my labrador and fighting back his own tears :'(
Did they let you use the siren? You know, to cheer you up.
I was young, stupid and had just tried cocaine for the first time.
everyone laughed, there wasn't much he could do about it.
made me laugh a lot more than it should have.
when a police car screeched up, when I saw the state of the two PIGS getting out, my drunk brain said "you can outrun these fuckers, and your mate wont get into trouble" so I led them a merry dance all over Ilkeston until a policewoman from NOWHERE went for a rugby tackle and went sprawling. Being the gent I am I stopped and helped her up. Then one of the police turned up and went fucking ballistic and made me retrace my steps looking for drugs Id chucked. When I told them I was a student at notts uni they just kind of let me go though.
They're not used to you hoity-toity educated types in Ilson. Probably worried you might destroy them with your intellect
I was going to put a load of scrapes various members of my family have got in but this'll do for now: http://www.thisisderbyshire.co.uk/Drunken-bully-armed-axe-handle-terror-rampage/story-16687025-detail/story.html#axzz2aRJCRGOJ
Great guy. Saw him about a week before this happened cleaning the outside windows on the 7th floor of a flat standing on the ledge, completely out his mind.
when you coming to visit?
Only weekend Ive got something planned now is September 22nd I think!
weekend of the 16th or 30th.
SOunds fair enough to me...
ran off with it. They caught up with me several miles down the road. I'd stashed it by this point and thought there was no way they could touch me. So even when two officers walked up to me whilst I was casually chatting on my phone I was still feeling pretty cocky. That feeling lasted up until they were close enough for me to hear a perfect description of myself coming over their radio. Outcome: night in the cells & a conviction for theft. Also, a few years previously I'd climbed on to my mates roof and starting walking on to neighbors roofs and generally twatting about. It was dark and I couldn't see where I was going, so when the hard ceiling turned to glass conservatory I was none the wiser. Ended up falling through, breaking out of their house and getting away but leaving all my blood on the floor. The next day their inquiries had led them to my parents house. They read me my rights and nicked me for criminal damage right in front of my dad. A proud moment for us both. But those were the old days, before the transformation was complete from total bad-ass to big, indie-bedwetter.
YOU WIN THE THREAD. (marry me?)
And my friends had gone home and I was walking around completely out of it carrying a can. And some police told me to give them my can, and I was thinking something like "Shit shit shit, I'll get arrested and I'll never get into uni if I've been arrested", so I ran away, then when I was caught told the police a fake name, then told them I'd given them a fake name, and then called them cunts. They then handuffed me and I had a massive panic attack.
I went to a party once where the theme was 'come as your favourite woodland animal' but i somehow thought it was come as your favorite tree in the woods and I wore a green dress and stuffed half a basil plant down my cleavage and some twigs in my hair off the street, and off I went. (I got beaten by the guy who wore a sleeping bag and went as a caterpillar.)
GOOD STORY, HUH?
How did you get beaten by some bloke in a sleeping bag though? Sounds like he made absolutely no effort at all. You should have complained.
My leafy tits clearly won hands down, I think it was a total fix.
On his shelf there was a lovely silver pistol, that I couldn't stop looking at and admiring, though I was trying to be subtle about it because I was also slightly afraid of guns (my mum never let me have one as a toy, but that's another story...).
My uncle noticed my obvious interest and fetched the gun off the shelf. He then proceeded to point it at me. "Don't stand there looking so frightened," he said, before pulling the trigger.
Now, obviously, it was a cigarette lighter and I didn't die, but I was CONVINCED that it was a gum especially because he was a policeman. Scared the fuck out of me.
FUCK DA POPO!!1111
My mum never wanted me to have a toy gun because she is a pacifist or something. Maybe she thought getting me a toy gun was bad taste because of the shit that was happening at the time - sucha as the Dunblane and Hungerford tragedies. I pined for a toy gun the way that my sister pined for a rabbit a couple of years later ( and was also denied). Thats it.
Ok here is a bit more. We are not taking about a toy that fires anything - just a peice of plastic that makes a noise. My mates all had sweet M16s and james bond pistols. FINALLY my mum relented and said I could have ONE gun. I knew just the one. A toy so sweet that it would piss on all my mates guns and render it a moot point that I only had the one. I had seen it in Debenhams during Christmas, held it in my hands. It was basically this:http://world.guns.ru/userfiles/images/machine/mg17/fn_minimi_m249.jpg complete with an ammo belt that actually fed.
