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Can you pass a test for five year olds?

walks005 [Edit] [Delete] 72 replies 23:05, 17 July '13

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk-news/quiz/2013/jul/17/five-year-old-quiz-national-curriculum

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  • apparently i didnt answer the hamster question

    so 10/11

    alcxxk | 17 Jul '13, 23:08 | X
    • hiya :->

      walks005 @alcxxk | 17 Jul '13, 23:10 | X
      • yo

        alcxxk @walks005 | 18 Jul '13, 00:06 | X
    • what didn't you understand?

      what's a hamster going to do with the Sun or a pair of crutches?

      Parsefone @alcxxk | 18 Jul '13, 00:01 | X
      • i understood

        but apparently failed to click the button properly

        alcxxk @Parsefone | 18 Jul '13, 00:02 | X
  • 'altogeter'

    walks005 | 17 Jul '13, 23:10 | X
    Antelope and lyserge this'd this
  • 10/11

    Got the one about skulls wrong as a tribute to you

    DarwinDude | 17 Jul '13, 23:10 | X
  • 11

    TheKennedyCurse | 17 Jul '13, 23:10 | X
  • "You scored 11 out of a possible 11

    You can look the short people in the eye with dignity."

    YEAHHHHH FUCK YOU FOUR YEAR OLDS.

    fappable | 17 Jul '13, 23:12 | X
    malick, japes, ma0sm, cocodaLOL, and twentynine this'd this
    • alright antpocalypsenow

      Jordan_229_2 @fappable | 17 Jul '13, 23:14 | X
      • whats the reference?

        fappable @Jordan_229_2 | 17 Jul '13, 23:18 | X
  • I couldn't tell what the pics were in the boat building thread (though I still got 11).

    The shapes question and the Britney one strike me as quite tough for a 5-year-old. I barely remember anything about being five but God knows how I'd have fared.

    hip_young_gunslinger | 17 Jul '13, 23:13 | X
    TheoGB this'd this
    • The shapes one being q4?

      They're the two I thought were tough (for a 5-year-old) too.

      -dan- @hip_young_gunslinger | 17 Jul '13, 23:35 | X
      • I think the shapes one might be tougher for an adult,

        because the y-axis is inverted compared to what we are used to.

        marckee @-dan- | 18 Jul '13, 01:08 | X
  • can't imagine 5 year olds getting many of them right at all

    Oh_Shangri-La | 17 Jul '13, 23:14 | X
    gonad, Parsefone, Antelope, and ma0sm this'd this
  • eleven out of eleven

    I'm on a roll.

    No more weird plays for you, DiS, I'm signing up to the Mensa forums

    Nah yr alright, jus messin

    mute-branches | 17 Jul '13, 23:14 | X
  • eh?

    0. Which word comes third alphabetically?
    Correct answer: minibus
    You answered: chips

    Still not sure how I got that wrong :'( Why is minibus first?!

    Songs_about_ducking | 17 Jul '13, 23:20 | X
    • THIRD

      ahhh fuck

      Songs_about_ducking @Songs_about_ducking | 17 Jul '13, 23:20 | X
      • ^daft

        didyousayhand @Songs_about_ducking | 17 Jul '13, 23:23 | X
      • bloody good album

        bloody good album

        mute-branches @Songs_about_ducking | 17 Jul '13, 23:24 | X
        • you'd be right if you were talking about Portishead

          but I really, really hope you're talking about Soft Machine

          Loui_Tacceh @mute-branches | 17 Jul '13, 23:30 | X
          • nah the Ep by the Rasmus

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3rd_(The_Rasmus_EP)

            Nah yr alright I'm jus messin

            It were Portishead

            mute-branches @Loui_Tacceh | 17 Jul '13, 23:36 | X
            • this requires some fuckin threadsmash

              Loui_Tacceh @mute-branches | 17 Jul '13, 23:44 | X
  • YOU CAN'T DO SIMPLE MATHS (under pressure)

    http://toys.usvsth3m.com/maths/

    Little surprise after level 10.

    fappable | 17 Jul '13, 23:28 | X
    • :'''D

      Loui_Tacceh @fappable | 17 Jul '13, 23:37 | X
      gonad and marckee this'd this
    • oh fuck

      when it asked the time question!

      woah wtf IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

      japes @fappable | 17 Jul '13, 23:59 | X
      • i sailed through it, pal

        fappable @japes | 18 Jul '13, 00:03 | X
        • i had to switch to using keys

          mouse was too slow

          japes @fappable | 18 Jul '13, 00:10 | X
          • YOU CANT DO SIMPLE MATHS

            ....under pressssssuure.

