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What would YOU do in a talent competition?
(go to the pub)
or recreate scenes from the Ring Cycle, but set on the Death Star during the end of Star Wars.
Aimed mostly at the person who organised the talent competition.
with a shout of 'BURN!" or "ONLY SERIOUS" I think you'd probably get the biggest audience reaction.
Do the yoga crab, and balance a pint on my tummy.
Erm, play the recorder?
(more to the point, can I enter?)
I'll juggle, obviously.
Just REALLY FUCKING LOUD white noise with gabba speed breakbeats, lots of gunshots.
Maybe get some dancers in as well. And an MC.
PO, you could MC for Xylo, couldn't you.
This makes me think of the japanese talent show where the girl has done the splits and then starts shuffling towards the camera like that. It's oddly disturbing.
I'd find the youtube clip, but I'm at work and such things are verboten.
If it’s not, I’d go down the pub.
We have art, photography and cake-baking competitions every year, but you don’t have to do them if you don’t want to.
who pulled a can on spaghetti out of her vagina?
I’d do that.
That'd be better if you dressed like a stage magician and pulled a rabbit out instead though.
If you want to find the video, it's called 'Interior Semiotics'.
I ended up doing the fantastic* 'Learn Accounting with Mark & Sooty' which was pretty embarassing, although it is amazing how much more insulting you can get away with being via the medium of glove puppetry - also squirting bosses with water pistols is good fun.
Narrowly avoided getting involved in a play or writing the suggested 'Purchase Ledger - The Musical'
might have been better if I'd had Emu rather than Sooty
and that's why my wife doesn't love me.''
that went on for ages
If you havenlt heard this, I can assure you, it is amazing.
Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat und sein schwarz und weiss Katze
Fruhe in den Morgen, als der Tag anfangt, er bekommt alle der Posttaschen in sein Auto
Also I swap schwarz and Weiss around as it scans better.
Get really drunk, get up on stage and bellow out a karaoke version of Don't You Forget About Me, walk off through the silent audience and then get on the wrong night bus and end up in Wood Green.
Or do what another friend did, and do a karaoke version of Earth Song but accidentally projectile vomit when it got to the high note.
Also thanks for reminding me about Goodnight Sweetheart - I've spent years trying to forget that.
Also are you feeling alright? It's not like you to safety wink!
And I'd call it "I'm feel a bit Low about Chris(mas) today."
If there's enough space on the application form.
shall I stick a T in my christmas?
if space is an issue
whichever the audience demands me to
*Cover in codex gray*
*paint metal areas boltgun metal*
*wash of badab black*
*paint skin in tallarn flesh*
*scorpion green for the visor*
AUDIENCE ERUPTS, GIRLS START CRYING, KNICKERS FLY
and set it against a massive techno beat. the room will be pitch black except for a massive strobe in one corner of the room.
I'd do impressions of people who don't exist.
But no. I can't decide if your comment was dripping with ire and sarcasm, but seeing as you're such a cuddly charmer, I'll assume not.
INTO A HUNDRED PENNIES
*showers the audience with coins*
During the ensuing standing ovation, do the invisible basement staircase behind the lecturn, crawl on my belly off stage, get on my BMX and pedal off into the sunset
Start by slaughtering the cow on stage, then bleed it, skin it and remove the entrails and head (being careful to extract the tongue.) Then use a hacksaw to divide the animal into more manageable pieces then a knife to obtain the best cuts.
They'll fucking love it.