My poo story.
I just went for one at work. It was ok, had some red wine last night so it was pretty grey. Anyway, I came out and there was an awful stench in the room, someone had done a turbo turd in the other cubicle, and not flushed, and done one. I was washing my hands, and my boss came in and went in the turboturdcubicle, then came out spluttering and gagging. Then looked at me and said 'YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST FLUSHED'. The injustice made my face feel hot. That was my poo story, thank you very much.
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We have a phantom shitter (or shitters)
There are four women on my floor and we can all be at our desks but someone will leave a huge turd or skids in the ladies.
One monday when we came in the stench was appalling and was coming from one of the sanitary bins. We had to call the company to come and collect/empty.
We suspect that someone from downstairs, where there are lots of women, is coming up for their 'long stay' toilet breaks.
Also, someone keeps blocking the disabled toilet, we have a prime suspect for this too.
We used to have these unbelievably huge logs left in one of the toilets on our floor
They were about the length of my forearm and the girth of my wrist. When one hadn't been spotted in a while, you'd start to think you were maybe exaggerating the enormity of them, until the next time you saw one and realised - yep, that's a poo the size of my forearm.
They stopped appearing when the really, really angry German guy at the end of the corridor left. Obviously we can't really prove it either way (you can't, like, dust for poo), I'm pretty certain he was the culprit. I'd be angry too if I had to crap out one of those monsters.
I once saw a poo in Japan
in one of those long porcelain trench-style toilets. It was laid out full length, and just amazingly massive, more the size of a leg than an arm. It must have been quite old, looked very dry and didn't smell. I stood there marvelling, like it really was way, way larger than anything you could conceivably imagine emerging from a human body, unless you were also looking at the person who'd done it lying alongside, dead and split in two from arse to lower abdomen. It was blackish-brown and incredibly knobbly, like a basking crocodile.
I just stood there dumbfounded and wishing I had a camera. Eventually I hit the flush button, and immediately realised why the thing had been there for so long. A torrent of water came rushing down the length of the trench, but it just hit the poo and coursed around it, like surf breaking against a rocky headland, the fucking thing didn't even budge.
this is probably my favourite story ever
permission to semi steal this for my blog
http://www.edgarallenspoodiary.wordpress.com
I'm gonna re-work it into a 500 word monster
Nothing worse than being framed for someone else's poo
or smell thereof.
Once I was at a friend's place for dinner where one of the other guests was a cute girl I was *just* starting to get to know, kind of at the not-quite-proper-flirting-but-definitely-mutual-interest stage.
So at one point I got up to take a piss, went to the bathroom and found it occupied. Was about to go away, when the door opened and out came my friend's sister, a dour, meaty-faced heifer in her late 20s who participated in Reclaim the Night marches, wore funky Nepalese threads & sang in an acapella choir, the full catastrophe. She gave me this sheepish, embarrassed look and scuttled away.
I went in for my piss, and nearly passed out at the poo smell she'd left behind, it was like a 5-day-old liquefying corpse lowered into a bath of raw sewage & heated to a gentle simmer. Fucking unbelievable. Anyway I held my breath, had my piss and hurried to get the fuck out of there.
Opened the bathroom door and was greeted by Cute Girl, waiting her turn. For a second I considered saying "Look, there's a hideous shitty ming in there and I just want you to know it's not mine". But I bottled it, gave her the sheepish/embarrassed look and scuttled away. We never spoke again.
I often imagine
that she tells the story to this day, only from her perspective it's a story about this guy she'd once liked who extinguished the flame of her desire with his disgusting colon stench and how he *has* to be dead by now, OMG LOL. Really burns me up.
As did the shit
Amirite?
And now she's a lesbian.
how do you know the shit was done by the person that was in the toilet before you?
im sitting reading this eating a cheese toasty
bad idea
your poo looks like cheese?
yours doesnt?
:/
+ someone kept shitting on the back of the toilet seat in my old work
it was really doing my head in. Same place on the toilet seat most days in one cubicle. Dirty bitch! how can you miss the bowl!
I used to be a cleaner
and was always amazed by how often I'd find this sort of thing (or much worse) in the women's toilets.
