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Gareth, lager - sometimes cider.
So different drinks, for different... needs.
Will there ever be a boy born, who can swim faster than a shark?
"Oh, I've told a few people in Bethlehem I'm the son of God, can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?" No. You gotta move on. You gotta spread the word. You gotta go to Nazareth, please. And that's, very much like... me.
My world does not end within these four walls.....Slough's a big place. And when I've finished with Slough, there's Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell, you know I've got to - Didcott, Yately. You know, my - Winersh, Taplow. Because I am my own boss, I can - BURFIELD.
i live in reading and i worked in burfield!
…I could catch a monkey - if I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison off deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself, you’ll be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.
But I'm the head of this family. You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does.
bandied around this office willy nilly.
I don't live by "The Rules" you know, and if there's one person who has influenced me in that way of thinking, someone who is a maverick, someone who does 'that' to the system then it's Ian Botham.
... I'm just watching
...could still be fun though.
Oh, I go, it's like saying I've got a new pedigree dog breed. It's half Alsatian, half Labrador. I go on to Crufts, I go, can I enter this dog in the Labrador section? No. Why? Because it's not a Labrador. Correct. Can I enter it in the Alsatian section? No. For the same reasons. Now get that dog out of my sight. Thanks, I will. You've proved my point. And that's Crufts.
That's one reason why gays shouldn't be allowed into the army. Because if we're in battle, is he going to be looking at the enemy, or is he going to be looking at me and going "Ooh. He looks tasty in his uniform". And I'm not homophobic, all right? Come round, look at my CDs. You'll see Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys. They're all bummers.
Do you know which 'philosopher' said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.
and it can be embarrasing you know. He doesn't understand all the new trendy words - like he'll say "poofs" instead of "gays", "birds" instead of "women", "darkies" instead of "coloureds".
And that’s not going "Ooh, look at me today, I’m entertaining whilst saving lives aren’t I brilliant?", it’s going "If you think I’m brilliant, then give generously and help save these guys who are starving, but are also brilliant"-not as entertainers, a lot of them can’t even speak English, but you know don’t give them their own game show, but save them from dying at least.
Yeah, I just stayed in, had a biiiiiiiiig wank
I didn't even use full quotation marks then and you cocked it right up, sort it out.
Women... Are... Dirty.
I'd be lying if I said my life had turned out exactly as I'd expected. My old school recently had a reunion, which I didn't go to, but one girl in my class it turns out, right, she is now running her own Internet auction website, making a fortune, and is happily married to a marine biologist. She used to eat chalk.
- excuse me mate, are you on tv?
- oop, penny's dropped.
- are you the fat one out of The Airport?
- obviously not.
Like Springsteen - Born to Run, the Slough branch...
Dow, dow dow dow dow, dow dow dadadada.
and spirits are in the sky
No, I've got loads. One on tennis, one on the Suez Canal, loads. Ok, question 3, which canal links the Mediterranean with the Red Sea?
No, I've got loads of questions here; one about the Suez canal, one on tennis...Which canal...?
Some complaints will be false.
...ooh, how could i kill a tiger armed only with a biro?
- I prefer the stuff you do about his little hand.
- I don't do stuff about his little hand...
- Yeah you do, the wanking claw.
i've just taken up yoga
We call him Taffy
*in the background* "C'mon c'mon baby c'mon c'mon baby...*fanfare*...oh no noooooooooooo"
If it's Kerplunk I'm coming round.
There's been a rape up there!
Vodka and coke. Remembered. What am I drinking?
PINT THEREOF! ...innit.
She won't be spilling any... fluids
You wouldn't know. If there was a Japanese sniper up there. You'd be oh... everything's fine here and then *blood exiting the mouth actions*
You're really missing the point of this...
and i'd get the other 3 and i'd bend them all over and i'd do the drummer, the lead singer, and that one who plays violin
Bloody good rep
fetch the guitar.