Must have been well cold.
there's no coming back from that.
2. self destructive, depressed weed smoker
3. narcissistic drama queen
4. weird and loud
5. all round great guy
n.b i love them all and number 5 is not me
Gotta be one of 1 or 2, I'm guessing.
i get a phone call like "oi faps the the kitchens on fire what do i do" and im like "mate im the pub ive done it before with the toaster just whack a wet teatowel on it yourll be reet" Didnt realise it was due to a fucking PAN FULL OF OIL. I got home about half hour later and theres two fire engines outside, and the house kitchen and living room is black with ash.
I was all like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
another one from the year before was this gymnast girl from romania and she used to comment on my other housemates underwear when they were on the communal clothes horse saying that she liked them a lot, and then one night she knocked on her door and had a knife in her hand.
she moved out swiftly after that, actually.
One's a borderline-pro runner, runs about an hour and a half every day, only ever eats about 3 different meals, and hardly ever does anything socially (but on the rare occasion when he does, usually gets smashed). Good guy though.
The other's one of my best mates, into loads of the same music/films/stuff as me, has a bedroom-pop music project, wakes up pathologically early, and is generally always up for doing something.
Only ever had one really bad housemate, a dreadful, bossy, spoilt girl who kind of bullied someone else that lived in the house and was impossible to have a conversation with. And listened to Heart radio in the car to uni, like some sort of 45 year old secretary.
was a woodhouse grove dickhead and the most bullish and obnoxious person i've ever known. he lent me £100 though so i had to pretend to not hate him. one time we had a predrink and then everyone bailed out of going out and he threw loads of chairs around and broke a cupboard door and then we could hear him sobbing in his room. he had like 3 iphones. really bad guy
really bad guy
AK - Great guy 24 (I was 17) - still friends with him now. Really depressed unless hes got a girlfriend though
Yr 2 uni:
JB - Massive stoner who got into psy-trance. Now has a girlfriend with ridiculously large breasts
TP - Dutch guy who slept on the floor, only ate curly fries & mushrooms cooked in a wok. Once got him arrested by convincing him to try and sell some drugs in a hippy shop as he had no money
LN - Welsh guy who everyone thought was a lesbian. Nice guy, got into the whole rah uni scene
CB - thick lad from Leicester, got thrown out and didnt tell anyone when he'd left. Now married and a teacher.
SR - Little chubby lad but one of the funniest people Ive ever met. Dont think I ever saw him leave the house except for Uni. Would quite like to hang out with him again.
HW - Great guy, guitarist in a semi popular indie band. Liked pavement way too much.
JW - Massive hipster who was a messy bastard. Now going round America taking pictures of all his meals
TP - Probably the most charming man Ive ever met. Now a doctor of engineering slagging his way round Australia pretending hes a photographer
1st year (halls)
* quite sweet but reclusive stoner from redcar, girlfriend from back home
* total knobhead wideboy from stockport
* slightly annoying but funny architecture student from bolton, used to wake me up by shagging his girlfriend so loud
* clingy posh nerd, can't even remember his name, pointless
all of these fuckers were so messy. drove me up the wall. never saw any of them again.
2nd year (house)
* best mate from home, who went to the same uni
* indie guy from nottingham who was lovely but very needy and desperate to get a girlfriend. dropped out and went home, immediately got some random girl pregnant, game over
3rd year (different house)
* mate from home again
* metal drummer from grimsby, great lad, don't see him enough
* nice girl from cumbria whose boyfriend's parents owned the house
* absolute mess who wasn't even at uni, worked for british gas, had a girlfriend who was about 10, awful man
3rd year was the best.
Swedish/Korean stoner/Lacross player. Absolute great guy, wish he lived in this country
Deaf Girl who I had literally nothing in common with
Girl from Cornwall. Ditto.
Girl From Birmingham who was 25 and living with a bunch of 18 year olds. I really thought she was great, but thinking back, she must have felt like hanging herself.
Finnish girl who was also a few years older. She's great, ended up living with her the next year too. Seeing her in a few weeks.
Hungarian girl. Left after 1st year to go to Cambridge. Would get drunk and stroke the guy's legs.
My mate sam. One of my best friends, but also an utter cunt. Massive Argyle fan.
Welsh girl who turned out to be a bit unhinged.
Silent girl from Indonesia. Despite repeated attempts to talk to her, she would never reply. Almost got chucked out for living with her BOyfriend in a small halls room.
Stoner Guy with Aspergers. Great guy, but dropped out in the 2nd year. Biggest stoner I have ever met.
The hall tutor.
I'm around the Brummie girl's age and I'm probably living with a bunch of 18 year olds next year. I really don't think it'll put me off, I'll just calmly lead by example, young head on old shoulders and all that
Found out towards the end that this was his third attempt at Uni. Was a great guy, though last time I saw him, I don't think he knew who I was.
