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Pretending to confuse Coke with cocaine.
he always seemed to be the go-to for those fucking smelly stoners who wear oversized Soulfy hoodies and camouflage shorts all year round.
See also, when you're in the office and you get up to go and make a cup of tea:
GOML: Anyone else want a drink?
COLLEAGUE: Think I could do with a double vodka if you've got it
Never been funny.
A man picks a box of Bonios off of the shelf and turns to his wife:
You can do it with embarrassing products in pharmacies too.
But someone leaves the office for the night, forgets sonething and comes straight back. "good morning" or some other dhit.
yes the shop till
*mum in hysterics*
Coke *is* cocaine.
You mean Coca-Cola.
''would you like anything off the trolly sir?''
''well, id quite like the wheels''
actual dad joke
Person 1: "I'm tired"
Person 2: "Hi tired I'm xxx"
because you forgot something...
I don't understand. The punctuation has disappeared.
I posted pretty much the same thing as you but fluked some, up there ^
"Is it Thursday already?!"
the laughter went on quite a long time. People must be going mad here.
Have a nice trip!
but I actually do measure my life in the output of MES and company
and it had the text "jamie's party, he's asked you to bring some coke. what do you get?"
and below that were two checkboxes - "2 litres" and "2 grams".
anyone remember that?
Just as soon as I've finished this chocolate bar!!!!!!!
we we're walking to Tesco (from his car) and he was talking about how much he wanted to lose weight, and how he is really determined to get fit this time round, followed by the sentence 'oh all this talk of loosing weight is making me hungry'.
Literally, 30 seconds later he's got a massive Tesco Sandwich in his hand.
"If I see food, I eat it!"
in terms of how people use these tried and tested lines like those mentioned in the thread, amongst some casual acquaintances or colleagues.
I find it works better than sarcastic one-liners, stewart lee references and simpsons quotes.
Hence them being posted as facebook statuses.
"No sugar, I'm sweet enough" etc etc.
but from where I sit, there's no way he's not a single account shared by 4 or 5 very different people. The Bamnan who wrote ^that comment is about a million miles from the LOLmole.
"Are you coming?"
"No, it's just the way I'm standing"
*sneeze* *no-one says anything*
"How do you like your coffee?"
"Strong and black, like I like my men"
"Hello, my name is slavestate and I'll be your waiter for the night"
"Hello my name is an unfunny cunt and I'll be your customer for the night"
"Would you like to add a tip sir?"
"Invest in gold"
I like my coffee weak and borderline nonsensical, like my variations on the 'I like my coffee black' joke.
"How do you like your coffee?"
"Strong and black, like I like my men''
She's a lady who knows what she wants. Coffee...and convicts.
I'm trying to reclaim the word 'convict' for the black folk
absolutely everyone has thought of the same joke but decided against saying it outloud because it is just so obvious, but then someone goes an says it thinking they are hilariously witty
and there'd be an awkward silence if they weren't said?
but most of the time these moments dont require the obvious being said, the moment of obvious joke doesnt even need to be recognised and should carry on with whereever the conversation was going, and when the obvious is said it will most likely be meet with awkward silence anyway
absolutely everyone who passes by - 'You're looking rough today Helen, ahahahahahahahaha!'
4yrold child - "Dad I want a wee"
Dad - "Not until Christmas Day we've been through this"
the little kid actually rolled her eyes at that Dad Joke. You have serious joke problems if four year old knows it's a bad one.
She'll be bursting.
I would use it, but from memory my kids say "Dad, i need to do a pooh."
Had the pair of them in Ikea last night, in cubicles next to each other, refusing to shut the door, grunting and groaning like they were shitting the biggest turds ever.
In come a bunch of Ikea workers and their kids from their Christmas party, the looks of horror on their faces.
are never funny, I just don't understand how anyone can get any amusement out of them
"No!" on it
My boss still thinks they're hilarious
No, I'm half left...
in more ways than one ;)
sign your life away
do you take sugar?
no im sweet enough, thanks
Yes I know it fulfils a valuable social function, but something inside me dies a little every time someone says to me
Is it Friday yet [on Monday, *chortle*]?
Having fun yet?
Same shit different day!
Another day another dollar!
Once more into the breach dear friends!
cos it makes me feel like my life is a film and it's the first scene and I live in the future and I'm the main character and we're getting to know what he does for a living and they're trying to make the film look as real as possible and some sarcastic girl will say something flirtatious and I'll walk past her and make some smartarse monotone reply and then