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Nayim, because he can lob Seaman from fifty yards away.
It's got foot in mouth disease!!
What does Diana and Freddie Mercury have in common?
Both had to die to get away from Queen.
whats the difference between George Michael and an Iraqi Terrorist?
an Iraqi Terrorist is with a guy for three weeks before he takes his head.
I'm still proud of that joke, 5-6 years on. Ken Bigley centric.
doesn't really work
THE GOLF WAR!
That's no excuse.
TALK TO THE HAND COS THE FRED AINT LISNIN!
Jill Dandos husband wanted to buy a new doorframe but she was dead against it
A door maybe, but a doorframe...?
The silent killer
John Major's cock.
What's pink and smells of holly?
Ian Huntley's cock.
She was all over the radio. And the steering wheel. And the windscreen.
A carrier bag.
Redknapp: Nah, I rustled something up Keysey.
Keys: Did you Smash it?
never look back
Keys: Yeah, I bet you couldn't go round chez Redknapp without finding you hanging out the back of it.
Dancing on the Ceiling.
done my good deed for the day.
A. I'd wee in her curry
sent it into Adam&Joe
got no reply
(c) david cameron
Leicester City still have players in Europe.
This was so topical, I can't remember when it was, who or what the story was about (Leicester City players being arrested for drunken brawling somewhere, I guess) or even if the set-up is meant to be Manchester United or Arsenal. This joke was topical for literally about 3 days.
Q What do you call a dog with five dicks?
A Mariah Carey and Westlife.
when did they collaborate?
What's the difference between Nottingham Forest and a triangle?
A triangle has three points?
Buddha's A Big Fat Twat
It will take a week to make Gene Pitney a nice oak coffin, or 24 hours from balsa.
...apparently he was throwing matches.
Honey I Skud The Yids
...between Ayrton Senna and Ryan Giggs?
Ryan Giggs can take corners.
United can still play Giggs!
Neither have been fucking sunny for years
When Tariq Aziz.
All of them, if you've got a shovel.
Diddy Pay and Diddy Hell.
They were both found in fishnets clinging onto buoys (boys).
They were both done over by dodgy seamen
Fishnets and buoys is the answer.
Need Another Seven Astronauts
Did you know the teacher on the shuttle had blue eyes? One blew this way and one blew that way
and one about favourite drink on the space shuttle - seven up with a dash of teachers
Not that funny over twenty years later but at the time and as it was before the internet seemed funnier because of the topicality. These days you can hear a topical joke within five minutes of the incident.
*makes jumping/catching motion*
Lockerbie baggage handler
*Bites on to wrist and makes nods head in a lolloping fashion*
Dog running across Lockerbie golf course
George Harrisons guitar
*puff up cheeks*
Monica Lewinsky withholding evidence
and one of them told this joke and a girl in the crowd attempted to punch him :D
Because he is a cripple.
A compass has 4 points.
Fill it with petrol.
this joke will be topical once more some time in mid-2012.
what do gareth gates and harold shipman have in common?
neither of them can finish a sentence.
They only have to be used once and the Gray is gone.
Too soon to be no longer topical?