Muslim guy from London - really nice, but was dating this drippy girl from Doncaster who also lived in the house. His parents visited twice per month and he'd have to pretend that he was single...and didn't drink...or watch porn...or eat bacon sandwiches every morning.
Cheryl from Doncaster - drippy.
Lucy from Sheffield - Liked The Smiths, wore a lot of leather, could often be heard spanking her boyfriend and having 'assertive' sex with him.
Paul from Cambridge - Came out to us all after a month and was most put-out when we all told him that we'd already guessed. Lovely guy, prolific gambler, was about 30K in debt and had gambling issues. Caught the ferry to Amsterdam at least twice per month.
Will write about latter years and post-uni years when I have more time.
door slamming, mirror smashing, hysterical crying
all at once, it was ridiculous, I'm not describing them though so I'll start when I moved to Manchester from my mum's...
Lived with my bf of the time, does he count as a housemate? Anyway, he was controlling and horrid and once when his family were coming to visit us and take us out he made me stay home when they all went for the meal because I'd washed his jumper without permission. Now married to the girl he went out with before me.
Chorlton, House 1
J - totally awesome, one of my favourite people, looks like Russell Crowe, knows everything about film, animator, makes weird coughing/gagging noise in the mornings, has webbed feet.
A - Was also the landlord, had a cochlea implant, appeared on flop-reality TV show Without Prejudice
C - stoner, tall, scary eyes, loved Pavement
M - lesbian masseuse, ocd, had loud sex a lot
N - brought prostitute back to the house
L - Awful awful awful woman
S - shoplifter, never paid for anything she could steal/scavenge, always drunk, really lovely, incredibly twee.
J - had baths a lot
M - cute as a button
M - as above, I took her with me, she's awesome
K - has a pet hedgehog, bakes excellent cakes
S - pregnant, tiny, messy to the point of it being disgusting
J - doesn't pay rent, or bills, has his kid living with us (I hope all of those things change!)
but M in 2 and 3 is the same person
Is it possible it was just Russell Crowe? Maybe he was doing that method acting thing actors sometimes do?
F- Sexually repressed public schoolboy
K- Pleasant girl, no personality
S- Slightly crazed medic, invited everyone to her room to put up christmas decorations and have a biscuit. No one went.
M- Lovely, lovely lass, does the same course as me. Wasn't a good friend at the time but is now.
House/halls thing (A house sized building but with randoms as well as friends)
3 of my best mates and...
V- a vegan.
E- a gay maths student.
T- dead ringer for Barney Stinson from Arrested Development.
M- named after Sherlock Holmes' brother. A cunt.
And two graduates I never see.
Semester one was cool. Two guys, one from Stockholm, and I just played FIFA, watched the Premier League, went to Aussie Rules games, and drank. It was very-uni and pretty good fun. Then the Swede moved out, the other bloke got a girlfriend, and I was left to live in The Worst House Ever.
They were excruciatingly lame, dirty, and anti-social. They'd have the TV on as loud as possible 'til 3am, play Call of Duty just as loudly til 4am, and leave the bin overflowing until one of us (me or the Swede) had to clean it.
Absolutely fucking awful. I now live by myself in a better city and it's the best shit ever. I'll be scarred for housesharing for a long time, I think.
You English are very lucky. Australia's uni system is different. And worse.
If you live in a city, you go to uni in that city. If you live in a country, you go to a uni in your state's capital. So 80% of people go to uni in about five cities. I moved to Melbourne from Perth and that's pretty much normal, and so I've met a heap of people from different cities. But Perth was very weird because everyone was just from boring as fuck little towns I'd already been to.
I don't know, but it seems so much better in the UK.
B: Beauty pageant queen from Minnesota. She had been on American Idol. Later when on to compete in the Miss America pageant. Had her decent moments but was largely insufferable. Convinced she had some sort of eating disorder as she posted pictures of morbidly obese women all over our suite as a reminder not to eat.
I: South African social butterfly. Really sweet girl, wish we had stayed friends.
R: Quiet but very sweet. Got an apartment together when we moved out of the dorms. She is still one of my closest friends.
J: Obese girl with a high-pitched baby voice and sleep apnea. For the entire first semester of college, she cried on the phone to her mom every single day.
K: Boring girl from upstate New York that eventually moved out. Was replaced by M from northern California. M smoked a lot of weed and made out with Stephen Jenkins from Third Eye Blind.
T: Sweet girl from a small town just outside of the city. Went home every weekend and eventually transferred to a community college so she could live at home full time.
