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"immediately close the magic position, or I'll ruin it"
I saw Tomb Raider 2 via just such a pirate. Laughing at the subtitles was the only reason I made it through the whole film. :D
"This is my teachings to you, you little bitch".
I dread to think how they translated "mewling quims".
Actually I think that Tomb Raider 2 disc I had just had English subtitles by someone who didn't speak good English typing out what the dodgy sound quality sounded like to him.
Hence it was like a sort of Chinese Whispers version of what I could make out. This looks a bit fancier, like Babel Fishing from English to another language and back again.
The big speech Theoden gives before the battle of Pelenor Fields includes the line *Today we feast on our ancestors*
human can do what