Or is the trust gone forever when this happens?
...where it wasn't really happening. I was fucking furious when i found out, however when we talked it through and what led to it and that she felt so sorry and upset about it i forgave her and we moved on. My younger self would never have thought i would have forgiven someone for even kissing someone let along sleeping with someone else.
But there's two sides to every story and all relationships are different. I do think though if my partner slept with someone that would be it!
But fuck knows, relationships are complex as fuck!
Has this just happened to you?
your a lot more insecure or you dont envision being with the one person forever so its much more of a dealbreaker. I assume the the younger dissers will say definitely not and the older you get the more that veers into 'it depends'.
Only after years of experience do you realise that there's always more to it!
But I'd have to take each thing into account; was it random, was it drunken, was it premeditated, why did they do it etc etc.
But, as I say, I feel it'd be very unlikely to at the very least fully trust them, but maybe after time I would. I don't know.
It would certainly devastate me.
I have never done the drunken kiss thing but no matter how drunk I get, I still know I have a boyfriend who I am loyal too, even in a silly state.
But it would certainly help to understand the circumstance...
Oh you were drunk? Doesn't count then!
Yes, yes it does.
storm out, probably go to a pub and drink the night away solo. Then come back and actually discuss it and try and work through it. It would be difficult however to actually look at them the same way again.
Stay with them in a long-term relationship: no.
But I don't think the trust would ever be regained. Lets ask Fleetwood Mac
You get a love triangle, you know, a Fleetwood Mac situation. Although there was four of them, so more of a love square. But you know, no-one gets on.
Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
I'm not a fan of this one.
...if we're defining `forgiveness` as `staying with them`, of course.
Everyone's different, and I don't judge people on how they behave in their own relationships, but in mine it would emphatically mark the end of proceedings.
a drunken kiss or something is different, but like most I'd find it really difficult to trust someone if they slept with someone else, let alone stay in a long term relationship.
I feel like a drunken kiss can be different. It can be a heat of the moment kind of thing, it can happen so quickly and all it takes is one person to kind of initiate it and it's difficult to tap out kinda thing. Sex is completely different. You actually have to think about it, you've made a conscious decision "i'm going to sleep with this person" and it's not like there isn't a point where you can think to yourself "this has gone to far, stopping/backing out now".
second para pretty much hits the nail on the head.
Could you reasonably expect your partner to forgive you for sleeping with someone else?
The way I treat my relationship is I don't do things that I wouldn't like done to me. So I would never sleep with someone else as I know it would kill me if he slept with someone else.
Relationships should be built on trust and you can't be in a stable trusting situation if you're wondering whether or not she's balls deep whenever she's off somewhere without you. Which you certainly would be. Could forgive her in a broader sense but not stay with them.
and on a scale of bad things, infidelity isn't necessarily that much of a bad thing. Forgiveness can be particularly easy to give to someone who really needs it
Sticking around though ... Dunno, but probably not.
Fingers crossed I never have to find out, eh?
Was I there at the time?
if you supposedly love someone, you wouldn't go off fucking other people. because you know what it would do to the other person. unless you're a selfish git who doesn't think like that.
Some people are able to separate the two, some people aren't. The key thing is finding a partner who feels the same way about those things as you do.
it's interesting that the idea of polyamorous relationships didn't come up at all in this thread.
Like Epi above I hope I never have to find out.
but if i did, i'd bring it up when wanting things to go my way such as 'can i have a cup of tea' 'no, i'm busy' 'well you weren't too busy when you were shagging terry now were you?' 'ok, that's a good argument, i'll make you a cup of tea' 'good, and get me a biscuit too, thanks'
and that's why i forgive (and emotionally blackmail)
but I imagine it would cut me the core and end up killing the relationship over time anyway out of my own insecurity.
But I don't think I could stay with him.
but thats only because Im a shallow husk with no fight left. When I was younger I would have gone mental
It's just because you are into gangbangs and swinging shit now. Cum-matted hair is the norm as is john wayne walking.
If it was without protection most definitely not.
"B-but I was using a condom! There was a thin piece of rubber separating us! So if it's any consolation, it didn't feel as good as it could have."
I think the knowledge that cum has splattered the insides of your girlfriend hurts more.. if that was protected that is at least something.. Mind you, after this you would never know. and also, the lack of protection people have within a relationship is smashed when some other dick is spunking away... not to mention STDs.
