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pitch me a goddamn blockbuster
and then it's dancing at the start and PETA are like, you can't have that bear tied up and eventually gets released and after being released it just carries on dancing because nobody realised it actually loves dancing then it goes to vegas and has his own show. bit like billy elliot but with a bear
but will it play in the midwest
Adam Sandler is trapped on a deserted island and falls in love with a coconut.
is there any way we can involve jennifer laurence in this
But he's actually a bridge
I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
A series of mega-budget films (like, dozens of them) of all the major bible stories. Starting with Adam & Eve, then Cain & Abel (classic story, that one), through Samson & Delilah, Noah's Ark, all the greats. The best-selling book of all time becomes the biggest film franchise of all time, and that's before we even hit the new testament.
Think about it - the church ran busses to Mel Gibson's Passion Of The Christ - you think they won't do the same here? It's as guaranteed as guaranteed gets.
Adam Sandler is a guy who falls in love with a table.
It begins with the greedy Trade Federation setting up a blockade around the peaceful planet Naboo, under the orders of the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. It is revealed that Sidious secretly planned the blockade to give his alter ego, Senator Palpatine, a pretense to overthrow the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and take his place. The Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi are sent to Naboo to negotiate with the Federation, but are forced to instead help the planet's ruler, Queen Padmé Amidala, escape from the blockade and plea her case before the Galactic Senate on Coruscant. When their spaceship is damaged during the escape, they land on the desert planet Tatooine for repairs, where Qui-Gon discovers a young slave named Anakin Skywalker. Qui-Gon comes to believe that Anakin is the "Chosen One" foretold by Jedi prophecy to bring balance to the Force, and he helps liberate the boy from slavery. The Jedi Council, led by Yoda, sense that Anakin's future is clouded by fear, but reluctantly allows Obi-Wan to train Anakin after Qui-Gon is killed by Palpatine's first apprentice, Darth Maul, during the Battle of Naboo.
The remainder of the prequel trilogy chronicles Anakin's gradual fall to the dark side of the Force as he fights in the Clone Wars, which Palpatine secretly engineers in order to destroy the Republic and lure Anakin into his service. Anakin and Padmé fall in love and secretly wed, and eventually Padmé becomes pregnant. Anakin has a prophetic vision of Padmé dying in childbirth, and Palpatine convinces him that the dark side holds the power to save her life; desperate, Anakin submits to the dark side and takes the Sith name Darth Vader. While Palpatine re-organizes the Republic into the tyrannical Galactic Empire—appointing himself Emperor for life—Vader participates in the extermination of the Jedi Order, culminating in a lightsaber battle between himself and Obi-Wan on the volcanic planet Mustafar.
Obi-Wan ultimately defeats his former apprentice and friend, severing his limbs and leaving him for dead beside a lava flow. However, Palpatine arrives shortly afterward and saves Vader, putting him into a black, mechanical suit of armor that keeps him alive. At the same time, Padmé dies while giving birth to twins Luke and Leia. The twins are hidden from Vader and are not told who their real parents are.
The original trilogy begins 19 years later as Vader nears completion of the massive Death Star space station, which will allow the Empire to crush the Rebel Alliance, an organized resistance formed to combat Palpatine's tyranny. Vader captures Princess Leia, who has stolen the plans to the Death Star and hidden them in the astromech droid R2-D2. R2, along with his protocol droid counterpart C-3PO, escapes to Tatooine. There, the droids are purchased by Luke Skywalker and his step-uncle and aunt. While Luke is cleaning R2, he accidentally triggers a message put into the droid by Leia, who asks for assistance from Obi-Wan. Luke later assists the droids in finding the Jedi Knight, who is now passing as an old hermit under the alias Ben Kenobi. When Luke asks about his father, Obi-Wan tells him that Anakin was a great Jedi who was betrayed and murdered by Vader.
Obi-Wan and Luke hire the smuggler Han Solo and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca to take them to Alderaan, Leia's home world, which they eventually find has been destroyed by the Death Star. Once on board the space station, Obi-Wan allows himself to be killed during a lightsaber rematch with Vader; his sacrifice allows the group to escape with the plans that help the rebels destroy the Death Star. Luke himself fires the shot that destroys the deadly space station.