The suckpunch is that when we went back to the store after Christmas to get it, the display was gone - there were no more guns.
Fuck Debenhams, fuck Christmas, fuck toy guns.
And then 15 years later, probably due to this childhood trauma, I considered joining the army.
cause of the possibility that it could make me stomp on animals heads
I was 17. Me and two mates emerged from The Emerson Arms absolutely battered. One of them snapped the wing mirror off a car. The other mate snapped one off a different car. I grabbed them and ran down the road shouting I was a car. We lobbed them on the roof of the Spar shop where we all worked. Police turned up. We were all too battered to remember that we'd just done something actually illegal. Taken to the cells, spent the night there, it was well depressing. My mate Hacker took a huge dump in his cell toilet and got laughed at by the sergeant guy because he'd had to sleep in his own stink. He also took them up on their offer of an egg sandwich but me and the other guy refused 'cause we were convinced they'd spit in it or something.
Anyway, paid for the damage, charges dropped, alls well that ends well. Ever since I've been a total vag about law breaking.
or knobhead with misguided sense of pride?
you pious wee cunt :'D
But i have no sense of quality control. IM GONNA HAVE TO GET OFF THE TRAI NLW AND ITS A THUNDRRSTORM AND I HA E NO COAT
Also it steered me away from a dangerously bored teenhood where we used to do stuff like "get a chase on" which involved hanging around shady areas drinking, waiting for someone to call the Police on us, then scattering when they turned up knowing we had better escape routes and hiding places. I'm sure I wouldn't have ended up as a full time tearaway or anything, I was always far too meek for that, but it did get it out of my system. Police cells are awful.
not sure about that, but willing to hear you out.
but the closest I've come to being lifted is when me and my friend Greg were falsely accused of being DEALERZ and searched by COPS at the side of the road in Levenshulme (three cars, because we were evidently so dangerous).
tell me what characteristics I'm missing out on. bet I've got them in spades, actually.
so I must be a proper dandelion, right? :)
after my last exam we'd all finished and had been out (I was designated driver) so at three am we went back to the school for some hi-jinks. Police came and I had to pull over as they were getting fully ready to ram me off the road. He actually said he was a bit disappointed it didn't turn into a car chase and when we told him what we'd been doing he said he thought it was quite funny.
still went out after WHAYYY
basically some people came in and attacked someone with golf clubs, so police were there anyway
cause everyone was a bit drunk people (me) were a bit mouthy, then I saw a mate getting arrested and I gobbed off at the rozzers.
i was the snappiest dressed convict
All of a sudden a load of police and one of their dogs came in and told everyone to stay where they were. They let the dog have a wander round and the little fuckin grass came and sat right next to me. So two of the police grabbed one of my arms each and led me out of the pub. Much to everyone's amusement. Then they put me in a van and searched me. For drugs I assume. Didn't find anything though so then I had to wander back into the pub and find my friends like a mug. Really annoying.
which is quite good because instead of assuming that I'm working my kegel muscles by keeping half a kilo of coke up there they automatically assume that it's just their dog being a filthy animal.
held a protest on the top of the local Aldi.
When we were little my Dad took us to the park, and me and my sisters were running around and that, and playing a game where our Dad would hide behind a tree and we'd sneak up and then he'd jump out and say 'Boo!' and we'd run away screaming and giggling. Good game that. Anyway, someone saw all this and called the police.
because his car matched the description of a car involved in a MURDER. Suspicious.
Paedo murderer probably
I was a bit ott jubilant. I was in town with a drink and wellington's finest pushed me up against the wall, handcuffed me, and put me in the back of a police van. I think because of all the tourists in town they were trying to put on a good show. I was put in a cell with 8 others, one who had blood stained hands and sleeves, who continuously claimed that he was arrested for a "liquor violation". Likely story son. It was a pretty scary situation but because I was drunk I was pretty calm about it. The woman who let me out even let me up in the staff room to have a coffee before I left so that was nice.
almost 80 replies and no one's asked why you're collecting these stories?
