Boards

Out with the prawn sandwiches and in with the bacon rolls - OvertakenByTractors and his assistant John Jensen have taken over at OBT Olympique.

GK - David De Gea - 88
D R/L - Alvaro Arbeloa - 85
DC - John Terry - 90
DC - Toby Alderweireld - 85
DL / M L/C - David Alaba - 87
AM/F R/C - Theo Walcott - 86
MC - Ramires - 90
MC - Cesc Fabregas - 92
AM R/L/C - Luka Modric - 89
F L/C - Karim Benzema - 90
FC - Carlos Tevez - 91

GK - Robert Green - 80
DR - Carl Jenkinson - 80
D R/L/C - Jamie Carragher - 78
DMC - Jake Livermore - 80
AMC - Juan Roman Riquelme - 81
AM R/L - Victor Moses - 83
FC - Grant Holt - 81

The regeneration of the area hits new heights as MIDDLEMAN takes over at The Riverbank Stadium. Assiting him will be local legend Juninho.

Middlemansbrough -

GK - Samir Handanovic - 89
D R/C - Sergio Ramos - 94
DC - Fabricio Coloccini - 88
DC - Laurent Koscielny - 87
DL - Patrice Evra - 87
AM/F R/C - Ezequiel Lavezzi - 87
DMC - Daniele De Rossi - 91
M L/C - Ryan Giggs - 84
AM R/L/C - Samir Nasri - 89
FC - Samuel Eto'o - 89
FC - Luis Suarez - 92

GK - Brad Jones - 78
DR - Ryan Shotton - 77
D L/C - Liam Ridgewell - 79
DMC - Christian Grindheim - 82
AMC - Michu - 82
AM R/L - Matt Jarvis - 82
FC - Michael Owen - 80

Initial reports that Jack Charlton was spotted entering the training ground with chairman Sheikh Yabatti were wide of the mark - it actually turned out to be forzaborza, who rushed straight from a fishing trip to confirm his return to management with KiKers '09. Forzaborza spoke to reporters out of the window of his Lexus to confirm rumours that he is to be assisted by Clarence Seedorf in a player/assitant manager role.

GK - Victor Valdes - 90
D R/C - Phil Jones - 86
DC - Dede - 87
D L/C - Jan Vertonghen - 86
DL - Fabio Coentrao - 88
AM R/C - Oscar - 90
DMC - Xabi Alonso - 92
MC - Frank Lampard - 87
AM/F R/L/C - Bryan Ruiz - 86
F L/C - David Villa - 93
AM/FC - Wayne Rooney - 93

GK - Lee Woon-Jae - 76
DR - Tony Hibbert - 79
DC - Rio Ferdinand - 83
MC - Darren Fletcher - 82
MC - Clarence Seedorf - 80
AM L/C - Adam Lallana - 82
F R/L/C - Wilfried Zaha - 80

New boss Mr. Svenrokk and his loyal assistant Terry McDermott were today proudly paraded around town by Sporting chairman Stavros Alavalayjaablay. "Ahhhlavalaayjaablaaay!", he told the waiting reporters.

GK - Peter Cech - 90
DR - Bacary Sagna - 87
D R/C - Benedikt Howedes - 88
D L/C - Giorgio Chiellini - 90
DL - Jose Enrique - 86
AM R/L - Pedro - 87
MC - Marouane Fellaini - 88
AM R/L/C - Santi Cazorla - 89
AM/F L/C - Iker Muniain - 87
FC - Javier Hernandez - 88
FC - Edin Dzeko - 88

GK - Artur Boruc - 78
D R/C - Chris Baird - 80
DC - Sebastian Squillaci - 76
DMC - Karl Henry - 75
AMC - Ronaldinho - 81
AM R/L - Wayne Routledge - 79
FC - Asamoah Gyan - 85

You cannot be serious! Sir Montagu Moneybags has come rolling home and appointed Canadian manager NikMak as his new boss. NikMak will be woah like totally assisted by fellow North American Alexi Lalas.