You just expect women to be cleaner. And it's true that the men's toilets were dirtier in a general sense, like with piss around the base of the bowl, cigarette butts & toilet paper everywhere, etc.
But I used to talk with other cleaners and we'd always agree on the same point: almost always, if there was a full-scale walls & ceiling helicopter gun ship attack biohazard shit atrocity, it would be in the Ladies.
:D its so gross!
from my toilet cleaning experience (most depressing conversation opener I've used this year? yes I think so)
men's toilets are generally less messy but smell worse. Men leave pubes at the urinal and the main toilet is stinky and occasionally skid-marky but women leave (shudder) blood on the seat and make nests out of toilet roll on the floor. They also stuff rubbish under the sinks and take their food and drink into the toilet and leave them there. Ugh.
Men leave logs sometimes and women leave pooey trails down the back of the toilet because somehow women are incapable of sitting on the damn seat properly.
I think I have now contributed enough to this thread.
is it just me....
Or is anyone else finding the Lady poo stories slightly arousing??
You make me sick
yeah right .....
like youve never rubbed one out over the thought of hot office totty pulling thier skimpies to oneside,squatting, spreading thier arse cheeks and squirting hot runny shit all over your chest ......
I remembered a friend's "huge poo" story
One of her older brothers is a pretty odd guy. One of his "things" is to keep a picture diary of particularly large or interesting poos he's done or come across.
My friend has a vivid memory of her brother's proudest achievement - "the walking stick poo". He was so proud of it that he went to fetch the family to look at it (he was in his 20s at the time). It was completely impervious to flushing. She says she has the mental image of the scene ingrained into her consciousness: her brother beaming from ear to ear while she, her parents and her other two brothers are standing silently around the toilet, staring at this monstrous curved poo. The silence was finally broken by her dad saying "For fucks sake, Tim".
They had to cut it up with a pair of scissors before it would flush.
holy fuck haha
that sounds like the poo scene in Running With Scissors
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wSHNRJO-Ow
also, ew.
Our toilet at work is next to our meeting room. The walls are quite thin.
Doesn't normally cause a problem but once I was having a very serious client meeting and I heard someone pelt it in and unleash an absolute bowl-breaker, complete with the supporting gasps of relief.
Trying to keep a straight face was hell.
gonna go and do one now.
brb
hi.
i'd give it a few minutes if i were you
i have changed me diet quite dramatically in the last three months
and it culminated in my taking up of wheetabix again. since then i have unleashed some serious monsters on the toilets. i did one that was fucking arm length, that made no smell and had no wiping required. couldn't believe it.
anyway, the toilets in my work are dreadful. the cubicles have gaps in the doors and there's around 2 foot of space between the bottom of the cubicle and the floor. :(
in the cubicles?!
surely that's some sort of breach of privacy?
ladies' toilets are often disgusting
women can be really gross. it really upsets me when people poo at work. often at my work one of the cubicles will be 'out of order' because some dirty cow has some sort of bowel problems. seriously minging.
also, spin off thread PEOPLE WHO: think a quick rinse with water constitutes washing their hands. they should use soap.
def on the soap
it really upsets you when people poo at work?!
What's wrong with you?
i just really wish they wouldn't
why?
Pooing is uncouth?
Christ.
he pooed for our sins
it's just not very considerate
it's better than shitting your self.
Smearing faeces on the walls of the work toilet is inconsiderate
Taking a poo is just your body going about its standard, disgusting, shameful, abhorrent functions.
considerate?
people need to shit.
ooooh yeah...
more lady poo stories ...'dirty cow with bowel problems' I'm getting a full on skatlovin chubby here.
one of life's greatest mysteries
when people poo everywhere in toilets
^ it really is
what the hell man
Did four poos at work today
After the fourth i ran out of the cubicle with an outstretched hand, celebrating like Andrei Arshavin shouting "FOUR!"
PAID TO POO.
Once
I poo'd on every floor of my office in one day, just because I could.
Five floors, five poos, five diffrent cubicles.
No idea I was full of so much shit.