That would be like Jesus forgiving you for your sins but damning you to eternal hell. Not on, is it?
No, I'm a nice person - I wouldn't hate them forever. I'd be friends and whatnot - but I don't think I could bring myself to sleep with that person again? Or trust them, really.
if he slept with someone else. But he wouldn't.
Is this what 'for better or worse' is?
no, that would be sickness and health
Just when he's being a miserable sod?
I think it's being a grump!
Better = having a nice time, going to the cinema, sharing an ice cream
Worse = ice cream runs out and you smash their favourite glass in a fit of rage
Just hanging about for my ^this
Not sure who 'they' are or 'who' they surveyed but this might allow cheaters to prosper
Stay with - ......nope. I don't think so. I can't imagine if things had got to the point where this would happen that there would be much to salvage from the relationship. Might be different if we had kids. I don't know.
and......... if i'd slept with someone else I wouldn't expect to stay with my girlfriend, I don't think I would want to either.
I could forgive them, but unless there'd been something absolutely massive that caused them to go nuts and shag all the people when clearly I'm the best person, I'd probably make them relocate to dumpsville (population: them).
around the same time, so they could get with them. While you might just have to live in less interesting, suburban version - singlesville
cos you're living in fuck city.
Just the thought of it is pretty devastating so if it ever actually happened I don't think I could get over it and move on with her.
Obviously depends on circumstances. I dont think sexual infidelity is the worst thing you could do to somebody. Meaness of spirit,the abuse of a partner's good nature, selfishness- these can all manifest themselves in different ways and shagging someone else is only one such way, and a fairly transient one in many cases. I think in some situations it could possibly be used as positive thing.
are you expecting to get back out there and find a partner who isn't vulnerable to sexual temptations? even if you did find somebody who never cheated on you, it'd be at least 50% coincidence that the temptation just never came up, but that doesn't make them more trustable than the cheating partner. don't get me wrong if your bf or gf is a serial cheater or you just can't love them as much after one incident of infidelity then i get that, but it seems like a lot of people have unrealistic ideas about monogamy.
sex can just be sex, but i think you need to really know the person to be able to make that distinction and know where their intent lies.
it's about giving into sexual temptation, and I think it's pretty reasonable to assume that there are people who, when they enter into a relationship that's explicitly defined as monogamous, are willing to be monogamous.
it happens, people make mistakes. i don't think it has to mean the relationship is fundamentally dead. nobody likes to admit it but you can be in love and still want to fuck somebody else.
i'm not saying people in monogamous relationships shouldn't expect commitment, but i'm saying they should be more realistic about the situation if and when it comes up.
in this sub-thread, Crispin.
this is pretty much the same as saying you will still be attracted to other people, both are fine, the issue is infidelity and how it affects your perception of a person, and I suspect it's this that people struggle with.
if you go into it with the attitude that people make mistakes and if the situation should arise that you can fuck someone else, then so be it. That isn't how healthy monogamous relationships work.
Why lie to yourself about it?
or leaving an iron on. It's not a mistake that you've repeatedly shoved your chode into someone else's vagina. Mistakes are things people do without thinking. If you're not thinking about how your actions could harm the person who loves and trusts you, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
but the way mistakes are talked about in this thread you'd think people were referring to not filling the dishwasher when you said you would rather than infidelity.
an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result
really? Alright then.
I want to fuck almost EVERYONE.
The point, for me, is that you don't actually do it. This abstainance and self-control creates something stronger with someone else than giving into transient sexual temptation. Or, at least it should, if everything's working properly.
there's loads of hotties out there i'd like to bang, but i don't because the effect of that would be that i'd hurt the person I love, and I want her to not be hurt and betrayed more than I want to bang other people.
when i want to bang other people more than i want her not to be betrayed, well, i think that's probably the end of the relationship.
it's one thing to choose not to flirt with other girls, but it's another matter entirely when you're in a very direct situation where sex is about to happen.
lust is an intense feeling, you can easily get carried away and do something against your better judgement.
like, it sounds as if your describing a situation where the SEX has just appeared from nowhere without any build up at all?