GK - Igor Akinfeev - 86
DR - Gregory Van Der Wiel - 87
D R/C - Carles Puyol - 90
DC - Christopher Samba - 87
DL - Ashley Cole - 92
M R/L/C - James Milner - 85
MC - Andrea Pirlo - 92
AM R/L/C - Thomas Muller - 89
AM L/C - Angel Di Maria - 88
F R/C - Danny Welbeck - 86
FC - Dimitar Berbatov - 87

GK - Shay Given - 77
D/M L - Armand Traore - 75
D R/C - Gary Caldwell - 79
DMC - Emmanuel Frimpong - 80
AMC - Ravel Morrison - 78
AM/F R/L/C - Scott Sinclair - 82
FC - Didier Drogba - 84

They're going fockin' madforrit over at Dynamos where deadonthestairs has taken the reins. Local hero Bez was rumoured to be an outside bet for the role of assistant manager, but at the time of going to press, nobody is quite sure where he is. He may yet materialise and use his contacts in the pharmaceuticals industry to secure the position of team doctor, but Stairs' permanent assistant is confirmed as quiet man of football Denis Irwin.

GK - Wojciech Szczesny - 86
DR - Kyle Walker - 86
D/DMC - Vincent Kompany - 93
DC - Per Mertesacker - 87
DL - Jordi Alba - 90
AM R/L/C - Hatem Ben Arfa - 87
DMC - Nigel De Jong - 88
M/AM L/C - Marek Hamsik - 90
AM R/L/C - Xherdan Shaqiri - 87
F R/L/C - Demba Ba - 87
AM/FC - Sergio Aguero - 93

GK - Gomes - 82
D R/L - Nathaniel Clyne - 81
D/DMC - Rafael Marquez - 77
MC - Darron Gibson - 79
M/AMC - Paul Scholes - 83
AM R/L - Stewart Downing - 80
AM/FC - Francesco Totti - 81

I'm leaving work now to go play football. Hopefully I'll be able to put up the remaining four squads tonight but there's a chance I won't. Apologies for this. If not, I'll get them up tomorrow and reveal the bonus players!

Chairman and motor racing tycoon Bernard Ecclescakes used his connections in higher social circles to extend the sporting conglomerate at his club, appointing former rugby man LordLuciusBanter as his new manager. "Hopefully he'll get the boys to scrum down and maul the rucking opposition", he told reporters, carefully. LLB will be assisted by fellow member of the landed gentry, Sir Les Ferdinand.

GK - Volkan Demirel - 87
DR - Mathieu Debuchy - 86
DC/DMC - Pepe - 90
D L/C - Thomas Vermaelen - 88
D R/L - Davide Santon - 86
AMR - Jesus Navas - 88
M R/L/C - Sergio Busquets - 91
M R/C - Steven Gerrard - 87
AM R/L/C - Juan Mata - 92
FC - Fernando Torres - 88
FC - Robert Lewandowski - 89

GK - Paddy Kenny - 78
DR - Tony Hibbert - 79
DC - Olof Mellberg - 79
DMC - Gilles Yapi Yapo - 81
AMC - Rivaldo - 76
AM R/L - Nathan Dyer - 82
FC - Humberto Suazo - 84

"We're deee-laaighted to add a soccer team to our portfoly'all", exclaimed Colonel Sanders Jr, the latest in a wave of American owners to hit Europe. After seeing the runaway success Venky's enjoyed with Blackburn Rovers, their cluckin' counterparts KFC are getting involved in the game as well. They have installed Kitchmo as their manager and have teamed him up with assistant, and KFC platinum card owner, Paul Gascoigne.

GK - Hugo Lloris - 88
D R/L - Glen Johnson - 86
DC/DMC - Javier Mascherano - 92
D L/C - Holger Badstuber - 89
DL - Leighton Baines - 87
M/AMR - Antonia Valencia - 87
DMC/MC/AMC - Yaya Toure - 91
M/AM R/L/C - Wesley Sneijder - 90
AML/FC - Lukas Podolski - 89
FC - Andy Carroll - 85
FC - Mario Balotelli - 89

GK - Conejo Perez - 76
DR / M R/C - Javier Zanetti - 82
DC - Daniel Van Buyten - 83
D R/L / DMC - Phil Neville - 79
AMC - Leon Osman - 81
AM R/L - Leonardo - 78
FC - David Trezeguet - 81

At managerless Association Sportive, the gap has finally been filled by silkyskillz11. Chairman Richard Branson, owner of Virgin, said "silkyskillz11 might not have much previous experience, but he's itching to get to work". Silkyskillz11 will be assisted by Ron Atkinson, who is said to be especially looking forward to working with Emile Heskey as he rebuilds his reputation following an unfortunate incident of massive racism.

