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This is stolen from an old adam and joe podcast...but I think its great.
1) What you do that winds them up?
2) What you do on purpose to wind them up?
loads of things i do wind her up tho.
this can annoy girls, apparently...
I could be mistaken.
so moving things by a degree or two tends to get her a bit wound up. She knows what I'm doing as well, but can't help herself, which is funnier.
She also took great delight in talking about having babies when we first started going out as she thought my reaction of absolute terror was very amusing. I have since become desensitised to this particular form of wind up.
My ex used to wind me up all the time, just by dint of being a complete bellend with no real idea of 'other people having other interests' and having no sense of boundaries.
One time, after he spent the entire duration a tv program i was trying to watch complaining about it and ripping it to bits, i waited until he left the room then put my cock in his tea as an act of petty revenge. Thereafter, whenever he started one of his 'oh you're watching kids stuff are you' bitchy times I'd remember him drinking cock dunked tea and i wouldn't feel quite so annoyed/aggravated and would just smirk to myself...
especially about the curtains. I'd sometimes move them about a bit and then sit back and watch him rearrange them so they are nice and neat.
I like the idea of dipping your cock into someone's tea. Wasn't it a bit hot?
I'm usually on the receiving end of the wind up and find it very hard to find things that will wind people up.
Finding something that will wind people up is more a matter of observation than anything else.
You also kind of need to have a mindset which picks up on other people's foibles, quirks and weaknesses.
Basically, if you're are an inherently nice person you'll probably not notice the opportunities to wind someone up.
Didn't your cock get burned?
And no it didn't.
It was 'quite hot' but not uncomfortably so.
I was also very pissed off.
bi now, gay later - but it didn't pan out for me. And makes no logical sense now that I think about. And may be a bit rude of me. But I don't mean it like that.
Keep it in mind, there'll probably be an opportunity to use it at another juncture.
thus stealing his yawn.
she fucking hates it. I'll make a laughsnort when on DiS and she'll say something like "oh, did one of your internet friends see a funny man in a wheelchair" or summit along those lines
It makes her sneeze and she fucking hates it. I find it mildly amusing. Oh the lols we have!
sing her favourite songs in caricature imitations of the original artist. My personal favourite is singing that James Morrison and Nelly Furtado song. Not all of it, just the intro's enough to wind her up... "Let me hold you... for the last time..." like some sort of frog-throated down-and-out.
he used to sing songs with the lyrics slightly wrong. The one he used to do was Biffy Clyro "I am the mountain...I am the see. No body could ever ever take that away from me" IN THE WRONG TUNE AND WITH THE WRONG WORDS. Arrghhh.
I really quietly smack my lips together without realising. She just glares at me.
I occasionally give a good old pretend retch. That's fun.
I don't wind him up...he winds me up about my Essex accent which cuts pretty deep as I don't like my accent one bit.
Appreciate how hard what is for you?
I'm not sure if I should not talk about having a boyfriend as to not offend/upset anyone...but sorry if i did??
Yeah, I saw grarse not grass. Lots of stuff really. Its a horrid accent.
instead of Pasta?
My gf's originally from Essex and she says this.
There's others but that's the one that bothers me most.
so I pretty much sound exactly like the bird with the red hair on The Only Way Is Essex. I find myself saying "whatever" and "shut upppppp" and all sorts of things. Its awful, just awful.
It's got a bit of that Estuary drawl to it. I like accents though, they add character.
I do like an accent but I wish I had something a bit more...classy.
Why is it just me anyway? Other people talk about their partners all the time.
Meh, whatever. I hope you find someone nice soon as you're a good guy, Bam.
that you are no longer on the market.
and she knows it
works both ways thought, i'm a very lucky man =)
Desparate Housewives, whilst she's watching desparate housewives.
MEANwhile, susan and sally (?) were learning that to be really succesful in this world, we all need to give a little extra from time to time...
both my current boyfriend and my ex have muted Sex and the City and done Carrie's voiceover to annoy me. Do you do that too?
I had to accompany her to see the first satc film at the cinema.
i also do that voice.
not least repeatedly checking Twitter on my phone.
The only deliberate one though, is when I gently stroke the palm of her hand with my finger - she finds it annoyingly ticklish. I'm horrible.
I like to lean in for a cuddle and just dig my fingers into someones ribs.
Yup. Can't help myself.
It's only as payback for her being a bit picky and pointing out all the time that I tend to have one pointy-outy finger when we hold hands as if I'm actively being reluctant when it's just the way my hand subconciously ends up. /bit boring
I've inherited a superpower since going out with my current partner, which is feeling the need to fart at least 50 fucking times when she's around but holding it in almost indefinitely until I go to the nearest available release chamber.
