Dungeons & Dragons
Okay, let's do it.
I need a name.
I need a race (Human/Elf/Dwarf/Halfling)
I need a profession (Fighter/Wizard/Rogue/Cleric)
I need you to allocate 60 points into:
Strength
Dexterity
Constitution
Intelligence
Wisdom
Charisma
No-one's going to do this
Thread not appearing correctly? Click here to rebuild | Report this
Twitter
Facebook
Last.fm
SoundCloud
MySpace
Friendster
RSS
You forgot half-elves and gnomes.
Also Half-Orc if this isn't 2nd edition.
Wind yer neck in pal
I'm DM here
Think it's called 'The Makalele role' these days
:D
Whistlin' Willy
Halfling
Rogue
Strength - 11
Dexterity - 7
Constitution -9
Intelligence - 10
Wisdom - 8
Charisma - 15
Whistlin' Willy
Son of Tootin' Anus
You will wield a dagger fashioned from dragon bone.
You can use the powers of:
Bump & Run (Attack & Move)
Defensive Strike (Next attack hurts less, basically)
JFC
Name: Kevin
Race: Human
Profession: Wizard
Strength: 1
Dexterity: 1
Constitution: 55
Intelligence: 1
Wisdom: 1
Charisma: 1
Kevin, the lumpy wizard
You don't get any spells, because you're not smart enough to learn any.
You're basically a meat shield.
Kevin My Bloody Meat Shield's
here goes
LOVEJOY.
Human
Rogue
Strength 12
Dexterity 15
Constitution 8
Intelligence 7
Wisdom 8
Charisma 15
LOVEJOY, the shouty (and thus inefficient) thief
You wield a bow, and the powers of King's Castle (switch places with something) and Easy Target (arrow to the knee)
kings castle sounds like an amazing get out for pretty much any situation
Depends on if you get to pick what you switch places with.
Maybe you switch with the guy in that GIF of cat_race's O_o
oh boy
I'm now imagining that GIF of cat_races as the opening scene in Quantum Leap episode.
:-/
Name: Minsc
Race: Human
Profession: Barbarian
Strength 14
Dexterity 12
Constitution 13
Intelligence 6
Wisdom 6
Charisma 9
Fine, you have what Minsc has in the game.
My hamster does not like your tone.
Away with ye.
a den of stinking evil
Jump on your sword, evil
I won't be as gentle!
Ahh, Minsc quotes
Make way evil!
I'm armed to the teeth and packing a hamster!
LUTHADEL
Elf
Cleric
ST: 8
DX: 7
CN: 11
IN: 8
WS: 14
CH: 12
Luthadel of House Heteronoromos
You shall wield the Hammer Of Truth, with which you can extract the truth from someone once per year, and the ability to heal.
cat_race
human
cleric
Strength 4
Dexterity 9
Constitution 11
Intelligence 17
Wisdom 18
Charisma 1
cat_race The Charmless
You also have an affinity with healing and Brand Of The Sun, which makes weapons glow a bit.
mint, i'll take that
I HEAL THEO!!!
Orestes
Elf
Rogue
Strength 6
Dexterity 9
Constitution 6
Intelligence 15
Wisdom 9
Charisma 15
Orestes of tthe Forest
You may talk to the animals and apply poison to your deadly kryss.
Not going to lie, I had to look kryss up.
All the best,
Dr Doolittle.
i'm still trying to look it up
i'll need to know what it is before i know whether or not to make it glow
hey, look!
a dungeons and dragons ride!
woah, neat!
hang on...
woooooooooahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
i don't like this!
&c
gimme a break
greatest show
Amrk
Elf
Wizard
Strength 5
Dexterity 14
Constitution 11
Intelligence 1
Wisdom 18
Charisma 2
intelligence should say 15
goddamnit
hahaa
not that intelligent
vvvvviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Babykiller to you
come on hurry up, i'm off in a minute
who wands me to make their sword glow!?
Babykiller
Halfling Fighter
Strength 10
Dexterity 8
Constitution 8
Intelligence 10
Wisdom 12
Charisma 12
fix?
.
is theo in need of any more healing yet?
the fuck is this shit
Chapter 1
In a cobweb-dusted corner of a ramshackle inn on a moonlit moor, a band of unlikely adventurers murmur conspiratorially between swigs of mead smoothies which the inn also sells. On the table before them are the eight runes they've brought from the eight corners of the realm, each paid for in many times their weight of sweat and blood.
Emblazoned on each rune are some strange symbols transcribed from a long-forgotten language.
PH KA IR TK TB A OK HT
The band discuss what these strangely familiar letters could possibly mean.
Go north
Orestes gets up from the table and wanders towards the North with a glazed look in his eyes.
Where are you going, ser?", the busty barmaid inquires. "I thought you would see to my womanly needs tonight for the nights are cold on the moor, they are.
Orestes overhears as he lingers by the door, staring towards the frozen northern lands.
Turning back towards the warmth of the hearth, he winks at the barmaid, and says 'I'll see to your needs once I've figured out this runic shit'.
Charisma check : 10 (+2 modifier); rolls 7
The barmaid smiles at the lean elven whsiperer before joining her friends in the corner, who point and laugh and make gestures that vaguely suggest Orestes likes to copulate with sheep.
My charisma is 15 (or is 10 the arbitrary level I had to reach?)
I've never played D&D, sorry.
A charisma of 15 gives +2 to charisma checks.
The check was 10 (out of 20) because she's a bit of a slapper.
I've got real dice and everything.
And what kind of die do you roll?
A d20?
My mate got me a D&D starter kit as a birthday present
a couple of years ago, so I thought I'd just glance at the instructions every so often.
It's a D20 system for a reason.
The reason isn't entirely understood because you roll five other polyhedral dice too.
That's for things like weapon damage, right?
If you beat the attack roll.
The point is that there are plenty of RPGs that only use one type of die.
Star Wars RPG only ever used six-sided dice; Vampire: The Masquerade and the rest of the Storyteller series stuck to 10-sided dice.
D&D uses all the dice in the same way it's used them since the early days: 3D6 for attributes, various dice for hit points and damage, and the D20 for most other checks.
Finding this really hard not to read in a nasal geek voice.
what isw omanlyu needs lpol
The dull click of ancient rune on ale-stained bench
attracts the attention of the village's resident mercenaries, Amrk and Babykiller, who listen from the shadows intently.
yes!!!!!!!
Gimme some shit like everyone else or I'll cut yer fuggin throat, Dungeonmaster Dweeb
I am not a physical entity
I am the way of the earth and seas and fire.
Babykiller, you have the skill of Battle Fury, and the ability to snuff out the life of any being that has lived for less than two years.
Nice one you ethereal babe
I'm by some distance the smartest character here, but I'm struggling with these runes.
Can i try to steal ALL of the runes?
using my dexterity skills?
maybe a bit of charisma as well to cause a distraction?
CHEERS
LOVEJOY, annoyed at the lack of progress and ever the opportunist
Charisma check : 10 (+2); roll 18
successfully causes a distraction by throwing cat_race's tankard of lemongrass across the table, before
Dexterity check : 18 (+2); roll: 13
making a snatch for the runes. However, cat_race is too wise to fall for that trick and slaps back his hand at the last minute.
fucking cat_race
can i use my dagger to stab the stealing fucker
Roll 20, critical hit
Whistlin' Willy, quiet up to this point, decides enough is enough and drives the dragonbone dagger into his heart like a knife through hot butter. LOVEJOY slumps across the table, dead.
:D
oh no!
:(
Intelligence check : 10 (+2) Roll : 15
They will only fit together in a certain order, and that order is debated throughout the land, but it's essentially undebateable at its core.
Can I charm everyone into working this shit out please
I don't really get this game so far
:D
Rune 2 > Rune 7 > Rune 5 > Rune 8 > Rune 6 > Rune 1
Never really listened to runes 3 or 4.
By the simple virtue of putting PH at the end and KA at the start
The runes vibrate and ring with such beautiful music that the adventurers know instantly from which direction it came, and set out over the moors to find it.
yay!
Huzzah!
To Abingdon!
A gut feeling tells Kevin to rank the runes
Rune 5 > Rune 2 > Rune 3 > Rune 1 > Rune 6 > Rune 7 > Rune 4 > Rune 8
Orestes sighs and wonders how to settle the ordering of runes.
