"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."
"What happened to the doll?"
"It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"
Now time for the Airing of Grievances...