I could never do this when I was single. Which might explain it.
I was trying to leave the room to break wind once - thought I'd try being a gentleman, yeah? So she thought it would be funny to grab onto me and stop me from getting out....so I pinned her down and farted on her head. That's swift justice right there.
Other things I do;
- trying to hurry up when we're going out / have stuff to do.
- taking the mickey out of her northern accent / sayings.
- tidying up her stuff when it's all over the place.
- taking ages to get ready and basically swanning about. Then later on when she hasn't got enough time to get ready, getting all stressed and agitated.... yet has a go at me if I try and motivate her to GIVE HERSELF MORE TIME TO GET READY.
This is basically a common men/mars vs women/venus situation though methinks.
and usually quite a speedy person to get ready but the other week I found myself mincing around. He was dressed, shoes on and everything whilst I was just gazing into the mirror. I ironed a top to wear, put it on, just about to leave when I changed my mind on the top.
1,569 outfit changes before going out. Again, I think lots of girls do this.
My own particular sin is that I can never EVER find the particular shoes I want to wear, and this always happens just as we're poised to go out. Or maybe I will find one of a pair but not its partner. And NO OTHER PAIR will do, of course they won't it will ruin the whole goddam outfit, and we may as well not go out at all now, and god I look ugly and I wish I had more shoes, and etc (until bf appears proferring said shoe which was in my gym bag/ fridge/ or as I suspect sometimes, hidden by him). I am a fucking nightmare, but I make up for it other ways, i hope.
because we know, that at some point, we're going to get
a sticky chin
ball deep in poon.
We will put up with pretty much anything as long as one of those three things are tabled as viable and realistic possibilities.
NB: for the gay perspective, replace poon with bung.
but as long as we *think* that they are viable and realistic possibilities, we'll put up with a great deal of quite odd behaviours.
to one of her friend's on the phone I spent 20 minutes ridiculing her for it (in a way she found funny).
I'll have my coat and shoes for ages before she is ready. I use this time to tidy up her stuff and generally huff about.
1. Pretend to be a robot, while saying “Roboben”, moving slowly towards her, before picking her up and putting her in the closet/hallway cupboard
2. When she say’s something I don’t agree with I say “Get out!” (In a valley girl style voice) before pushing her out of bed or picking her up and opening the flat door and putting her outside.
3. Spending hours walking round looking for a restaurant to go to. Never book, never research in advance. One time in Newcastle we spent 2 hours walking round, by the time I chose everywhere was fully booked so we went and got McDonalds
4. Being in charge of the bins. Neglecting the bins/never taking the bins out.
5. When she asks me to help her back the car into the garage I continually give her a double thumbs up while neglecting to tell her how far she is from the wall.
Love the first two
'affirmative/negative', so it's a natural progression.
And I'm basically a straight man.
was I supposed to 'this' this? Last time I checked I was a straight man, not basically one. And I still want to go out with labmonkey
can't stop laughing
When's she's on one (ie in the middle of a rant or a tantrum or in a rush to get out and can't find something) I'll just go;
PAUSE (with hand out like a traffic police)
Then carry on with whatever I was doing.
Bothers her no end as it breaks her train of thought completely.
if the boys spill a bit of crumb or milk or whatever on the floor I just sort of rub it with my foot rather than properly cleaning
using a bit of spit to clean stuff
apparently tell stories waaay too loudly and wildly
tell him off for swearing
sticking his finger in my ear/up my nose (someone mentioned this on the Adam and Joe phone-in too)
Laughing at and repeating anything I say which comes out more Gloucestershire than usual
The thing that really annoys me but I don't think he's doing deliberately is rubbing his itchy eyes really hard so they look like they're going to get gouged out, urgh.
I don't think I do anything deliberately annoying. Some of these ideas look fun though, I should start!
then just blow your nose over his fingers. Unless he has a snot fetish then it's unlikely he'll continue doing this. Can't help with fingers in ears though, unless you are able to blow earwax out your ears.
Not a good way of explaining it, so I'll use an example.
She's helped me discover loads of good albums and artists. So if we're talking about music to other people, I'll casually drop in how I introduced her to a certain album, which I'd never have known about unless she'd told me. It drives her mental, so then I say "Aww come on, we both know it was me that discovered it. You're such a credit hogger."
Works with films, jokes, anecdotes and trivia too.
my boyfriend does a similar thing, where an indie song (sometimes not even that indie) comes on the radio and he'll say 'YOU don't even know what this is!'. Once we were in a pub and he did it and I said 'yes I do, it's Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers' and he pushed me into the men's toilets.