GK - Tim Howard - 85
D/MR - Christian Maggio - 89
DC - Adil Rami - 88
DC - Jonny Evans - 86
D L/C - Domenico Criscito - 88
AM R/L - Frank Ribery - 91
DMC - Cheik Tiote - 88
M/AMC - Keisuke Honda - 87
AM R/L - Raheem Sterling - 84
FC - Olivier Giroud - 87
FC - Robin Van Persie - 97

GK - Carlos Kameni - 84
D/MR - Emmanuel Eboue - 80
DC - Alessandro Nesta - 80
DMC - Joey Barton - 81
AMC - Deco - 80
AM/F R/L/C - Junior Hoilett - 83
FC - Emile Heskey - 78

You raaang? Young chairman Harry Flashpants called manager Lurchy2 on his iPhone5 and asked him to take over at Legia. Lurchy 2 said "yes". Flashpants insisted on his best mate Robbie Savage being given the assistant manager job. So there we have it.

GK - Steve Mandanda - 87
DR - Rafael - 87
DC - David Luiz - 86
DC - Mats Hummels - 89
DL - Marcelo - 91
AM R/L - Nani - 87
DMC/MC - Sami Khedira - 88
M/AM R/L/C - Toni Kroos - 88
AM/F R/L/C - Andrei Arshavin - 85
FC - Klass Jan-Huntelaar - 90
FC - Papiss Cisse - 87

GK - Anders Lindegaard - 84
D/ML - Andre Santos - 81
D R/C - Emmerson Boyce - 78
DMC - Lee Cattermole - 79
AM R/L/C - Adel Taraabt - 83
AM R/L/C - Freddy Adu - 75
FC - Thierry Henry - 82

Spanish goalkeeping legend Iker Casillas has signed for Sporting Svenrokk. "Ahhhlaavalayjaablay", said the chairman.

Legia Lurchy2 have signed German giant Manuel Neuer. "Triffic bit of business", said Harry Flashpants.

The great greaseball Gianluigi Buffon has signed for ... nobody. Not he, or any other goalkeeper was chosen by any of the managers.

He joins Joe Hart, Pepe Reina, Julio Cesar and Brad Friedel in the forthcoming player auction.

Danish bruiser Daniel Agger has signed for OBT Olympique, with manager OvertakenByTractors clearly wanting to add some fellow countrymen to his squad.

The supersize Serb has signed for LLB Sports. "I heard he has a big car", said the chairman.

Forzaborza pulled off an astonishing defensive double in securing the signatures of Thiago Silva and Javi Martinez. "I'm delighted", he is going to say in about two minutes.

no managers went for any further defenders, meaning not one full back was selected by any manager.

This leaves the player auction list for defenders as follows...

DCs - Gerard Pique, Nemanja Vidic, Lucio, Branislav Ivanovic, Steven Caulker

FBs - Dani Alves, Philip Lahm, Gael Clichy, Pablo Armero, Darijo Srna

Howay! Arturo Vidal and David Silva head for a pint and a parmo in the North-East. Whodathunkit?

Bug-eyed trickster Mesut Ozil has signed for Deadonthestairs Dynamos.

Wunderkind Mario Gotze moves in mysterious ways to Sporting Svenrokk.

might still happen in the future, as they were not chosen by anyone. You fools. They join the forthcoming player auction.

Christian Eriksen joins Daniel Agger in the Danish revolution at OBT Olympique.

Brazilian youngster Ganso has joined NikMak's Paddywhackers. The kid is highly rated, despite his lack of profile in Europe. "He always signs for Man City for megabucks in Football Manager", said NikMak.

Raheem Sterling cut a disconsolate figure today. He thought it was his big chance to shine at his new club, but the double signing of left wingers Eden Hazard and Gareth Bale look to have put pay to his chances of a starting berth. "I'm cunting gutted", said the youngster on his twitter account. No news yet on whether he will face a fine for this outburst...

Arjen Robben arrived today in the Batmobile to sign for KFC Kitchmo. "What a zinger!", said the chairman.

Bastian Schweinsteiger seems to have suffered from the fact none of the managers could spell his name. Arguably the player of last season in dan_thw's title winning Baryen Munich side, the highly talented but seemingly unfancied midfield maestro joins the forthcoming player auction.

