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Were you against the odds?
Was it in any way interesting?
Fucking hell I'm bored.
I was actually going to start a thread about disappointing carrot cakes.
SURELY you have an ace pick-up story, SURELY.
In terms of literally picking up, I was picking people up with one arm again at the weekend.
About to get myself and a colleague a drink. A guy in an expensive suit came up to the bar and looked at me and smiled. I thought he was going to offer me a drink. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "Do you fancy a fuck?".
I guess that's not really a success story but at least he didn't beat around the bush.
Although I suspect she thought I was someone else.
That's all I've got.
I bet "I, boring?" is a right gusset moistener.
and bright eyes came on so PLUCKED up the courage to speak to her as she was the only one working. Went over "ahh, you like bright eyes then?" "Who?" "The...the...the band on now" "eh, they sound terrible" "Um yeah, cheers". The rest has always ended up getting tasered or something
i believe in you
At least I don't remember. Others may remember how embarrassing I was being.
I once had a girl stand next to me at a bar, put her hand on my inner thigh and whisper softly into my ear 'I've slept with 18 men this year'.
Unfortunately, I can't remember what time of year this was, but it's still a classy line to use.
I do remember one time at Unskinny Bop when it was at The Star of Bethnal Green.
I was served by an incredibly tall, dark haired, beautiful woman with a gorgeous Irish accent.
She got my order wrong and said 'I must have been distracted by your good looks'. I fell for her then and there
I the. Spent the whole night getting super drunk to get the courage to ask her if she wanted to go for a drink some time. I even tried to make a paper crane to give her with my number on. Unfortunately I couldn't remember the right folds in my state, and it was made of tissue paper so it didn't stand. Then, after leaving, I realised that I hadn't even put my number on it when I handed it over.
She must have hated me by the end of the night.
DIS, your task is to find that woman. I will give the winner a kiss.
I have been, she was never there again.
friend request her with a PM: "Hi I made you some shit origami 5 years ago and now I've hunted you down!"
PS - Five years ago? Wow. Forget it then.
If not, just shag a penguin.
That was a good day.
By inviting her back to a party at my flat. I was so focused/besotted that I apparently didn't notice her boyfriend standing next to her the whole time.
So that was pretty smooth. Don't know how I got away from that without a black eye.
saw her on the bus home from town and saw she went into the halls right next to mine went home and drank a beer and then just went over there and rung her doorbell and was like 'hi, how's it going? fancy going to get a drink?' so we did and went out later that night, ended up going out for a while.
but a couple of interesting ones.
One was I was out for my birthday and my flatmate had a friend of hers staying on our sofa for a few weeks (between houses or something) anyway we were all out and I was drunk and danced with sofa girl, no intention of flirting or anything it was just fun and then I went off and forgot about it.
They left before I did and when i got back there was a note taped to the front door that said something like ''Happy Birthday. Come to the lounge and wake me up for a dance''. So I did.
a lovely story. wasn't expecting any of that kinda thing on here...
we were never really together.
We had a two week fling until she moved into her new place and we kept in touch and hung out a bit after but that's it. She's back home in New Zealand now.
tbh she was a bit crazy and on the rebound from her ex (another girl - I don't know if she is now (still) a lesbian or not) but it was a fun fling/friendship for a while.
This was a few years ago and I've managed a few more crazy relationships in that time, but the can wait for anotehr thread.
I suggested we go see a piece of student theatre, which looked like a jolly romcom. In fact, it was a disturbing drama about domestic violence and ended with the father pouring the contents of a boiling kettle over his wife's head.
The fact we kept going out despite this proves what a charmer I am.
I was going to tell that story again but I realised there is no element of it which makes me look smooth, heroic or successful.
(look, she was gazing into my eyes more than was strictly professionally necessary, ok?!)
Psyched myself up to ask her for a drink when she came back with my old glasses. Took a while. When she finally returned, she said "sorry, I was just giving your glasses a good clean. Have you had them for a while? They were really quite filthy."
Epimer you're the best/worst. The Blurst.
