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INB4 "you" and also "I'm a pacifist; crysadtimewaaah". Answer the damn question.
but David Irving springs to mind. I would struggle to punch him only the once.
he's reasonably likeable though on the celebrity scale. Wouldn't be anywhere near my choice
he doesn't particularly grind my gears.
or is it just a "free punch"?
no repercussions. One big punch, and you get to walk away, slowly, backwards, while giving that person the finger until you're out of sight.
there are a couple of people on my commute who could benefit from a good, clean punch. i can definitely picture one guy - he must be about 18, but spends his time chatting up the 14/15 year old girls on the train home. he has a shit beard, shit hair and thinks he's some kind of anti-establishment hero.
Anyway, fuck you
I'd like though to do it in a way that she had no idea it was coming. I think the surprise on her face at getting punched would be more satisfying than the punch itself.
Oh or zane lowe but he's male and wannabe macho so I probably couldn't hurt him very much with a punch because i'm not actually very strong.
Stop being smart. YOU CAN TRAVEL THROUGH TIME AND PUNCH DEAD PEOPLE IN THE FACE WHILE THEY'RE STILL LIVING OKAY.
Punching a person in the face, then travelling back to the present day, digging up their corpse to laugh in their dead face about how you punched them and got away with it.
Something very satisfying...
That reminds me, must send a Father's Day card at lunch.
...but in reality I want to punch a lot of people. I want to punch a lot of people a lot of times. Hmm.
First thought is the heffer who bullied me at work, but then I wouldn't mind getting another one or two
Bono. Fucking HARD, too.
but Richard Scudamore's annoyed me most recently, so him
is it too late to change my answer?
But I'd rather kick him up the arse, is that allowed?
I'm actually going to do this. I'm going to be one of those people who gets arrested for screaming obscenities in hospital canteens.
I'd happily do time for it aswell
Michael McIntyre is my alternative - I was forced to endure his roadshow and my god is he a complete prick on that. Absolute drivel
James Cordon, or that cunt from Brother
for pointing out he was a really really shit actor with a hilariously silly voice
It's some hardman showing off how he knocks people about. The fear in Dyer's voice is palpable.
I had no idea she was English. Or that her grandfather was leader of the Labour party. Or that her cousin was Oliver Postgate. Or that she's been monimated for three Oscars (including on her first ever appearance) but has never won. She's 85 and not even a dame. That's bullshit.
just because they're annoying.
And I hope that cunt reads this.
I'm really not a fan
Right...you're going on the list.
I used to really dislike Victoria Coren, but I dunno man ... That knowing little smile she does when men embarrass themselves near her. I just can't get enough of it. I want to embarrass myself in front of her.
NB: This not an innuendo for shitting myself or something along those lines.
didn't even have to think about that one
Hopefully I'd get into a proper Fight Club scrap, and then be able to sell the story / tell the story for years to come... or in your rules, if he punched back, would I not be able to throw another punch?
Just want to smack him so hard in the face with my hands.
Or melanie philips.
Or peter hitchens.
Basically any of the comedy right wingers they get on question time.
take one of the ones you don't get. Preferably the prickly neocon dweeb but I'm good with the others.
is going ddddoooowwwwwnnnn.
Two and a half months after moving out and I've still not had my deposit returned, the cunt. In real life, rather than punch him I am taking him to court.
Also my former flatmate. He's the biggest dickhead I've ever met. But in real life, rather than punch him, I take something out with me called "Liquid Ass" - if he turns up at a gig or something that I'm at then I spray it on him, from behind, and it makes him stink of shitty farty arseholes.
in your bed
Evil little poison witch.
So much RAGE! In a couple of years she turned an amazing school into a soulless exam factory, alienated and offended staff and students and promoted careerist belms. The year I left the leavers' speeches lasted HOURS because of the mass exodus.
Anyway... she's about 4 feet tall and dead skinny and I'm 6 feet tall with a handy reach. I reckon if I did actually punch her hard she'd probably go flying through the air for miles.
It may help
definitely Dani Alves.
shut the fuck up, you're band are fucking kings of bland rock.
because theres a number of people id punch once but a small selection of people id punch repeatedly
WEclme to Punch City... Heres a Knuckle Sandwich knupples
Odious, smug little shit. I'd gladly lose feeling in my hand if it meant I broke more bones.
He can fuck right off.
Horrible smug cunt
he just comes across as a horrible smug cunt on TV
bono, or fred goodwin, or sting, or the pope, or noel edmunds, or alan greenspan, or phillip schofield
Why has no one else named that half wit already?!
Gary Neville is the correct answer.
not sure why, but i thought of him and i don't think he's been mentioned
would be supremely satisfying to punch in the face
I mean the reaction is as important as the target, so it has to be someone who would truly freak out at being punched in the face. Hence Angelina: every fibre of her gracious, regal being would be quivering with outrage at the insult.
People like Bono and Sting are worthy suggestions, but ultimately they'd just relish the attention and probably end up writing a really pompous song about violence, redolent with integrity and feeling, so you'd just want to punch them again even more and be frustrated that you'd used up your only chance.
Celebrity chefs are ripe targets too: grinning man-tards like Heston, Jamie and Ainsley would be fucking wonderful to punch.
OK i'll have to replace them
maybe with hitler, or stalin, or kissinger, or mother theresa
why not go the whole hog (warning contains violence)
but i'm 90 per cent i could take him if he's night shift
...but now that xylo's okayed punching women I'll probably go for plasticniki. She's drunk on power these days (as well as just regular drunk).
the designer that created those cartoon monkey-logo t-shirts and handbags that are ubiquitous where I live.
I would have him lined up against one of those slimline punching-practice thingies- a kind of small punching bag on top of a flexible spring so that after punching him he would be repeatedly bounced back and forth into my fist.