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and other people. I don't mean to, I can't do anything right, so I guess I compensate by drivelling on. Sorry
if anyone's put out they can sod off.
(unless you're cat_race, in which case, yeah, i guess)
i liked your story about the dry stone wall. and the thread about the city noticings.
this isn';t part of a 12-step program or anything is it? =D
because Im pretty sure that my mind is broken, I guess that I must seem to make some sense sometimes, but I cant really go along with that, because what I think doesnt make sense, so I probably only seem to make sense to people imagining a different context, in the context of my own internal mind map it must all be wrong, so I do need to try to unpick stuff. Also several people can see that I talk shit, so it must be to do with the context of other stuff that I think.
and one of the most genuine
you're so clearly a good person that people can even see it in passing through the blinding cynical shitmirror of an internet forum. if you think you need to make changes in your life then that's up to you but please don't get down about yourself. you're grand.
I don't think Im grand, what I say and think might seem alright and nice, but it doesnt make it at all easy to live in the world, especially as I havnt really used any of my ability to 'maximise my earning potential' .......a nice enough thing to be able to say.....If I was single, but Im not.
Can anyone with a family be moral? or can a moral person be truly responsible to his/her family? Is it just a personal conceit to try to follow what one feels is right? Im a bit fucked at the moment....I think what I've said there is probably at the heart of it, but I don't seem to be able to do the simplest of tasks at the moment, at first I might have known what others thought conventionally but acted thought differently, but now I genuinely cannot return or see things from normal pov's I cannot seem to mimic the normal pov anymore and this is causing problems with me doing my job.....I just cannot see what others are after with reports and plans.....I cant see or appreciate what they cannot understand, or what their concerns are.......maybe they dont actually have any genuine ones and they are just being petty or playing politics.....but that is also a problem as I cannot now tell whether it is any of these......willfully following your own mind can be a dangerous thing, I should try to return to a more normal pattern of speech maybe, perhaps that would be a start.
(I cannot seem to want the things that I should want, to a degree where if someone asks why I have omitted to do something that seems counter to my well being to omit, i could not actually come up with an answer as to why, I cannot explain my actions or why they differ from the norm anymore, I fear that I am in danger of losing being understood by anyone.......above all else i feel quite isolated and alone and unable to talk to anyone...or effectively find anyone to ask for help....oh well, this is a bit self centred isnt it? sorry
you'll be okay, hate to see you down like this. I get you on the feeling alone and as if nobody understands you. Ive felt this many times myself. The feeling of not actually knowing your own actions too. You're not alone there.
You are a wonderful person from i can tell and you should follow your head, because at the end of the day thats you, and you are who you are, and judging my comments in this thread you are well liked.
now ssh, and get some sleep :)