Descriptions in posh foody places.
Post your most hated here. I'm talking about when a sliver of fish is 'enveloped' by 'mushroom foam' and the like.
There's a kind of high end Ice Cream shop near where I live, which sells Vanilla Bean Ice Cream.
Vanilla Bean? Really?
So that's... Vanilla Ice Cream isn't it?
Go on.
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vanilla comes in pods
the twats.
To be fair a foam of mushroom can only be described as `mushroom foam`. Whether you think we should be eating foam is another matter.
Fair do's, but it's more the `enveloped` bit I was concerned about.
Vanilla bean ice cream - made with real vanilla pods
Vanilla ice cream - made with vanilla flavouring
Regardless, what flavour is it?
Vanilla.
People who order vanilla ice cream are the worst kind of people. My dad is one of these people.
Oh, big baby's got to have chocolate.
Shut it, vanilla.
What IS the point in having anything on the menu if there is a chocolate option?
bet she can't decide and throws a tantrum
and the waiter has to bring one scoop of strawberry and one of chocolate.
Get out
Vanillas amazing
Its okay
with some sauce or bits on but just vanilla ice cream on its own is pretty boring.
Only as an accompaniment.
With hot chocolate cake, amazing. On its own, meh.
nah, if its proper nice vanilla is well nice
As Ray Winstone once said vanilla, like ready salted, is the daddy.
Punctuation matters, people.
My Dad is just like Ray Winstone.
That's vanilla bean, you're talking about.
REAL Vanilla is great
the ones where you see lil biddy black specs to indicate the fact a vanilla pod has actually graced it's mixture. I get the feeling Meowington is basing her crappy opinion on industrial tubs of icecream
My opinion has since changed
I like a good vanillary ice cream now. I like it with hot chocolate belgium sauce. YUM. But my new favourite ice cream flavour is pistachio! So i'd still chose pistachio over vanilla.
Bender in a bun with cheese
I am partial to...
...beans on a 'bed' of toast.
flakes of cod enveloped in bread crumbs panfried then served
on a bed of haricot beans in a tomato reduction
tomato jous
is that?
Jus or jew not jous
The first one then...
Although if I remember back to my GCSE French days, 'jus d'orange' does not have a silent s...
So maybe its the second one. Or they've just bastardised French.
Wha?? The S is well silent!
JUHDORRARNGE
You're probably right after thinking about it :/
No wonder I only got a B in French...
Me too.
And i've used my mad skills precisely ONCE since acheiving that milestone. And you've just witnessed that occasion.
:D
* LOCALLY SOURCED haricot beans
Pie n mash
<frilly description of pie filling> enveloped in pillows of pastry, residing on a bed of mash.
At the chip shop once the chip lady asked if I wanted
'chips with my cheesy?' (I'd ordered a cheeseburger).
Sounded like she was questioning my personal hygiene. I did not like this.
And THAT, my friends, is thewarns version of `fine dining`.
~Fine dining ranking~
1)Ham n Eggs in....Carolina
2)Chips with my cheesy
3)Steamed vegetables
Some now go for the simple approach
Lamb Shank. Parsnip reduction. Balsamic asparagus.
Soup of the Moment
Honestly, just fuck off eh.
The moment has passed.
The soup of this moment is bread.
Jus
There's something very smug and annoying about that word
Oh I see, garrotting children with kite string wasn't enough for you.
Now you have to go all anti-Semitic on our asses.
home made/rustic/cheeky
that's all I've got. Sorry
oh and Artisan
cheers
artisan bread
always makes me think that the bread was made by some moustache-twirling salvador dali type, in his mad scientist kitchen with test tubes and beakers on the go
The restaurant was presented on a bed of pavement.
My plate was served on a bed of table.
served with a confit of figs, trouser scrapings and wotsit dust
Here we go
http://www.squarerestaurant.com/Food/Tasting.aspx
(PS I've eaten there, it was AMAZING)
I should think so at those prices!
Is there really any noticeable difference between Dorset crab and Alaskan crab?
A lot of that wasn't too bad to be fair. Quite normal names.
Until this... `Lasagne of Dorset Crab and Alaskan Crab with a Cappuccino of Shellfish and Champagne Foam`
What the hell is that?
