nice happy subject for a Sunday thread.
I'm thinking of going to the doctors tomorrow to talk about my options because I've felt really really down for about a year now and yesterday I kind of broke down and opened up about everything to someone and they said I should really seek help. I'm automatically weary of it because I used to have problems when I was a teenager and when I asked my parents for counselling back then they used to say that I was being ridiculous so I've constantly thought I would just get a "pull yourself together" spiel from the doctor. The person I talked to though thinks that my parents just raised me ridiculously.
Anyways I'm still kind of nervous about it because I will really feel lost if the doctor turns around and says there's nothing wrong, I've written up a list of things that I find difficult / are making my life difficult. One of the things that I've found most difficult is it has really effected my ability to concentrate and read which used to be one of my favourite activities in life and also very important as I'm in the middle of exam period at Uni.
-Feeling extremely down for no reason at all, moods hard to get out of, depressive thoughts, loneliness
-Struggle to get out of bed / excessive sleeping
-anxious and worried about lots of things
-Difficulty in remembering things, lack of concentration, unable to read and focus which makes me very anxious and stressed
-Difficulty in social situations, lack of confidence and self esteem. Also not motivated to make/maintain friendships
-Struggling with uni and feel that my abilities to express myself via writing and in tutorial situations has suffered immensely. find it difficult to find the right words when my vocabulary 12 months ago was my strong point.
- Similar to above, find it difficult to talk and have to take long pauses, sigh a lot because I find it difficult to express myself.
A recent trigger of all of this was over the Christmas period whilst I was visiting home I ended up in one of the most stressful arguments of my life with my parents (they were both drunk) on New Year's Eve which ended with me cutting my arm (very out of character behaviour for me; never coped with stress like that before) and I had to go to A&E. The scar is about half an inch wide and 5 inches long and it still hasn't healed yet. That situation has made a lasting emotional impact on me and I think about it every hour and have horrible horrible memories about it all.
Really don't know why I posted this here, I guess I'm just nervous about it all and this is the only outlet I had. Tried to tell my brother about me seeking help and his reaction was a little underwhelming. Yeah I guess I was just looking for assurance that I have genuine problems and that I'm not going to get chucked out of the doctors for being a wimp. Going to seek counselling and hopefully explore the options for medication.
Would be nice to hear if anyone else has stories about coping with depression and any coping methods/tips they know of.