He thanks the gods that they don't have runes of green or blue, or runes depicting pugilists and reptiles to throw into the mix.
go whence i came
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSeGYHaNyOA
So to recap,
the adventurers are heading towards a magical instrument, Babykiller is tagging along in a Gollum like capacity, and Willy has quietly slit LOVEJOY's throat before the adventure has even begun. I'll do the next episode later if anyone's game.
cheers
When are we doing round 2?
Don't want to miss this.
Gon' kill some behbehs
srslynow
getting bored here
since i got killed
I'm making a new character
Hightower.
Dwarf
Fighter
Strength 21
Dexterity 13
Constitution 16
Intelligence 4
Wisdom 4
Charisma 2
dont come looking for vengance for your fallen gay lover
cos I'll fucking shiv you up!
*whistles walking off*
Hightower doesn't know lovejoy
he's a loner, pretty grumpy, prone to fits of rage, unfriendly.
Hightower grunts at Whistles.
and then spits on the floor.
THIS ADVENTURE IS TAKING AGES!
well, they're limited to the speed of the slowest walker, and they say the moors are expansive at this time of year...
Can we not adventure by bus?
Smashy Mcface
M - 4
WS - 9
BS - 3
S - 5
T - 5
W - 4
I - 5
A - 5
LD - 10
Sv - 2+ (4+ Ward Save)
Causes fear, carries magical battle axe, shield, armour.
Carol Tunt
Elf
Cleric
Strength 30
Dexterity 2
Constitution 2
Intelligence 4
Wisdom 2
Charisma 20
No-one's going to do this
KILL JESTER
worth it
i heal theo
Hold your horses folks
I've got a day off tomorrow so I'll do some more then.
This had better be worth the wait
It almost certainly won't be
I USE MY HAND TO SHIELD MY EYES FROM THE SUN AND LOOK OFF INTO THE DISTANCE
then i heal theo
CTRL+F "Virgins"
You have disappointed me, Social Board.
stop healing theo c_r
it seems to be an optimal course of action at the moment
Where were you when Whistlin' Willy was stabbed in the chest?
He needed some healing. SEXUAL healing.
i had already made his wand glow
and if we're all going to be stabbing each other when i've got my back turned then there's nothing i can do
http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/4423927#r7287889
Use spyglass on eyeshield
Chapter 2
Current participants:
Whistlin' Willy (Matt_was_taken), halfling rogue, 100XP, 23HP
Abilities : Bump & Run, Defensive Strike
Equipment : Dragonbone dagger
Kevin (Tom Violence), human wizard, 0XP, 65HP
Abilities : None
Equipment : Wooden staff
Minsc (Songs_about_ducking), human barbarian, 0XP, 28HP
Abilities : Bezerk, Poised Assault
Equipment : 2-handed sword
Luthadel (twentynine), elf cleric, 0XP, 23HP
Abilities : Healing Word
Equipment : Hammer Of Truth
cat_race (cat_race), human cleric, 0XP, 23XP
Abilities : Healing Word, Brand Of The Sun, HEAL THEO
Equipment : Wooden club
Orestes (hip_young_gunslinger), elf rogue, 500XP, 18HP
Abilites : Charm Animal, Poison Weapon
Equipment : Iron kryss
Amrk (ethricdouble), elf wizard, 0XP, 21HP
Abilities : Freezing Burst, Phantasmal Force
Equipment : Wooden staff
Babykiller (andyvine), halfling fighter, 0XP, 25HP
Abilities : Battle Fury, Kill Baby
Equipment : Wooden shortbow
Hightower (chris-budget), dwarf fighter, 0XP, 33HP
Abilities : Battle Fury, Darkvision 60ft
Equipment : Iron spear
Smashy McFace (shucks), gnome braggard, 0XP, 5HP
Abilities : Fear, Use Any Item
Equipment : 'Magical' battle axe
Carol Tunt, (cocodaLOL), elf cleric, 0XP, 14HP
Abilities : Storm Hammer, Healing Word
Equipment : Iron mace
Do you see how much work this is now? DO YOU SEE?!
Current situation to follow...
fucking love this
A bit too much
i've got two lots of xp
A Crossroads
After solving the Riddle Of The Runes, the party of Whistlin' Willy, Kevin, Minsc, Luthadel, cat_race and Orestes set off across the wiley windy moors, dragging a cart containing the corpse of their fallen comrade LOVEJOY behind them, the beautiful music of the fabled instrument becoming louder and more poignant with every step. Local mercenaries Amrk and Babykiller follow from a safe distance, their nostrils full of the potential of adventure and riches.
The party reach a fork in the road, at which the motley band of Hightower, Smashy McFace and Carol Tunt are peeringly intently at a jauntily-angled wooden sign. They have heard the music too, but its direction has become muddled.
The sign points to three locations:
A nearby Temple. This will require a short diversion, but the priests there may be able to supply equipment and advice to the location of the treasure they seek.
The fort of the mysterious National Guard. They are wise and respected folk, even though they haven't really done anything as good as Boxer for a while.
A treacherous path through some jagged and snowy peaks. The sign reads 'Certain death'.
(The party may split up at this point if they like.)
to certain death!
who's with me?
Certain death sounds fun.
Anyway, I have a constitution of iron. I'm sure I can withstand a bit of a mountain walk.
Amrk steps from the shrubbery he's been hiding in
And announces that the road less travelled is likely to hold much unclaimed bounty.
Kevin agrees and the pair volunteer to scout on ahead.
The duo are just out of sight of their friends back at the crossroads
When a Goblin Cutthroat springs from behind a rock, wielding a crude knife fashioned from a human shin bone.
*Stops, adventureses!* yells the Goblin in a raspy voice. *If'n youse wants to passes through, youse gives me alls of your gold and equipmentses right now!* The goblin gestures to a nearby ridge, where two of his goblinney friends have arrows trained on the pair. *No funny businesses!*
fffuuuuuuuuuuu
use freezing burst!!!
Amrk thrusts his arms forward grandly...
(Intelligence : 1 vs Goblin's reflex : 14)
Before realising he can't quite remember the incantation, giving the goblin archers time to let off a volley of arrows.
Goblin 1 : Uses shortbow vs. Amrk
Attack roll: 9 (+6) vs Amrk's armor class (11) - HIT!
Golbin 2 : Uses shortbow vs. Kevin
Attack roll: 12 (+6) vs. Kevin's armor class (11) - HIT!
The arrows thud into the wizards' backs for 4 damage each. The Goblin Cut-throat grins and backs off slightly, confident of a major payday.
Amrk HP : 17
Kevin's HP : 61
my intelligence is 15!
Was a typo.
Heh, OK.
You still get hit this round though :)
Try Freezing Burst again, Amrk!
I gave myself joke stats, thinking this adventure would never really happen.
Can I kick the goblin cut-throat in the balls?
I cast freezing burst!!
Die goblin fiends!!
Only a flicker of disconcertion is apparent on Kevin's face
As he reaches over his shoulder to tug the arrow out of his bark-like hide.
The Goblin Cut-Throat's grin quickly fades as the hardy wizard takes a step forward before swinging his foot into the diminutive bandit's nads. The goblin crumples to the floor, dropping his knife, clutching his modesty and snarling expletives in a crude tongue. In a flash of inspiration, Kevin discovers what he was put on this realm to do.
KEVIN LEARNS NEW SKILL : NUT-KICK
Amrk, no longer staring down a goblin shiv,
Uses the opportunity to compose himself and whirls around, flinging an orb of ice at the archer goblins standing on the ridge, who are frantically trying to notch another arrow.
(Intelligence : 15 vs Goblin's reflex : 14): HIT!
The orb crashes into the ground between the goblins, exploding into a shower of deadly sharp shards.
Goblin Archer 1: 1d6 (+2 INT modifer) damage : roll 4
HIT for 6 damage
Goblin Archer 2: 1d6 (+2 INT modifier) damager : roll 2
HIT for 4 damage
With the Goblin Cut-throat incapacitated and the two Archers struggling to get to their feet on the ice, the two wizards spy the opportunity to further stick the boot in.
cast phantasmal force!!
At what
One of the archers or the cut-throat?
at the archers!!!!
Buoyed by his newfound wizardry skillz
Amrk reaches deep into his well of mana, and the apparition of an ogre begins to swirl and take form around him.