Three years later, Luke travels to find Yoda, now living in exile on the swamp-infested world Dagobah, in order to start his Jedi training. However, Luke is interrupted when Vader lures him into a trap by capturing Han and the others. During a fierce lightsaber duel, Vader reveals that he is Luke's father and attempts to turn him to the dark side. Luke escapes, and, after rescuing Han from the gangster Jabba the Hutt a year later, returns to Yoda to complete his training. However, now over 900 years old, Yoda is on his deathbed. Before he passes away, Yoda confirms that Vader is Luke's father; moments later, Obi-Wan's spirit tells Luke that he must face his father before he can become a Jedi, and that Leia is his twin sister. As the Rebels attack the second Death Star, Luke confronts Vader as Palpatine watches; both Sith Lords intend to turn Luke to the dark side and take him as their apprentice.
During the subsequent lightsaber duel, Luke succumbs to his anger and brutally overpowers Vader, but controls himself at the last minute; realizing that he is about to suffer his father's fate, he spares Vader's life and proudly declares his allegiance to the Jedi. An enraged Palpatine then attempts to kill Luke with Force lightning, a sight that moves Vader to turn and kill his master, suffering mortal wounds in the process. Redeemed, Anakin Skywalker dies in his son's arms. Luke becomes a full-fledged Jedi, and the Rebels destroy the second Death Star.
remake of Driving Miss Daisy
any chance the black fella can be played by john cusack though he had great pull in hot tub time machine
Rob Schneider was an animal. Then he was a woman. And now Rob Schneider is... A stapler
is a hollywood agent who wants to get away from it all and move in with his true love, the cigarette company Marlboro.
Rob Schneider is a wall street executive, with everything going for him. Only problem is, he's about to become... a carrot!
then we had freddy vs jason
how about we have st peter vs muhammed think about it fellas this could really be a swell pictcha
Russell Brand plays an aging rockstar, living a hedonistic but ultimately empty lifestyle. He finds out that he has a kid from some groupie back in the day, and the mum has died of something.
He goes to look after the kid and ends up being the coach at the school SOCCER team ( the film is set in america, he is the coach as he is the only one who knows about SOCCER).
he trains up the bunch of rubbish kids (who are all weird) and they play other teams at football, all the other teams are musically themed (to keep with his rockstar past) so they play a bunch of inner city black hip hop kids, and a team of privately educated CLASSICAL music loving kids, just think of the gangs in WARRIORS.
Through this russell brand bonds with teh kid and find peace with himself.
He also gets in on with Amy Adams who plays the token girl in the team's mum (brand's kid gets it on with the girl (she is a goalie)).
also Paul Giamatti plays a referee, justin bieber plays the kid and Chloe Grace Moretz plays the girl goalie.
mine will be MUCH better
more of a cool runnings vibe
but also some heart warming scenes
Danny is a wunderkind teacher who has single-handedly saved the UK education system through his own unique style of cockney charm and GUNISHMENT. After a misunderstanding with a bunsen burner he is given early retirment.
After a few months relaxing on Canvey Island caravan park, he realises that there's an itch that needs to be scratched. He is lured to work at the toughest school in the USA via Reed Recruitment, and their expert team of headhunters - and given the objective to turn this lawless cesspit around, in a week - before it's nuked off the face of the earth.
Danny arrives to find that the school is being run my a vicious skateboard-riding gang called The Savage Gardeners - with members on the teaching staff and 6th form students, and the gangs objective is to keep the school out of proper control so they can sell them the bad drugs and grenades. They have lots of weaponary.
On top of that - The school is built on an ancient Native Indian burial ground and Danny has to battle ghosts (as well as his own inner demons)....
Will Danny be able to take out the gang and bring back Fuckstick High School from the brink?
Course he will, he's Danny Fackin' Dyer.
Oh, and it's set in THE FUTURE, IN SPACE.
All gold my friends, it's all gold.
the one with the train station and money?
the one with danny dyer in
a series of vignettes of keanu looking bemused in public places/social situations
in most of his films
starring Christopher Waltz as a wisecracking slave owner and Samuel L Jackson saying motherfucker
Samuel L Jackson as 'Angry Black Man'
Plays a smug cunt in a bipic of his own life so far.
