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NOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY DAY.
it's raining outside. fuck the rain I break its back make it humble
I've done that thing where I have breakfast really late so don't want any lunch, but if I don't eat soon I'll be fam by supper time and I don't know what to do.
I am the dream
I'm going chocolate orange hunting on my birthday.
but forgot to give it to them. and now I'm eating it because that's the kind of person that I am.
No chocolate oranges to be had :(
Shittest I've ever felt. Ever.
Last night the girl I've fancied for like ten months was in my bed. We were naked and rolling around, as you do. Well, the time came to do the sex and I couldn't get my old fella up. At all. She tried giving me a handjob - no dice. I gave her oral mostly cos I was just feeling really sorry for myself and wanted to give her at least a little bit of satisfaction.
Eventually she said she had to go back home. Somehow I get the impression I've blown my only chance. We're going to a party together tomorrow night and who knows, I might be up for giving it another go but she'll probably be like "you've had your chance and you blew it mate" and I will break down in tears and all the folk at the party will laugh at me and I'll have to leave town the next day or something.
I feel like a shell of a man. Couldn't even wank myself off after she had left ffs. What's wrong with me?
Sounds like it was HER that blew your only chance tbf
if you fail again though, then you've fucked it.
She's probably not feeling particularly good about things either. I can't speak for her, but when this has happened to me in the past I've found it really difficult not to blame myself and think he couldn't because there's something wrong with me.
It might not be your style, but I might help to just send her a text apologising and say you were.just nervous because you like her so much or something.
Feel free to ignore this though, it's probably highly misplaced advice.
I've sent her a text along those lines. She seemed pretty cool with it at the time but we'll see. Still feeling really frustrated about it. My dick has decided to stop functioning for two days WTF.
in front of a polaroid of her face.
don't worry about it.
obviously not tidy enough to give you a full-on chubby.
It's probably because of that.
Why would that make a difference though? It's weird cos I was looking at her thinking "you're really hot" when she was naked in my bed but nothing was stirring down there. Might see a doctor or something if this happens again. It sucks.
Yeh, cos that sounds like a trusted source.
But there's tons of research about neuroplasticity, neurotransmitters and addiction. Read it and see if you think it makes sense.
Uncle Bob's Porn Recovery Tips.
Please link me to some decent sources on this, on reputable news sites or journal sites and then I'll read it.
This stuff happens. We (ie. girls, in case anyone still thinks I'm a man) know that it happens and that it's not something you can control just like that. CHILL OUT. Sure, it might be disappointing when you're all geared up to go, but it's hardly the end of the world and she'll give you another chance so I wouldn't worry about too much. Don't overthink, yeah.
went to buy some shelves from Homebase but they didn't have the kind of thing that I was looking for at a decent price so I came back and had a bowl of rice.
Probably gonna go sit in my room and read for a few hours.
I played Worms 2 with Iamwiggy last night, cracking stuff. I was pretty good, surprisingly. Great to use weapons like the Holy Hand Grenade and the Super Banana Bomb again.
We then got pretty fucked with his flatmates and went to Maccy D's and watched MOTD. Classic stuff.
Watching Everton v Chelsea at the moment.
burnt a chest of drawers to keep warm
going to band practice later on, then seeing the girl i like
feel kinda bloated
I'm playing a show tomorrow night and really have no idea what to do for it. Went to see Rustie on Friday night, it was amazing... Haven't enjoyed myself that much in so long. Does anybody have work tomorrow? I really hope its not that busy.
I need a shower.
I met a guy last Sunday and have just realised I've spent 5 days with him since then and I only came home just now because I have to work. This is out of the ordinary for me; I haven't freaked out about it or anything.
I watched Sinister last night which was the right side of ridiculous in its shock tactics, and Ethan Hawke had some borderline Nicolas Cage moments when he got angry and I liked him more because of it.
I saw Pitch Perfect yesterday. It was great.
I saw Wreck-It Ralph this morning. It was great too.
Toy Story, Monsters Inc., Robots.
Quite a few gaming references (though not as many as I'd hoped for), and a lot of laughs as well.
I wasn't that fussed with Robots. I mean, it was okay, but I'd still say that How To Train Your Dragon and Rango are the pick of the non-Pixar ones.
Mum's birthday dinner in a few hours at some bland Italian restaurant might actually be the highlight of my day.
Can I go back to my own flat now please?
i'm not giving him what he wants
then walked the dog for 2 hours.
great show. Best one was when the holodeck got upgraded and Riker went into a 1950s jazz club and played the trombone to impress a computerised lady. He just started kissing her when Picard entered, looked at them and said 'outstanding!'
Then some aliens stole the ship and they didn't notice cos they were too busy flirting in the jazz club.
What the fuck is this all about: http://tuskenraidersofthelostark.tumblr.com/post/38871333989
something like that happens in pretty much every episode if the three i've watched today are anything to go by.
in terms of "things done" it's by far the most productive day I've had this week
This Christmas has been great, but I'm ready to get back to normal life. Haven't drunk at all this Christmas (the only booze I've had in the last couple of weeks is a glass of white wine in the paella I made on Thursday), so gearing up to have a messy new year.
so on the radio, playing some tracks from 2012 from albums that didn't get on the end of year list.
www.phoenixfm.com till 10.
I'm feeling slightly better now. I was gonna go to a mate's for pizza and Point Break but didn't feel like socialising. So I'm in my room listening to the Gun Club very loud, cramming my mouth with slices of Parma Ham and soon I may smoke a spliff and watch Caligula. Sounds alright, mate.
stuffed to bursting