(Intelligence : 15 vs. Goblin Archer's Will : 14)
The phantasmal ogre rampages forward and swings his tree trunk-sized club through both of the cowering archers. The ogre dissolves into nothing, but the damage is done.
Goblin Archer 1: 1d10 (+2 INT mod) damage : roll 8
HIT for 10 damage; Goblin Archer 1 is bloodied!
Goblin Archer 2: 1d10 (+2 INT mod) damage : roll 2
HIT for 4 damage
The first Goblin Archer, suddenly very aware of his mortality, makes a break for it.
The other Goblin Archer picks the icicles from his nostril and begins to shakily notch another arrow. *COWARDSES!*
Kevin's move...
I guess the archer is too far away to kick.
Instead, I want to give the cut-throat another blow in the cajones. Just for good luck, you understand.
Maybe attempt to pin him to the floor if I can. I must be heavier than a goblin, after all.
Kevin steps towards the Goblin Cutthroat with the twinkle of scrotal carnage in his eyes.
The remaining Goblin Archer lets fly with another arrow in a last-ditch attempt to save his leader's modesty.
Goblin Archer 2 : Uses shortbow vs. Amrk
Attack roll: 3 (+6) vs Amrk's armor class (11) - MISS
The arrow whistles narrowly past as Kevin plants another boot between the cut-throat's legs, sending an arc of slimy green entrails into the air. The Goblin's howl of agony has barely left his scaly, warty lips before Kevin uncerimoniously sits on him, crushing the life out of him.
*STOPS! STOPS! I CALLS THEM OFF!! I GIVES YOU EVERYTHINGSES!*
Will you show the Goblins mercy?
grim!
i say spare em and take their booty. what say you, kevbro?
I agree.
You also don't get much juicy info out of a dead goblin.
this whole battle has been fabulously entertaining
Continued below.
to the temple
(heal theo)
The cleric cat_race mutters to himself in an ancient tongue
And traces arcane symbols in the air with his hands.
Satisfied that his imaginary friend Theo is now in rude health, he heads towards the temple while his party-mates look on, confused.
come theo
A brief walk brings cat_race and Theo to the doors of an ancient crumbling temple.
Servants toil in the verdant fields outside, but no priests come to greet him.
i approach the closest servant while theo looks through a window
The servant avoids cat_race's gaze and continues to plow the fields.
Theo circles the temple until he finds a non-stained glass window, through which he sees the priests hunched conspiratorially around the altar.
i'm very scared and look back in the direction of the fork.
i hear a tapping and realise theo has knocked on the window and is waving inside.
(heal theo)
The priests can't hear Theo knocking on the window
Him being imaginary and all.
Also you need to rest before you heal Theo again.
Maybe the priests can make Theo corporeal?
oh no, we don't want that.
(i've just remembered brackets are ooc in these things aren't they)
i suddenly can't find theo anywhere. i realise i'm acting like a DiSser and decide to knock on the door
cat_race bangs on the door with this club
No answer. He's almost about to knock again when the door creaks open slightly and a hooded priest sticks his head out.
*Yes?*
i want to somehow use my intelligence to work out if this guy is safe
Priests = riches where I come from
and riches = bitches, so I'm going to sneak into this church thing while c_r is busy healing Theo
i do not approve
Not arsed
well i'm trying to work out how sound this guy is and then i'm going to ask him some questions
get on with it
well i'm not sure how
shouldn't in_limbo roll some dice or something? like an instinct check? then i can start talking to him if i deem him trustworthy
Here I'll do it
What's going on in there then mate? Any dungeons and/or dragons eh?
theo and i back off and let babykiller lead proceedings
It's getting a bit narrow here.
Continued below.
:D
!
To the fort!
Hightower, who actually prefers High Violet, heads to the fort
To speak to Guard Captain Berninger.
Hang on!
It was just a suggestion - I don't want to go on my own!
quiet, violet
and get going
(accidental this)
Yeah alright
Fuck it
A short walk brings the plucky dwarf to the gates of the fortress.
Captain Berninger appears on the ramparts, flanked by his four lackeys, the brothers Dessney and Devendorf. He calls down to Hightower in the booming voice that has been known to level entire villages.
*What do you want, Dwarf?*
If anyone wants to chip in on any of these by the way
I'll just assume their character followed closely behind.
ask him if he knows anything about this magical musical instrument runes thing?
i'm peering over his shoulder
acting as...muscle
remember also
i'm basically entirely strength and charisma, so i'm pretty good at being muscle and looking intimdawesome
Hightower calls up to the ramparts, inquiring about the whereabouts of the magical instrument.
Charisma (Diplomacy) check : 5 (-4 CHA modifier): roll 12: SUCCESS
*Ah, the fabled Ondes Martenot. Its haunting sound has rang throughout the moors each night for decades. No-one here has slept in years.*
Carol Tunt, the elven cleric, appears beside the dwarf, and attempts to use her considerable natural charm to extract more information.
Charisma check (Diplomacy) : 10 (+5 CHA mod) : roll 16 : SUCCESS
*Its master, the wise White Wizard Greenwood, lives in a tower just beyond this fort. We shall accompany you there, but first you must do something for us.*
An ear-piercing screech from high above draws the adventurers' gaze upwards, where a giant alligator flying on spindly wings plunges through the clouds and begins circling the fort menacingly.
*Our own attempts to create a magical instrument summoned a great beast that has plagued the moors for, ooh, about eight years now. Will you assist us in bringing the monster to ground?*
i use bump and run
Whistlin' Willy, who had been following a few paces down the road
Breaks into a mad sprint, pushing Hightower and Tunt to the floor as he rushes into the fort for cover.
The alligator spirals downwards and pelts napalm down onto the halfling's comrades as they pick themselves up off the floor.
Hightower - Reflex check : 15 (+1 DEX modifier), roll 12; FAIL
Carol Tunt - Reflex check : 15 (-4 DEX mod), roll 16; FAIL
Hightower and Tunt grit their teeth as they are hit with the full force of a jet of searing flame.
Hightower damage : 2d8+4 : 13 damage
Carol Tunr damage : 2d8+4 : 14 damage
Hightower now has 20HP
Carol Tunt rolls about screaming for a few moments, before hacking out one last lungful of soot and lying motionless, smouldering on the floor.
i wanted to bump the alligator :/
but hey ho, get to cover carol and hightower!!
You can't bump that, it's up in the sky!
You've just killed Carol, which brings your murder count up to 2 :)
sweeeet :)
Hightower's move...
You fucking asshole
i wanted to bump the alligator...
get cat_race to heal you
IT'S IN THE AIR WILLY
IT'S IN THE DAMN AIR.
C_r come here and can I get a rewind?
i think i'm too far away to be doing that
fucking hell just wrote loads of stuff out and wasn't logged in
ANYWAY....
Since Hightower has been knocked to the floor by an idiot, burnt by an alligator and his mate is dead, seems a good time to unleash the BATTLE FURY.
Can I do this at the alligator thing in the air?
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTFokUSQtkkntHYTkynHjMOyaLx6YZQ8rXmSlfZKxApXk9qs4C7XQ
obviously not if its miles away, or really really near (when i could just stab it) but within reason.
so near enough - attack! too far away, duck and cover.
Orestes got his move in first - see below.
I'm travelling to Budapest today, in the meantime Orestes can follow a course of action that doesn't get him killed...
tHIS IS TAKING AGES!
I don't think I'll be able to do much on it tonight either
Just see it as an ongoing thing, everyone will be on at different times anyway.
I didn't realise this had kicked off!
Gonna be glued to this thread for when boo points and I PUNCH!
We'll continue this later today if anyone's still interested.
I'll be there!
Such a tease
:(
i cancelled plans for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(not really)
Sorry guys, the best laid plans and all that.
cat_race peers under the priests' hood, looking for a glimmer of confession in his eyes.
Intelligence check : 10 (+3); roll 9: SUCCESS
The knowledgeable wizard immediately senses that whatever is going on in this temple is not for prying eyes. He opens his mouth to speak when Babykiller, who was hot on his trail to the temple, shoves them both out of the way and bursts through the heavy oak doors.
*WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE MATE?! ANY DUNGEONS AND/OR DRAGONS EH?!*
Charisma (Intimatidation) check : 10 (+1 CHA modifier): Roll 4
The priests slowly raise their bowed heads and turn towards the intruders. As they do this, the intrepid duo of adventurers spot a whimpering child of no more than three months on the altar, sorrounded by the gutted remains of sacraficed animals.
