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what have your successes been with online dating? tempted to make a profile but i dunno
not done a proper dating website, but had a blast at PoF a couple months back. man, there are some real weirdos out there, huh.
also good people too, obvs. but mostly absolute pricks.
as an aside, are you familiar with the note technique?
heard its got a raging success rate
punched WAY above my weight a couple times recently. this has completely skewed the figures.
it is a good approach though. this cannot be questioned
it's far, far more civilized and charming than that. you can search the board for the full explanation. I'm not that guy, I'm afraid
its not a big deal. Eventually your confidence will be crushed or you'll find a nice girl. Stop being a wuss.
In my experiences people dont usually look like their profile photos. Most people are normal and pleasant.
I haven't had any successes, so I'm going to talk about my failures. I've been on OkCupid almost 2 years and have got 2 dates out of it - one disagreed with everything I said before eating my face, and the other... well, she was okay, but she was French and didn't speak English with an accent, so that was a bit of a let down. Otherwise I can't remember much about her. She was a nice enough, attractive enough person, but no one I would have even thought about contacting again if it weren't for the circumstances. And I didn't.
I don't get all these "We've been messaging for a few weeks now and we just totally get each other!" stories. I've found one person like that - MAYBE - but she's clearly not yet reconciled herself to the fact that her life has got to the stage where she has to resort to online dating, so it hasn't gone any further. Usually I get bored and stop replying after a couple of messages/get bored and think "I can't be bothered to continue this discussion but she has quite a nice face so I'm just going to ask her out at this ridiculously premature stage", and that's how I got my 2 dates.
fucking hell, man!!!!1 what the hell.
you need to be more ruthless. not in a bad or sinister way, but fucking 2 years/2 dates makes for terrible reading.
this is an incredibly poor strike rate. honestly, do you pay for this? BOO! this is awful, man.
nothing about being less fussy, btw. there are many, many good people out there.
dunno man. maybe you need to work on your technique. like set up a load of dates, meet them all and pump the information into the spreadsheet at the end of the week before making your next move.
basically, just date a lot of people in a short space of time.
would somebody give advice on getting more dates using a spreadsheet.
as you well know, ya cheeky scamp! I like you though, you're funny and stuff. how is that playlist getting on?
can be considered worthwhile advice for getting more dates, but cheers anyway.
mass speculative dating seems weird to me
and just made me sad. I went on one date. The guy was nice enough but we just didn't hit it off.
I did meet two nice guys on Tastebuds.FM though. One of them was great but had to go back to Australia otherwise he would have been deported. The other seemed great at first and then almost two months into our relationship he revealed himself to be a clingy, possessive creep.
Went on one date on Friday. Went pretty well, will see her again.
What's the etiquette with replying to people from far away/people that you don't really like the look/sound of? I feel like I should reply out of courtesy but my housemate just tells me to ignore them if I'm not interested...
no point in leading people on. I dont give a shit if people dont reply. Im sure most people feel the same.
Though I left my laptop on last night and still had a tab with OKC on, had a message from a girl at 1.30 saying 'hello :)' then another 15 minutes later saying 'fuck you then!'. Think I might avoid her.
I didn't know there was a chat feature until this happened. There's quite a lot I don't know about this site.
i turn that off. Too much pressure to chat directly.
Is there a way of not being shown as online?
Thank you for your correspondence. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you can appreciate, not all applicants can be successful and we at deadonthestairs enterprises are sorry to inform you that, after careful consideration of all candidates, it ain't gonna happen this side of me getting a lobotomy, darling. Apologies, but plenty more fish and all that.
Not really started using it properly yet although a girl I went to school with has been messaging me; I really can't tell if she's actually interested in me or just using it to catch up
i've had my profile for about a year in total. i haven't been on any dates and i hardly ever reply to messages. it's a bit scary.
and it also intimidates me. I have a pretty little head, the reason I'm single (I think) is because I lack the skills for human interaction. I fail at life.