Not putting on the extractor fan when cooking.
Blazin' the crop
it flops about all over the place
There is a difference between winding someone up as a little joke and making them genuinely angry. There is a line.
I now always rip her on this whenever either subject is brought up, simply by stating "Sting was in Tron, wasn't he?" Normally gets rewarded with a punch on the arm.
as there have been lots of things i've said/done which can easily be remembered.
- biting nails
- fiddling with stuff
- cracking knuckles
- Telling her she really ought to address her issues around stress and relaxation to stop her getting so worked up about the above (she attributes all of them to me not being able to relax properly). The more concerned I can manage to come across while doing this the more it winds her up.
or tapping. I used to go out with someone who used to tap an awful lot. It drove me insane.
Things I tap along to:
- car indicator
- Radio 4 news pips
- Countdown clock
I also hum along to the sound of the hoover, sometimes in harmony.
saying mean girls is just a documentary about her school and all of them are rich kids
i have nothing to contribute. with my ex it was listening to the sort of music i do.
also, i've just realised there were other things, and now i feel more inadequate than usual. THANKS.
The other was just a handjob.
im srs business atm.
nothing, i am the best girfriend ever.
things he does -
picks me up when im in a strop and throws me around, jigs me up and down while doing a patronising baby voice and taking the piss of me :(
farts on me/near me
grabs my boobs just as i am in relaxed drifting off to sleep mode
pretends to be the 'boobie demon' which basically means shouting "boobiiiiieeeeee deeeeemoooon" while groping my boobs like an idiot
is CONSTANTLY on his phone, watching cricket update, reading twitter, reading sky sports news ARGH
im sure there's a million more....
(flattery'll get you everywhere, just don't fart in her face, she doesn't like it)
It was his grin afterwards and every time saying, 'Phhhooowr everyone loves the smell of their own'
I used to get pinned down with his knees on my arms and then he'd spit in my face. I'd much rather have had a boobie demon attack.
did he even like you?
when i was about 11 i went on holiday with a friend and her family, the night before the flight i slept over, she had bunk beds and i was on the bottom, she kept trying to spit on my bag (which i loved cos my dad had bought it for me) and then my head through the bars, i think we both thought it was hilarious at the time but it seems quite mean of her now tbh! she was pretty much the most selfish person i ever knew.
I'd often retaliate with a lick to the eyeball (really annoying place to be licked)
She sounds like a bitch. I hate spitting as its completely gross.
fucking hell. tell your dad about it.
but I just thought it was one of those fun things you did....like play fighting.
It's actually commendable if you don't get it on the bedsheets.
stop that right now.
I think play time is over.
it was more a dribble. Sometimes he'd do that thing where you make your spit go really long.
I used to pull his trousers and pants down in the kitchen and slap is balls about a bit. It was all fun and games in our household.
I have it really easy. I might buy the gf some flowers on the way home just for not being a mental.
I just find balls hillarious.
YOU did it? you 2 desevered each other.
He wouldn't slap his own balls about. That would just be weird!
with the tagline "last chicken in Sainsburys".
she loved it.
balls are definitely funny.
spitting/ball-slapping would probably be horrifying in the context of most relationships, but tbh I've seen worse.
We'd have play fights that would escalate into real fights that would only end if I got really badly hurt and ended up crying (I was only 17 or so at the time). Things were far more pleasant with the boyfriend after as we'd just have play fights that would end with getting the other one naked (not in a sexual way or anything)
willies are pretty funny too
but to be honest, he probably didnt even notice it going in his mouth. just an instrinctive thing for him. he is the fattest, greediest man alive.
I tripped and fell on it!
and say, 'Yo, Adrian, it's me, Rocky... I don't know what to say, 'cause I ain't never talked to no door before, ya know...'
Put saucepans away in an order not relating to their base width
Barely ever hoover
Work late on the night I often have cooking duties
Play silly computer games
Like Steve Coogan comedy shows (most of)
Go to bed with TMS on for 2 months
Place colander in large bowl
place large bowl on baking tray
It's hardly the krypton factor.
Just with the biggest one. I know where it ought to go but if I can't be arsed to rearrange the whole cupboard to fit it in, at the front it goes.
We use it almost every day anyhow...
and i bet all the spoons and forks arent even all facing the same way in your drawer!
My socks and pants drawer is a state though.
I also use it to put receipts for anything over £50, belts, cards I may use again at some point, cards I won't use again at some point, general detritus and stuff for the summer I forget about until about October every year.