*LEAVE HERE!* Booms one of the priests; probably the head priest, as he is slighly bigger than the others. *THE RITUAL CANNOT BE INTERRUPTED!! THE ANTICHRIST SHALL RISE AGAIN!!*
theo and i trade a knowing glance and shake our head in disbelief at babykiller's actions
as attention is focused on BK i navigate the shadows in an attempt to grab the child and take him to safety. theo, meanwhile, sings some dramatic music to help stir up the tensions further
Do you want me to kill the baby c_r?
absolutely not
just distract the priests
LOOK OVER THERE YOU PRIEST WANKERS
while i stab you in the back
good work.
Got yr back bro x
i guess we have to wait now to see what happens.
i'm trying to pick this baby up
fat baby
maybe it needs cutting a bit
we're going to start off with NOT cutting it, and then see how we go from there
Enough of this
I will use 'berserk' and go swinging at the main priest guy. Lets see what he's got.
Let's fuck shit up
good plan c_r
i'm the leader of this little group
cat_race slinks into the shadows as Babykiller, with Minsc at his side,
charge into the throng of zealots. Minsc flies at the head priest in a blind rage while Babykiller tries the old 'hey, isn't that Drizzt Do'Urden?' trick with the other four.
Babykiller:
Charisma check: 17 (+1 CHA mod); roll 19: SUCCESS!
Against all odds, the wise old sages fall for it, giving Babykiller time to thunk an arrow into his back. The old man groans and crumples to the floor (100XP gained).
Boo squeals in delight as Minsc lunges at the head priest with his two-handed sword in a bezerker rage.
Goblin 1 : Uses greatsword vs. Priest
Attack roll: 6 (+2, STR bonus, +2 bezerk bonus) vs Priest's armor class (14) - MISS!
In his enraged state, Minsc swings in completely the wrong direction, slicing through Babykiller's arm.
Minsc damage : 1d10 (greatsword) +2 (bezerk);
roll 10
Babykiller's HP is now 13.
As cat_race approaches the altar, the priests retalliate.
The three remaining minor priests each draw a cerimonial knife and take angry swings at Babykiller.
Priest 1 : Uses dagger vs. Babykiller
Attack roll: 15 (+3) vs Babykiller's armor class (10): HIT!
Priest 2 : Uses dagger vs. Babykiller
Attack roll: 13 (+3) vs Babykiller's armor class (10): HIT!
Priest 3 : Uses dagger vs. Babykiller
Attack roll: 2 (+3) vs Babykiller's armor class (10): MISS!
Babykiller damage from Priest 1 : 1d4; roll 3
Babykiller damage from Priest 2 : 1d4; roll 1
Babykiller takes 4 damage
Babykiller's HP is now 9; Babykiller is bloodied!
Minsc's error allows the Head Priest to compose himself.
He begins murmuring to himself in a devilish tongue as the stone slabs beneath his feet start to groan and fissure. cat_race looks on in horror from the shadows as the Stone Blood spell begins to tighten its grip on his comrades.
(Head Priest's Intelligence : 18 vs Minsc's Will : 12): HIT!
(Head Priest's Intelligence : 18 vs Babykiller's Will : 9): HIT!
The fight begins to drain from Minsc and Babykillers' eyes as their blood begins to thicken and congeal. They slowly raise their leaden arms to defend themselves, each limb feeling as though they are bearing a half-ton weight.
Running out of time, cat_race reaches the altar. On the altar is the baby, the vessel for the Antichrist, obliviously gurgling away to itself. There is also a blue orb; cat_race's wisdom allows him to recognise this as a Stone Of Resurrection. There is also a Dispel Magic scroll, likely as backup in case the whole Antichrist-raising shebang should go wrong somehow.
You may take two of the items; one in each hand.
Fuck the baby off c_r
Pick up the other shit
i take the dispel magic scroll and the stone of resurrection
i don't really know what attacks i have but i feel like i'm about to donkey punch the high priest in the back of the head and then heal babykiller (and then also wink at babykiller)
also i have asked theo to keep an eye on the baby
i feel like i need to make it clear though
theo has an ability called 'relay the known'. that is that he can relay information to me whenever i need, but only if it's stuff that i already know
any info he does give me though
will be 100% accurate (to the best of his knowledge)
Oh yeah
BATTLE FURY
i was hoping when i came here today there would be some DEAD PRIESTS in here
but not yet
Continued below...
NEEERDS!!!
Moving with feline-like grace, silent Orestes appears by the gates of the fort,
warily watching the alligator spiralling overhead. The only thing that can defeat an alligator is a boxer, or an elf who can converse with beasts.
TALK TO THE ANIMAL.
Carol Tunt's charred remains move suddenly, and before his eyes wink out
says 'avenge me...you dick'
The beast catches an updraft and circles back around to finish the job.
Hightower fights through the third-degree burns to slowly pull himself back to his feet. He narrows his eyes, engages his Battle Fury (+2 damage) and pulls back his trusty spear, ready to fling it into the Alligator's open maw.
Suddenly the image of Orestes appears in the beast's mind.
*Calm down, beast. We mean you no harm.*
The flying Alligator suddenly rears up, beating its wings furiously to hover in place just above the scorched hills.
*YOU CAN TALK?! MENTAL. HEAR ME, PUNY ELF. I AM AN ABOMINATION. THE DRAGONS LAUGH AT ME. THE BEASTS OF THE SWAMP ARE AFRAID OF ME. I AM ALONE IN THIS WORLD. I ALMOST CREATED A DiS ACCOUNT YESTERDAY. THEN I THOUGHT, NAH.
I OFFER YOU THIS, ELF. HELP ME SLAY THE ONES WHO CREATED ME, AND I SHALL HELP YOU FIND WHAT YOU SEEK.*
The National Guard, led by Captain Berninger, burst out of the gates of the fort and rush to Hightowers' side. The brothers Dessney and Devendorf train their bows on the beast, low enough for a clear shot.
*On your call, Dwarf!* Booms Berninger. *I'm on a Bloodbuzz!*
Does Hightower still throw his spear? The Alligator will be a powerful ally, but its head will make a fine trophy...
Orestes pauses for a fraction a section, in two minds about the beast above and the threats below.
But knowing the beast was on the verge of setting up a DiS account (good luck with that) is a horror too grave to contemplate. Truly this creature was cursed by his makers.
Spinning on his heel, Orestes unsheathes his poisoned kryss and thrusts the blade towards Berninger's heart.
*Explain THIS to the geeks!*
HEY. 'Heart' kid from captain planet!
Are you fucking insane? HE KILLED ME. WITH HIS BREATH FLAMES. We should be turning him into a flying alligator-skin handbag.
Shut it, Tunt.
Your failure to wear asbestos underwear is none of my concern. I'm weighing up the odds here, and taking down five red wine-sozzled indie soldiers seems a better bet than a soaring hellbeast. Besides, when he becomes our tame pet, you two can have endless banter. *Remember when I killed you, LOL!* *Shut up* etc.
Also, heart kid from captain planet :D
It's not your go!
Jeez
OOOH.
YES!
But yeah
Lets take out the national guard and have the flying alligator as a pal!
A cold hearted and tactical thinking Hightower takes but a split second to focus his BattleRage on the nearest unexpecting archer. With deadly force he takes advantage of the element of surprise and spears the bastard!
IN THE FACE!
oh you bellwhiff
:D
Continued below...
:D
excellent work on this i_l. cracking me up.
Wisecracking corpse of Carol Tunt.
Dead Elf
Dead Cleric
Strength 0
Dexterity 0
Constitution 0
Intelligence 30
Wisdom 0
Charisma 30
*my decapitated head is now on Orestes' belt.
And I've STILL got more balls than him! ARF ARF ARF
I might spend this afternoon drawing terrifying pictures of the bizarre character that has been created here.
Can't be worse than my ex wife!
Still I'd do anything to get her back now that I've got no-body!
ARF ARF ARF ARF
Tunt's head gains 50XP for the pun.
YES
Where's the DM at? I'm loving this all a little too much.
i really want us to get together and drink beer and play d&d in person
think it's good i never got into it
could easily have been lost to it
that idea terrifyingly excites me
:|
I USED TO BE COOL!