Got quite a few messages off nice seeming girls. Met up with one, had fun, went our quite a few times, but ultimately never clicked enough to take it further. Met another girl, had a laugh, but wasn't interested in seeing her again. Ultimately met another girl, really liked her, saw her more, she became my girlfriend, and a year later we're living together.
Prior to me she'd been out with about a dozen guys, mostly for one date each - some of them sound like right nutters.
It's not been great for me. For one there's not that many girls in my area but LOADS (from anonymous fake profile research) of geeky, well educated late 20s guys on there so I'm really up against it.
It also brings out aspects of my personality I really dislike. I'm a pretty independent person but okc has left me checking emails/messages/phone for replies like an incredibly insecure weirdo and I don't know where that's come from.
I'm also shit at first impressions and meeting new people generally so it's clearly the best possible way for me to meet someone.
it turns me into a bit of an obsessive cunt as well, as hinted at in another thread. think i'll just take a new approach and after maybe three days of messaging ask if they want to go out. it's all a bit too formal and feels a bit like someone is sitting with a checklist analysing you without knowing who you are as a person. doesn't feel natural at all to me, back to front to how it would be if you were to meet someone 'conventionally'.
but it sums up my difficulty with this kind of thing, and why I think it is 'bad', nicely:
I always forget to use it, so people just stop talking to me. I don't really like it as it discourages me from being confident and meeting/chatting to people in real life- it's too much of a cushion.
I tried POF for about an hour and a half before deciding I fucking hated the layout of the site. It's such an arse-ache to use. Which is a shame because it seemed to have way more people I'd be interested in, but hidden behind this veil of pain-in-the-bollocks to identify and chat to.
I won't meet any more now cos I live in town and I'm too easily stalkeable and too polite to lie about where I live/study
met a pretty girl within a week with similar interests and a cracking personality
been seeing her for 8 months now
tbh i find the same problems on okcupid as i find in real life. i'm quite an unattractive bloke, physically, and of course if you're bombarded with the full spectrum of people, and it's a free site so you can be a bit more casual, you end up being a bit more picky. so, i didn't get any dates at all over the three or so months i was on it, and in hindsight that's not really surprising.
Let's not link him to this thread. (he's amazing, I can't wait to finish work and see ghim for dinner <3).
I've met some dreadful people and some lovely people on OKC. I think the key is to go on lots of dates- it's just basic rules of probability, innit.
"go on lots of dates"-CWBAFF
1 date - 1 really good relationship
just so I could look at zapsta and still_here's profiles. I've never used it. I never intend to. I'd like to go on some dates but I don't ever fancy people. At a push I've fancied like 2, maybe 3 people since 2008 and they've all been boyfriends. I don't know what's wrong with me. I do want someone to goof around with, and take onto rooftops of buildings I like, and to cook for, and go on holiday with and like, play board games and computer games with but I don't want much else. In that respect I think my mind operates much like one of a pre-pubescent boy.
I know that the only thing that will owkr for me is to go out with my best friend and hope that I still want to fuck them down the line.
I still do think about girly stuff a bit, like someone to look after me, stroke my hair and do loads of smooching with on a beach somewhere but I've not applied those feelings to any real people for over a year.
I think I'll just go out with you (I'll put out) <3
I think we'd make a dynamite couple, actually.
like an archer
I hate the idea of playing the odds/maximizing your chances of success because surely you don't want an averaged best case outcome, you want the particular set of criteria which appeal to you personally. But I suppose I need to view it as more of a CV-type situation (urgh).
Also better photos. I'm camera shy at the best of times and don't like the document-social-occasion-through-incessant-photo-taking thing so have no good, recent, non-boring photos, which I'm sure is off-putting.
when filling in the sections.
Actually, maybe it isn't and I'm just a total dick.
but would still be greatly amused by your brutal assessment at my attempts to sell myself to the fairer sex :D
I need a reserve in case it doesnt work out the new husband (he is 25. The one I had on saturday night was only 24, so im improving, slowly, but let's be honest.. it's never going to work.)
is there a similar rule for when a woman dates a younger man?
