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and you've forgotten to wash your hands
by 'artichokes', do you mean something else?
and i'm never shaking your hand/touching you ever again.
Just trying to get meths off my back.
Why are globe artichokes so different to jerusalem artichokes?
apparently the it is an english mishearing of its name.
The Jerusalem part is thought to be derived from girasole, the Italian for sunflower to which they are related.
you sick freak
not sure where that came from. I think artichokes make me irate.
and then came back and ate my lunch (not artichokes). Tasted a bit weird. Couldn't work out why. Carried on eating though - why woudn't I? And then I realised: artichokes!
Now I feel sick and I'll probably die very soon.
Do you put gloves on to eat a sandwich?
you disgust me
Also, MIDDLE CLASS CRISIS THREAD.
you're not supposed to eat the leaves. He sued because he wasn't given an instruction manual with his dinner.
For some reason he's blaming them tasting like artichokes on the other, different artichokes he was handling earlier
probably the size of avocados by now.
bigger than globe artichokes - no
think: jerusalem - small(er than the world)
globe - same size (as the world)
I always get them mixed up.
Aubergines are a better likeness for underwanked testicles too.
and when i say aubergines, i mean your testis.
(THIS IS NOT AN EUPHEMISIM)
yes you could read it like that.
most men tend to choke the asparagus spear
What should I do with half a block of marzipan?
the shower, to save time).
Do not (and I must stress this) be a sink-bender.
is it anything like brushing your teeth in the shower and the toothpaste foam rolling down your front and burning your 'bits'?
...in the shower. Whenever I mention it to anyone else they think I'm mental.
I have felt the cooling tingling sensation of dripping toothpaste foam.
That could be a great opening line to a filthy paperback actually. Be right back in about 40,000 words.
why the hell would you do this?? Unless you're brushing your teeth with one had and washing yourself with the other - this I will allow. The co-ordination would impress me.
i wash myself all over then brush my teeth before i get out. I use the water out of the sink like normal, as the shower is a bathshower right next to the sink.
i dont see it as being weird at all.
you're in the shower and not using the shower water to wash your teeth?
you need to be one of those dickhead sink benders to avoid this problem.
I hate sink benders*
i think i've found my problem: i have my mouth too far open. i shall not be changing my technique tho.
hows your falg-o-metre on this one Luce?
when you first mentioned being a dreaded sink bender. I can't understand how someone cannot hold a vast amount of white liquid in their mouth first thing in the morning.
Check the falg-o-metre Luce! i don't know what a falg-o-metre is though but check it.
you've only got me for one more day and then I disappear into the world of work. I'm making the most of my time left.
but I actually wanna do some work and that so the days aren't consumed by meths awful jokes. It makes the day go slow.
do you mean your willy?
would gross me right out and leave a bad taste?
...standing in my freezing cold bathroom while I brush my teeth on a cold Scottish morning? Or do it while I stand in a piping hot shower?
Shaved in the shower once too, without a mirror, the results were less pleasing. I used to have a good face.
whoever said that was pleasant is lying.
it's great. MINTY HELMET
artichokes = testicles
how DOES one fix broken threads?
Says you need to buy a whippet and flat cap
this thread is disgusting.
is that a thing?
is this a euphamism?
OR MAYBE YOU ARE ACTUALLY LUCIEN HMMMMMM??????
jam (countable and uncountable; plural jams)
1. A sweet mixture of fruit boiled with sugar and allowed to congeal. Often spread on bread or toast or used in jam tarts.
2. (countable) A difficult situation.
I’m in a jam right now. Can you help me out?
* 1975, Bob Dylan, Tangled Up in Blue
She was married when we first met
Soon to be divorced
I helped her out of a jam, I guess
But I used a little too much force.
3. (countable) Blockage, congestion.
A traffic jam caused us to miss the game's first period.
4. (countable) (popular music) An informal, impromptu performance or rehearsal.
5. (countable) (baseball) A difficult situation for a pitcher or defending team.
He's in a jam now, having walked the bases loaded with the cleanup hitter coming to bat.
6. (countable) (basketball) A forceful dunk.
7. (countable) (roller derby) A play during which points can be scored.
Toughie scored four points in that jam.
8. (countable) Any of several rock-climbing maneuvers requiring wedging of an extremity into a tight space.
I used a whole series of fist and foot jams in that crack.
9. (UK) luck.
He's got more jam than Waitrose.
jam (third-person singular simple present jams, present participle jamming, simple past and past participle jammed)
1. To block or confuse a broadcast signal.
2. (baseball) To throw a pitch at or near the batter's hands.
Jones was jammed by the pitch.
3. (music) To play music (especially improvisation as a group.)
4. To get something stuck in a confined space.
My foot GOT jammed in a gap between the rocks.
5. To injure a finger or toe by sudden compression of the digit's tip.
When he tripped on the step he jammed his toe.
6. To squeeze into a small space.
The rush-hour train was jammed with commuters.
7. To brusquely force something into a space; cram.
They temporarily stopped the gas tank leak by jamming a piece of taffy into the hole.
8. Causing congestion or blockage. Often used with "up"
A single accident can jam the roads for hours.
9. (roller derby) To attempt to score points.
Toughie jammed four times in the second period.
Has this helped?
oh did he!
makes me think of the rapper, The Game
so that you can suck yourself off?
and get 100+ replies
You are a thread posting genius. Go on, start a thread about, oooh I dunno, "what's your favourite double glazing company" and see what happens.
Can't argue with buy one get one free on windows
They are terrible and are NOTORIOUS for sending bullyboy salesmen round who will harangue you for hours and will never let you see an actual written quote. AVOID.
Go on start the thread. I DARE YOU.
Um also... something about peeling my courgette or something.
We always used to tell her we'd seen her dad out bricking windows to make business for himself. Never got old.
what a girl
zxcvbnm- has totally poisoned that particular well
I love a joke as much as the next man but I can't find humour in unethical trading practices. Just could me out ok?
makes perfect sense.
Would that I could.
with that daytime TV advert with the guy with a bald-on-top-long-at-the-sides hairdo, leaping around in between window and door frames?
N.B. Might have been a North-only advert
and thewarn's threads tick all the boxes for me.
N.B. CUM ON DiS.
ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT SAINSBURYS.
works for me though