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It's the It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia quotes thread!
WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO BE CHAFF??
- How is burning trash green?
- Uh, because we're recycling the trash into heat for the bar, and lots of smoke for the bar, giving the bar the good smokey smell that we all like.
- The bar smells like trash. That's the exact opposite of green, Charlie.
- Well I'm sorry. I could put the trash into a landfill where it's going to stay for millions of years, or I could burn it up, get a nice smokey smell in here and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.
- That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about stars to dispute it.
It was awful. I think she gave me poison ivy.
Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on little jobbies?!
yes, that looks like my hands
FOR THE WEBSITE
thinking about the answer to this
Because Dennis is a bastard man!
You're 33 years old, you're supposed to be sexually active. You're not supposed to be fondling your uncle under a table!
Like tissue paper.
How do you see yourself, in the context of our group?
...the Sheriff of Paddy's.
Does that start with a sore throat? Because I think I might be getting it.
Parole Guy: Mr. Kelly, in your sworn statement to police, you claimed the prisoner told you that if you didn't, quote, jam a bunch of stuff in your butt, he was going to rape you so hard the room would stink.
Parole Guy: Then, he was going to, quote, eat your butt and your son's butt in the stink, until his stomach was full of your... butts. Is this correct?
Charlie: That is also correct.
God dammit i hate gin. Dee, you bitch.
I was eight.
Shut up Gary.
alright well I'm gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that.
Frank: "You gotta pay the troll toll, if ya wanna get into this boy's hole"
Charlie: "Boy's soul Frank, boy's soul! Godammit, how many times have I got to tell you to stop making it sound like hole?"
- Wait, I'm a little confused here. What's a twink?
- A twink is small and slender, like mac.
- Oh, no, I'm too muscular. I would be a bear.
- Uh, don't think so, bro. Not hairy enough.
- Smooth. Now, I would be a bear.
- No, no. See, I don't think you'd be a bear either. As a matter of fact, I don't know what you'd be. You're definitely not a twink.
- I'd be a top, that's for sure.
- Can a twink be a top or is that reserved for bears?
- I'm sure there's a great deal of switching back and forth but I think more often then not bears are tops, unless they happen to be power bottoms.
- What's a power bottom?
- A power bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.
- Actually Mac, you've got it backwards. You see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work.
- Does power have to do with size or strength of the bottom?
- Now Dennis, I heard speed has something to do with it.
- Speed has everything to do with it! You see, the speed of the bottom informs the top how much pressure he's supposed to apply. Speed's the name of the game.
What IS he hiding, dude?
- I see a door marked “Private”. Is that the door you were talking about?
- Okay, but what are we really gonna to do?
- We're not really gonna kill her, what are we gonna do?
- Ohhh yeah. Oh shit, that's a bummer.
Dennis: You've got to crack a couple eggs to make an omelet?
Charlie: Yeah, you gotta crack an egg.
Dennis: So you're throwing down life lessons now?
Charlie: I'm throwing down eggs!
- “Spin Doctors Mix”?