MCs - Xavi, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Alex Song, William Kvist, "Brave" Scotty Parker

AMs - Andres Iniesta, Joao Moutinho, Shinji Kagawa, Thiago Alcantra, Ashley Young, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Lewis Holtby, Special Wildcard Player

German youngster Marco Reus puts on his best tracksuit and signs for LLB Sports.

Hulk joins the Dynamos!

NikMak loves his tricky attackers and he has secured another one in Alexis Sanchez.

Well not everybody, but Silkyskillz11 thought he did. But then so did Deadonthestairs. Both managers miss out and the Brazilian wonderkid joins the player auction.

KFC must have been selling a lot of chicken as they have signed highest paid person in French history, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. "I can't believe I was the only one who bid for him", Kitchmo will probably say in a minute.

Gomez, Mario Gomez that is, has signed for Legia Lurchy2. "Bring It On", said the manager.

Then one changed his mind and bid for someone else. Lucky Svenrokk! He completes a pretty impressive three player haul with the dominant striker. Good business sir!

Worst headline ever. The massive shaggy striker moves to LLB Sports. All three players secured!

Forzaborza and Lurchy2 both wanted Gonzalo Higuain. He joins the player auction.

Middleman and OBT both miss out on the long haired wonder. Sorry guys. You can bid for him in the auction though!

Well, yes. But almost inconceivably not more than two. NikMak and Kitchmo are the unlucky ones here. Ronaldo joins what looks to be a tasty auction.

...

Catch you in a bit!

Kitchmo got greedy and in the process ruined was turning into a great night for the 'Wackers. Director of Football,Tomasz Radzinski, is said to be despondent having spent the best part of the last 2 days trying to finalize the deal for Portuguese Prince.

This is the list of players which will make up the player auction.

GK - Joe Hart
GK - Gianluigi Buffon
GK - Pepe Reina
GK - Julio Cesar
GK - Brad Friedel

DC - Gerard Pique
DC - Nemanja Vidic
DC - Lucio
DC - Steven Caulker
D R/C - Branislav Ivanovic

D/MR - Daniel Alves
D/MR - Darijo Srna
D R/L - Philip Lahm
D/ML - Pablo Armero
DL - Gael Clichy

DM/MC - William Kvist
DM/MC - Alex Song
DM/MC - Scott Parker
DM/M R/L/C - Bastain Schweinsteiger
DM/MC - Xavi

M/AMC - Joao Moutinho
M/AMC - Thiago Alcantra
M/AM R/L/C - Andres Iniesta
AM R/L/C - Lewis Holtby
AM R/L/C - Shinji Kagawa
AM R/L/C - Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain
AM R/L/C - Ashley Young

AM/F R/L/C - Lionel Messi
AM/F R/L/C - Cristiano Ronaldo
AM/F R/L/C - Robinho
AM/F R/L/C - Neymar

FC - Edinson Cavani
FC - Gonzalo Higuain
FC - Leandro Damiao
FC - Gabriel Agbonlahor

I'm pretty shit with stuff like that but it was highly useful last time so we should definitely use it again. Is it easy for me to sort? Or could someone else take over this responsibility?

as in pre-tomorrow?

great stuff.

was hoping I could waste my whole day on this and AQOS..

IMPORTANT!!! READ THESE RULES:-

- Managers will each have a budget of £150m.
- Managers CANNOT bid more than their total budget on players.
- There will be a minimum bid amount of £100k for each player, and managers can only make bids in increments of £100k.
- If the winning bid is tied for any player, a club will be drawn at random to receive the player.

- There will be no transfer window, the season will run for 10 games.
- If we decide to carry on for 20 games, then any leftover money will be wiped and new budgets will be installed, so it is probably in your best interests to attepmt to use your entire budget.

- In addition to this, managers will be able to trade between themselves starting NOW.
- Managers can also ask to sell players back to the league and buy other players that have been sold back, or players left over from this auction (prices will be set following the auction in this case).
- If for whatever reason any manager finds himself at the start of the season with a squad of less than 16 players he will face a 3 point deduction, and be allocated players like Lee Trundle and Royter_Hatfood.

Any questions? If not, commence bidding!

I am open to offers for ANY of my players.

For the right price, everyone's available.

PM's welcome.

