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**Christine and the Queens**-*Chris***Villagers**-*The Art of Pretending to Swim***Gazelle Twin**-*Pastoral*- The
**Neptune Music Prize 2018**- Vote Now - "We really wanted this album to be uplifting": DiS Meets
**Haiku Salut** **Orbital**-*Monsters Exist***Orbital**-*Monsters Exist*- The Mercury First Listen Review:
**Wolf Alice**

## become a coin

## nobody's symmetrical!

that's what I say to people at work when i'm fitting their glasses and it's true!

some people's heeds are wonkier than others though

## I swear one side of my face is uglier than I am

## Your personality doesn't help much either

## personality?

## I went out with someone who had a lopsided face.

And she was really, really, beautiful.

## Sorry, that was the sort of annoying "You're beautiful too" post that I really can't stand.

You may well not be beautiful at all, I have no idea, and my anecdote was completely irrelevant.

## James Bluntrue

## Now I feel harsh saying that.

What I am saying is - IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER

The petals that were blooming are just paper in your hand;

Your eyes, which were clear in the night, are opaque as you stand

It was too beautiful

For it to last

These visions shimmer and fade out of

The glass.

## Quite.

:)

## do you write stuff btw?

## like, other than DiS posts and maths exams

## Nah

I was trying to write a story about time travel, but it made no sense and was just loads of people shouting at each other.

## here's my tip of the day

start it again and care not if it makes sense

## I've been writing bits of it on and off,

There are loads of bits that don't go together and are just based on stuff that people have said.

## I'm writing a novel that involves (among other things) a bit of time travel

I'm trying to make it all fit but it probably doesn't and I don't really care. It's going to be amazing. Write your one and see what shapes it takes.

Also, read Thomas Pynchon. (Yes, I *WILL* craft you in my own image. *evil cackle*)

## I am going to finish Gravity's Rainbow this holiday, I'm about halfway through it.

I may just start reading the whole thing again, as I've been reading it over the past two years and keep getting distracted.

## it took me over 2 years to get past the first 20 pages

Halfway's pretty good going. Of course, the second half is where it goes from amazing to fundamental. Enjoy. :)

## how can i get a job writing maths exams?

## or one in a pet shop?

## become a private tutor

I have been paid cash money for mocking up exams and giving them to the tuition company. One of my questions is possibly the greatest thing I've ever written. Might post it here one day if I'm feeling particularly savage.

## Post it!

## This is the most fiendish thing that has ever been devised for 13 year-olds. The reason for this is mostly that it was in fact devised for my own amusement

4. Ms Noilly marks her pupils’ tests between lessons and hands them back at the start of the next one. For every five minutes her pupils are late, Ms Noilly deducts them 2 marks from their test scores.

a) Set up an equation linking number of minutes late (L) to number of marks deducted (d) and express it in terms of L and then d

There are 8 pupils in Ms Noilly’s class. The tests are generally marked out of 20. One day, the class gets an average mark of 12.75, and this is after three of the pupils turned up fifteen minutes late.

b) What was the unadjusted average?

Ms Noilly discovers that pupils are more likely to arrive late on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as they have just come from Swimming and are most likely idling back to the classroom. She therefore decrees that on these days, the numbers are changed, and for every x minutes late the pupils are, she will deduct y marks. The original ruling is kept for the other 3 days.

c) Express the number of marks deducted under the new scheme in terms of time (L), x and y

After this is implemented, the pupils average 10.125 for a week’s worth of marks. If the original punishment had been retained for all five days, the pupils would have averaged 12.15. However, if the new punishment had been implemented on all five days, the pupils would have averaged 7.425.

d) Find out how many marks were awarded in total for the week.

e) Find out how many marks would have been awarded in total for the week under a blanket usage of the original punishment and the new punishment.

f) Using this, along with your answer to c), express the difference in the number of marks deducted on Tuesdays and Thursdays between each punishment method, in terms of x, y and L. Rearrange this equation to make y/x the subject.

g) If the amount of lateness on Tuesdays and Thursdays was L, the amount on the other days is M. Now express the difference in the number of marks deducted on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, in terms of x, y and M. Rearrange this equation to make y/x the subject.

h) Work out how L relates to M, in terms of L and M.

i) It turns out that the class average for the week would have been 13.55 without any punishments imposed. Using this information, find y/x and therefore suggest what x and y might be.

## That is significantly harder than anything I have ever done...

## I have the solutions but I'm not going to paste them :D

Write/read your/TP's novel!

## I don't write maths exams, I've just had a shedload of them recently

-Joseph Merrick (5 August 1862 – 11 April 1890)

## oh wow i share my birthday with the elephant man

## And has anyone ever seen you in the same room at the same time?

HEY?

## bf

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080527234022/batman/images/f/f9/Animated_Two-Face_2.jpg

## Great use of "nullified"

## posts in here from faps and cowcow

up there with the best of the year

## and to think I got first this in on both of 'em

*whirls shirt around head, leans halfheartedly into berserking crowd*