[10:48 PM]morrisseyy: make up a new story
[10:48 PM] morrisseyy: starring me
[10:49 PM] morrisseyy: and faps
[10:49 PM] twodadsagsdgas: faps marched into the new york apartment that she shared with her best friend morrissey 'morrissey! are you there?' she shouted into the empty room 'I'm havin a shit, did you get my newspaper and my can of pimms?' faps shouted from the gloom
[10:51 PM] frusk: what
[10:51 PM] frusk: hold on
[10:51 PM] morrisseyy: hahah
[10:51 PM] frusk: i cant be in the shitter and the front door
[10:51 PM] twodadsagsdgas: oh that was meant to be morrissey shouting back
[10:51 PM] frusk: ok, carry on
[10:51 PM] morrisseyy: yeah im in the shitter
[10:51 PM] twodadsagsdgas: i got confused OK
[10:51 PM] frusk: carry on
[10:52 PM] twodadsagsdgas: 'yeah, i got you the new york times, it is the only newspaper that i know exists in new york'' said faps, putting it down on the counter with a sigh she'd sailed over with her best friend morrissey to start a new life, and what a new life it was.
'can you bring it?' shouted morrissey. 'what?' asked faps. 'can you bring it through? I've had an eight egg omellette today, my shittter is backed up like the midtown tunnel, i'll be here for a while'. 'fine...' groaned faps, picking up the newspaper and the can of pimms and walking towards the heavy scent drifting from the bathroom door. 'it's locked' faps said, trying the handle 'oh, yeah, oops, can you just poke it through the hole shaped like a diamond?' 'yeah, i'll try' said faps, folding up the newspaper and sliding it through the hole. 'don't forget the pimms!' laughed morrissey, grabbing at the newspaper. 'it... it won't fit' said faps, trying to force the can through the awkwardly shaped hole. 'it has to, it has to fit' said morrissey, nervous that she wasn't going to be able to experience her taste of a traditional british summertime whilst cleaving a massive turd from her batty.
'hang on' said faps in an attempt to calm her, 'i'll find a way'. she looked franctically around the apartment. she would need a shower soon, and she was never getting into that bathroom until morrissey had passed that plumbing wrecker of a stool. her eyes lit up when she saw the drinking straws and she began enthusiastically connecting them together
[11:00 PM] morrisseyy: i feel this reflects badly on my abluting abilites
[11:00 PM] twodadsagsdgas: minutes, then hours passed as faps connected the straws together a long pipe made of straws, connected to support struts it was an engineering masterpiece. weights, counterweights, even a crude siphon system so faps wouldn't need to pour the can 'its ready, open wide' faps said, opening the can and preparing to pour. just at that moment, seagulls swarmed into the apartment.
[11:02 PM] frusk: seagulls in new york
[11:02 PM] twodadsagsdgas: hundreds and hundreds of the disgusting stinking birds flying around, knocking
[11:02 PM] frusk: gull cunts
[11:02 PM] twodadsagsdgas: over the boutique ornaments, the ornate carvings hung in the living room, even the girls' buttplug collection in the living didn't escape unscathed. faps started shouting angrily 'get out get out GET OUT GET OUT' the birds panicked, flying into each other, flying into the walls, flying into the ceiling faps opened the front door and shoed them out one by one they left the apartment, looking dejected and sad. thank goodness that was over' said faps. 'it's ok, morrissey, i will serve your drink in a moment'
[11:04 PM] tiresias: charity i used to work for phoned me up unsolicited and offered me a job
[11:04 PM] tiresias: wooooooooo
[11:05 PM] frusk: shhh we're listening to a story
[11:05 PM] tiresias: temp but no matter
[11:05 PM] twodadsagsdgas: 'what do you mean?' said morrissey, 'i've just had my pimms!' faps looked at the pimms delivery system and gasped. there was bird poo all over it, dribbling over the supports and running through the pipe. 'morrissey.... you've drank a load of bird poo... not pimms' suddenly there was a fluttering from the bathroom, and the sound of bottles being smashed faps cringed, she could hear her head and shoulders bottle tumbling to the floor, and that next noise sounded like morrissey's collection of mach 3 razor blades taking a tumble. faps ran to the door, grabbing at the handle and trying to open it. 'morrissey, are you... are you ok?' she shouted clawing the straws from the diamond peephole, she peered through just in time to see a great big seagull wearing morrissey's clothes flying out the window with a great big stringy poo hanging out of its batty. faps collapsed again the door as the reality of what had happened had sunk in. how was she going to get her best friend back, she was alone in new york she didn't know anyone, and had nobody to contact for help. as she contemplated what to do in this helpless situation, there was a knock at the door. in all the excitement, she had forgotten. the landlord was due for an inspection. she looked at all the bird shit and drinking straws, her heart pounding.
.....TO BE CONTINUED