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i appreciate this is liek talking to yr mum about how to USE THE INTERNET but I don't ever go on facebook
-> Friend's events
this happens too often
it's not quite as sad as it seems
come hug me
I DON'T WANT TO GO ANYWAY!
if you can't see a list of people, they've been hidden on purpose, I don't think there's any way to get at it.
I'll just have to send the spys in
in a purely hypothetical scenario where you haven't been invited to a PARTY, would you confront the perpetrator of the snub or just let it slide?
You're obviously not invited for a reason. Either they don't like you or you're just easy to forget about. SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU.
and I have work on thurs :(
in answer to yr question.
theoretically I wouldn't be demanding anything other than an explanation as to why I haven't been invited to a party of someone who I have know for 10 + years, see ----fairly--- regularly and haven't, to my knowledge, fallen out with.
I fully agree that I don't have any right to demand to be invited ANYWHERE
and hope anyone I omit will hear about it through other friends.
It's pretty damn easy on the Facebook invite system to not invite someone. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. Do you have a mutual friend who can get to raise it with the person having the party and see what they say?
maybe an ex girlfriend or someone? or perhaps they just forgot. or maybe facebook was being an idiot when sending invites out.
Show them you can have fun without them.
If it was one of my closest friends and they'd invited all our mutual closest friends but not me I might bring up the subject and see what they said. Or, if for some reason I really wanted to go (say all my friends were going but I didn't know the person whose party it was), get a friend who was closer friends with the party host than me to angle for an invitation for me.
Otherwise I'd just accept I wasn't invited and do something else with my evening.
and invite all their guests and have blackjack and hookers so everyone will go to your party instead
What you doing on the...? whatever date it is
Oh that's the night of THE PARTY, you are coming right?
...what PARTY? Oh, sounds great, yeah I'll come.
but this usually proves to be a relatively painless way of getting to stand awkwardly in the corner at THE PARTY
I might have to join. I wondered why I'd stopped partying :(
So, every year since we were at university, my good friend B has invited people to his house in the country a few days before Christmas. It's become an annual occasion that a group of about 8 of us look forward too very much.
However, last year, friend R fell out with friend Z when he confessed his love to her and was rejected. He then went a bit mental. B never really liked R anyway, so used this as an excuse not to invite him last year, in fact, never even told him him it was happening (and as it went, R was busy with work anyway).
This year, B has sent out his invites, and again left R out. This was okay, and we were all careful not to mention it when he was around. Until last week when we were all at dinner, and friend J suddenly said across the table loud enough for all to hear: 'Hey, are you going to B's party?'. I don't know why I didn't just flat out lie and say I hadn't heard anything about it and spared everyone's blushes, but instead, I just sort of pulled this face of panic and horror and tried to indicate with my eyes that he should shut the fuck up. I could feel everyone else at the table cringe. Someone actually ran from the table, so uncomfortable it was. J somehow misinterpreted my looks for confusion and blundered on: 'B's party? The 17th? Yeah? You coming? Like last year? Yeah?' After about two minutes of intense social pain, he sort of shrugged and gave up. R left very quickly after that. He's been very quiet since. I really hope he hasn't topped himself.
But he's very odd, and he's never really fit in to our gang. We met at uni and all went out of our way to bring him in and help him take part, but he just proved to be completely resistant to socialisation. The thing with Z was ridiculous. He really annoyed a lot of people. And it's up to B who he invites to his house (and his parents who generously cook for us).
Friends are complicated.
I meant cruel. Hahahahah.
if someone's not part of the group and won't fit in.. don't go for dinner with them, because it's basically false hope isn't it?
I have a bit of an ire for 'gangs'. People generally become bitchy, gossipy and judgemental the second an 'us/them' fence is put up.
Just a bunch of people who lived in the same corridor at uni and became mates. R lived there as well, so in the first weeks we invited him along to stuff out of politeness, even though he was shy/awkward/antisocial depending on how you looked at it. Although our efforts never really met with much reward, he kept hanging out with us. It eventually just reached a clumsy plateau where ostensibly he's our friend but really he's massively isolated despite all our efforts. Some of us keep trying, and some, like B, have decided to give up.
it seems reasonable to tell him to FO.
Trust me, better in long run.
but isn't a very rewarding friend, through no fault of anyone in the group. It seems like they've tried with R but he's just being a bit of a C to a certain person who has reacted in a way that is just like 'I can't be bothered with him becuase he can't be bothered with me' which is right really. Friendships take work from either side, not just one side.
i'm just positing that if someone isn't pulling their weight as a friend or actually worth the unappreciated effort, it's better to cut them out clearly than to keep them around but exclude them from things at a group discretion.
I know I do/have.
I don't think I could actively cut someone out of a group especially if that person was like this R is, clearly a bit socially inept. I'll just leave the inviting to someone else. Not ma problem.
i guess if you don't really have anyone else to hang out with, even that kind of friendship is something to hang on to.
Very sad though :(
but that's R's problem to have to deal with, not everyone elses. If they have no one else, they need to up their game and be someone people want to hang around with otherwise they'll have no problem dropping him. Very sad.
but yes. i guess the obvious thing is for the group to say "we want you out and about, but you made us really uncomfy a while back and it's sort of stuck that way"
basically because I'm totally awesome and a massive pushover all at once.
The party host should step up and say this to R so he knows and his feelings aren't hurt :( POOR R!
so it doesn't seem like a random snubbing.
H_Y_G, let him know.
And yeah, the problem with social epicentres like you and I is that it's so hard to relate.
*suddenly starts dancing the robot as balloon nets open and friends pour into building*
*does the worm whilst 100 kittens fall out my pockets*
J's name also happens to begin with J.
and at about 2am go banging on their front door screaming and crying WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME ANYMORE?!