I'm in charge of hoovering ( and bins) but am too lazy/forget. Sometimes just before she gets back I'll take the Hoover out of the cupboard to suggest I've been using it. She's on to that trick now though when it's blatantly apparent no hoovering has taken place, those glory days are over.
Good work in this thread.
you'd NEVER be bored.
Stand behind the cricket net at the park filming me(as instructed) bowling cricket balls down the track to an imaginary batsman so I can study my bowling action, say I'm going to join a team again, and then never do so. This all takes place with me wearing short White shorts and the nets aren't well maintained so some balls go right through, hitting you a little bit.
I AM A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND
I'd probably do that.
some ball might pop through and hit you?
Buy some new shorts.
or sometimes just gets his ball out and rolls it around in his hand for ages
Best put the Hoover out
But that's it.
I've started to get told off about it....but she bites her nails really badly so I tell her to hush up.
even though we both know I have no idea if it does or not. this really annoys her.
I...err, I think.
it is linked with arthritis.
the fact that i can remember most of the things she ever says gives me loads of fodder for pointing out when she's being contradictory or hypocritical.
No idea whether we've been somewhere, done anything, spoken to anyone, watched a film, eaten, etc.
The ladies love it.
me: Hmmmmm. nope.
and the gf has caught on to my 'pics or it didn't happen' approach to nights out, so she made sure to take loads of pics of me making a cunt of myself at new year.
Then took some pleasure in going 'do you remember being at X and putting on her tutu and dancing around in her kitchen?'
me: 'Ha! pics or it didn't happen'
gf: 'Are you sure you don't remember any of it?'
me: (a bit arsey) 'Whuchootawkinbout?'
gf: 'Here, look'
Video footage of me dancing about my friend's kitchen after having taken her tutu off of her. It wasn't pretty. She's apparently done the same on a couple of other nights out. She's threatened to facebook the worst ones. It's a good thing I love her or it'd be war.
The ongoing 'joke' she has about me not recognising a guy I'd spoken to about ten times, as well as booking his band for one of my gigs and just generally apparently knowing quite well, when he came up to me at a festival last year and I completely blanked him as he said 'Hi bamos!', is NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
You sicken me.
because for every glass of it that I have, another hole is made in my memory.
I made her do a blind taste test between a fresh pint and a day-old one. She got it wrong and I lauded it over her for months.
... I'm still single, ladies.
I read that as poured it over her. That would have been funny.
I really should have =D
irrationally annoyed by the fact I like to shake my bottles of coke or whatever to make them less fizzy, therefore I do it more ostentatiously when we're in a room together. It's even better when I pour it into a glass and stir it.
tinkatinkatinkatinkatinkatinkatinkatinkatinkaTINKATINKATINKATINKATINKATINKATINKAT I N K A T I N K A T I N K A T I N K A T I N K A T I N K A
I've done this at work. It's suprising how little time it takes for people to ask you to shut the fuck up.
that's not even what annoys him though, it's just the whole concept of purposely de-fizzing. I think it's entirely reasonably myself.
I have nothing else to add.
"RRRRAGH!" i say, as the demon makes its sudden and yet inevitable manifestation. Lady Breastington trembles in fear (sighs in resignation) as she struggles against my superiour strength and agility before finally announcing, "yeah, ok, i get the picture..."
i do this thing...erm.....ok wait...er...
but i would like to take this oppertunity to say how charming labmonkeya529's things were and that i am also now a little bit in love with him.
*blows a kiss to lab*
when are you going out with the girl whose number you got?
she was all, 'hey i'll txt you next week when i find out what shifts i'm working'
but she didn't.
This worries me, because i don't think you can really do anything about it.
I also get extremely agitated about whether we are going to get to places on time, whether we are going to make it on to trains etc. Although, I swear he stays in WH Smiths until 2 minutes before the train leaves, choosing which sporty magazine he wants, just to wind me up.
The main thing he does to wind me up is pretending to think Let Robeson Sing is the best ever manics song, and Know Your Enemy is their best album. He has also described my music taste as 'lesbians that can't play guitar' and 'music that goes bleepy bleepy bloop'.
will cure the snoring
he can put up with my snoring.
Persuading her to watch The West Wing, which she likes and stuff but maybe I'm up for watching it more, then when the theme tune plays singing along with the words "West Wiiiiiiiiiiing...Best Wiiiiiiiiiiiing!" and waving noble arm gestures
I did - it was confirmed that fidgeting, fiddling and nail biting were the most annoying. Plus the unexpected category of pretending to know about everything and managing to bullshit through it.
How did she know?
That's all my social interactions since my late teens and entire career described in one single sentence.
can't seem to stop. My default reply to almost anything now is "yeah I know"
and keeping her apart from the things that she loves