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Bit silly, really...
when I saw LLB was the last post, I clicked in expecting to be regaled with a hilarious anecdote of rugby/rowing mates and their various attempts to get it on with bee hives and ant colonies ):
'Following an autopsy that revealed Hasse had 146 stings on his body – 54 of those on his genitals – authorities came to the conclusion he tried to have sex with the hornets’ nest'.
Imagine you were relaxing in a field on a balmy summer's day with your hands behind your head and your hat pushed up over your eyes, and then a hornet's nest drops onto your crotch, eventually leading to your death a few hours later. And as your soul slips out of your body you see a group of detectives huddled around your corpse say *he must have been fucking the nest. Inform the relatives*
Everyone always assumes the worst.
who was working in A+E when a guy came in who had a bottle of ketchup lodged up his arse. Asked how he did it, the man said he had come home with some shopping and realised he'd forgotten his keys. He put the shopping down on the doorstep and decided to try and climb up a drainpipe and through an open upstairs window. He was nearly at the top when his trousers snagged on something, and in a panic he slipped off with his bare arse crashing onto the doorstep, with the ketchup bottle getting stuck in his bum hole.
The doctor said, well, that's all perfectly plausible. But it didn't explain why the ketchup bottle had a condom on it.
All you need is a little lube - vaseline, KY - round the neck of the bottle and-
actually - doesn't matter. Ahem...
he was hornety
"The apparently misguided man died an hour after he was located on his farm in Ystad, Sweden."
like that thing David Carradine, Michael Hutchence and LOADS of Tory MPs have died doing?
he buzz hornet
pollen queen wasp comb wax
whatever you may think this man and his bizarre and ultimately fatal sexual choices, you have to take your hat off to that. Bravo sir.
and also that he got a BUZZ out of it.
hyuk hyuk hyuk
the man *did* have sex with that hornet's nest. You can't take that away from him.
a) had he worked his way up to this? (he'd got tolerance to wasps?)
b) was it a danger thing?
c) was it suicide? (because I think that most sane people would think that this is likely to cause death)
d) was it an accident
You may think, "why would we want to know that?" .....well I guess to assuage the guilt that I am now feeling for laughing at a man who obviously died in agony.....bizare deaths may be amusing, and when there si auto etorica involved ten it seems ok to laugh at someones death (like Michael hutchence or the tory mp with an orange in his mouth.........but really it isnt good for us to JUST laugh at them, I guess we should also feel a pang of guilt and sorrow for them......although it is indeed also bizare and funny.....but we also have to think of it as tragic, if only for his family...who now have the loss AND ridicule to contend with
So I don't feel much sympathy.
Are the Darwin Awards still going? This is the surefire 2013 winner.
but....what if he was mentally disturbed, maybe temporary, what if he was hallucinating before?
what about his family?
Especially after reading this: http://www.scmp.com/comment/insight-opinion/article/1235588/giant-rubber-duck-has-united-city
you should all look up to him. Think of all the projects you've started and never finished. Were any of them likely to take the sheer dedication that thrusting your wang into the home of a swarm of angry insects would require? No, I don't think they were. And yet this man not only looked at the hornets nest and thought, "I could totally fuck that." He not only whipped it out and went through with it. When they started stinging him in his most sensitive of areas he carried on. He ploughed away, surely knowing his very life was at stake, until he had achieved his goal and had jizzed all over a crowd of stupid little hornet faces.
We could all learn a lot from him.
Obvious yet brilliant
Check the link now.
I for one am stung by the embarassment
I was feeling so inspired by this guys amazing hornet's nest fucking feat I was about to finally sort my life out. And now I find out it's a sham.
I'm gonna buy 3 litres of cider and a couple of packs of hob nobs instead. Fuck this world.
that 3 ltr cider bottle has possibilities (although perhaps a little too ambitious, to begin with, if you are a renowned 'nonfinisher')
non-English speaking country for printing a news story from The Onion as factual?
it's perfectly obvious I wasn't fooled by this.
says "Did the internet get stung by a story about a man having sex with a hornet nest?".
No, The Metro journalists didn't fact check at all and looked like a bunch of sensationalist twunts who won't admit they were wrong.
It's like being at a house party and calling someone by the wrong name all night then at the end of the night, when they politely correct you and people start laughing at the faux pas you've made, instead of holding your hands up and saying "I was wrong, silly me, sorry about that!" you SHIT IN THEIR RICE CRISPIES!
but fuck the Metro and all its readership
just inadvertently reminded myself of Danny Dyer's 9/11 tweet
"Can't believe it's been nearly 11 years since them slags smashed into the twin towers it still freaks my nut out to this day"
Think he's deleted it now, though.
If only to stay true to Grant Holt's #lovedmytime as the worst tweet of all time
are you a thorax or a tegulae man?
Don't care what her bod's like as long as she has pretty compound eyes
a thousand tiny reflections of yourself