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''y u b so gorjaaaaas?? :-( i'm well jel ?''
I don't have Facebook, but my niece recently found me on Twitter. She posts shit like this:
#ilovewhenyou send me long sweet text messages randomly
#ilovewhenyou hold my hand
Good morning texts from HIM. #MyWeakness
MAKE IT STOP.
must be texting her in the morning: http://images.wikia.com/powerpuff/images/5/55/HIM.jpg
wtf was he doing in a childrens cartoon
I'm sure there is a way.
That awkward but funny moment when ur in a club and ur dancing like there's no1 on the dance floor the whole night except the ppl ur dancing with. N u keep shouting "I'm hungry for the power" but u don't know why. It just sounds so cool n it's so funny after a few drinks lol bc the ppl ur dancing with r jokes. Then in the end u realise why! N ur thinking what kinda DJ leaves this sick tune to the end! WOW!! well worth the shout n wait hahahaha
Actually laughed out loud :D
They make up about a third of my feed now. Something like "Better to have a friend than.... blah blah blah" aside a picture of two kittens having a cuddle or something. The world does not need any more of these.
I like this misuse of the word 'think'
Reminds me of a great Adam and Joe piece
'Movies for People that Think'
Comparing that Dotcom guy who ran Megaupload with a seemingly randomly selected spanish criminal, to stir up some good old fashioned Facebook outrage. Spot the mistakes:
Kim Schmitz hasn't been sentenced at all, let alone 50 years (and at the time of this appearing on my wall, hadn't even been extradited)
Pretty sure his crime wasn't just 'helping share digital archives'
These two crimes occurred in 2 different countries with 2 different justice systems
A quick google of the Spanish guy revealed that although he was found guilty of murder, he was cleared of rape. But let's not let the facts of justice get in the way here.
Needless to say, various friends were 'liking' this shit and reposting it within seconds. The mind boggles. I can understand people believing everything they read in the newspapers, even if it is nonsense, but I despair when people take what they see in Facebook moral panic memes as gospel.
''nighty night everyone <3 <3 <3''
WHY DO YOU DO THIS? NOBODY EVER RESPONDS.
You rude heartless bastard.
99% of her status updates are ''I'm off to bed. Nighty night everyone <3 <3 <3''
Bizarre.....and not behaviour I intend to encourage Joe!
about how shallow and superficial and pathetic this most beautiful teen contest is. it's just teenage girls submitting photos to a group and everybody's all 'u lukin gr8 hun xx'
but this person in question is constantly uploading stupid moody, angled, "sexy" photos of herself.
the hypocrisy was killing me
Who 'Likes' her own posts. Every single one of them, immediately after she posts it.
She also posted that her son (age unknown to me) 'said the nicest thing to her - Mummy, you're sexy and you know it'. Ooooooh kaaaaaaay.......
Which is clapping.
Worst bit of getting my tattoo lasered......no sunbeds for the next 6 months :(((
Classy in itself one might say, but one of her friends comments was brilliant jibberish
Arrrr ryt get ya iv ad 2 up 2 now Hun not ad any since, mines on my wrist fink I onli need one mur then I'm avin sumat done over it :) xx
Almost had to leave the office due to that second one.
and the phrase 'I want a pushchare what sits up'
I emailed her advising that she check the spelling given the current geopolitical situation. She took it really seriously and sent me an apologetic email...fuck me, some people!
Like, people whining about buying a "bin bag of kids clothes" and then going fucking nuts cos theyre damp and then they get into a slanging match where the seller offers to wash them again and the buyer tells them they wouldent go near their trampy home and want their £3 back?! This is no way to live.
best one today 'dose anyone actuly sale ne fing on here?lol swear this fing is a joke'
It seems has had a bit of a messy break up and his ex is seeing somebody else. She told him not to text her but then she texted him again and ended up saying the same thing.
This now has got really petty and he's posting screencaps from his phone on facebook to prove that he didn't send the first text and he told her to delete his number.
Every day there's something like...
'So glad it's friday!'
'Two days until the weekend,'
'Can't believe it's thursday!'
She's lovely though, so I tend to find them quite funny rather than annoying.
438 pages & counting
Is it worth reading the other 435 pages?
but a lot of it is also priceless. If you're into laughing at pathetic idiots.
Sadness and solitude are really bad things. If you know someone fighting chronic bouts of sadness and feeling all alone and stuff then copy and paste this into your status. Go on...will you do this for the sad and lonely?
that seems like a good plan
Went down on a lassie last night an her bomber doors smelt of ammonia. wit's at all aboot?
with the caption "I'm a paki! maybe I can get a free house now lol"
Was one of her previous statuses that one about illegal immigrants getting free cars?
I can't decide which I like more, fucking or fighting?
all she posts are pictures of herself with "inspirational" quotes about life as the caption
Punch Problems in the Penis
Throw your fence-sitting into the sewer at the centre of the sun
I Fuck Hedges
If It Isn't Broke, Tie it to a fucking KITE
Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time.
We're all in the same game just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.
Never give up in such a wonderful life
A true friend is the only person who never gets tired of listening to your own pointless dramas over and over again <3
Life is like math, if it goes too easy, something is wrong
(I think most of them are song lyrics actually? These are all from the last two weeks)
Go Forth and achieve greatness boys. Just like our forfathers before them did! dating back to 69 BC when the first man, the caveman, laid the path for every man to follow. For that man had one goal...one dream and one slab of steak! oh yes...on this day many years ago that caveman founded steak and blowjob day! and now men everywhere rejoice in one day made for man! Today you are that man, take your bucket, take ur mop and sweep up whatever lays before you. Who are we? Cavemen!!
I found this on the Facebook page of two jointly owned venues in Belfast:
-"Hi i seen on your website that derek accorah was in the ulster hall i dont know where the ulste hall is i wish he was in waterfront can yous do something or anything to make him go to the waterfront"
you're the dickhead.
Edited for, errr, dignity's sake I guess.