W: Bat shit insane girl obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I think she was half convinced that she was a vampire herself. She used to sit in the dark and scare the living hell out of me whenever I got home late. She also had an eating disorder -- she abused laxatives but never bought toilet paper for the suite. Eventually moved to LA and started working on a very popular TV show so perhaps she's doing better these days.
M: Another Tennessee girl in New England. We bonded over this fact. We became good friends and she introduced me to a lot of great fantasy and sci fi novels and films. Unfortunately, we've lost touch since moving away.
E1: The sexual deviant. Her boyfriend was a tall guy that looked like he belonged in a death metal band. They had very loud sex in the shower on a weekly basis. One night I was talking to her and she reached into my shirt to unhook my bra.
E2: Maybe exchanged three sentences with this girl. She kept to herself and spent most of her time in her boyfriend's suite. Can't say I blame her.
with a guy I vaguely knew from uni, who was superficially conventional (accountant) but turned out to be the funniest, strangest & best drinking companion I've ever known. Good-looking fella but totally useless around women. One night we're in the pub with a couple of girls from my office, it gets to closing time, so I ask them if they want to come back to our flat for a drink. They agree, and my friend starts to look nervous. We get back, I tell him to take the girls into the living room & stick some music on while I mix the drinks. A few seconds later I hear the opening bars of "Ace of Spades" - he's gone & put on his self-compiled Best of Heavy Metal tape. This is swiftly followed by Kiss & Iron Maiden, and then by the girls leaving.
I was in a shared room with one other guy. Luckily he's super nice and I don't think we've ever had an argument. Slightly annoying when his girlfriend would come to visit 'cause I'd have to go sleep on someone else's floor.
2nd year (currently)
- the guy I shared a room with last year
- Dutch lesbian that's never here but when she is she makes a giant fucking mess
- girl training to be a social worker who I only really see at 7.30am before she goes to placement. Very sweet but inexplicably terrified of people breaking into the house/attacking her.
- girl from Leicester who is very sweet but a little simple.
- fucking girl from fucking London who never cleans anything, leaves all of the crockery in her room and fills it with fag butts and leaves it to rot and is generally filthy and walks around with no clothes on even though she's tremendously, Mr Creosote, Igantius Reilly level fat. I feel pretty bad for her because she's constantly having crying fits and stuff about how she hates her life and everything, and sometimes she doesn't leave her room for a few days, and when she goes out and gets drunk she does really dubious stuff (giving a guy that works at a pizza job a blowjob for free pizza/letting a taxi guy paw her boobs so they didn't charge her for throwing up in their taxi are two examples).
In chronological order:
1. Typical attention seeking drama student. Threatened us all with a knife because we were "noisy" at 1am on Fresher's Week. Left shortly after.
2. Another drama student. Rubbed banana on my door and put all the junk mail under it whilst I was on holiday. Particularly unpleasant individual.
3. Mormon. Polite girl. Liked her.
4. Practical joking, Bruce Springsteen fan. Now a Ferrari driving investment banker.
5. Scouser. Sat around in just his briefs stroking his cock a lot. Now a very wealthy solicitor.
6. Stoner guitarist with OCD. Didn't leave his room until it was tidy.
7. Trainee chef but messiest person I've ever met - Ramsay would pull him to pieces. Left house under a cloud of debt leaving everyone £300 down.
8. Takeaway fanatic. Nearly every meal was a chinese or pizza.
9. Wiganer and jagerbomb fanatic. Good lad.
10. Singer in popular beat combo Everything Everything.
11. Stoner and "reformed" scally. Disorganised chap who would do anything in his power to screw anyone over - me especially. Glad when he left.
12. Stoner - barely left his room for first two weeks and only did so to see if anyone had a lighter.
13. Jazz guitarist. Was technically brilliant but couldn't actually play anything of note. Spent his day playing scales very quickly whilst living on a diet of square crisps and microwaveable curries.
14. French bloke - stole my Is This It? CD.
15. Hippy. Nice guy but irritating reliance on the same jokes. Used spoons to butter bread if there wasn't a clean knife.
16. Jock. Moved in to our flat as a Snoop Dogg fan. Left as a Cribs fan.
17. My best pal. Him and number 9 stayed until the day I moved in with the Mrs 5 years ago.
my favourite was the chinese fella I lived with who ate out of a dog bowl claiming it was a precious metal, showered in his boxers, once boiled chicken because he didnt know how to preheat an oven and who thinks the word masturbate means to get drunk
I also lived with a kazakhstani boxer who ate out of his frying pan
House number 2: Great bunch of 2 lads.
House Number 3: Great bunch of 1 lad.
House number 4: Great bunch of 3 lads.
House number 5: Great bunch of girlfriend
In short don't hang out with mooks and I got very lucky in living in a quality flat in my first year of uni,
with no internet, no car and about 25 minute walk from the nearest pub. That was a boring year.
