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Why are you not single?

meowington [Edit] [Delete] 173 replies 13:07, 10 January '11

what happened?

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  • because I have a face that whispers 'sit on me' in 69 different languages

    Anschul | 10 Jan '11, 13:10 | X
    • :D

      meths @Anschul | 10 Jan '11, 13:10 | X
      Darcy, msmonipenni, meowington, sadpunk, spiritofjazz, Dans, jontosh2001, and iamwiggy this'd this
  • Because I'm ace!

    Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 13:10 | X
    • *modest

      meths @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 13:20 | X
      Darcy this'd this
      • *The D man

        msmonipenni @meths | 10 Jan '11, 13:24 | X
        Darcy this'd this
  • got someone pregnant

    meths | 10 Jan '11, 13:10 | X
  • I fell into the honey trap that is DiS

    Scout | 10 Jan '11, 13:10 | X
    meowington and PickledOeuf this'd this
  • Loads of money

    Rockets like a fucking commando

    Songs_about_ducking | 10 Jan '11, 13:11 | X
    • if only.

      meowington @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Jan '11, 13:39 | X
      • http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/football.shtml

        ?

        Songs_about_ducking @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 13:46 | X
        • :)

          meowington @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Jan '11, 13:47 | X
  • Meiosis.

    eltham | 10 Jan '11, 13:12 | X
    • ^Underrated.

      eltham @eltham | 9 Jun '11, 20:25 | X
  • Women's Tears Lower Men's Testosterone apparently

    http://www.aolhealth.com/2011/01/07/study-womens-tears-lower-mens-testosterone-sex-drive/

    msmonipenni @hollywood_freak | 10 Jan '11, 13:16 | X
    • She only cried after the beatings

      and then he felt bad and bought her jewelery.

      msmonipenni @13Monsters | 10 Jan '11, 13:20 | X
      • A carefully considered campaign of initial wooing

        followed by the systematic destruction of the wooed party's self-esteem.

        DanielKelly | 10 Jan '11, 13:17 | X
        • I have black girl needs

          useded | 10 Jan '11, 13:17 | X
          • That's a first - I just got DiS-raped, Similar to a Facebook hijacking

            Why am I not single though. Hmm. I reckon its because I'm really good looking.

            useded @hollywood_freak | 10 Jan '11, 13:44 | X
            • She was stood there holding two pints.

              I assumed one was a spare, so I mad my move.

              TheWza | 10 Jan '11, 13:18 | X
            • Because I'm not a wet sap and am capable of both holding a conversation and being an adult.

              Also, I'm really fucking cool and I play the clitoris like a sexual Carlos Santana.

              That and I'm basically a portal so she can perv on my sexier friends by hanging out with me.

              bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:22 | X
              • As if Carlos Santana isn't sexual!

                You do him a huge diservice.

                thewarn @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:23 | X
              • OH MARIA, MARIA

                SHE REMIND ME OF A WEST SIDE STORY

                DanielKelly @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:23 | X
                • You had me at 'oh'.

                  bamos @DanielKelly | 10 Jan '11, 13:24 | X
              • I think I just threw up a little in my mouth

                msmonipenni @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:24 | X
                • You think?

                  What sort of rancid animal doesn't know if they've puked or not?

                  bamos @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 13:27 | X
                  • I couldn't tell if it was puke or the remains of last night's dinner

                    dislodging itself from my back molar. Either way upon reading your filth I ended up with a bad taste in my mouth.

                    msmonipenni @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:33 | X
                    • Bad tast in your mouth..?

                      Nope, nothing.

                      bamos @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 13:40 | X
                      • just posting my "oye coma vag" joke here.

                        it seems to be the right place.

                        meths @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:43 | X
                        • what joke?

                          meowington @meths | 10 Jan '11, 13:48 | X
                      • Nope I got nothing either

                        I assume a 'tast' isn't something you should eat?

                        msmonipenni @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:45 | X
                        • Suck my tastycles.

                          bamos @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 13:46 | X
                          • cles dennis

                            thewarn @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:47 | X
              • TMI

                eltham @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:26 | X
              • :D

                Darcy @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:29 | X
              • this makes me wish i was a girl.

                meths @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:33 | X
                • Hang on...