Totally up for this before you go c_r
Sorry for the stop-startyness
Had a busy couple of days.
I'll wrap this chapter up before the weekend hopefully.
Kevin and Amrk agree : A goblin in the hand is worth two rotting in the bushes.
The elven wizard pins the castrated Goblin Cutthroat to the ground as Kevin lifts his considerable heft from its chest. The remaining Archer's arrow trembles in its notch.
*YOUSE GO! THEYSE TOO STRONG FOR US!*
The Archer reluctantly lowers his bow before disappearing behind the ridge, muttering goblin curses and swearing revenge. Amrk, the slightly more charismatic of the pair, presses his leader for information while Kevin frisks him for items.
*I's knows what you seeks*, the goblin hisses. *And I's knows how youse can gets it. I's hopes youse gets it, 'cuz I's beens waiting for a return to the rock sounds of The Bendses since I's was a goblin-pup.*
*Just through the pass is White Wizard Greenwodses' tower. The tower is locked withs all kinds of magickses. But theres is a secret entrance, in the trees... The Codex revealses all...*
And with that, the goblin croaks its last, and the hills fall silent, bar the haunting melody that still murmurs on the wind. The wizards shake themselves free of arrow splinters and begin the long walk through the treacherous mountain pass.
Amrk & Kevin complete Chapter 2!
The party gains 2000 XP
Amrk reaches Level 2!
Armk now has 25HP
Please select one more level 1 spell : Magical Shield/Blindness/Magic Missile/Sleep
And two level 2 spells : Expedious Retreat/Stone Blood/Summon Monster/Levitate/Spider Climb/Magic Trap
Amrk reaches Level 2!
Armk now has 69HP
Please select one level 1 spell : Magic Missile/Endure Elements/Hold Portal/Reduce Person: Humanoid/Magical Mount/Featherfall
Party gains items:
Adventurer's Kit (Bedroll, Flint, Lantern, Rations (4 days), 20m Rope)
Sling
Dagger +1
Healing Potion
Leather Armour (only fits halflings/gnomes)
Arrow of Flame scroll
presume one of those should say kevin?!
i'll have
magical shield, stone blood and summon monster
can i select a spell? i know i'm a head but i can still say magic words right?
Well, you can't do the swishy hand movements
And you've not levelled up, but aye, go on then - pick a first level spell.
I pick blindness
Who doesn't like the sound of a magical mount?
I'll go for that.
Thanks.
Meanwhile, at the temple...
cat_race, realising he can't heal AND attack the priest in the same move, decides upon the more pressing issue of keeping Babykiller alive for another round. A more strict DM might decide he can't cast spells with both hands full, but this realm is overseen by a more benevolent force.
cat_race raises his hands to the heavens and calls the magic words:
*VITA! MORTIS! CAREO!*
A pillar of blue light sorrounds Babykiller, knitting together torn flesh and fusing splintered bone, healing him for 12HP; Babykiller now has 23HP. The diminutive infant murderer engages Battle Fury and draws back his bow, but the Stone Blood spell is still extering its vile grip, giving the three lesser priests time to get another swing in.
Priest 1 : Uses dagger vs. Babykiller
Attack roll: 20 (+3, +2 Stone Blood bonus)) vs Babykiller's armor class (10): CRITICAL HIT!
Priest 2 : Uses dagger vs. Babykiller
Attack roll: 6 (+3, +2 Stone Blood bonus)) vs Babykiller's armor class (10): HIT!
Priest 3 : Uses dagger vs. Babykiller
Attack roll: 7 (+3, +2 Stone Blood bonus)) vs Babykiller's armor class (10): HIT!
Babykiller damage from Priest 1 : 4
Babykiller damage from Priest 1 : 1d4; roll 2
Babykiller damage from Priest 3 : 1d4; roll 4
Babykiller takes 10 damage
Babykiller now has 13HP
The Stone Blood spell has quashed Minsc's bezerker rage, and apologising profusely to Babykiller, he readies his greatsword to run the Head Priest through. The blood runs thickly through him too, though, and he is helpless to stop the priest from turning to the baby, raising a crooked finger and calling out a profane enchantment.
Theo calls out to cat_race as the baby's eyes start to glow a malevolent shade of red.
Fighting through the pain that wracks his every artery, Babykiller manages to fire a limp arrow at one of the lesser priests...
Babykiller : Uses shortbow vs. Priest 1
Attack roll: 18 (-1 DEX penalty, -2 Stone Blood penalty)) vs Priest's armor class (13): HIT!
The arrow still thuds through the priest's eye, and he drops.
Minsc : Uses greatsword vs. Head Priest
Attack roll: 10 (+2, STR bonus, -2 Stone Blood penalty) vs Head Priest's armor class (14) - MISS!
Minsc's lumbering swing clatters to the floor where the priest stood moments earlier.
WHAT NOW?!
what are these things i picked up again?
oh yeah
right, i use my scroll of dispel magic to stop the head priest doing whatever the fuck it is he is doing. can i do anything else on this turn?
Fuck yeah!
Shall i kill the psycho baby yet? Had enough of this red-eyed shitfucker
ok, kill the baby
theo is cheering you on
Right.
I USE KILL BABY
The ever-vigilant Theo looks on, aghast
As the baby's skin erupts with boils and fissures eminating the evil red light. The ritual is almost complete! The Antichrist is rising!
cat_race, his hands trembling in the sudden chill that sweeps through the temple, raises the Dispel Magic scroll and hurriedly chants the incantation. The runes on the scroll glow briefly with a blue light before the parchment crumbles to dust. He shoots a panicked glance across to the altar - the evil magic is too strong in the child, whose limbs are beginning to morph and elongate into crooked claws. The Head Priest grins ruefully as his two remaining henchmen hold Babykiller and Minsc back.
*IT'S TOO LATE! O GREAT BE'ELZEBUB! SPEAK YOUR WILL THROUGH THIS VESSEL WE HAVE PROVIDED YE!*
The scroll, however, has the power to free Babykiller and Minsc from their curse. A warming sensation rises through their bodies from heel to head. The stiffness in their limbs drains away, allowing them to free themselves from the grips of the priests. Babykiller knows what he must do and shoots a determined glance at the writhing infant Antichrist.
The smirk is immediately wiped from the Head Priest's face as the baby erupts into a grotesque fountain of crimson entrails, covering the surviving combatants in blood and bile. Minsc, his sword arm returned to its previous suppleness, breaks the shocked silence as he whirls around, cleaving the priest that was restraining him in two.
The Head Priest sinks to his knees as an odd, spider-like creature scuttles from the child's exploded corpse and leaps out of the nearest window.
*NOOO.... NOOOOOOOO!!!*
The Priest leader raises his arms to the heavens in fury, and the whole temple begins to rock on its foundations. Vast chunks of masonry begin to fall from the ceiling.
cat_race Reflex check : 15 (-1 modifier); roll 13 - FAIL
Babykiller Reflex check : 15 (-1 modifier); roll 16 - SUCCESS
Minsc Reflex check : 15 (+1 modifier); roll 20 - SUCCESS
Lesser Priest Reflex check : 15 (-1 modifier); roll 11 - FAIL
Head Priest Reflec check : 15 (0 modifier); roll 13 - FAIL
The Lesser Priest that was restraining Babykiller disappears beneath a chunk of falling roof as the infanticidal halfling dives out of the way, leaving nothing but a bloody smear. Minsc skips nimbly between the clattering rocks. In the chaos, he notices cat_race's leg has become pinned under a huge stone slab.
cat_race damage : 1d12; roll 9
cat_race now has 14HP and his leg is crushed.
A huge boulder falls onto the Head Priest...
Head Priest damage : 1d12; roll 8
Head Priest takes 8 damage
...but the evil magic flowing through him causes it to crumble on impact. Furious with cat_race's intervention, he closes on the cleric to finish him off.
you two dickheads get over here right now
seriously, dudes
I'll give 'em a bit longer to get a move in
You can still make a move c_r, providing it's something you can do with your leg stuck under a rock.
i stall for time by muttering nonsense incantations
i don't know whether or not he will fall for it. i also prepare to heal myself just in case.
