Bale Distraught! Suarez Sulking! Fabregas Sexy! It's all going off in the transfer market, by which I mean absolutely nothing is happening.
Liverpool might be up for sale.
Man City win the Asia Trophy (poor man's Emirates Cup), beating Sunderland in a final seemingly played on the Somme. Nastasic knacks an ankle.
Jose Mourinho announces to the World that he respects Arsene Wenger, presumably as some sort of machiavelian mind game or a clever way of keeping the pressure off his players.
Football League starts Friday, which seems unnecessarily early - the Ashes is still going ffs! Does that mean it's the Community Shield too this weekend? Feels a bit mean to make Wigan play.