                  You mean you aren't?

                  msmonipenni @meths | 10 Jan '11, 13:36 | X
                  • i am not.

                    cheers.

                    meths @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 13:37 | X
                • but at the same time really glad i'm not.

                  meths @meths | 10 Jan '11, 13:36 | X
              • that line made me spit out my sandwich.

                meowington @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 13:40 | X
                • "sandwich"

                  meths @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 13:44 | X
                  • you've got a nerve

                    meowington @meths | 10 Jan '11, 13:45 | X
                    • I actually can't get this song out of my head now.

                      meowington @hollywood_freak | 10 Jan '11, 14:27 | X
                    • As one of his sexier friends

                      I can vouch for all of the above.

                      crablin @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 18:18 | X
                    • Rohypnol

                      MurkyB | 10 Jan '11, 13:35 | X
                    • i'm not single because i'm brilliant at most things

                      meowington | 10 Jan '11, 13:46 | X
                      • I meant things like being nice and being soooo hilariously funny

                        that he can't even laugh because its that funny.

                        meowington @13Monsters | 10 Jan '11, 13:55 | X
                        • fucking hell

                          scrap my answer. I'm gonna go with "its because I pay for everything"

                          meowington @13Monsters | 10 Jan '11, 13:58 | X
                        • I've often been told i'm a funny girl

                          but I genuinely don't think I am. I'm often laughed at by him and have been by other boyfriends but I think its mainly because I'm an immature idiot. I'd rather be a hot girl or a cute girl than a funny girl.

                          meowington @hollywood_freak | 10 Jan '11, 14:04 | X
                          • This

                            except I'm also a hot Milf and a cute girl.

                            Sophiesmom @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 20:27 | X
                            meowington this'd this
                        • Didn't meant to this that

                          I was just gonna reply....but then abandoned it.

                          meowington @hollywood_freak | 10 Jan '11, 13:53 | X
                          • I can't comment on that, I'm afraid.

                            bye.

                            meowington @hollywood_freak | 10 Jan '11, 13:56 | X
                          • Because I'm pretty ace and half a somewhat inflated sense of self esteem.

                            - Not bad looking
                            - My bands are awesome
                            - Half decent job
                            - Own my own home
                            - Good at cooking

                            ALRIGHT

                            TheSoundofBastards | 10 Jan '11, 13:48 | X
                            ashstreath85 this'd this
                          • Girls?

                            I SHIT 'EM!

                            Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 13:52 | X
                          • I was actually looking for some stories of how you got together with your partner

                            but never mind.

                            meowington | 10 Jan '11, 14:02 | X
                            • me too

                              Didn't realise that so many people found arrogance attractive

                              marilyninthesky @_morrissey | 10 Jan '11, 14:16 | X
                              • they dont

                                its more the inability to tell the difference between confidence and arrogance

                                doodthatkicksarse @marilyninthesky | 10 Jan '11, 14:33 | X
                            • be bit boring tho wouldnt it?

                              "we got drunk and got off with each other, the rest is history"

                              meths @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 14:09 | X
                              • YOU STOLE MY STORY

                                Slicky @meths | 10 Jan '11, 14:12 | X
                              • I completely forgot that everyone gets with someone in the exact same way

                                thanks for your input today, meths.

                                /close thread.

                                meowington @meths | 10 Jan '11, 14:12 | X
                                • Finally.

                                  I'm off to practice my solos.

                                  bamos @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 14:13 | X
                                  • :D

                                    Darcy @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 14:15 | X
                                  • oye coma vag?

                                    meths @bamos | 10 Jan '11, 14:18 | X
                                    • I don't get this joke

                                      Is this the punch line? whats the set up? is this the set up?

                                      meowington @meths | 10 Jan '11, 14:20 | X
                              • OMG ME TOO!

                                deadonthestairs @meths | 10 Jan '11, 14:15 | X
                            • mind your beeswax meo!

                              Oh ok. She was working backstage at a festival I was playing - she sorted out our rider etc and ended up hanging out with us all day.

                              Luckily I'd had her number in my phone from the day before when we had to text her to see if there was anywhere to stay. I texted her when i got home telling her I had a crush on her. WHAT A BIG GAY.

                              Darcy @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 14:14 | X
                              • Awwwwwwwwwwwwww

                                meowington @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 14:15 | X
                              • vom

                                ghostpony @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 14:20 | X
                                meths this'd this
                                • sorry...

                                  i mean, "we got drunk and got off with each other, the rest is history".

                                  Darcy @ghostpony | 10 Jan '11, 14:37 | X
                                  • that's better.

                                    ghostpony @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 15:39 | X
                              • Is having a crush on a girl gay?

                                DADDY WAS RIGHT!

                                Raanraals @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 14:24 | X
                          • About a year agio to the day I got some increasingly filthy PMs through this website from a relatively new user.

