The shapes question and the Britney one strike me as quite tough for a 5-year-old. I barely remember anything about being five but God knows how I'd have fared.
laughing at random points and encouraging you by barking patriotic phrases at you (think the robot Washingtons from Bioshock: Infinite).
Rumour has it that, when exams are in process, one of the leering animatronic Goves is actually the real Gove. Nobody can confirm this: not the children, not even the cloaked Gove mask-wearing exam invigilators with their Gove-headed sceptres , and certainly not the teachers -- all of whom are confined to small bunkers (such bunkers are installed behind all schools in the UK) twenty-four hours before exam time: should they be witnessed walking the school grounds by any invigilator, they are assimilated into the secretive Gove invigilator cult to invigilate the exams forevermore and to hibernate in small cocoons on the nearest shorelines throughout the rest of the year.
'I suppose you would call it a rectanguloid'
'I think you mean a cuboid, sir'
'no, that's when all the sides are the same length'
'eh, no sir, that's a cube'
it really hits home how grim these changes to schools are; my main problem initially was with the backwards history curriculum, but it's this insane 'we need our kids to win in cleverness against the Chinese kids' thing that I think's going to lead to a quite depressing generation
MRS. QUANTUS: Now class. Michael Gove, the governments education man, is here to visit us
RECEPTION CLASS: Hewo Missuh Gove
MICHAEL GOVE: Productive afternoon, small ones
MRS. QUANTUS: Now, I believe the class has made something special for your visit
LITTLE DAVIS METAFICTION JR: Hewwo Missuh Gove me and my fwend Johnson Terraform made you a picture out of off of macawoni
LITTLE JOHNSON TERRAFORM: It is you as a cowboy
MICHAEL GOVE: This is reflective of a poor business acumen you dolt. That macaroni could have been packaged and sold to supermarkets you fools. And me as a cowboy what wasteful fiction.
(MICHAEL GOVE throws a table out of the window)
MICHAEL GOVE: It is most inefficient to be missing a table. This school shall have to be reviewd by our auditors. Observe this Chinese child I carry with me
CHINESE LAD: I have calculated how the replacing of the table will effect this school's budget and how that will have a knock-on effects. As such I can advise as to how this school can be profitably run and successfully run at least until the year 4007
MICHAEL GOVE: What a pro and he is but 3 days old
LITTLE DAVIS METAFICTION: I can name the farm animaws Missuh Gove
I thought things were grim in Australia with all our tests for primary school kids. Reckon my eldest would have got zero when he was 5. On the other hand he would probably have got 8 or 9 at the age of 6. What's the point of it?
Big Ben isn't a clock!!!!!! Also it's too LME-centric!!!!!!
"Alan is lighter than Stan." Racists! Or body fascists!
Alphabetically A-Z, or Z-A?
Maybe Britney and Madonna had a duet hit single?
*just went back to look at the second image. Of gravel, or whatever. Guessing it's supposed to be timber. All not happy about the use of the word strong.
apparently i didnt answer the hamster question
so 10/11
hiya :->
yo
what didn't you understand?
what's a hamster going to do with the Sun or a pair of crutches?
i understood
but apparently failed to click the button properly
'altogeter'
10/11
Got the one about skulls wrong as a tribute to you
11
"You scored 11 out of a possible 11
You can look the short people in the eye with dignity."
YEAHHHHH FUCK YOU FOUR YEAR OLDS.
alright antpocalypsenow
whats the reference?
I couldn't tell what the pics were in the boat building thread (though I still got 11).
The shapes question and the Britney one strike me as quite tough for a 5-year-old. I barely remember anything about being five but God knows how I'd have fared.
The shapes one being q4?
They're the two I thought were tough (for a 5-year-old) too.
I think the shapes one might be tougher for an adult,
because the y-axis is inverted compared to what we are used to.
can't imagine 5 year olds getting many of them right at all
eleven out of eleven
I'm on a roll.
No more weird plays for you, DiS, I'm signing up to the Mensa forums
Nah yr alright, jus messin
eh?
0. Which word comes third alphabetically?
Correct answer: minibus
You answered: chips
Still not sure how I got that wrong :'( Why is minibus first?!
THIRD
ahhh fuck
^daft
bloody good album
bloody good album
you'd be right if you were talking about Portishead
but I really, really hope you're talking about Soft Machine
nah the Ep by the Rasmus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3rd_(The_Rasmus_EP)
Nah yr alright I'm jus messin
It were Portishead
this requires some fuckin threadsmash
YOU CAN'T DO SIMPLE MATHS (under pressure)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/maths/
Little surprise after level 10.
:'''D
oh fuck
when it asked the time question!
woah wtf IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS
i sailed through it, pal
i had to switch to using keys
mouse was too slow
YOU CANT DO SIMPLE MATHS
....under pressssssuure.
when i played faps at scrabble earlier i played the word 'japed' and thought of u
that's a btw just sayin' blud
Think I would have struggled with this as a 5 year old
I remember doing stuff like this and feeling a bit tense
fuck you Gove
i felt tense doing it just then
god knows how i would have fared under exam conditions
under post-2013 with an animatronic Michael Gove leering over your desk
laughing at random points and encouraging you by barking patriotic phrases at you (think the robot Washingtons from Bioshock: Infinite).