I'm gonna ask for a cappaccino of shellfish next time i'm in Nero
Whelk in your coffee, sir?
I'll have a dry prawn latte please
But sir, what about the oyster foam?
Put that in my Crayfish Mocha please.
The main problem these days
is that you don't seem to be allowed to have a noun without a pre-cursing adjective.
e.g. hand cut cips - never just chips.
I think this is OK if the adjective sets it apart in a significant way.
e.g. Free range chicken breast
But I don't need to be told irrelevant minutae of the preparation process just as a means of enlivining your copy thank you menu writers.
Ethically farmed, succulent cod, coated in sumptious bread crumbs delicately placed in an stoned baked ciabatta. Accompanied by fresh, refreshing side salad
So, fish fingers in a cob? Can ciabattas even be stone baked?!
I love how you've got annoyed by the specifics of something you just made up
Haha!
FINE ILL TAKE A PHOTO OF IT
Im sure Ive spoken about this before?
Yes, yes they can
Try this one on for size
http://www.thedorchester.com/uploads/documents/Lumiere%20@%20Alain%20Ducasse%20at%20The%20Dorchester.pdf
Don't think thats too bad on the description front.
Just full of fancy shit.
One thing though:
'Heritage Tomato' Does that mean 'out of date'?
Poncy as it sounds, I think
that is actually a variety of tomato. I'd never heard of it either until an american friend asked if our local market sold "Heirloom tomatoes". Some googlin' tells me that Heritage is the UK name for that variety.
I closed the page at the word `cocooned`
and I hadn't even got to the food. That was just a description of the room.
BULLSHIT.
I've eaten there
It was pretty wanky to be honest, spent a fucking fortune.
I've noticed a reverse trend for this now in certain places
For example, last night I had as a starter 'scallop ceviche' and as a main 'half roast chicken'. It srikes me as a bit perfunctory. I think I would like to know if it's enveloped in a foam. Maybe.
`enveloped in foam`
sounds like something waiters do if you complain too much.
I'd imagine that as it goes in the opposite direction and they strip back all the nonsense
... that when they say 'half roast chicken' that that's all your getting.
*YOU ARE
Fucking Nando's
i had nando's on tuesday
why are they always trying to flog olives at the till? they don't even go well with the food.
Portuguese, innit.
the Portuguese must HATE Nando's
people now think their national cuisine is upmarket KFC for the shrieking Harvester crowd
There's a pub near me with delusions of grandeur
their menu describes sausage and mash as 'sausages, draped on a bed of mash'.
Draped!
sounds like a big floppy cock
of a sausage
This. It sounds raw.
If you can 'drape' meat, it's either totes uncooked or very rare.
hmm, bit shonky
i would have probably gone with 'sausages, reclining on a bed of mash'. makes them sound pretty stylish and care-free
I'd go with
`sausages, chillin' with the mash`.
.'maxin and relaxing, shooting some b-ball outside school, with mash'
:'-(
http://is.gd/vdgYw0
shit...cached didn't work
Ctrl+F "Literally" on that page
I'm just back from France
And I like how you can get high end food in modest looking places with no nonsense menus. For example I ordered Magret de Canard and there was no mention at all on the menu about the MASSIVE WAD of cooked Fois Gras that came with it.
Did you eat it with complete disdain, kele?
Threadsmash jokette #35667
My wife left me last week. She said I was too depressing. But who cares, we're all going to die eventually anyway.
I'm bumping this thread...
because i've just eaten somewhere that had 'Chicken Liver Parfait w/ Toasted Bread Slices' on the menu.
Toasted Bread Slices.
I went to a place which had no descriptions at all
It was a gastropub so was probably trying to look less snooty, but actually came across more so. A couple of selections:
Monkfish liver, apple, onion
Coffin of Borage – Wild flowers, peas, liquorice
Fowl, mushroom, verjuice
One dish included Octopus cream. Which seemed like a waste of octopus to be honest.
it's all (the collective) your own fault
for watching so many noncy cooking programmes on TV.
I want you to make us dinner
shreds of finest Scottish cheddar casually drizzled over perfectly cooked organic penne pasta
Anything "atop" anything else
can suck my dick
Your mum atop my penis
Creme Anglaise
It is fucking custard you pricks.