Half my age plus 7 is 25. It might work! (I cannot help it, i dearly dearly love them young.)
You and about a thousand others :D I'm taking a look at all of your profiles now :)
i.e. tell us the feedback you've given each user but minus their names? :D
It sounds like youre saying 'I JUST WANT MY SOULMATE AND DONT WANT ANYONE ELSE!!' which is silly. What you need to do is get a decent profile. Send messages to people you like the sound/look of and go on dates. Dates can be a single experience. One night out. You meet a new person and thats it. You have fun sometimes. Its all experience. You dont have to be looking for the one. You dont have to particularly fancy the person. When you do find someone you like though you wont be a bumbling idiot pinning all your hopes on this one girl because it will just be one date among many.
Too much pussying around goes on in these threads with people who clearly want to find someone.
meet someone who seems vaguely interesting for a coffee. 1 coffee, £2.50 commitment.
just date like a mother fucker, basically. millions of dates.
But from reading the blog and knowing which factors you should emphasize to have the highest odds... Those factors which correlate to high response rates ON AVERAGE (e.g. Income) are not necessarily the things which I would choose to emphasize because they aren't important to me, even though I may be statistically above average in that respect. If you see what I mean.
you shouldnt say your income. I know i dont.
I could be wrong. I was just using it as an example and I do agree with the general point that pre-date is NOT the time to be super fussy.
The okc blog says that I have a statistically higher chance of receiving responses if I put e.g. my income on my profile. I don't want a response on that basis, though, so I choose not to include that information even though it's counter to playing the averages.
That sort of thing.
1 normal picture, 1 'hipster' picture. A couple of sentences about road systems in the country and which I liked/disliked. First date was cool but she was a doctor and played rugby and was brutally busy all the time so that fizzled out. A couple of cool ones (one who I'm really friendly with now but no chance of going out) and the rest just really depressed me. I cancelled it last night (deleted, not disabled). I get really bored of most people after about an hour and I felt really bad after 2 drinks making up more and more elaborate excuses why I had to leave. Its nice people can get somewhere on it though and meet good people :)
I want to date all of you. Now that would be a good thread- PO does DIS.
95%, closely followed by kitchmo on 94%. OKC keeps trying to get me and kitchmo together.
(call me bbz xxx)
I'm sure you would get on very well.
you need to be cruel to be kind.
Had two runs of internet dating with a month off inbetween. First time wasn't too specific, kind of a bit like a kid in a sweet shop. Met a few girls, was seeing one for a bit but it fizzled out. Generally I found it a bit of a headspin, no idea what etiquette was (are you allowed to see more than one person at the same time? When does it get exclusive?) and found myself checking my phone far too much.
Second time round took my time a bit more, was less generic in my profile and waited for girls to contact me. Felt a bit less chaotic doing things this way, and met girls a bit more suited. I met my girlfriend on OkCupid, after meeting her I just knew she was the one I wanted, and had no interest in anyone else.
Strategy wise- nothing more than trying to come across as polite, interesting and attempting bad puns in at least half of 'about me'. (At one stage I had a haiku about doughnuts and lego as my opening line.. that got a few responses!)
I wanna see! I saw Kitchmos and just pointed out everything that sounded wanky. I don't think he was best pleased.
It is totally different now.
Unless you've done a c_r, of course.
Why not just, y'know, stick a bit of Lynx Africa on, go to a local pub on a Friday or Saturday night and just try being yourselves?
I'm glad for those who have met someone on the internet and yeah, it can be useful, but I'd prefer to gradually get to know someone "in real life", without the possibility of a relationship automatically hanging over it.
i know at least four ugly chaps who regularly meet and quite probably service tidy sorts of that Guardian dating site. One of them's thick as fuck, right ugly bastard, doesn't even have the gift of the gab or anything, but apparently there are lots of desperately-single Guardianistas out ther with no standards.
