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No not him, irritable bowel syndrome. Nice huh? What causes it then?
"Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS, or spastic colon) is a diagnosis of exclusion. It is a functional bowel disorder characterized by chronic abdominal pain, discomfort, bloating, and alteration of bowel habits in the absence of any detectable organic cause. In some cases, the symptoms are relieved by bowel movements. Diarrhea or constipation may predominate, or they may alternate (classified as IBS-D, IBS-C or IBS-A, respectively). IBS may begin after an infection (post-infectious, IBS-PI), a stressful life event, or onset of maturity without any other medical indicators."
Is this why?
Yes I realised about 30 seconds later that I knew who you were. No, Boots is my shortcut to the tube station and shaves a remarkable 30 seconds off my journey time (there's a tip for you Bond St fans during the Crossrail development).
I gathered as much. You had that I AM AN OFFICE WORKER ON MY WAY TO THE TUBE look. I seriously don't know how you work there. It makes me want to kill people.
As there is no answer there's what doctor's call a "bin diagnosis" where they label a wide ranging group of symptoms as something just to give it a name Like "personality disorders" or the illnesses I've just mentioned.
It's a shame really as it makes the whole thing seem not real and people doubt it's existence as they can't believe (or don't want to) that medical science can't 100% know everything. The dicks.
YEAH UNNECESSARY RANT!
but i know nothing
I've been getting some really odd looks when I told people I was a sufferer.
a bad diet
different things for different people. There are all different kinds of IBS.
i have it. Its a pain in the hole.
For me it's stress/anxiety related and pretty much entirely psychosomatic.
You'd think that knowing that something was mostly in your head would help, but it just sets up the possibility of feedback loops like "Don't get anxious, will cause stomach problems. Now anxious about possibility of getting stomach problems. Now have stomach problems, and anxious".
I get somewhat anxious when a) getting up early and b) travelling. Commuting is a fucking joy, let me tell you.
As far as medication goes... the standard over the counter stuff which I forget the name of is an antispasmodic and I haven't bothered with it for years. All it did for me was very slightly take the edge off the stomach cramps, but not much else.
There's always Immodium if you absolutely need to get shit done, but that's not treating the root cause (and even if I take a half dose of the weakest stuff it's... incredibly effective. Too effective. For several days) so I really try to avoid it.
Honestly the only solution for me is to not get anxious/stressed in situations which make me anxious/stressed. This is easier said than done.
Bit shit. Definitely a pain in the hole.
My favourite ("favourite") Immodium story is when I had a dodgy stomach the night before a stag do. Woke up feeling pretty much fine, so decided to hop on the coach and get on with things.
Long story short, problems resurfaced on the journey, and I was due to be doing laser quest type stuff in a boiler suit, then going drinking. So I went against my own usual advice and took a full dose of Immodium Plus.
Didn't poo for six days. SIX DAYS.
I once had some pretty rank diarrhoea which I caught off a bratwurst at a beer festival. Took a double dose of Boots own diarrhoea relief... like yourself, it solved the problem a bit too well. It took 3 weeks for my movements to get back to pre-bratwurst levels.
I bet some of you don't even have a favourite Imodium story...
once I ate a large bag of pork scratchings on a long car journey and it gave me a horrible case of the shits. Next day I had a second date with a girl, and I happened to know (ahem) that her bathroom was en suite with her bedroom, and that noisy messy pooing of any variety was out of the question.
Never having really taken immodium before I went to town on the stuff, had a about 3 or 4 over the course of the evening. Didn't shit for about a week afterwards.
I was once queueing for a toilet at Reading Festival. Had a bog roll with me so everyone knew what I was doing etc. Some really chirpy scouse fella just bowls up to me and says "Ey, you don't wanna be going in one of them son, just slam some imodium down ya. Seriously - it's jus' like shovin' a cork up yer arse!"
He said the last part of that in a patois reminiscent of Neil Buchanan saying "G'wan - try it yerself!".
Worked a treat. A treat which led to 2 shitless weeks followed by the kind of dump where you fear you might permanently ruputure something. So not really a treat.
Still probably better than spending time in a festival toilet though.
Stress caused my bowels to do all sorts of crazy things. Then I got stressed about my stomach playing up, which made me stressed out even more. Eating out was particularly bad, I remember spending a trip to TGI Fridays on the toilet, and I had to leave a curry house once it was so bad. Somehow I just got over it, the cause of the original stress had long gone but the stress about my bowels going apeshit seemed to continue for some time.