One memorable scene is him wanking to a picture of himself, in a room of mirrors.
starring Jason Stathem as Bruce Willis
and Noel Clarke as the limo driver who boogies to the radio in the basement carpark
do they wear sunglasses and dance to a infantalised cover of a recent chart hit?
except that everyone is a tough New York detective with a drinking problem. Sam Worthington is Dan Ratty, whose faith in humanity has been shaken by the violent death of his wife and son at the hands of a Mexican cartel and who whiles away his days in a swirl of bitter tears and cheap whiskey on his houseboat. Olivia Wilde is Molly, a wide eyed new recruit from the midwest who becomes angered with the torpor which she feels is afflicting the force. Alfred Molina plays Tommy "Toad" O'Dowd, a hardened, 2nd generation Irish division sergeant who's counting down the days until retirement and beefing up his pension with some underhanded drug money dealings. Morgan Freeman is The Badger, an elusive ex-detective who's gone off the grid after seeing too much of the seemy underbelly of the NYPD.
yes I would.
but he struggles to explain or recreate it. he travels north of watford to see if he can track down or find a new way to recreate the sound.
So Matthew Mcconaughey is an emotionally stunted but surprisingly handsome manchild addicted to Call of Duty. And Jennifer Aniston is a baby crazy 30-something career woman who wants a husband. Can she make him give up the gaming and settle down? Or will she succumb to the advances of her douchebag boss (I dunno, maybe Bradley Cooper)? Find out in 2013s romantic comedy smash ‘Call of Duty: Modern Lovefare.’
Where's my cheque?
she'll leave him in the 2nd act for the douchebag only this relationship will ultimately be unfulfilling so she gets into gaming herself. She unknowingly meets Mcconaughey's character online and through playing with him realises he's the one. They get back together and the final shot will be them playing COD together and she's pregnant.
and get me Activision on the phone, STAT.
falls out of a plane and lands in Wales. Meanwhile a woman (guntrip) saves the world.
low budget french sequel to Des serpents dans l'avion
A group of scientists, working across the globe, create the means to open a doorway to a parallel universe. The universe they tap into is pretty horrific, all kind of red skies and horrible horrible people (maybe the humans there don't have pupils to distinguish them from us, they also don't talk in any languages we know of and are generally super violent, technologically they are similar, but maybe have trained wooly mammoths in amour of something like that, so it's an alternate vicious reality with a technology that's more advanced in some areas and less advanced in others (better weapons but worse healthcare or something)).
So they open a door to this other world and send in some of the army or something to check it out, It's really grim, some guys get killed, maybe some of the parallel world guys gets into our world, they get killed and its fine, but it's decided that the door project is too dangerous and too expensive so it gets shut down.
However........... despite it being shut down and all turned off, inter-universe cracks start slowly appearing all over the world, which get increasingly get larger. Everyone's freaking out as slowly but surely the two worlds start to bleed into each other.
This escalates until there is a full scale inter dimensional war going on between us and the parallel world. There would be incredible scenes of iconic landscapes kind of ripped into two alternate versions, the sky having huge tears across it, massive battles between the two universes occupants.
It would be an intense apocalyptic movie, with an enormous budget. Would need a good director - i'm not sure who.
not sure how it would end either, maybe everyone would just be locked in an eternal nightmarish battle? maybe it just ends with oen of us and one of the parallel people getting together, showing that there is some hope of us all getting on?
It would be a GREAT FILM!
It's like the alternate dimension in Phantasm. And the idea of the door to another universe is like a Stargate. Also the big battle over a dimensional rift is a bit like the end of Season 5 of Angel. And the cross-dimensional romance element is a bit like this:
Thus, this idea is destined to be a financial goldmine and you should write it immediately.
So basically just the USA, basically?
so they still have the plague and shit, but also have MEGA LAZERS
I am now wholeheartedly on board
make it psuedo-independent (fox searchlight? they could do with something to equal garden state and 500 days for the 2010s). 15 - 25s will lap it up.
about people who love apple products, watching grand designs and having missionary only sex to bright eyes albums
who likes to stalk white people
He overcomes these challenges because of the love of a good woman over a 90 minutes period.
until he befriends an enchanted chair
leads a very normal life, financially sound, content, but not happy. He's grown boring, basically. He wants a bit of excitement, he's had virtually none since his uni days in the late 70s, when he used to get stoned and listen to Peter Tosh LPs with his mates. Now he's shacked up with his Mrs; brash, gobby, cheeky in the sack, but not on the same level mentally as Gary. She's a bit Heat Magazine, basically, whilst he's Times letters.
