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One time, some broad was sucking my cock, and I came and she threw up on me, gross right.
Now you go.
this still happening huh?
was once made drunk and taken advantage of by a very aggressive gay boy I also know (hereafter SG). One thing lead to another and SG ejaculates in PD's mouth after a blowjob. PD, in realisation of what has happened or just because he's pissed enough to fellate another man, vomits copiously.
I know this because SG is every gay stereotype brought to life and loves to gossip.
I pulled a girl who lived a few floors above me. We went back to her room and she disappeared to the toilet. Anticipating sex, I stripped to my boxers and then woke up a few hours later.
I saw her, embarrassed, a few days later. Apparently she'd 'had a bit of an upset tummy' and then slept in her friend's room because I was hogging her bed.
but I did sleep with this guy once who had baby blue silk underpants on with his name embroidered on them. They were embarrassing
I want some
who shouted his own name at the point of ejaculation. I know this because Heather's flatmate told me she heard him shouting "Nathan!" in a breathless ejaculatory fashion.
when I Stayed at my friends house when i was 15, her mum had some guy back and she howled like a dog when she had sex with him
Even one of the more lewd of the bored would not go in to these kind of stories.
* I've had a blow job
* I've done anal
* I've seen a girls tits
* I've got a friend who had sex
OP reminds me of that joke about the guy who gets out of gaol and all he wants to do is go down on a woman. So he goes straight to the local knocking shop, but having been in prison he doesn't have a lot of dosh so he can only afford the oldest skaniest ho they've got. Anyway he sets to muff diving, and he comes across a bit of carrot. "Jesus, that's a bit off," he thinks. Then there's a piece of corn, but he keeps at it like the trooper he is. But then there's this horrible bit of masticated stinking meat, he can't work out what is and he starts gig.
"Oh jesus, I think I'm gonna be sick," he says.
"That's funny," says the old pro. "That's what the last guy said."
No idea why I thought he'd play a set in her pussy.
The girl noticed. I didn't.
I've always been great at sex
because his nose was very snotty and was almost dripping down onto my face and causing me to heave.
protect your face?
<MASSIVE SAFETY WINK>
Who is a massive greedy bottom (he likes bum sex) esd being fucked by a dominent top and he shit all over his cock.
TRUE STORY. NO MORE NOW.
I know someone who was majorly put off because the guy relaxed way too much when he came and farted really loudly.
She didn't come. Apparently.
Bed collapses mid action due to who knows what. Vigorous sex, her weight, poor construction?
Parents run in to find me balls deep in miss piggy.
to describe someone they willingly had sex with. slummin it eh? GOOD ONE ON YA
that's what happens when you try to put the dog in the bathtub
I'm no oil painting though that's for sure.
im pretty sure she wants everyone to hear, find that pretty embarassing.
and 'everybody get funky' came on, that was pretty cringe
the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme came on.
It was just on in the background, but then some film came on about war. We had to stop and find the remote because it was getting a bit creepy having sex to the sound of bombs, gunfire and death.
why did you turn it off?
Sneaking off for a bit of the sex whilst camping, whilst pretty mashed on E and shrooms late in the evening and winding up sexing beside the carcass of a sheep. Rounds of 'what's that smell', 'was that you', etc. It kind of spoiled the mood.
Having to clamp my hand over my then partner's mouth as she was making too much noise, (more than normal) and there were workies outside, only to near suffocate her. She wasn't too happy about that.
Having our respective neighbours complain about the noise during sex at various points. Floor banging, shouting, buzzing the intercom.
An early experiment with getting tied up resulting in a pinched nerve in my hand and me having numbness and then pins and needles in my thumb and forefinger for a few weeks.
An experiment with golden showers resulting in my partner getting severe heaves. Pro-tip, apparently it's best to hydrate yourself fully before doing watersports.
Getting a burst nose during a particularly active threesome and not noticing for a bit, which resulted in a fair bit of flailing and panic.