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over-share with the board. Make it good.
made my anus and one of my balls go numb
just had a proper hand-down-me-pants scratch of my arse-crack.
just off to the supermarket to fondle some ciabattas and bagels now.
It's not too bad, just burns a bit.
it covered my arms, chest and TRUNK (i hate the word trunk), my hands, the tops of my thighs. Itw as so grim. Bright red with wheals raised above the skin. It went away overnight but I looked like SImon Weston for a short while. Still, at least I got to be rubbed in cream by a hot guy.
right side is at least 70% gorseier
Coarser hairs, too.
I don't mind the hair as such, it's the asymmetry that bothers me.
my left nipple is lagging way behind too actually, righty is like a bald man hiding in a hedgerow.
Last post 14 Dec 12:03 by PickledOeuf
THere. That's much better, the last one wasn't nearly tMI enough.
stick that up your turnpike!
pub. What on earth were you doing in there? (Apart from getting gunned)
should've asked him to decrease the number of didges
Also, I didn't really get fingered. Honestly.
and someone said it was TMI.
TMI is a silly word.
stating that there was so much milk they weren't getting an order in that day.
does the employer provide it or is there a kitty or something?
our office is pretty small so we just get it ourselves
i'm pretty sure there must be someone (italics) in the company whose sole purpose it to be in charge of milk.
Will certainly add a bit of colour to my storytelling, some would say "dreamweaving". I'll have them eating out of my hand by dessert.
at least the ordering of it.
COS IT WOULD DRINK ALL OF THE MILK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When got upstairs into my flat and went to undo my shoe laces I realised I had also splattered sick all over them. Being ill and cleaning shoes that smell of sickly vomit is definitely not a hight point this week.
but I left out "sweet"
thanks to Christmas parties. You're part of a bigger movement here.
My poos have become incredibly long and dead thin, like a massive cumberland sausage whirl
worst mcflurry flavour ever.
not to be confused with a pregnancy fetish
think i have impregnated a fish
now slightly disappointed.
I suffered the worst series of cluster headaches I've had in years,
painful enough to have me standing naked on the balcony railing at one point, looking at the car park below thinking it's not a high enough drop to be guaranteed to do the job.
"your family's riddled with poor genes" breast clinic next week. I forgot about that. SHIT.
That sucks, BUT at least you're getting screened. Hope all is ok.
quite odd the first time (didn't realise it was gonna happen) when the nurse was all like TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES but it's fine. i bet they have cold hands.
I have normal poos now after having a stomach bug.
Like crazy, but unable to do anything about it cos you're such a state.
I've been hungover pretty much every day this week. Been unbearable
There's some demolition work going on next door too, and the tremors that are coming through the floorboards are making my chair quake a bit, which is also not helpful to my general state today.
Sex is the last thing on my mind when I'm hungover. I just want a cuddle and a cry.
the innate desire to procreate and pass on your genes is amplified to desperate levels.
One if you do manage to get into such a situation takes aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages to come and you end up flaying your knob
Two, I've seen me hungover. No one wants a boffing that much
to some truly fucked up shit going down in order to achieve the desired outcome.
"Thanks love, nearly there".
If i'm having a particularly lengthy game of Temple Run I get pins and needles.
I really want them to fuck off so I can pick my nose.
Bloody foreigners, coming here, taking away my nose picking time. I dint know who they think they are.
Gave oral sex to one of the women from accounts
It's my work xmas bash tonight.NO KNICKERS.
ended up with me bleeding quite profusely from the bit that does the action.
THIS FOR MORE INFO.
Hadn't seen my girlfriend for ages (thinly veiled etc...) so lots of flirty texting and the like has happening. When she finally came over, stuff was on its way but my parents turned up with food and stuff about an hour or two earlier than we'd planned so we had to stop sharpish.
This led to a serious case of the pains down there, and I was in agony for a bit but masked it pretty well. After food my parents were watching some film on t'big TV with Surround Sound etc so we snuck off to my bedroom to get watch a different film/get frisky.
Halfway through some hand action my girlfriend says "you're bleeding" and looking down, I was, quite leaking a fair ammount of blood, but hadn't noticed as there was no pain. I said "that's new" and went to the bathroom to attend to myself and then afterwards explained to my parents that I had had "a nose bleed" and needed to clean it up off the floor (thank fuck we weren't in bed). Girlfriend was mortified, said "I thought i'd broken you". Was in pain for another hour or so again, eventually about two hours later we tried again, everything was fine, weeks of frustration all gone, good job, had a bagel etc.
Turns out it can be a fairly common complaint after a pretty vicious spate of blue balls (horrid phrase) and I was worryingly nonchalant during the whole thing as there was no pain. Have booked in to see the doctors though, in case I have something dreadfully wrong with me.
oh sorry yeah of course
Fairly common. Not sure it is dude.
her: are you...jizzing blood?
you: yeah it's blue balls you know?
her: i am now crying because your blood scares me
yeah, I apologise for totally cocking up my post. Not common, but certainly not "holy fuck, get ye to A&E your cock is falling off" territory.
By the time I'd got to the bathroom all the bleeding had stopped.
no beef. just worried you could need a doc!
I mean, the pain from blue balls comes from your prostate getting swollen, so blood vessels can burst. If a particularly bad bit of 'action with no release' has occured then bleeding is a fairly normal result of this.
Obviously this is all from various Men's Health articles and such, which I was frantically checking after the pain came back, so maybe "common" is the wrong word, but it is known about and it happens and is nothing to be immediately worried about.
I've probably phrased it a bit poorly up there, the nonchalance isn't me trying to imply coolness either, I was just bewildered as I was clearly bleeding, but without any pain my brain just thought "well this is odd, it's like a nosebleed but downstairs".
the doctor's going to have to THOROUGHLY INSPECT YOUR PENIS
If he has to inspect your prostate it will be latex gloves, KY jelly, and assume the position. Not sure which of you I feel most sorry for tbh
Snapped me banjo string. Blood everywhere.
I currently have an average of 7 wanks per day.
doesn't say he wanks himself an average of 7 times a day.
(boom! boom! boom boom! boom!)