One time I did give my business card to a guy, but he was gay.*
*so he said
"Not as filthy as me" and given her a roguish wink. Then you should have arranged bail money.
I'll put aside my countless slick success stories and tell you this one:
First ever time I went to a nacht-club, circa 16 years old. Getting near the end of the night, asked these two hot older girls on the dance floor if I could buy them a drink. "yeah sure". Went to the bar, which had stopped serving, so I panicked and bought two cokes (couldn't afford one for myself, or the bus home for that matter). Took them over the girls on the dancefloor, who pissed themselves laughing, took the cokes and started doing some extremely graphic dancing with some fully grown men, while I briefly hovered before walking the very long way home.
smee times a lady
i me-e-e-e-eths youuuuuu
There was this girl in my halls at uni who was super fit. Probably the best looking girl I knew at the time. I really fancied her, and without being rude, she wasn't exactly at the shy end of the spectrum. Basically she was pure filth.
There was flirting for a while leading up to this big club night that everyone was going to, and we had both made knowing references to each other about looking forward to that night, but being young I didn't really believe that a girl that hot would be interested.
At the club, a few hours in, hadn't seen her, and decided to go home to have a shower (I was going through a phase of really enjoying showers when on drugs, fwiw). Bumped into her and her mate on the way out. "Where are you going" she says. "Home to have a shower" I said. They exchanged glances and were like "Maybe we'll come and knock at your flat in a bit then" or something like that. Again, my youthful lack of confidence told me that this was probably just to hang out, smoke a spliff or whatever.
So anyway they arrived back at my flat almost straight away after me, and we smoked a spliff and chatted for a bit. I can't remember exactly what happened next, but it was something like them asking if I was going to have a shower or not and me saying, oh yeah I am, and then going for a shower alone. In retrospect I'm sure they both wanted to get in the shower with me, but for whatever reason, I didn't get that at the time and I fluffed it.
There we go, my only shot at a threesome (until me and the wife get bored in 20 years or so I guess) and I didn't take it.
I had quite possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever met in bed with me, after travelling a long way to see me, and just assumed she didn't want the sofa.
I still don't know if I had a chance there.
she would like to go for some drinks. She said yes.
it didnt really work out though
just got a really wide arse
it was really really boring, I was on another table. I think that I knew she smoked, although I hadnt talked to her. I went past her table on the way to the outside to have a smoke, as I did so I held two cigarettes in my hand and gestured with a slight nod of my head and movement of my eyes that she should come outside with me. She did and I managed to maintain my aura of james bond coolness all night. (It basically bucked the trend of my normal modus opperandi)
a hot colleague from another department was being pestered by two of our team who had long been infatuated with her, my mate was actually nearly going out with her, but they were both a bit crap, and they were childish and insufferable about her, and on the noght they were making it difficult for her, almost asking her to choose (she didnt ask for their attentions, and towards the end of the night a large group of us were basically sitting down listening to the two guys asking her to choose and it was very uncomfortable for us all, especially her, there was no way out (they had cars)
I could stand it no longer, I stood up, took her hand and pulled her to her feet saying 'let me take you away from all this' she followed gladly and we went outside........unexpectedly in the carpark she flung her arms round me and ate my face off........after a few minutes I became aware that all of the others had come outside and were gawping, the two blokes both had their mouths wide open.
Because we didnt really want to face this, we renewed our vigour
:D didnt get a lift :D
Was about to get on the bus when she stopped me, she didn't have any money on her. I didn't have enough for the both of us.
I said bye and gave her a hug - CHIVALRY
She stopped me again and said I was a bounder for thinking I could leave her to walk home on her own. She insisted we go for a detour through the park.
Walked and chatted... she talked about her ex-boyfriend and this guy she'd seen who kinda asked her out.
Got to her door I said "Mate, I don't understand you. Pretty much everything you do could be construed as a signal that you want to fuck me. And then you'll say something that really puts me off, make your damned mind up."
So she did.
bumping up a similar threat to mine from months ago