GK - Robert Green - 80
D R/L/C - Jamie Carragher - 78
DR - Carl Jenkinson - 80
DMC - Jake Livermore - 80
AMC - Juan Roman Riquelme - 81
AM R/L - Victor Moses - 83
FC - Grant Holt - 81

MIDDLEMAN caused a stir today, announcing that his defensive cover 'just isn't good enough'. A top-class centre back could be his main priority, with certain club sources claiming that Giggs' lack of decency and little Mickey Owen's dreadful 'tache could see them moving the other way.

Sergio Ramos, it seems, will not be moving. Despite a lot of interest, MIDDLEMAN explained 'unless we see an incredible offer, it would be crazy to get rid of my only top class defender.'
Rumours that a delusional Patrice Evra is looking for crisis talks following this comment are as yet unconfirmed.

I've got cash burning a hole in my pocket and can't see much better than I already have.

outside les Stad Frontenac to confirm that several clubs have enquired about the possibility of signing left back Ashley Cole.

'Ashley is a top top player and we're not usually in the business of selling world class talent but we've made no secret of the fact that there will be a couple of departures this summer to finance the audacious some say ridiculous record setting bid that we've made to secure the services on Cristiano Ronaldo.'

Alex Bunbury and Craig Forrest are manning the red phones and fax machine in the situation room as we speak.

Will that gif of Mick McCarthy suffice as my team's tactical instructions?

Answer your PM's.

I realise you don't want me to steamroll the title, but it's inevitable, so give me your best players now and i won't hurt you.

Also, sign Phil Jones for £40m.

can't find this info..

Just found out I'm moving house on Sunday.

Tonight I'm out for a mate's birthday and tomorrow I'm with the DiS football lot in Brighton for a match / umlaut_ampersand's wedding reception.

Was gonna sort everything properly on Sunday but now I'll be packing / moving house.

Auction will now take place on Wednesday or Thursday due to me probably being quite hard to contact this weekend.

Apologies!

Was gonna post an update earlier but been busy at work today.

John Terry (OBT Olympique) <---> Petr Cech (Sporting Svenrokk).

Anyone at all got any 90+ers they're not too insecure to talk about selling/trading?

You said earlier that this is going to be a 10-game season. How's that going to work? Surely it should be 18 games, or failing that, 9?

The first changes I've made since I made the team. Because i forgot about it.

Thanks to deadonthestairs for setting this up and forzaborza for the template from last season's game.

http://tinyurl.com/d2yk5nd

Please use this document rather than the information above for referring to squads and stuff from now on.

I have made some slight changes to some players positions from above where I had made a couple of mistakes.

Can everyone check their own squad and the transfers to date (access is via the tab bar at the bottom) and make sure I haven't made any mistakes?

I'll sort out the fixtures in due course.

Cheers guys!

Still looking.

Still open to sensible offers for most of my players.

have found it hard integrating into the managers new system. Sensible offers will be considered for players who could turn out to be valuable squad additions.

*Please note Gary Caldwell is in the process of signing for the league and may only be available until the commissioner picks up his messages.

There seems to be very little business going down now.

I already have a perfectly crap selection of crap subs, I dont want any more

get back to me, guys

gonna bid 160m for Ronaldo just so you all know.

So can only look at work, and was pretty busy yesterday and am today.

If you could make your PMs as succinct and helpful as possible, including all the information I'd need to update the database and stuff, that would be great.

I'll get back to you all when I take lunch in an hour or so. Cheers.

News today reached the DiSly Mail that Forzaborza KiKers '09 player/assistant manager Clarence Seedorf has been included in a fire sale to the league.

Chairman Sheikh Yabbati wasted no time in appointing his successor however, and invited us to raise our rose tinted sports goggles to new #2 Edgar Davids. "We wanted a man very similar to Clarence, and, well, we have one", said the controversial Qatari.

The auction results will be revealed tomorrow afternoon.

The deadline is midnight tonight, but I might not be able to confirm people's lists at this time, so as long as you make sure you get it in by tomorrow mid-day it should still be fine. Anything after this will not be accepted.

Here is the list of players...

http://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/4419912#r7158092

REMEMBER you can only bid up to the limit of your budget across all your bids, and only bid in increments of £100,000. All manager budgets are displayed on the transfers page of the database - http://tinyurl.com/d2yk5nd

(I'm assuming the bids Silkyskillz11 made ages ago are the ones he still wants to use for this - please let me know some new ones NOW if not!).

Auction results will be revealed this afternoon before home time.