I imagine there are naked women hidden all round Crispin's place continually leaping out at him like Kato in the Pink Panther movies. All shouting, *SEX: IT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!*
Also, when friends of mine have ended up in relationships with people who've left their partners to be with them, people always tell them they'll never be able to trust them etc etc. Don't completely get that either.
It's not hard. It's not an unusual concept that someone would want to be with just one person for however long. If you want to sleep with someone else, that relationship isn't right for you and it's not because you have unrealistic ideas of monogamy. If you can't be monogamous, don't be...but don't lead someone into thinking you can and will be.
it's just what's generally expected. you talk as if people who go on to cheat know that they're probably going to do that - in many cases i bet that's not true.
"people don't get into relationships based on a mutual love of monogamy"
"you talk as if people who go on to cheat know that they're probably going to do that"
There is quite a difference between not wanting to be in a monogamous relationship and cheating.
The issue for me is one of self-control. For me, when you're in a relationship, you've made a pact with another person to be with them, and them only. Not how it works for everyone, but it's how it works for me. If someone doesn't have the strength of will or character to avoid piddly sexual temptations which come across on a pretty much daily basis then I personally lose a lot of respect for them. And that's before you factor in all of the hurt involved etc.
Everyone's different. But, for me, I don't see the point in a bond with someone else if the other person can't respect the sanctity of it and behave accordingly. It's all about loyalty and respect, really.
but at the same time, we're all just human. being weak in a moment of intense lust is hurtful, but it doesn't necessarily have to be symptomatic of anything meaningful.
being led astray by your desires can be completely non-conflicting with your love for another person. it's just a shitty situation that could be worked out, but understandably often isn't.
You choose not to be led astray by your desires. That's the point. You control them. Relationships hinge on this. You have to give something to another person to be in a relationship. In my view, it's the purity and sanctity of being intimate with them and only them. Why? Because anything else is just a friendship.
If you don't agree then that's fine - that's your own moral code/rules with regards to relationships. If you don't view controlling yourself as a particular priority then, that's cool.
but 1. i think it's easy to forget how intense that temptation can be when you haven't felt it for a while, or maybe ever. and 2. the question comes down to "is it a forgivable error of judgement?" if the cheating person has done it repeatedly then i would say, in most cases, probably not.
If the temptation is THAT great, you should probably evaluate your relationship with someone rather than seeking to excuse your impulsive behaviour.
2's where the debate should lie though and, well, it's what the OP is asking really. My answer is `no` in this context but people have perfectly eloquently argued otherwise in this thread...
But given my own idiotic experiences, I would have to be a hell of a hippocrite to not at least try and understand why it happened.
is it the norm?
more keep it quiet than come clean
should the odd fumble be expected and understood if possible?
if people don't feel like they can discuss such feelings with their partner then perhaps they really shouldn't be in a relationship with them anymore.
and who with etc etc etc
Should our social mores be more accepting of open relationships?
As in, there are a fair few people in this thread saying, "Don't be in a monogamous relationship if you can't be monogamous" but how many people here have ever either asked or been asked to be in an open relationship? It's hardly de rigeur.
is that you are open with each other and are on the same page.
Perfectly fine if you're in an open relationship as long as you both know it and can deal with it.
as I wouldn't want to be in an open relationship
I don't care
If that's how people have chosen to be in a relationship together, then that should be respected so long as it brings other people no harm.
however judging by the exploits of friends it's also not too uncommon just to remain single and shag about occasionally.
between that and being in an open relationship.
I was just suggesting other possibilities although I do wonder why people choose an open relationship over say polyamory.
would be more comfortable with an open relationship than polyamory.
actually defined as the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at the same time.
What I find interesting about the whole idea of open relationships is that they're often accompanied by the belief that true love can only actually exist between two people at one point in time.
I think it's tricky to envision being in an open relationship from the very beginning as you'd need to find some way of differentiating your relationship from any other potential hookups
to being "exclusive" on the love/emotional intimacy side but not on the sex side?
without risking serious offense.
I suppose if you're in some liberal friendship bubble where everyone is dating everyone else, theres a bit of expectation that things might be that way if you settle down more with someone. Otherwise you are just going to sound really selfish, forget social mores.
In my opinion, society should be more accepting, but it aint going to happen.
I think society should definitely be more accepting. Then people could be up front about it without risking serious offence.
Openly declared open relationships seem quite self-congratulating to me though, from my lowly perspective as a sexual peasant.
