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I think I'd be the smarmy little suck up who hid behind one of the kingpins in exchange for me nicking cigs for him
get put in solitary
But I bet I'd write a fantastic novel eventually, and read all the books I've ever wanted to.
Either get the Freak onside early or shiv her and then worknmy way up to top dog.
and they vary wildly.
D Cat or open prisons are sheltered accommodation to all intents. I went to one with a 9 hole golf course! Most people tend to be interned in a B Cat originally, they're pretty grim. Most remand prisons are B Cat, typically overcrowded and inherently volatile due to the transient nature of the prison population.
One thing I would say is that British prisons are in no way comparable to either the American state or federal systems that many of you will feel familiar with through popular culture. Simply put the American systems are fucking hardcore, make our hardest prisons look like nothing and would utterly break all bar a tiny majority of our prisoners.
I meet a lot of ex (and indeed current) offenders through work, most of them regard prison as an inconvenience more than anything. Others look forward to going back there, it's the lack of responsibility that appeals most. Either way, British prisons are at the Mickey Mouse end of the incarceration experience.
Jizz is so calorific
Yeah, the UK is at the Mickey Mouse end, but compared to the rest of north-west Europe, we're pretty backward.
Did you read that report on that prison in Norway the other week that was in the Guardian? Unthinkable here.
The Scandinavian countries are pretty much the only places on earth that i would rather be imprisoned
Ver badly, I think I'd cry alot
I imagine he's reacting in a very similar way right now!
the 'millionaire' bit is a bit OTT though, his grandfather was though.
The spoilt brat was convicted of murdering the 17-year-old New Zealander who had come to Britain for a better life.
Just looking for a better life
Might get buggered once in a while but that's a risk I'm willing to take.
except we put on more fabulous shows and administer less blowjobs
Day 2: raped by a scat obsessed brute.
Prisons aren't mixed so your mum won't be in there
Everyone loves musical theatre.
by getting bummed a lot and sucking a lot of dick
2. I'm really clever
3. I'm ridiculously good-looking.
I'd be running the place within six months.
I think I'd do okay in the end. I assume, once the crying and panic's over, you just accept that's where you are get on with it.
That said I am a mouthy bastard and would definitely get punched a lot.
I'm good at making friends.
Or I might try to just be myself, its worked out previously in dodgey situations
i'd definitely take a lover anyway.
I'm a quiet, peaceable sort and I like order and routine and being indoors, so it would suit me down to the ground, as long as you got to play football occasionally and I wasn't cell-sharing with anyone truly terrifying or anything.
Prison rape is not really a thing in British prisons either. Like, it happens occasionally but it's not really a system of domination and racialised violence like in America.
so, I would be in a solitary cell in some high security cell bloke. Like Hannibal Lector.
but as I am a terrible mathematician, I would be brutally murdered around about a year later.