pretend this isn't a personal thread but in fact a hypothetical one written in the first person. if you want.
i've gained more friends than ive lost. overall. maybe. i haven't counted.
but ive lost quite a few. many people have decided not to be friends with me because i am a bit "screwed up" for reasons it's more than my character limit's worth to divulge (even if there isn't a character limit i have no clue)
people say everyone has "that friend", i don't so i can only conclude i'm "that friend".
but i've been told that i'm too "difficult" to invite out or include in stuff, or at work that i'm too "stressy and serious" and don't fit in, i've been told that people don't want to speak to me anymore because they don't want to have to worry about me, i've been told that as someone already has friends "with depression" and been sucked into talking to "needy women" they can't talk to me. after i had a bit of a mood accident and got what i can only describe as tranquilised, no one involved in the incident has spoken to me again. even though one of them was at one point one of my best friends.
i can appreciate that i'm basically screwed up or "a mess" as my mum likes to put it or "fucked up" as my NOW EX FRIEND and also ex would describe it. i really can and i don't like being screwed up at all. i know i do things that frustrate people but i can't altogether control. i know i'm a bit, er, ok, difficult then. but i'm not, you know, evil. i'm not an arsehole. if you take into account my massive foibles i think i can be an okay friend, even. like a hedgehog. YES. prickly and requires special gloves to handle but ultimately a cute and lovely little shuffly ball that eats slugs and is a welcome addition to your garden. i really love people and i only want to have good times with them and make their lives better and appreciate them for who they are. that's really all.
gosh this is another one of those threads i really should probably just not make. i'm just wondering if the pool of people out there willing to accept that well ok i have been a bit fucked over by life and i'm not altogether normal is really that small. or maybe i should just accept that as a "screw up" i generally just make people's lives slightly wankier than they could otherwise be and therefore can't expect people to want to be friends with me?