Anyway, I've got two:
First time was when I was fifteen, me and two mates were heading out to try weed for the first time. One of them had already done it once and had procured a small quantity of hash. We made a stop off at a shop to buy some munchies, having been reliably informed we'd need them and set of, plastic bags of snacks in hand. We thought a good place to go would be the local multi storey carpark, but when we got there we saw some rozzers so we changed plans and walked off round the bypass. The boys in blue still followed on foot. We started walking a bit quicker and my mate with the weed got it out and chucked it in a bush. Suddenly three polis vans appeared and what seemed like dozens of coppers, carted us all off in separate vans to Canterbury nick. After a few hours they said they'd let both the two who weren't carrying off, but they would be calling our parents so we'd better get in first. My mate called his dad and confessed and got a right royal bollocking. I chickened out and the filth never called - phew!
The second was more recent but I can't tell it without getting someone else in trouble so I won't. Instead I'll post a link to a song by my pre-uni band's anti po po song! https://myspace.com/strokeable/music/song/boys-in-blue-a-rant-62778280-68595000
and was a terrible, compulsive shoplifter so when the cops walked into the health food shop where he'd just filled his fucking rucksack i took the bag off him and took the HEAT. i sat in silence in a cell for an hour, got fingerprinted etc. and they phoned my mum in some attempt to shame me. i just explained to her on the phone in the police station what i'd done and she said fair enough and they let me go.
second time, also at university, we were roof-racing over a street of terraced houses in glamorous plumstead, drinking many beers, drugs etc. obviously there were complaints, the cops turned up and we pushed the ladder away and lay flat on the roof. they had the ladder right there but didnt risk coming up to the roof in the end, they just arrested my ex and a mate who were inside the house doing homework. they took the HEAT for a bit of weed that was in the kitchen that wasnt even theirs. yep.
I did get good enough that I could give the answers to the usual questions before being asked. Whenever the polis turned up my mates would leg it with whatever drugz and drinkz we had and I'd hang around to be fruitlessly searched and questioned rather than them giving chase. Which was lucky because the local pigs got to recognise me, knew our game and got lazy. So the one time I forgot what was in my pockets they didn't really check me properly.
The only time I've thought I was getting lifted is when I hadn't seen my flatmates in days earlier on this year. The polis turned up because one of my flatmates had been reported missing. Trying to explain to them that I had three flatmates but hadn't seen any of them in days, but I'd been in the office or at home, whilst saying I'd rather they didn't have a look around (I wasn't sure if we had any weed lying around) caused them to eye me overly suspiciously. They left, I suspect to get a warrant.
It turned out my flatmate had a big deadline and had been sleeping in her studio and we didn't have any weed so I was freaking out for nothing.
Utter bullshit of course. I don't think it had even happened, it was just a shakedown.
I had been at a wedding somewhere like Berkhamstead, got a taxi back to the hotel with about 4 other people. An uneventful journey, the driver dropped us off and went back to the venue to pick up more people.
Anyway, we're in one of the hotel rooms, some of the others are being a bit rowdy an we get a call from reception saying to keep it down. At this point I'm sat on a chair not doing anything contemplating going to bed. Next thing we know there is a knock on the door.
One of our party opens it and it's a copper. He looks in and points at me still sat there (basically the first male he sees) and says he wants a word. I got outside to the corridor a bit bemussed and he says there's been a report of a racial assult on a taxi driver, now I don't know if this is physical or verbal but I just laugh and say we've just come back from a wedding and there's a room full of witnesses who I've traveled with etc.
(Another lad comes out of the room at this point and the cop decides he wants to speak to him as well.)
Despite the fact that it's obviously wasn't us (a bunch of normal looking couples don;t tend to attack taxi drivers) he wasn't backing down so I go ''Is there cctv then?'' and he's like aha, yes there is, thinking I'll be like oh shit. So I go ''Let's see it then'' and he suddenly gets a bit akward and says he'll take me out in handcuffs etc and I say ''Arrest me then but you won't cos you don't have any evidence.
It goes on like that for a bit, he tries to take our names, i ask him what he's going to do with that info as he can't keep it on the system without my permission etc. He says it'll stay in his notebook.