*shakes hand*
sterling work, sir.
I'd like to thank...
the sketchy coffee machine, the few beers the night before and a cornish pasty.
*weeps*
.
*wipes*
so YOU'RE the one who keeps shitting on the floor!
I actually thought you meant... literally on the floor. For about ten seconds.
Like there was no one else in the building so you just thought, what the hell, I'm shitting all over the floor.
And the tears of laughter have not yet ceased.
poo threads are the best threads
amen brother
Yeah this thread has surprised me with its awesomeness
I have some great poo stories but I'd get in trouble if I told them
at my college over christmas
someone did a christmas log which was HUGE, it blocked the toilet and had massive girth. people were genuinely queing to look at it. it had a fork in it
at my old work
i used to sneak to one of the other floors for my pooing
i chucked a 3-flusher earlier
which was actually annoying because we've had a new hand dryer installed and i really wanted to try it
fix
.
oh gosh
I have an *awful* poo story. I'm not gonna tell it.
Bye.
what a tease
tell us a story about a friend
Okay so a "friend"
went to Reading Festival a long time ago. She woke up one morning and really needed a poo. Like, IMMEDIATELY. She didn't know where the nearest loos were, any anyway, you know what they're like at READING, innit? So anyway. Her boyfriend suggested that she poo in a plastic bag in the tent. So she did. About five minutes later she sticks her hand out of the tent with the bag (tied up) and hands it to her boyfriend, who promptly throws it in a nearby stream.
Yes, we reused the tent.
i woke up in a tent at leeds fest one morning to see my (at the time) gf
squatting over and shitting in a stella artois box lined with a plastic bag.
needs must, c_r,
needs must.
absolutely not
Yes, we reused the tent
you almost got away with the whole 'friend' ruse.
:D
thread
once i pooed in the shed at my old uni house
and i forgot about it, because i was really drunk when i did it and couldnt find my keys. Anyway, the landlord came round a few days later or whatevs to mow the lawn like he usually did every few months, and came in the living room where me and my house mates were sitting like "guys im really sorry but i've got some disturbing news" and we were all like "what" and he was like "yeah there seems to be human faecal matter in the shed, i think it might be the local tramps wandering around relieving themselves but ive ended up putting a lock on the door so it cant happen again"
I was just sat there like "OH NO REALLY, OH WHO COULDVE DONE SUCH A THING." feigning the most guilt ridden surprised face ever. They still never found out it was me.
classic fapps
I think you need to choose a new username now
:(
crappable?
dinner?
are we married now?
i poo
lets consummate this relationship
By which i mean throw down some brown
on a school trip we once found a poo laid out on the floor in a cubicle
in front of the toilet
it later turned out that one of the other boys on the trip had been so desperate that trousers were open and he was backing in when things started early
i worked at a place where the toilet was shared
and only separated from the staffroom by a single door
There's one poo that's famous in the mrs' family. 'Moby Dick'
when her younger sister went to Namibia for a 'help the Africans' project she had this gungey orange slop the whole time, but as soon as she got home she got properly bunged up. She tried but couldn't get anything out for over a week, I think maybe even 11 days in the end.
Anyway when she finally burst the log that came out was a behemoth, a proper no-foolin' eye watering mammoth. Must've been 15 inches long, birthing width, slightly curly. She tried flushing a few times, wouldn't go, so eventually she called her dad up, he tried flushing, still wouldn't go.
So, it sat there stewing, turning the water brown, flush after flush just making it madder, til they decided that one of them was going to have to go in there and break it up with something. 2 or 3 days later her dad went in there after a few drinks with a bit of cardboard and mashed it into enough pieces that it finally went down, think he might've been sick in the sink during it too.
Legendary poo in that house tho
Monster unflushable turd
on my first holiday with mates in Newquay in a static caravan. This one girl got the blame and even though she totally denied it I joined in blaming her. She was reminded of it for years despite her protests of innocence. Now whenever I go to Cornwall I wonder just who did that big poo.
A similar thing happened with someone vomiting in the sink once
Except it was definitely me who did it and everyone accused this girl who disliked me for no reason so it was fine
Natural justice