Rumour has it that, when exams are in process, one of the leering animatronic Goves is actually the real Gove. Nobody can confirm this: not the children, not even the cloaked Gove mask-wearing exam invigilators with their Gove-headed sceptres , and certainly not the teachers -- all of whom are confined to small bunkers (such bunkers are installed behind all schools in the UK) twenty-four hours before exam time: should they be witnessed walking the school grounds by any invigilator, they are assimilated into the secretive Gove invigilator cult to invigilate the exams forevermore and to hibernate in small cocoons on the nearest shorelines throughout the rest of the year.
* post-2013 exam conditions
http://24.media.tumblr.com/1730c7264a9485b6978d21b6e5a1d16f/tumblr_meol87yMFi1qf1bkjo1_400.gif
whoever coded this site can't have been too mathematically minded
I SAID
Don't think I knew what a cuboid was until year two or three I reckon
I thought all 5 year olds do at school is play with stickle bricks and fuck about in the sandbox
I remember in high school physics the teacher describing a block
'I suppose you would call it a rectanguloid'
'I think you mean a cuboid, sir'
'no, that's when all the sides are the same length'
'eh, no sir, that's a cube'
:|
not sure I'd want to be doing anything else
life's too short to be working out how more commercially successful Madonna is to Britney Spears at the age of 5
reading books with farmyard animals, playing with toys, I think we learned how to make bread (I think I remember, at 4, thinking 'I'd best remember this for later')
and you could get a biscuit as well
typing that
it really hits home how grim these changes to schools are; my main problem initially was with the backwards history curriculum, but it's this insane 'we need our kids to win in cleverness against the Chinese kids' thing that I think's going to lead to a quite depressing generation
b-but
muh markets
MRS. QUANTUS: Now class. Michael Gove, the governments education man, is here to visit us
RECEPTION CLASS: Hewo Missuh Gove
MICHAEL GOVE: Productive afternoon, small ones
MRS. QUANTUS: Now, I believe the class has made something special for your visit
LITTLE DAVIS METAFICTION JR: Hewwo Missuh Gove me and my fwend Johnson Terraform made you a picture out of off of macawoni
LITTLE JOHNSON TERRAFORM: It is you as a cowboy
MICHAEL GOVE: This is reflective of a poor business acumen you dolt. That macaroni could have been packaged and sold to supermarkets you fools. And me as a cowboy what wasteful fiction.
(MICHAEL GOVE throws a table out of the window)
MICHAEL GOVE: It is most inefficient to be missing a table. This school shall have to be reviewd by our auditors. Observe this Chinese child I carry with me
CHINESE LAD: I have calculated how the replacing of the table will effect this school's budget and how that will have a knock-on effects. As such I can advise as to how this school can be profitably run and successfully run at least until the year 4007
MICHAEL GOVE: What a pro and he is but 3 days old
LITTLE DAVIS METAFICTION: I can name the farm animaws Missuh Gove
MICHAEL GOVE: Pathetic
actually laughed out loud at this one
kilowatts of chest-muscle energy that could have been spent heaving my bag to the houses of my tutees
I have friends who are tories, even they hate Gove.
YAAS FUCKIN CRUSHED IT
cant access the link but looking at some of the names in this thread i reckon i could
i guess i just wasn't made for these times/any times
watching austin powers now it'd be good back then
I can look myself in the eye with dignity.
Genuinely can't fathom the shapes question
!
?
Fucking hell.
I thought things were grim in Australia with all our tests for primary school kids. Reckon my eldest would have got zero when he was 5. On the other hand he would probably have got 8 or 9 at the age of 6. What's the point of it?
10, cos pirates, cos fuck those shitty images*.
'clock' has a similar meaning to 'view'.
Big Ben isn't a clock!!!!!! Also it's too LME-centric!!!!!!
"Alan is lighter than Stan." Racists! Or body fascists!
Alphabetically A-Z, or Z-A?
Maybe Britney and Madonna had a duet hit single?
*just went back to look at the second image. Of gravel, or whatever. Guessing it's supposed to be timber. All not happy about the use of the word strong.
go and have a lie down
fair enough, but
clock /does/ have a similar meaning to view.
I got 11
without even being able to play the audio. 5 year olds are morons, man.
10/11
Didn't listen to the word though
FUCKIN NAILED IT
i got to number three and then decided this was an utter, UTTER waste of my time.
I'll go post about it on DiS instead
hahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
9 out of 11?!!?!?!?!
FUCKING HELL.
FUCK
ING
HELL
FUCK
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
really?
how?
I'm clearly fucking thick
got the dan/alan/stan one wrong
ON PURPOSE
10
forgot to answer the big ben one
I didn't even know Cuboid was an actual word.
10
11/11
Such a clever clogs.
Thought that boat one was a shit question though.
vvvvv