Anyway, it ends with him shaking our hands and telling us to keep the noice down. It was all very strange and after I wondered if he even was a cop; he never showed ID, didn't have a hat(!) and was one his own, don't they normally travel in pairs? Esp considering the next day at the train station there were about 3 cop cars there just to move on a bunch of teenagers. So whether it was bored small town cops or just some scare tactics by the hotel to get us to shut up (not that it worked, we had a loud argument with him in the corridor) I don't know.
In scotland cops always have to be in pairs because our law of evidence requires corroboration. It doens't in england, but they do normally go in pairs anyway, so it seems unlikely that he was the filth. Mental!
I mean why even knock on the room in the first place? There might have been some noise but it's not like we were out and acting suspiciously.
I very nearly wrote to Thames Valley Police to ask them about it but couldn't be bothered in the end.
Two Prostitutes are talking. One asks the other, "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other answers "No, but I've been swung round by the tits."
First time was when I was about 17, and we'd just finished one of our massive sessions!!!! (4-5 pints of carling at the only pub in town we could get served at.) On the walk home, we came across a life ring that was lying discarded by the river, and after sitting in it and dragging ourselves along with it, and playing frisbee with it for a bit, we decided to nick it as a memento. We were being quite boisterous on the way home, and when two of our group walking slightly ahead of us got pulled over by a car, I decided to ingeniously dispose of the evidence of our minor theft and chuck the ring into a nearby hedge. I smugly swaggered up to them, and was pretty pleased with myself until one of them immediately said "go and get that life ring from the hedge you just chucked it into." He threatened to put us into cells for the night, which I naively was terrified they might actually do, and then made us feel genuinely quite bad by laying it on thick about how if someone fell into the river and the life ring was missing, they might drown. But this temporary feeling of guilt was removed when he made us go and put it back, which was a 20 minute walk away. He got very annoyed, and started threatening cells again, when one of my mates asked if they could give him a lift down there, seeing as it was "fucking miles away."
The other time was about a year earlier, and we'd been doing a couple of tiny bits of graffiti. We were walking back to my mate's house, when a car pulled up, and we thought we were done for, especially as the can was sticking fairly obviously out of my mate's back pocket. This fear was increased when they said "there's been reports of three lads, matching your description................seen dragging a women into the woodland area over there," at which point we breathed a sigh of relief, assured them it wasn't us, and went off on our way. I was never sure if the story of the woman being dragged was just a really poor attempt to get us to own up to something else, or whether there'd actually been a fairly horrible attack carried out on a woman by three weedy looking lads who looked a bit like us.
I do think the police make up 'routine enquiries' to try and catch you onthe back foot sometimes.
It was the summer after my first year of university and two of my new friends from university had come to stay at my parents place for the weekend while they were away and to understand the true delights Bridgend had to offer.
On our way back from a night that showcased the finest examples of fist fights and riot vans that the suicide capital is famed for, we started the walk back home which took us past a new housing development that was mid-construction.
In an act to draw in potential house buyers, the building company had erected a series of obnoxious flags at the entrance to this housing estate with variations of their company logo proudly displayed on them. Without a second thought, it only took a few seconds for one of my more hyperactive friends to begin climbing the poll.
The adrenaline surged as I watched this act of vandalism occurring before my eyes, courtesy of the strangers I had personally invited into my own home town. This would teach a lesson to all those that had wronged me, oh-ho-HO! It took quite a few minutes, and a few close calls where he almost fell a number of metres to the ground, but eventually he made it to the top and liberated the poll of its material bounty.
After sliding back down to a hero's ovation, we continued our walk homewards. Within a minute a police car came screeching up alongside us, as we stared into the lights, gormless and with flag in hand. Instinctually we both started running, but being the fearful softy I am, it only took a shout of "STOP RUNNING!" to dissolve all my fake confidence the flag capturing had created. With a grave expression, I instantly stopped, turned to the wall, put my hands against them, arched my back slightly and spread my legs. Just like they do in the movies.
As the police stared at me with my back to them, voluntarily protruding my arse in their direction with a deadly serious expression, my mate burst out laughing as the police lady said "you don't need to do that".
They ended up letting us put the flag back at the base of the poll and we got away with just a warning. My life of crime has since gone unpunished, I learned nothing.
Probably the best thing I've read all day.
Was he elected or not?