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mate, house music is well vanilla, isn't it... yeah, proper magnolia
the thing in the OP was shouted at me in a club in oxford on mayday this year, and it was fantastically odd that i had to txt it to myself so i wouldn't forget it
"write ten songs in a week, but make sure you chuck nine of them away" BOB DYLAN
Silly naive 18 year old me.
Ted Kravitz: "Can you tell us something funny in German? Maybe a favourite joke of yours?"
Nick Heidfeld: "No. There is no fun in Germany."
Felipe Massa: "I need a white visor. Please... a white visor. Otherwise I cannot see anything."
Rob Smedley: "Felipe baby, stay cool. We're bringing you the white visor, stay cool. We're in a good position."
--- --- ---
"It's the pens. I've got to get rid of the pens."
4.05pm: The Isner-Mahut battle is a bizarre mix of the gripping and the deadly dull. It's tennis's equivalent of Waiting For Godot, in which two lowly journeymen comedians are forced to remain on an outside court until hell freezes over and the sun falls from the sky. Isner and Mahut are dying a thousand deaths out there on Court 18 and yet nobody cares, because they're watching the football.
Soon they will sprout beards and their hair will grow down their backs, and their tennis whites will yellow and then rot off their bodies. And still they will stand out there on Court 18, belting aces and listening as the umpire calls the score. Finally, I suppose, one of them will die.
5.05pm: On Court 18 a match is not won and lost; it is just played out infinitely, deeper and deeper into a fifth and final set as the numbers rack up and the terrain turns uncharted. Under the feet of John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, the grass is growing. Before long they will be playing in a jungle and when they sit down at the change of ends, a crocodile will come to menace them.
5.25pm: What happens if, from here on in, every single match at Wimbledon heads into a decider and then decides to stay there, with neither player ever reaching an advantage; with the scoreline simply sailing off the map and into the wide blue yonder? Do the stewards lock the gates and make us stay? I've been chuckling over the nightmarish experience of Isner and Mahut, little realising that it has implications for the rest of us as well. We are all involved - going round and round, round and round.
5.30pm: Phew, the Wimbledon Zombie Pandemic has been contained. Thiemo De Bakker comes through 16-14 in the final set of his match against Santiago Giraldo. He will now play (hysterical laughter) the winner of the match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut. Needless to say, it's still going on: 30-30 in the final set
5.55pm: Is it a dream, a lie, or is John Isner really about to triumph in the longest match in tennis history? The American flicks a backhand return up the line to reach 15-40, with two match points. But then Mahut finds the line with a forehand and hastens in to tap away a terrified volley. Incredibly, he saves the second match point too and then pulls level once more: 33-33 in the final set.
So yes, it was a dream, it was a lie.
6pm: The score stands at 34-34. In order to stay upright and keep their strength, John Isner and Nicolas Mahut have now started eating members of the audience.
6.25pm: I'm wondering if maybe an angel will come and set them free. Is this too much to ask? Just one slender angel, with white wings and a wise smile, to tell them that's it's all right, they have suffered enough and that they are now being recalled. The angel could hug them and kiss their brows and invite them to lay their rackets gently on the grass. And then they could all ascend to heaven together. John Isner, Nicolas Mahut and the kind angel that saved them.
6.48pm: ...We're here but we're gone. Is anyone still alive up in the stands or have they now all been eaten? It's 40-40. And that's games, not points
Still no sign of that angel either, the one that swore blind that she would come down and spirit the players off to Disneyland Paris where they could ride the Thunder Mountain rollercoaster forever and ever amen. I'm now starting to wonder if she really exists.
7.30pm: Let it end, let it end, it's 46-all. It was funny when it was 16-all and it was creepy when it was 26-all. But this is pure purgatory and there is still no end in sight.
7.45pm: What happens if we steal their rackets? If we steal their rackets, the zombies can no longer hit their aces and thump their backhands and keep us all prisoner on Court 18. I'm shocked that this is only occurring to me now.
8.05pm: In the stands, a woman is laughing. She laughs long and hard and her laugh is the sort of ghastly yodel you normally hear in antique horror movies about Victorian insane asylums.
8.30pm: They are chanting "John!" because Isner gets to 0-30 on Mahut's serve and is therefore just two points from victory. Chant all you like, it won't change a thing.
9.12pm: Mahut prevails! Mahut wins! This is not to say he wins the match, of course. Nobody is winning this match; not now and not ever.
9.25pm: Last thoughts before I ring me a hearse. That was beyond tennis. I think it was even beyond survival, because there is a strong suggestion (soon to be confirmed by doctors) that John Isner actually expired at about the 20-20 mark, and Mahut went soon afterwards, and the remainder of the match was contested by Undead Zombies who ate the spectators during the change of ends (again, this is pending a police investigation).
Still, if you're going to watch a pair of zombies go at each other for eleventy-billion hours, far into the night, it might as well be these zombies.
other than that, tl;dr
y'know those women with that awful Marilyn Monroe quote, something like 'if you can't deal with what a mardy cow I am when I'm bad, you don't deserve me when I'm fucking lovely'...or something?