Sorry man
I shift the shit off c_r's leggy
ALSO: Kill Baby spell = fucking awesome
The Head Priest, swaying dizzily from the boulder impact,
fumbles inside his cloak for the cerimonial dagger that's got a hot date with cat_race's heart. His divine powers are spent, but his last service to the evil deity he serves will be to make sure these plucky adventurers never come between Him and His plans again.
Minsc and Babykiller rush to their fallen comrade's aid, but it's clear that shifting the huge chunk of temple roof from his leg will be a Herculean effort that their weedy STR attributes could never hope to fulfil.
Glancing over his shoulder, Babykiller sees the evil Priest stumbling slowly towards them through the hail of rubble. It's clear there are only two options here. Leave without cat_race, or leave with cat_race minus one shattered and unsalvageable limb.
HACK OFF C_R'S GAMMY LEG
I'm so sorry c_r
Do I have to say I'll tie my belt around it first like a tourniquet
I don't want to have to look after Theo myself if he bleeds out y'know
make it quick and clean please
Though his specialist subject is generally killing babies
The halfling uses his limited medical knowledge to attempt to apply a tourniquet.
Intelligence check : 5; roll 1: CRITICAL FAIL!
Minsc turns to meet the Priest while Babykiller hacks at cat_race's leg with an arrow, his only available sharp object.
cat_race takes 12 damage
cat_race now has 2HP
cat_race permanently loses 3 points of Constitution
Minsc : Uses greatsword vs. Head Priest
Attack roll: 9 (+2 STR bonus) vs Priest's armor class (14) - MISS
Minsc takes a lumbering swing at the Priest's head, managing to shave his nostril hairs but little else.
Priest : Uses dagger vs. Minsc
Attack roll: 11 (+3) vs Minsc's armor class (12) - HIT
Minsc damage from Priest : 1d4+1; roll 3
Minsc now has 24HP
The Priest makes a wild slash in retalliation, but it's too late. Babykiller has dragged cat_race through the door to safety, leaving a trail of soggy chunks of skin and bone. Minsc kicks the Priest aside before diving out of the temple, which for some reason proceeds to explode like it's in a Michael Bay film, sending the nefarious Head Priest to meet his maker.
The heroes collapse onto the grass outside the temple where a large crowd of peasants have gathered, free of lifelong servitude to the antichrist. There will be a great feast tonight, the serving-wenches will bend to their every whim, and they will set off to meet Amrk and Kevin in the morning. cat_race mumbles something about being in terrible pain, and wanting to die rather than living life as a cripple. All the peasants laugh and Babykiller gives the thumbs-up.
The party gains 2000 XP
Babykiller gains an additional 200XP for killing the two priests
Babykiller reaches Level 2!
Babykiller now has 31HP
Babykiller can choose an additional ability :
Minor Resurgence/Sudden Sprint/Get Over Here/Whirlwind Strike
Babykiller can now kill two babies at once
Minsc reaches Level 2!
Minsc now has 34HP
Minsc can choose an additional ability :
Minor Resurgence/Boundless Endurance/Adrenaline Surge/Brute Strike
cat_race reaches Level 2!
cat_race now has 28HP
cat_race can choose two additional abilities :
Bless/Shield Of Faith/Turn Undead/Hold Person/Dispel Magic/Heal Group
Party gains items:
Cerimonial Dagger +1 (can summon a wraith once a day)
Resurrection Stone
Healing Potion
Plate armor (fits humans/elves)
*3000XP
so am i on 28hp now after being down at 2?
also, can you explain what constitution is.
is it possible for me to find out what the abilities do before i choose?
that resurrection stone is mine and these two had better find a good reason that i don't get to choose something else after i lost a leg
I've been giving everyone their max HP when they level up.
You originally had 23HP, now you've levelled up I've added 5 to your maximum. Fighters get 6 more on level up, rogues and clerics get 5, wizards get 4.
Your constitution will only be important if something you do requires a constitution check (it affects how much more HP you get on level up in real D&D, but I've been simplifying things a bit). You had 11, but something like losing a leg would conceivably lower it. If someone, say, cast a spell on you that made a check against your constitution, it would now be harder to resist the effect.
You have custody of the stone. Your choice when to use it.
Bless will give the whole party +2 bonus to avoiding attacks.
Shield Of Faith will give just you a +4 bonus.
Turn Undead will repel undead creatures.
Hold Person, well, holds someone in place for a turn.
Dispel Magic gets rid of any magical effects on the group (like Stone Blood)
Heal Group is self-explanatory, but you won't heal as much as if you used your normal Heal spell on someone.
Remember you also have Brand Of The Sun skill
Which makes weapons glow a bit and gives anyone near that weapon 4 temporary HP for a few turns.
ok sweet
i'll take dispel magic and shield of faith. i've got the stone and i'm having the dagger as well. now that is all dealt with a scream at babykiller to go and get me some alcohol and a crutch
I was thinking someone could volunteer to pull you around in a cart.
The party has a cart, they were pulling Lovejoy around in it.
You should take the plate armor, or give it to Minsc
if songs_about_ducking's still playing.
Babykiller could do with a melee weapon.
That's you lot done with Chapter 2 by the way. I'm thinking I'll have to get youse to fight each other in the next chapter.
i take the plate armour then
I was going to say the armour might be a better idea with you having one leg now
I think s_a_d should carry you around since he's not here to argue. How do I get a melee weapon? Bow and arrow is pretty crap in hand to hand combat innit
you take the dagger
i have the armour and the stone of ressurection. s_a_d can have whatever is left. also, if in_limbo thinks he can turn us against each other he is wrong
oh ok im with you
i don't know how he thinks he can make us do a fight
SUDDEN SPRINT!
Plus buy c_r a blowie from some smokin' hot ho babe to say sorry for chopping yr leggy off so shoddily with my wee half man arms x
And at the fort...
*Alright men... Ready... Aim.... F....*
Hightower : Uses spear vs. Lieutenant Bryce Dessner
Attack roll: 7 (+5, STR bonus, +5 surprise attack bonus) vs Bryce Dessner's armor class (16) - HIT!
Berninger's words are abruptly cut short as one of the Dessner twins crumples to the floor, a suspiciously spear-shaped hole in his head, and simultaneously...
Orestes : Uses poisoned kryss vs. Guard Captain Berninger
Attack roll: 15 (-1 DEX penalty, +5 surprise attack bonus) vs Berninger's armor class (18) - HIT!
Berninger damage from Orestes : 1d4+1; roll 1
Berninger takes 2 damage!
Guard Captain Berninger is poisoned!
... Orestes jams his kryss into Berninger's lower back between the plates of his shiny silver mail. The Alligator snorts in approval.
Bryce's brother Aaron wails with grief and turns on his heel, bow in hand, business end of his arrow pointing point-blank at Hightower's forehead. Before he can let the shot off, though, the beast's tail cracks through the air...
Alligator : Uses tail whip vs. Lieutenant Aaron Dessner
Attack roll: 9 (+4) vs Dessner's Fortitude (13) - HIT!
... Whipping the remaining Dessner twin off his feet and sending him sailing through the air, a trail of crimson arcing over the hills from the gaping slash wound in his belly.
Berninger's other two lieutenants, Bryan and Scott Devendorf, let off a volley of arrows at their foul creation.
Lieutenant Bryan Devendorf : Uses longbow vs. Alligator
Attack roll: 9 (+3 DEX modifier) vs Alligator's armor class (15) - MISS
Lieutenant Scott Devendorf : Uses longbow vs. Alligator
Attack roll: 19 (+3 DEX modifier) vs Alligator's armor class (15) - HIT
Alligator damage from Scott Devendorf : 1d6; roll 5
Alligator takes 5 damage!
Whistlin' Willy, hiding in the shadow of the fort, considers his options...
awesome
who's go is it?
YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS
fuck them up Willy!
bump and run Scott Devendorf!
I should have been a bit clearer on this
You can only use your abilities once per day.
Willy, spying yet another chance to charge in late and reap the glory, springs from cover and charges headlong at the nearest Devendorf brother, Scott. His energy is already spent, however, and he clatters to the ground, grazing his elbows and knees and getting a faceful of what he dearly hopes isn't the remnants of adventurers who have already passed through the Alligator-abomination's digestive tract.
The brothers Devendorf are presented with an Attack of Opportunity, and riddle the ground around the murderous halfling with arrows.