One day, Gary goes to work, where he's employed as a TV aeriel repairman. The pay's not great, but it's a coast for him, quite secure, local, can have a bit of banter with the lads, but he doesn't see himself doing it long-term. Anyway, he gets lost on a call out and ends up stumbling down an alleyway, where his life changes forever.
Y'see, somehow, Gary has walked through a hole in the space-time contimuum, directly into wartime London, and for six years manages to tranport between the curent day and the 1940s, using his modern knowledge to his advantage, not least in getting to hang out the back of the lass from Ballykissangel.
Along the way there'll be plenty 'japes, namely involving one of the lads from Bread, as the protagonist struggles with the dilemma of being happy in the past or miserable in the future. It all ends abruptly when an attempted assasination on the then PM Clement Atlee somehow forces the continuum shut and the BBC replace it with A Life of Grime.
discovers that the Football League Show is a cover-operation for a global drugs cartel and has to stop them... by coming up with his most classic merk yet
Taylor Lautner plays Frankie, a Frankenstein with subtle, telegenically mild scarring which he nonetheless hides under a cool hooded cloak while seducing sensitive but strong-minded wallflower Elle Fanning with his sensitive mumbling and affinity for, I dunno, flowers or something. Then he takes of the robes a lot for spiritual tai chi in an alley. Some people try and burn him or kill him with pitchforks or something. The power of forbidden love saves him.
Features guest star 'the internet' getting all furious that Frankenstein was the DOCTOR, not the monster idiot! and hordes of teen girls not giving a shit about what you think, GRANDAD.
Adaptation of Franz Kafka's short story. Narrated by Franz Kermit, this is the story of Gregor Samsa (played by Christopher Biggins) wakes up one morning and realises he's turning into Gonzo.
wherein Robert De Niro is investigating the mafia or something but then about 2/3 of the way through he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror but the camera's also caught in the mirror and he realises he's actually Robert De Niro playing a detective in a movie. From that point on it's a behind-the-scenes type affair that charts his existential breakdown and eventual suicide. Because he killed himself the film goes on to receive huge and mostly unwarranted critical acclaim.
at least half of this pitch is 'Inland Empire'
i.e. the in a film confusion and breakdown
I couldn't be bothered to sit through Inland Empire. OK well it's a less confusing version of Inland Empire for stupid people such as myself.
starring Terence Stamp
starring Lars Ulrich
of hardcore porngraphy
A bear witnesses a mob killing in the woods and goes to the police. The bear can identify who carried out the murder and is willing to testify in court. The mob gets wind of this and decide to kill the bear before he gets to court. A policeman, due to retire in a few days, grudgingly accepts. The mob puts up a big dollar value on the death of this bear. Hunting season begins....
*grudgingly accepts to protect him. Fuck's sake...
Part two to follow (getting raped in jail etc.
Like Edward scissor hands but with penises instead of scissors.
Stars rick witter
shy, introverted belle and sebastian fan jimmy (logan lerman) meets shy, introverted belle and sebastian fan annie (shailene woodley) at a portland bookstore.
nervous glances, hair twirling, sighing and awkward silence ensues for 101 minutes to a soundtrack featuring (you guessed it!) belle and sebastian, yo la tengo, the xx, best coast, tennis and other indie-pop behemoths.
will the tension ever end? who will be the first to squeak a nervous 'hi'? what's stopping the clearly smitten pair from holding a regular conversation?
find out in this love-conquers-all-coming-of-age-rom-com spectacular!
A 50 year old Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) places the last of his parents (the mother) into a nursing home. Kevin, a misanthropic alcoholic remains alone in the family home with no children or wife for company due to attachment issues stemming from his repeated childhood abandonments.
Starring: Tobey Macguire Emma Stone, Natassja Kinski, Elliot Gould
Director: Andrew Dominik
Plot: The story of Herbert Morrison, famous of being the on-field reporter during the hindeberg disaster. Period piece, fictional romantic sub plot. Gould is a revelation as a radio broadcasting exec against Macguire (playing Morrison)'s controversial and foribidden desires to broadcast news 'his' way. After the events of the 1937 disaster, radio broadcasting was changed forever.
Possible Peter Morgan 'playing with the facts' subplot.
9 Oscar nominations. Wins for Gould, Dominik (best director) and Morgan. Best Picture.