That said I have properly met anyone in real life that has gone on about their open relationship, just [shudder] internet people.
Guess it depends when it actually happens though.
Or is it human instinct to be gutted?
i think you can be in a relationship where both people aren't comfortable with one another having multiple partners, but still be understanding about giving into desires.
completely depends how well you know each other - because you need to know when they've cheated out of weakness and when they've cheated just because they knew they could get away with it. most people probably can't balance that, but i think it's possible.
"you need to know when they've cheated out of weakness and when they've cheated just because they knew they could get away with it''
like, how are you separating these?
i'm not talking about being in a relationship where you allow it, but one where both people accept that these things can easily happen.
I think we might be coming from fundamentally different viewpoints on this, like our definitions of, for example, something easily happening, seem to be so different as to make discussion pretty much impossible. I'm really struggling to get what you are saying, and I think that's because i'm seeing this from an entirely different perspective.
Also why would they be in a relationship where either of them were uncomfortable with what the other person was doing?
Basically there's no need to be comfortable with another persons cheating.
I should stop posting in this thread.
you gotta be secure in the relationship and yourself to take a step back and try to view the circumstance of the infidelity objectively. if you can't do that then i'd say it's because you just don't think your partner is being completely transparent about the details an their motive.
but they just find fidelity hard?
i'm just talking about being secure enough about a relationship to evaluate all the elements of an infidelity rationally. a lot of the time people feel too angry to continue the relationship and they don't think they can ever imagine a time where they won't be angry, but not everybody processes anger in the same way - some are better than others at keeping it in perspective.
that it's not your fault that you cheat on people, you have uncontrollable desires!!!!!!
It's their fault for not being secure enough in the relationship - why can't they just put it into perspective???!!!!!
i can't be bothered replying to this because i'd just be repeating things i've already said
there's also the issue of trust, honesty and disclosure. I can't help but think suggesting that people should analyze cheating objectively removes a vital part of what makes a relationship seperate from something more casual.
The reason I suspect many people react irrationally to infidelity is that emotions experienced in a relationship are not always rational and are not often able to be seen in an objective light.
if you believe your partner cheated because they gave into a one time desire, and that they felt truly sorry, and that it didn't happen as a symptom of their lack of love for you, and as long as you can personally get over the mistake....if all that is true, then i see no reason why the relationship couldn't continue.
but yeah it's a highly charged situation and understandably people let their emotions make brash decisions. all i'm questioning is people who genuinely believe that they're going to find that special someone who won't ever cheat - everybody is capable of it, whether it actually happens or not is often circumstantial. deciding whether to keep a relationship together should come down to how much love is left after the incident. but i understand that it's hard to know how you feel, or might feel when the dust settles, during the heat of a revelation.
because by it's nature it is a breach of trust. If they said they were disatisfied with the relationship, or felt attracted to the person beforehand or even their behaviour changed then possibly the aggrieved party might feel slightly...mollified, but if it happens out of the blue they might not feel like they really know the person and generally that's a huge part of a relationship.
I would also suggest that saying a relationship can survive infidelity, is slightly different than striking a middle ground between monogamy and polyamory, the scenario you're referring to is still monogamy because there's no expectation of extra-marital/relationship intimacy.
Whilst I sympathize with some of your points I don't think I can agree with the idea of cheating being in anyway circumstantial as it essentially absolves the person who cheated of some of the blame when I don't really think that should be the case, but perhaps that's a matter of opinion.
*to appear trustworthy
another reason I wouldn't say it is circumstantial is because there is always going to be opportunity, bar one of the parties going off to war...or prison, they are always going to be around people who they're going to be attracted to.
i do believe in love, i'm not a monster. but i think the trustworthiness of a person is often made up of factors out of their control - in other words, how much temptation they have actually had to resist. given the opportunity, i think the majority of people will always give in to the selfish option, be it sex, money or whatever.
One aspect of being secure is that you're not worried about who the other person is fucking or whether or not they're going to run off and leave you because your penis got butterflies.
another definition would be that you feel deeply connected to your partner enough to fully understand why they made such a mistake.
it's like doublespeak
but I know that my boyfriend puts my feelings a million miles ahead of his sexual impulses.
it's easy to be moralistic and all about the love when there's no temptation
and i say that not because i know anything about her bf (of course i don't) but because being realistic, most people don't run into women asking for a fuck on a daily basis.