            fappable @japes | 18 Jul '13, 00:12 | X
            Loui_Tacceh and japes this'd this
          • when i played faps at scrabble earlier i played the word 'japed' and thought of u

            Loui_Tacceh @japes | 18 Jul '13, 00:15 | X
            japes this'd this
            • that's a btw just sayin' blud

              Loui_Tacceh @Loui_Tacceh | 18 Jul '13, 00:15 | X
  • Think I would have struggled with this as a 5 year old

    I remember doing stuff like this and feeling a bit tense

    malick | 17 Jul '13, 23:27 | X
    • fuck you Gove

      malick @malick | 17 Jul '13, 23:27 | X
      zxcvbnm- this'd this
    • i felt tense doing it just then

      god knows how i would have fared under exam conditions

      gonad @malick | 17 Jul '13, 23:39 | X
      • under post-2013 with an animatronic Michael Gove leering over your desk

        laughing at random points and encouraging you by barking patriotic phrases at you (think the robot Washingtons from Bioshock: Infinite).

        Rumour has it that, when exams are in process, one of the leering animatronic Goves is actually the real Gove. Nobody can confirm this: not the children, not even the cloaked Gove mask-wearing exam invigilators with their Gove-headed sceptres , and certainly not the teachers -- all of whom are confined to small bunkers (such bunkers are installed behind all schools in the UK) twenty-four hours before exam time: should they be witnessed walking the school grounds by any invigilator, they are assimilated into the secretive Gove invigilator cult to invigilate the exams forevermore and to hibernate in small cocoons on the nearest shorelines throughout the rest of the year.

        mute-branches @gonad | 17 Jul '13, 23:49 | X
        andyvine this'd this
        • * post-2013 exam conditions

          mute-branches @mute-branches | 17 Jul '13, 23:50 | X
        • http://24.media.tumblr.com/1730c7264a9485b6978d21b6e5a1d16f/tumblr_meol87yMFi1qf1bkjo1_400.gif

          malick @mute-branches | 18 Jul '13, 00:06 | X
  • whoever coded this site can't have been too mathematically minded

    Loui_Tacceh | 17 Jul '13, 23:38 | X
  • I SAID

    Loui_Tacceh | 17 Jul '13, 23:38 | X
  • Don't think I knew what a cuboid was until year two or three I reckon

    I thought all 5 year olds do at school is play with stickle bricks and fuck about in the sandbox

    urbanfox | 17 Jul '13, 23:49 | X
    • I remember in high school physics the teacher describing a block

      'I suppose you would call it a rectanguloid'
      'I think you mean a cuboid, sir'
      'no, that's when all the sides are the same length'
      'eh, no sir, that's a cube'

      :|

      japes @urbanfox | 17 Jul '13, 23:55 | X
    • not sure I'd want to be doing anything else

      life's too short to be working out how more commercially successful Madonna is to Britney Spears at the age of 5

      Parsefone @urbanfox | 18 Jul '13, 00:00 | X
      blimeycharlie and joeymahone this'd this
    • reading books with farmyard animals, playing with toys, I think we learned how to make bread (I think I remember, at 4, thinking 'I'd best remember this for later')

      and you could get a biscuit as well

      mute-branches @urbanfox | 18 Jul '13, 00:03 | X
      • typing that

        it really hits home how grim these changes to schools are; my main problem initially was with the backwards history curriculum, but it's this insane 'we need our kids to win in cleverness against the Chinese kids' thing that I think's going to lead to a quite depressing generation

        mute-branches @mute-branches | 18 Jul '13, 00:05 | X
        Parsefone, gonad, Oissin_, and Antelope this'd this
        • b-but

          muh markets

          Parsefone @mute-branches | 18 Jul '13, 00:15 | X
          • MRS. QUANTUS: Now class. Michael Gove, the governments education man, is here to visit us

            RECEPTION CLASS: Hewo Missuh Gove

            MICHAEL GOVE: Productive afternoon, small ones

            MRS. QUANTUS: Now, I believe the class has made something special for your visit

            LITTLE DAVIS METAFICTION JR: Hewwo Missuh Gove me and my fwend Johnson Terraform made you a picture out of off of macawoni

            LITTLE JOHNSON TERRAFORM: It is you as a cowboy

            MICHAEL GOVE: This is reflective of a poor business acumen you dolt. That macaroni could have been packaged and sold to supermarkets you fools. And me as a cowboy what wasteful fiction.

