Hooray! The EPL is back! With a bang! Or not.
The first time, like, ever that no home teams win sees Bolton go top after dismantling QPR at Loftus, with Man U and Wolves the only other winners in a draw-happy weekend.
Stoke do a good job on Chelsea; Barton does one on dirty arsenal (Pardew and Wenger both 'not seeing' certain wrongs which took place); Fulham and Villa mistake their game for a pre-season kickabout; Everyone's second team WOlves beat Blackburn; Wigan and Norwich draw; United beat a PLUCKY WBA.
Kieron Dyer breaks again.
Chesterfield break footballing hearts the world over with a last-kick equaliser against Stevenage.
Fabregas to Barca!
Robbie Keane to LA Galaxy!