In our over two year relationship, there hasn't been one moment where I've even been 10% tempted. You're going to call bullshit but there hasn't. I've found people attractive, as has he, but I've never been tempted by anyone or anything. I'm in a happy relationship with a man whose company I enjoy. If you'd like to wait another two years and ask me how tempted I am, go ahead but I doubt my answer will change.
I can fully understand how other people can be tempted and can't control themselves but thats not me.
not like Crispin
he gets the MOST tempted - more tempted than anyone else in teh world EVER
and has girls throwing themselves at him all day every day and has a permanent erection and the girls say 'ooh crispin PLEASE I only do anal!!' and he has to go 'oh alright then, if i MUST'
never said girls throw themselves at me
just acknowledging the difference between choosing not to flirt and directly turning down sex.
Either I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life or either of us will fuck up and it'll be over. But for now, we know how we feel about each other and our relationship otherwise neither of us would be doing it.
what about the time he was away and you begged me to come round with quiche?
Up there you said if you want to sleep with someone else, that relationship isn't right for you. But lets say 15 years with a few kids, long-term friends, loving in-laws, joint accounts and mortgages and MOST IMPORTANTLY the profound connection and shared experiences with your partner. Not saying you will ever cheat but I think many people will understand Crispins view that with that deep connection, doing something like that isn't a relationship ender. I'm not saying you'll say you'd stay with someone but you migh be a bit more on the 'hmmm life is complicated'side than on the 'if you want to sleep with someone else, that relationship isn't right for you" side
Every relationship is different. But for me, if I wanted to sleep with someone else, it would make me realise there was something wrong in my relationship and I'd address that before sleeping with someone else. I think most people would feel the same.
For me, it probably would be a relationship ender despite all our shared lives and experiences. It'll only be for both of us as I wouldn't be able to deal with that kind of betrayal. I know myself and what I could cope with and I'm 90% sure that I wouldn't handle that very well.
I've said similar things to what a lot of other people are saying so not sure why you're picking me out. Looks like you've hit a raw nerve with Geoff more.
Your posts make you sound immature and that you don't understand relationships at all, only sexual urges.
i'm talking about the exact opposite, being mature enough to know when to separate sex from love. they're not always intertwined, as hard as that is to accept. also i think people think i'm saying cheating is always acceptable and it isn't, it's a horrible thing to do - always. but the fallout of it doesn't need to always be relationship-ending.
but i said it hit a raw nerve because you seemed particularly angry for some reason
but in a relationship its very, very different. Sex can be there to satisfy an urge, which can be successfully achieved without falling deeply in love with that person but if you are in a relationship with someone and have shared your life with them, its more than just an urge. You can say it doesn't have meaning that you wanted to go fuck someone else but there is meaning behind it. Whether you're miserable in your relationship or the sex is gone or you're just bored, there is a meaning for it. We're not talking about open relationships or just shagging about, we're talking about seriously being cheated on which some people find incredibly distressing and hurtful. Its easy for you to say you wouldn't be bothered cause sex and love are a different thing but to other people, its not.
I'm sure you'd be hurt if you were in love with someone and had stayed loyal to them despite all these so called temptations that are around you every day, and they went and slept with someone else for whatever reason.
Go shag whoever you want crispin. just not me pls.
the thing is though it's not always as premeditated as you imply, things can very quickly go from innocent to bad without much in the way of bad intention. and i disagree that there is ALWAYS a deeper reason behind a cheating partner, but often there is, yes.
i'm not saying i wouldn't be bothered, because i've been massively hurt by it before. but when it really comes down to it, the incident wasn't as important as what was left of the relationship when all was said and done.
but at no point did he hit my raw nerve.