            (MICHAEL GOVE throws a table out of the window)

            MICHAEL GOVE: It is most inefficient to be missing a table. This school shall have to be reviewd by our auditors. Observe this Chinese child I carry with me

            CHINESE LAD: I have calculated how the replacing of the table will effect this school's budget and how that will have a knock-on effects. As such I can advise as to how this school can be profitably run and successfully run at least until the year 4007

            MICHAEL GOVE: What a pro and he is but 3 days old

            LITTLE DAVIS METAFICTION: I can name the farm animaws Missuh Gove

            MICHAEL GOVE: Pathetic

            mute-branches @Parsefone | 18 Jul '13, 00:26 | X
            fappable, Loui_Tacceh, gonad, Antelope, halfagiraffe, and andyvine this'd this
            • actually laughed out loud at this one

              kilowatts of chest-muscle energy that could have been spent heaving my bag to the houses of my tutees

              Loui_Tacceh @mute-branches | 18 Jul '13, 00:29 | X
              Oissin_ this'd this
        • I have friends who are tories, even they hate Gove.

          Oissin_ @mute-branches | 18 Jul '13, 00:42 | X
  • YAAS FUCKIN CRUSHED IT

    japes | 17 Jul '13, 23:50 | X
    japes, urbanfox, pip_, and littlebirds this'd this
  • cant access the link but looking at some of the names in this thread i reckon i could

    shrewbie | 17 Jul '13, 23:59 | X
    • i guess i just wasn't made for these times/any times

      watching austin powers now it'd be good back then

      japes @shrewbie | 18 Jul '13, 00:01 | X
  • I can look myself in the eye with dignity.

    Oissin_ | 18 Jul '13, 00:41 | X
  • Genuinely can't fathom the shapes question

    Puds | 18 Jul '13, 03:18 | X
    • !

      ?

      TheWza @Puds | 18 Jul '13, 10:03 | X
      deadonthestairs, chickenbones, and littlebirds this'd this
  • Fucking hell.

    I thought things were grim in Australia with all our tests for primary school kids. Reckon my eldest would have got zero when he was 5. On the other hand he would probably have got 8 or 9 at the age of 6. What's the point of it?

    CharlieMortdecai | 18 Jul '13, 06:05 | X
  • 10, cos pirates, cos fuck those shitty images*.

    'clock' has a similar meaning to 'view'.

    Big Ben isn't a clock!!!!!! Also it's too LME-centric!!!!!!

    "Alan is lighter than Stan." Racists! Or body fascists!

    Alphabetically A-Z, or Z-A?

    Maybe Britney and Madonna had a duet hit single?

    *just went back to look at the second image. Of gravel, or whatever. Guessing it's supposed to be timber. All not happy about the use of the word strong.

    TheWza | 18 Jul '13, 10:02 | X
    • go and have a lie down

      andyvine @TheWza | 18 Jul '13, 13:43 | X
      chickenbones and Smee this'd this
      • fair enough, but

        clock /does/ have a similar meaning to view.

        TheWza @andyvine | 18 Jul '13, 14:57 | X
  • I got 11

    without even being able to play the audio. 5 year olds are morons, man.

    Raanraals | 18 Jul '13, 10:12 | X
    deadonthestairs and spit-fire this'd this
  • 10/11

    Didn't listen to the word though

    andyvine | 18 Jul '13, 13:31 | X
  • FUCKIN NAILED IT

    zxcvbnm- | 18 Jul '13, 13:38 | X
  • i got to number three and then decided this was an utter, UTTER waste of my time.

    meths | 18 Jul '13, 13:43 | X
    • I'll go post about it on DiS instead

      japes @meths | 18 Jul '13, 13:49 | X
    • hahahahahahahahaha

      hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

      zxcvbnm- @meths | 18 Jul '13, 13:51 | X
  • 9 out of 11?!!?!?!?!

    FUCKING HELL.

    FUCK

    ING

    HELL

    FUCK

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

    moker | 18 Jul '13, 13:51 | X
    • really?

      how?

      chris-budget @moker | 18 Jul '13, 14:44 | X
      • I'm clearly fucking thick

        moker @chris-budget | 18 Jul '13, 14:58 | X
  • got the dan/alan/stan one wrong

    ON PURPOSE

    justanothersheeldz | 18 Jul '13, 14:00 | X
  • 10

    forgot to answer the big ben one

    chickenbones | 18 Jul '13, 14:04 | X
  • I didn't even know Cuboid was an actual word.

    10

    fellover | 18 Jul '13, 14:20 | X
  • 11/11

    Such a clever clogs.

    Thought that boat one was a shit question though.

    ElthamsmateOwen | 18 Jul '13, 14:23 | X
  • vvvvv

    Smee | 18 Jul '13, 14:58 | X
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