Lieutenant Scott Devendorf : Uses longbow vs. Whistlin' Willy
Attack roll: 2 (+3 DEX modifier, +2 combat advantage modifier) vs Willy's armor class (8) - MISS
Lieutenant Bryan Devendorf : Uses longbow vs. Whistlin' Willy
Attack roll: 11 (+3 DEX modifier, +2 combat advantage modifier) vs Willy's armor class (8) - HIT
Scott's arrow luckily twangs into the soil right by Willy's head. Bryan doesn't repeat his brother's mistake.
Alligator damage from Bryan Devendorf : 1d6; roll 3
Willy takes 3 damage!
Willy now has 20HP and is incapacitated for a turn.
Berninger draws his sword with the intention of making a halfling shishkebab as he flails around in the mud, but Orestes' poison sends a wave of pain through his body, dropping him to one knee.
Next turn...
Sorry, I should be more careful with the cutting and pasting!
*Willy damage from Bryan
need some help killing these jokers off....
Presumably my kryss stays poisoned?
In which case, a swift stab to Bryan's undercarriage is my next move.
Despite the poisoning, I think that Berlinger is the greatest threat to us.
HIghtower takes his trusty spear to the captain's knee, hopefully incapacitating him somewhat more!
DWARF ATTACK!
While Bryan gloats over making a pincushion out of poor Willy
Orestes twirls from Berninger to the archer, Kryss flashing in the dusky light. His poison is spent, but a swift shiv between the ribs should take the plucky drummer/bowman down.
Orestes : Uses kryss vs. Bryan Devendorf
Attack roll: 6 vs Bryan's armor class (16) - MISS!
In a rare display of rashness from the elf, his swing strikes a few inches to the left of his target's torso. Bryan attempts to capitalise on the mistake by skipping backwards and notching an arrow. Tunt, not wanting an arrow through the only part of his body that remains, fires a flash of light from his mouth ('cos he can do that apparently) that strikes the archer right in the eyes. Bryan wails in pain at his seared retinas and lets off a wild pot-shot in the last place he saw the elf/severed head double-act.
Lieutenant Bryan Devendorf : Uses longbow vs. Orestes
Attack roll: 17 (+3 DEX modifier, -4 blindness penalty) vs Orestes's armor class (9) - HIT
Orestes damage from Bryan Devendorf : 1d6; roll 6
Orestes takes 6 damage!
Orestes now has 12HP
Meanwhile, Hightower is bearing down on the convulsing Berninger. Attempting to compound the charismatic Guard Captain's misery, he drives his spear with unerring force at his knee.
Hightower : Uses spear vs. Guard Captain Berninger
Attack roll: 10 (+5 STR bonus, +2 combat advantage, -2 called shot - attacking specific body part) vs Bryce Dessner's armor class (18) - MISS!
Berninger takes 2 more damage from the poison.
The thrust pings off Berninger's right greave, but the intent - and the acid racing through his veins - stirs panic in him. He falls to all fours and drives his fingers into the soil below him, before slowly lifting his head, opening his mouth and squeezing the lowest, most bowel-rupturing rumble the adventurers have ever heard from his slowly dissolving lungs.
The party clutch their ears in stifling agony. The great flying beast drops out of the sky like a gnat swatted out of the air.
Guard Captain Berninger uses Post-Punk Baritone Bomb!
Hightower damage from Berninger: 1d12; roll 8
Hightower now has 12HP
Hightower is confused!
Orestes damage from Berninger: 1d12; roll 7
Orestes now has 5HP
Orestes is confused!
Willy damage from Berninger: 1d12; roll 6
Willy now has 14HP
Willy is confused!
Alligator damage from Berninger: 1d12; roll 11
Alligator is confused!
Scott Devendorf damage from Berninger: 1d12; roll 4
Bryan Devendorf damage from Berninger: 1d12; roll 7
It's all too much for the brothers Devendorf, whose brains proceed to shoot in bloody jets from every orifice in their face.
Next turn... Willy's back in.
Too right I'm confused
THIS IS BULLSHIT!
Despite my confused state ill try again to fuck him up!
That alligators not much use is he?
The dice certainly weren't on your side that turn
You thought it would be as simple as taming a dragon and kicking everyone's butt? :)
So now we're all confused but only Berninger's left?
Hmm. Poison is doing it's stuff. Let's get inside the fortress they abandoned to come fight us. Maybe find us some goodies. Berninger can die of his own accord and provide a snack for our alligator friend along the way.
Quite a good, if cowardly plan actually.
Barricade he door and let old alligator hve some fun.
im up for this
lets go
Orestes, burst of eardrum and losing blood from his arrow wound at an alarming rate,
decides there's only one thing for it. Through the fug he can just about make out the wobbly outline of his comrades, the enraged thrashing of the grounded 'gator, and Captain Berninger crawling determinedly towards him, angrier than he's been since reading the Mojo review of High Violet. He beckons his party and makes a break for the tall, shimmering black obelisk that must be the National Guard Fort.
Orestes : Intelligence check : 15 (+2 INT bonus); roll 17: SUCCESS!
Willy : Intelligence check : 15; roll 20: SUCCESS!
Hightower : Intelligence check : 15 (-3 INT penalty); roll 3: FAIL!
The Elf runs as fast as his jellied legs can carry him until his outstretched hand touches the great oak doors of the fort. Through the swirling images of poisoned artieries and dragonsbreath that course through his addled mind, he manages to slip through and heave the doors shut behind him. After what seems like an age of mental torment, the mist begins to clear and the image of his halfling buddy Willy retching on the stony floor of the fort begins to coalesce... But what has become of Hightower?
hiiiightower!!!!!!
:O
also - angrier than he's been since reading the Mojo review of High Violet :D
Locked out!
Pffft.....
Let's take on berninger then.
SPEAR HIM UP!
Back on the moor
The grumpy dwarf's eyes flit about manically as he scans the wavering, technicolour horizon. He was sure he was following Orestes a moment ago; where has the damn elf got to? ... Shapes swirl in his field of vision. The drunkard uncle who gave him his first spear. His bearded beau he left back in the mines beneath the mountain. A nice pint of foaming Dwarven stout... A warm feeling comes over him, like water trickling over his right shoulder...
And then, suddenly... SNAP! A blade, dripping in crimson, oddly beautiful in the dusk-light, driven through his right shoulder-blade. Berninger's trusty longsword, Ada.
Hightower damage from Berninger : 1d8 + 1; automatic roll of 8
Hightower now has 4HP!
Berninger gives a horrible foamy-mouthed grin as he gives the blade a sickening twist before planting a boot in the small of Hightower's back and sends him tumbling head-over-heels down the hill. He throws his head back in a booming laugh before striding down the hill, sword raised above head, to finish the dwarf off.
Shiiiiiiiit
This is it then!
Fight to the death!
Hopefully that useless alligator will back me up
So long pals
Been a blast
:(
gl ht
b d
If I don't make it back there's some, uh, literature back at the dwarf penthouse
Id prefer it if the wive didn't see it.
It's in a box in the wardrobe labelled DRAGON TAX 2007.
Cheers dudes
Using every last remaining ounce of strength in his stout little body
Hightower raises himself to one knee, his spear still held by his side in a trembling death-grip, grimly braced for what could be his final stand. He locks eyes with Berninger and the two lunge forward in a final waltz with death... When they are suddenly plunged into shadow. The giant alligator rises phoenix-like from behind the hill with a crazed look in its eyes, its lungs expanding to paint the hills with napalm once again, and caring not one jot whether its dwarven comrade stands in the way of its revenge.
Back at the fort - one last gambit. Orestes and Willy, in an attempt to locate their missing friend, have climbed up to the ramparts, where they discover a giant mounted crossbow pointing over the moors in the general direction of where the action is, and one solitary remaining arrow still loaded with a cruel barbed head that would surely spell death for anything it hits.
Orestes has the best dexterity of the pair, but it still comes with a -1 penalty. The dragon is the biggest target; they could hit that with a dexterity check of 10. To hit Berninger would be more tricky; check of 15. In the event of a critical miss - which is 1 or 2 in this case - it would hit Hightower.
Will Orestes or Willy try to fire the mounted bow, or leave Hightower to duke it out on the ground?
Oh god
Fire at the dragon, dick heads!
think its down to orestes better aim
Let's think about this.