fuck that noise
i've thought about open relationships before and i reckon the thing that would bother me most isn't specifically sexual jealousy but the fear of him falling harder for someone else, because sex and love aren't the same but they do have a tendency to follow from one another. and i think to me the most important or valuable thing in a committed relationship isn't necessarily exclusive sexual intimacy but exclusive emotional intimacy and the security of being the person that somebody most wants to be with, and the idea that they might be thinking about or pining after someone else in a way that goes beyond lust would be an issue. similarly, i think i'd be more devastated by cheating if i suspected it was the result of some genuine all-around fancying rather than a purely momentary physical lust thing. so basically, i think i'd like an open relationship where we were only allowed to shag people who were hot but really annoying/boring/stupid and just generally nonthreatening in every other way
but i don't think it's a stretch to imagine it's far more likely to happen when you're sleeping with other people. also, as someone mentioned above i do think it's probably possible to be in love with more than one person at once and i quite admire people who are able to sustain polyamorous relationships, but i think the sheer strength of the social norms and conditioning and insecurity around this stuff would make it pretty difficult for me personally to manage that
imagining somebody cuddling and hanging out and kissing my gf makes me far more on edge than somebody fucking her
and you can't be like "well you can have sex but no cuddling after" it's almost impossible to be open but not too open, i think.
gave me a "free pass" for my recent trip to London and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I don't know if he was intending it for me to get my kicks off with whoever before he and I settle down and get engaged or what.
He was an asshole the first time we were together.
and 60% of males in relationships admitted committing adultery at some time or other.
40% of females did the same.
Allowing for the likely fact that not all women were cheating on a man who was also or had also been cheating, that's pretty bleak - 60-70% of people's relationships pass through adultery-land.
It's hard not to escape the conclusion that humans subscribe to monogamy, moralise monogamy, and en mass discover monogamy isn't possible.
Things just went stale.
I slept with her because it felt new and exciting, unlike this.
We don't talk the way we used to.
or an internet connection to isolate you further
or business trips
The point: people in love get lost and get lonely. Staying in love or staying married requires a hell of a lot of work.
There was a study I saw somewhere which drew correlations between changes in average working hours and divorce rates.
Buy flowers on the way home today
how would you feel if you found out your partner had cheated in a previous relationship? 'Once a cheater always a cheater' or 'they cheated because they didnt love that person and they love me'?
I don't think i could ever cheat. Ive been severely tested by being trapped in frustrating relationships, but instead i ended those relationships and then got on with stuff.i think i'm really clinical that way and many people aren't, so who are we to judge. I hate the judgment that goes on when it comes to other peoples business. None of us knows what goes on behind closed doors and what makes a relationship tick. The intimate privacy is part of what makes being close to somebody precious and it fucks me off to think that armchair pundits might dare to have a view on something that's so private. Every relationship is different and each circumstance will be different and anybody in this thread trying to apply blanket rules is deluded and/or inexperienced and, sadly, probably in for a shock.
but i'm not so sure about the second.
this might be going off topic a bit. If we can't judge people against our own moral codes then what use are they? How do we order what is good behavior and bad - doesn't that dictate how we live our lives
Our own. I certainly don't use mine to pass judgment on how others conduct their relationships.
I meant to say... it's a bit like when Jesus said 'let him who is without sin cast the first stone' about the woman who committed adultery but with words and thoughts instead of stones
i just don't understand HOW it actually works.
I go around judging people all the time, it's how i structure what is right and wrong and how I evaluate where my behavior fits in that scale.
I judge the man who evades tax, I judge the mugger, I judge the lazy, I judge the man who cheats on his wife, I'm judging everyone, pretty much all the time. I don't have a moral compass for myself and not one for others, it's basically the same, just amended for circumstance i guess.
I guess i just don't like the word 'judge' and I certainly don't form opinions about general character based on how somebody conducts something so essentially private and unique as a relationship. Absofuckinglutely none of my business, is it? So many net-curtain-twitchers on this forum who might have more success in their own love lives if they spent as much time hypothesising on that rather than other peoples.
thanks for clarifying!
Past relationships are past relationships or a reason.
someone who was in a relationship, and you knew this, was actively trying to sleep with you? And you weren't in a relationship? Would you say no out of moral conscious or...?
but do it anyway as long as i didnt know the other person. You can always tell yourself that their relationship is obviously falling apart anyway. I wouldnt get embroiled in any affair though.
Famous last words... 'oh but I wouldn't get embroiled in any affair though', why would you take the first step towards that becoming a choice you have to make?
who has a long sprawling history with a guy that she still see and sleeps with every now and again
I don't think I can do an open relationship and it's going to blow up in my face
but we like each other a lot so we shall see...
and she'll be like 'who him? don't know him'. or something like that. I hope.
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