The misanthropic manc appears to have gone AWOL, so I’ll have a stab at writing some shite about football.
Arsenal look to put their slightly underwhelming display at United behind them by unveiling some injury prone panic buys at the Emirates Library. Both Swansea and Arsenal love a pass or 80, so expect a bimillion passes and 3 shots on goal.
Everton come through the transfer window having alleviated their lack of striking options by, um....selling two more strikers. Still, it should keep the wolf from the door, if not the fans from the pitch/chaining themselves to some railings. Their new on loan signing Denis Stracqualursi needs to hit the ground running, though he was top scorer in the Argentinian League like compatriot Mauro Boselli was before his premier league arrival, so there are clearly goals in him......
Man city are left REELING after Garry Cook discloses his hatred for the cancerous. Expect to see him very soon, hanging out around an oncology department near YOU, arm round the shoulder of a sickly child, ruffling their.....head and saying that he bloody hates that cancer, but bloody loves those afflicted. City should struggle to a 5 – 0 romp against Wigan to help put it all behind them.
Liverpool look for their first win at Stoke in Five games. Stoke look to unveil a few of their transfer window signings. One of them being a £10 million, 31 years old in January, Peter Crouch. I have my doubts whether he’ll fit into Stokes beautiful, on the deck passing game, but we’ll see.
Chelsea travel to Sunderland. Peter Cech fit again to pull on his scrum cap and could feature, along with David Luiz and Daniel Sturridge. Eleventh Hour ship jumping Raul Meireles could also make his first appearance. With Gyan out for Sunderland and being groomed by ‘parasites’, all the talk will be on one of the Premier Leagues self appointed ‘top strikers’ making his debut in.......Niklas Bendtner.
In form Wolves entertain Tottenham. Parker and Modric to start in midfield while Arsenal fans favourite Adebayor makes his debut.
Utd travel to Bolton. Talk of dropping flappable, 'body of a twelve year old boy' De Gea.
SUPER SUNDAY save the best for.....Saturday, with Norwich entertaining West Brom and fast food loving Blackburn bringing a bit of chicken to the cottage at Fulham. West Brom and Blackburn unlucky not have a point so far, that may not change after this weekend.
QPR play Newcastle on Monday. Mental Joey to make his debut along with wee Sean Wright while Pardew places his faith in Leon Best to be his ‘big named striker’, umm, good luck with that.
Arsenal 2-0 Swansea City
Everton 0-0 Aston Villa
Man City 4-0 Wigan
Stoke 1-2 Liverpool
Sunderland 1-3 Chelsea
Wolves 1-2 Spurs
Bolton 0-2 Man Utd
Norwich 2-1 WBA
Fulham 1-1 Blackburn
QPR 1 – 0 Newcastle