1. Shoot Alligator
+ Dead alligator
- No helpful alligator
- Possibly miss, he takes revenge
- Even if we kill him, he Berninger can still kill Hightower
- We can still kill Hightower
2. Kill Berninger
+ Dead Berninger
+ Alligator friend
- Alligator not entirely trustworthy
- Harder to do
- Could still kill Hightower
Fuck it. This Alligator is well shifty. It's our best chance. In the words of Robert Muldoon: SHOOT HER.
*crosses fingers*
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Orestes just got beat down by a blind guy.
Someone else put me on their belt I don't feel safe.
Trust me, I feel worse about it than you do.
And, according to the DM, you miraculously weren't confused by his war fart, so can lead me safely into the fortress.
not the first time the brain on your crotch has lead you into an enormous entry
YUK YUK YUK
I didn't think it really mattered since you've already spent your skill
And there's not much a head can do anyway.
Except get 50XP for another killer pun.
:D
everything's coming up Carol Tunt Head.
D:
Get involved Willy, take down those the Devendorfs!
We don't want this to be a SLOW SHOW. It's time to START A WAR and destroy their FAKE EMPIRE.
Spellcasting
B L I N D N E S S
^ i'm serious by the way, it's the spell i picked
can i direct it at the person about to try and fuck Orestes up?
cmon nerds
get yr shit together
A foul voice is heard on the wind.
It's Amrk the wizard, and he seems to be chating 'hhhhhuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyy upppppppppp'.
I think our dungeon master is entirely nocturnal.
Strangely appropriate.
bump
i <3 this thread
can't wait for chapter 3
sounds like it's gonna be a melee
*cough*
Had my fill of wine and whores, want to do some more adventuring plz
what can our DM possibly be doing
that takes precedent over this?
Orestes grips the mounted crossbow firmly and peers down the sights.
Though his vision is still a little squiffy from Berninger's formidable spisonic blast, he can just about make out the blurry shape of the Guard Captain advancing down the hill towards his dwarven comrade, in his delerium seemingly oblivious to the deafening roar from his anguished creation, a somewhat larger green blob quickly advancing behind him. Hightower is scrabbling in the dirt in the shadow of the scaly menace, desperately trying to assume a fighting stance. There's only one thing for it.
Orestes shakes the cobwebs from his head and the double vision from his eyes and slowly squeezes the trigger. Willy crosses his fingers, possibly because he wants Hightower to live another day, or maybe because he wants to see another of his party cut down. It's hard to tell with him.
Orestes : Dexterity check (10) -1 DEX modifier...
...
...
...
Roll 10 - FAIL!
The elf curses as the shot merely skims the beast's right flank, tearing a few scales from its hide as it goes but otherwise failing to halt its beeline for Berninger.
Hightower's sturdy Dwarven boots manage to get a foothold in the battle-churned turf and he looks up to find the rabid Berninger poised to bring his blade crashing down on his skull. Instinctively he jabs forward with his spear, with every last bit of his might that isn't already sitting in onimous pools of crimson all around him...
Hightower : Uses spear vs. Guard Captain Berninger
Attack roll: 15 (+5 STR bonus) vs Berninger's armor class (18) - HIT!
The dwarf grants himself a rueful grin as the iron tip of his spear pierces the steel plate and finally tastes the blood of the Guard Captain.
Berninger damage from Hightower: 1d10; roll 9
The jab strikes true - but it's not enough to fell Berninger. In this world he doth wette no bedde, and though his body is already wracked with poison, he has shrugged off such minor wounds countless times. He reaches down and, with a sickly grimace, yanks the spear out of his belly and tosses it aside. Hightower makes a pathetic grab for it as it clatters out of the dwarf's reach.
*Now, Dwarf...* he booms in the voice that loosens stern bowels and breaks fey hearts, *Let us have some fun.*
Berninger drops his sword and mockingly strikes Hightower across the face with a steel gauntlet.
Guard Captain Berninger : Uses fists vs. Hightower
Attack roll: 14 (+3 STR bonus vs Hightower's armor class (15) - HIT!
Hightower damage from Berninger: 1d4; roll 2
Hightower now has 2HP!
Despite his stout Dwarven cheekbones, Hightower reels from the hit, the immaculately sharpened steel gouging a chunk from his face and causing blood to pour down his cheek. As he stumbles backwards, Berninger grabs him by the throat, and in an extraordinary feat of strength, raises his feet from the ground.
Berninger takes 2HP damage from the poison.
*Hear me, Hightower of Clan DiS. For over a tenyear now my brethren have been purveyors of the finest indie-rock the realm has ever known. And for what?!*
With the hand that isn't currently clamped around Hightower's throat, he produces a crumpled, tear-stained piece of paper from his belt.
*High Violet was The National album with least universal appeal. It didn't really have any tunes - shrewbie.*
Hightower's face begins to turn blue.
*Not to rain on anyone's parade, but they are a terrible live band. Just a couple of forty year olds looking really bored onstage - tom_tom. Thissed by marckee.*
Hightower's eyeballs begin to pop out of their sockets.
Hightower now has 1HP!
*All the blood and sweat poured into our recordings and for what?! For this open mockery, and for you to come here and slaughter my comrades, like you've never shed a tear over Baby, We'll Be Fine on a lonely winter night? Well, let this be a message to you. Let this be a message to you all!!*
Berninger's rantings become muffled and faded as Hightower's vision collapses to a tiny white speck in the middle of his consciousness... When suddenly, a different kind of light floods over him. A searing hot, flickering, red light. The cleansing breath of the Alligator that Berninger doomed many years ago.
Berninger - Reflex check : 15 (+3 DEX mod), roll 3; FAIL
Hightower - Reflex check : 15 (+1 DEX modifier), roll 19; SUCCESS!
Berninger drops Hightower, who instinctively dives out of the way, as his agressor is caught smack-bang in the middle of a wild jet of pure, untamed fire.
Hightower damage : 2d8+4 : 19 damage
Having scrunched his eyes tightly shut to protect them from the heat, the dwarf slowly re-opens them to see Berninger staring blankly ahead, open-mouthed, shivering with pain, a cloud of soot slowly rising from his horrifically blackened behind. The Alligator shrieks in triumph as he dives forward, his razor-sharp teeth cleanly severing Berninger's torso at the waist, leaving nothing but a pair of smouldering black legs as the beast spirals into the air with his long-awaited trophy.
The sound of beating wings grows fainter and fainter, until all that is left is the wind whistling over the moors, still carrying the beautiful sound that originally brought the adventurers here.
End of Chapter 2
The party gains 3000 XP
Hightower gains an additional 100XP for killing Bryce Dessner
Hightower reaches Level 2!
Hightower now has 39HP
Hightower can choose an additional ability :
Stone Skin (extra temporary HP)
Regeneration (1HP/turn)
Spear throw
No opening (dice throws not affected by being vulnerable, etc.)
Orestes reaches Level 2!
Orestes now has 23HP
Orestes can choose one additional ability :
King's Castle (switch places with someone)
Summon woodland creature
Backstab (2x damage if enemy not aware of presence)
Slippery mind (if affected by magic, get a saving throw each turn)
Whistlin' Willy reaches Level 2!
Whistlin' Willy now has 28HP
Whistlin' Willy can choose an additional ability :
Backstab
Hide In Plain Sight
Trap container
Opportunist (make an extra attack against anyone struck in last round, never misses)
Party gains items:
The National Guard fortress (never run out of rations, simple goods like rope, etc.)
Karen - Berninger's longsword (+2)
Longbow + 1
Antidote
Healing Potion
2x studded leather armor (fits humans/elves)
Summary and chapter 3 details to follow... When I've got the time...
Wow
Good stuff
Yeeeees!
What a day.
Totes taking Karen!
Will have a think about my extra ability
Whoop!
going to take SPear throw as well
assuming i still have my dwarf spear as well as the longsword
can we just div up the antidote / healing potion as we go?
see who needs it?
thats what i was thinking with the potions
one person carry them, but give them to whoever is in trouble
nice one :D
can I have Opportunist ability
the longbow
1 set of the armor
*coughs*
I'll take some armour, and King's Castle move.
:'''D
...
It's coming
I just need to get over the crushing guilt of spending nearly a month writing about goblins and wizards instead of doing vital Uni work first.
In the meantime, I believe MPBH still has a Radiohead discography review to write.
Just didn't want it to disappear into the dungeon of the boards