Well, they are ALL certifiably insane and should be avoided at all costs.
well if you can't cope with the fact that the ideal sunday for ME is to sit here in my pants, scratching my balls and watching football, then you don't deserve to be with the hilarious man i was on friday night after 7 pints when i was definitely not chatting up your mate
"What! you ARE an ape"
"The revolution and women’s liberation go together. We do not talk of women’s emancipation as an act of charity or because of a surge of human compassion. It is a basic necessity for the triumph of the revolution. Women hold up the other half of the sky" - Thomas Sankara
"In a way, too, you were a terrible little creature. If we were out together, on a blanket in the park - whenever you caught my eye you would give a brief quack of impending distress, just to keep me on alert. You were a terrrible little creature. But we are all terrible little creatures, I'm afraid. We are all terrible little creatures. No more of that. Or of this.
So if you ever felt something behind you, when you weren't even one, like welcome heat, like a bulb, like a sun, trying to shine right across the universe - it was me. Always me. It was me. It was me." - Martin Amis, London Fields
Only suddenly, then, you are out of it--that film, that skin of life--as when you were a kid. And you think: this must've been the way it was once in my life, though you didn't know it then, and don't really even remember it--a feeling of wind on your cheeks and your arms, of being released, let loose, of being the light-floater. And since that is not how it has been for a long time, you want, this time, to make it last, this glistening one moment, this cool air, this new living, so that you can preserve a feeling of it, inasmuch as when it comes again it may just be too late. You may just be too old. And in truth, of course, this may be the last time that you will ever feel this way again." - Richard Ford, The Sportswriter
and ''All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name''
well kids, you've tried your best and you failed miserably. the lesson is... never try.
apart from my name
- A drunk girl. To me.
"Heartfelt ineptitude has its charms, as does heartless skill, but what we all long for is passionate virtuosity." 'Chimera' - John Barth
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — tomorrow we will run faster..." - 'The Great Gatsby' F. Scott Fitzgerald
"My God, I wouldn't want to be playing myself today." - Fred Perry
"It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die." -'Generation of Swine' - Hunter S Thompson.
"You're a cunt, Patterson. But that's OK, we're all cunts."
The last one was by my oldest friend. The Gatsby one gets reeled out reliably every time I fail a job interview.
I knew that someday I was gonna die. And I knew before I died two things would happen to me-that number one I would regret my entire life, and number two I would want to live my life over again
"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde.
"...54 percent of Americans are actually creationists. This means that despite a full century of scientific insights attesting to the antiquity of life and the greater antiquity of the earth, more than half of the American population believes that the entire cosmos was created six thousand years ago. This is, incidentally, about a thousand years after the Sumerians invented glue." - Sam Harris - Letter to a Christian Nation: A Challenge to Faith.
"I reckon there's some bacteria who have better lives than the Inuit" - Karl Pilkington.
"Your last name's Black? That's like my last name being Jew. Larry Jew" - Larry David
"There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them" - Bruce Lee
"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later."
- Mitch Hedberg
"I'm warning you with peace and love, no more autographs!"
- Ringo Starr
"Football is like fighting a gorilla, you don't stop when you're tired, you can only stop when the gorilla is tired."
- Chris Coleman
"Where bounce you livin hun? x"
'Someone gave me a glass of water & asked "is it half full or half empty?" I drank it. No more problem.'
- Alejandro Jodorowsky
"Success is only success when you're standing on the corpses of others. That's my back tattoo."
"Look at the sea and think of your evolutionary past. Look at the sky and imagine the future. Look at the land and think of the present. And at the most profound place where land, sea and sky meet - there ye shall play volleyball." - Simon Munnery
"I don't mind being
moved, but I don't like
"Boo, I think I no
longer believe in
monsters as faces in the
floor or feral infants or
vampires or whatever. I
think at seventeen now
I believe the only real
monsters might be the
type of liar where
simply no way to tell.
The ones who give
"But how do you know
they're monsters, then?"
"That's the monstrosity
right there, Boo, I'm
starting to think."
"That they walk among
us. Teach our children.
"One morning I woke
up and found my
favorite pigeon, Julius,
had died I was
devastated and was
gonna use his crate as
my stickball bat to
honor him. I left the
crate on my stoop and
went in to get
something and I
returned to see the
sanitation man put the
crate into the crusher. I
rushed him and caught
him flush on the temple
with a titanic right hand
he was out cold,
convulsing on the floor
like a infantile retard."
need more book quotes
"This wine tastes of Chewits"
"Stay green, stay in the woods and stay safe"
"And the best way to start is to hit... Start. And up comes the toolbar. That's what she said."
"Profound" quotes on Facebook really bug me especially when the people who have put them have never read/studied anything, have no interest in the subject area from which the quote is taken and literally know nothing. Quoted "wisdom" (irony). Balderdash!
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-Edgar Allan Poe
The reason why kids are crazy is because nobody can face the responsibility of bringing them up.
Boom Boom Boom. Even Brighter than the Moon Moon Moon.
I didn't write the last one, someone added that and I would have had no idea unless this question was asked. Cheers.
Fear is the mind-killer
(pst. he hated Philadelphia...that's why it's funny)
Frank: Tom, you always make stuff happen
Tom: I don't make stuff happen, I break stuff happens