Ended up showing two of my housemates how they could use their computers to record music.
One for the guy we didn't like: http://soundcloud.com/ma0sm/the-mong-song
One for the guy who we all took the piss out of: http://soundcloud.com/ma0sm/peter
O: Devout Christian who was also on my course, all-round real nice guy.
D: Pretty much your stereotypical LAD but who I got on really well with. Drank himself stupid pretty much every night but always got ridiculously good grades.
J: Medic, the working all the time kind. Nice enough girl but I just had to use Facebook to remember her name so...
R: Medic, the partying all the time kind. Really hot, really cool, awesome taste in music. She dropped out about a month in.
T: Replaced R, seemed quite shy until she had her boyfriend round, then was shag and scream o'clock.
E: WORST HUMAN EVER! Horrendous hissy fits that included (all in 1st year): 1) slapping D for taking too long to stop pre-drinking. 2) throwing a 2-hour tantrum at us because the pizza delivered was right for everyone except her (she made the order). 3) When parking at Morrisons, bumping into an already parked car and proceeding to threaten to 'sue the pensions' out of the elderly couple who were returning to it at the time. 4,5,6 ad infinitum) reacting to breaking up with her boyfriend by scratching two other girls (who were her 'friends') in our halls, downing 2 bottles of champagne and 4 bottles corona in 10 minutes (after not drinking for 4 months) thus becoming a horrible vomiting she-demon, attempting to drive off in said state, slapping O for not allowing her to drive and kill herself, attempting to climb the halls fence so that she could 'run into the canal and end it all' thus requiring more people to get in line for slap-city... (unfortunately this is not the last we will hear of E)
Essex lad, loved the ladies, R&B, wore a shirt and shoes into crappy bars in town. Nicer bloke than he sounds.
Huge weed smoker, didn't go to a single lecture, left after a couple of months. Really nice bloke, shame he had to go. He returned a lot as he hooked up with...
Shy girl who got less shy when drinking and just generally throughout the year. Didn't like the way she looked, complained about weight etc which was not an issue. Relationship with the above was rocky, he did twattish things like splitting up with her before christmas then going out with her again.
German girl, a few years older on a placement year. Really didn't like living with 5 messy British 18 year old kids away from home for the first time. Had a boyfriend who she fucked loudly. Shrieking, horrible person, her pubes clogged up the shower.
Slightly posh daddy's girl, used Uni as a way of shagging a lot of men. I heard quite a lot of this through the wall. Almost did it myself, but didn't get beyond kissing n stuff.
Replacement for #2 was an Indian bloke who came straight off a plane into this shared house. Naive, led a sheltered life with servants and all sorts apparently. Nice though, on his arrival it was just me at home and I was drinking alone watching the cricket - India were playing England. How fortunate. we just sat and watched that and I tried to understand his English.
The halls we were in were on campus, god knows why I chose that. I think when I was looking around universities some of them had really lively campuses and the ones offsite were a pain to get to and looked shabby. But here we were stuck in the middle of nowhere, the place was dead in the evening and we had individual houses so didn't get to bump into our neighbours like in big blocks of halls. Didn't make that many friends really, moved in with some of the girls from the house and others, didn't go to uni much. Taught myself the guitar though.
used to live with three guys who were good, if messy, eggs. for a time also had a quiet guy who never used to go out and used to sit in the dark but once we went to Bar Eleven and when Incubus came on he went crazy.
G - nice chap, very naive. Walls in the house were very thin, so he was able to hear all the bants from the front room while he was in his bedroom tryin to have sex for the first time. It must have put him off as he came in his boxers and then hid them behind the bathroom sink so she wouldn't know. Is now in Australia making loads of money in mining.
B - sexually ambigous geek. Cultured, yet had terrible taste in everything. We once had a porn star name-off that went on for way too long. Now has a girlfriend.
A - obsessed with sex and being a "lad". Wrote all his essays lying in bed with his laptop on his chest - somehow managed to do well academically despite this. Broke up with his girlfriend who then sobbed in the hallway of our flat for ages. My other flatmates responded by going into my room and listening to Queen very loudly to drown her out.
2 boring girls one of which had the nickname "barbie" because she looked like one.
T - great lad, came out after uni. Makes a fortune in the city. Slight sexual tension between us.
H - best mate. worked fucking hard on his degree, stressed quite a lot.
K - Hs girlfriend, had a proper job, seemed to dispair slightly when she came home to find me playing xbox in my dressing gown. Slight sexual tension between us.
J - sexually ambigous geek. Ate all his meals in his room which always were just frozen veg and pasta. Nice chap but too quiet.
... And would therefore be frightened if they happened to come across and read it because I would never say any of this to them in person.
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