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Can't be sullying the good name of Devon by attributed the crazed sexual misdeeds of a Cornish man to it.
The only thing missing is one from someone disputing whether the use of slurry in the headline is technically correct
did they take him back to the scene of his crime to watch him get his rocks off or something?
All those countless dry articles reporting from the Country Fayre when you finally get to write a paragraph like "The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader and set fire to outbuildings, killing livestock in frustration when they cleaned out their farm equipment in an attempt to stop him from this lewd and obscene habit".
Who hasnt had a few drinks and woken up surrounded by tissues balls deep in cow dung
He actually had tissues. Brilliant.
is why he's writhing around in the middle of a deep mound of faeces in a paddock in the middle of nowhere playing the skinflute.
The tissues are about the only bit I do understand.
He's not doing any harm. Everyone has the right to wank. EVERYONE. Even if you want to do it in cow shit.
On private property.
He's set fire to their buildings previously.
And killed livestock.
AS YOU WERE, SON
It's a rite of passage. You aren't a man until you have seen a pervert with a greasy centre parting jizzing off in amongst the stools of your livestock.
somerset in their ways
That's going to be available for anyone to see FOREVER. He'll be 90 and it'll still come up when his great grandchildren are searching for his address on their virtual wrist units
im not so sure he has to worry bout that
Just searching for Michael Plentyhorse bears this out.