That shit makes smell like a 13 year old boy.
i) lists "Astrology" as one of her interests.
ii) likes Creed. Look, I'm not holding out for someone who exactly agrees with my ranking of Boris albums or shares my passion for Pinkerton-era Weezer B-sides, but Creed? Fuck off.
I don't bother, even if I have said attribute, it really illogically fucks me off for some reason.
As if anyone would be on OkCupid if they looked like Ryan Gosling
But I'm planning on moving to Korea in the next 6 weeks. Is it worth making a profile if I have to explain to people that I'm leaving the country soon? Some casual dates would be nice.
Two lines which were relevant to the initial message about something on her profile followed by "What do u want from this conversation?"
People of DiS: is this a) refreshingly bullshit-free, cut to the chase communication, or b) the sure sign of a prick? I think it's b).
Honestly tempted to reply "nudes, or at the very least cyber"
the talking to lead to touching,
And the touching leads to sex,
And then there is no mystery left.
Chicks love Rilo Kiley.
She probably won't message you back, but no loss because she seems a bit of an option b)
Ive been on and off it for maybe 18 months. Met one girlfriend there. Maybe been on....15ish dates. Snogged half, hopped on the bad foot and done the good thing with a third. I've come to the conclusion it isn't the place to meet your 1 TRU LUV but it can be fun (though slightly addictive)
I think all of the rubbish about "tips" of how to get more messages or make your profile more attractive are rubbish, it is 95% about your photos, and someone will message you regardless of how dull your profile is if they fancy you. A profile is essentially just various things, one of which someone will pick up on in order to say "hi I fancy you".
The thing is for guys, virtually no girls are gonna message you if you dont spend a bit of time clicking about and/or updating your photos/profile regularly so you pop up at the top of the activity feed, it kinda perpetuates itself like that to get traffic. I'd say of all the messages I've got, it's because I've just uploaded a photo or clicked on a girl's profile and its come up with "....just visited your profile" and they've clicked through)
Any remotely attractive girl is probably getting 15 messages a day, so they can just sift through guys in their inbox and there isn't really many who would bother doing a search. You arent gonna get many messages just signing up and expecting them to flood in.
- It is often a waste of time and fairly disheartening messaging girls first. let them come to you, then at least you know they are interested and arent just being polite, unless they are mad bufftings and you must.
- Expect girls to message you then you chat back and forth for a while, and then they go totally silent. Dont take it personally
- Expect girls on the rebound
I realised reading this back through I sound slightly like a sociopath.
until i changed mine from a normal blah blah these are the things i like to something funnier i went from getting no unsolicited messages to getting 5 or 6 a week.
I was something of a class clown in school and eventually found it too exhausting to be relied upon to deliver 'the goods'. So I just stopped one day and focused on my studies and cultivated a more serious demeanor. Now I laugh at other people's jokes.
not funny as in telling jokes. funny as in being an aloof prick. that sort of funny.
can do, skillz
sent a message to the female that i mentioned in this thread previously. i'm a bit fucked, so that's probably for the best. :-)
was a fucking great idea.
my hood is pretty thin on the ground...
all the hot males live in Bristol.
in the about me he'd rewritten the entire original samantha brick article in the male perspective. I think it may have been lost on many
Don't think it's working. Not my sort of people anyway.
just made a bare bones profile, with hardly anything on it, so i could see what was out there.
I've had one message so far, all it said was ''how big are you?''
I didn't reply
and Fitzcarraldo nods it in.
I'm actually thinking of removing my OKC profile soon. I have three active people that I'm *seeing* from ther just now and I think I'm going to have a think over the weekend and choose (one choice which is appealing to me right now is to choose NONE of them) and then get back into the real world and stop being a pure diddy.
then we get the joy of translating it and don't have to read embarrassing messages.
However in a wonderful turn of events, i have started a new job which is almost entirely fit young lads, and a couple of fringey sexy_girls like myself. on my first day i found a guy who wants to play guitar with me and said 'i'll be your johnny flynn'