                            We can't really remember what happened, but a few days later I found myself in London first thing on a Friday morning, having been out all night at a party. He had been having a party at his place too and hadn't slept, and we met up wearing dark glasses on a rainy january and looking like a pair of cunts. We went for a fry up. I went back to his and stepped over a semi-conscious famous person who was passed out on the floor. We then played guitars, listened to the boozy ramblings of his flatmate, then had to spurn the advances of said flatmate who wanted a 3some, and then slept for 24 hours. Who says romance is dead :D

                            PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 14:36 | X
                            • This is brilliant!

                              I love stories that are a bit weird.

                              I do wonder how many meet ups happen as a result of a pervy PM!

                              meowington @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 14:41 | X
                              • Cue a deluge of pervy PMs...

                                Raanraals @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 14:45 | X
                              • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnfi1WeJiag

                                spiritofjazz @meowington | 10 Jan '11, 14:46 | X
                                • CLEVER

                                  meowington @spiritofjazz | 10 Jan '11, 14:49 | X
                                • Hi im from italy, im hate silvio berlusconi is stupid? politic. you politic is nice and nice you r country, italy nice country, berlusconi is shit :P

                                  ehwhat @spiritofjazz | 10 Jan '11, 14:52 | X
                                  • this had me in stitches

                                    "Italians have a long proud tradition for being led by seriously? brain damaged men."

                                    Darcy @ehwhat | 10 Jan '11, 14:58 | X
                                    • :D

                                      Scout @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 15:02 | X
                                • why do I always see your username as spiritofjizz

                                  marilyninthesky @spiritofjazz | 10 Jan '11, 15:03 | X
                                  spit-fire this'd this
                                  • because you're filth.

                                    meowington @marilyninthesky | 10 Jan '11, 15:05 | X
                                  • :D

                                    I think most people do. I've actually got that one registered, so I might switch to using it.

                                    spiritofjazz @marilyninthesky | 10 Jan '11, 15:12 | X
                                    • YOU SHOULD

                                      marilyninthesky @spiritofjazz | 11 Jan '11, 12:38 | X
                            • "increasingly filthy"

                              xylopwn @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 15:38 | X
                            • Quick shoutout to the must-be-*really*-bored, abhorrent clicheswho are

                              continuing to bitch about any and every post either of us put up here, on twitter.

                              Would probably a bit less weird if one of them in particular - looking a lot like a melted candle in a sweater - hadn't spent a large portion of Something Serious NYE staring at me in a slightly homoerotic/intimidated way.

                              Looking forward to Team Cliche noticing this particular post and scrambling a team of ugly knitwear fighter jets to take me out.

                              xylopwn @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 18:12 | X
                              • :'D

                                DanielKelly @xylopwn | 10 Jan '11, 18:15 | X
                                Balonz this'd this
                              • is that tedious little fuck still at it?

                                How amusing :'D

                                (Also, he was looking me love, sorry to break it to you :'D)

                                PickledOeuf @xylopwn | 10 Jan '11, 18:37 | X
                                • could have gone either way, i reckon :-o

                                  i want to say he was frowning but that could just have likely been some kind of general palsy.

                                  <3

                                  xylopwn @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 18:39 | X
                                  • :) i figure it will give them something else to circlejerk about,

                                    so technically it's a generous post.

                                    xylopwn @Bamnan | 10 Jan '11, 18:42 | X
                                    • Ooooh it's that little bumlord tomatron who's stirring!

                                      How totally bizarre. Did he not squeal like a little gay piglet and send you a big gushy apology on facebook or something for being a cunt the last time? This is why you shouldn't have pretend friends on your facebook :)

                                      PickledOeuf @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 18:42 | X
                                      • obviously he wasn't at NYE though.

                                        But this^

                                        *takes a bet on how many ":''''''''''''''''''''D"'s he'll type in response...

                                        xylopwn @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 18:45 | X
                                      • yeah, he is.

                                        PickledOeuf @Bamnan | 10 Jan '11, 18:49 | X
                                      • Hey dont talk about Zapsta like that.

                                        eltham @xylopwn | 10 Jan '11, 18:38 | X
                                        • :D

                                          Actually, I DID meet Zapsta mega, mega briefly, along with Ibzo, and he looked mortified to be generally introducted as 'Zapsta'. But a good handshake nonetheless.

                                          xylopwn @eltham | 10 Jan '11, 18:40 | X
                                      • oh! not him.

                                        there were a lot of people i sort-of recognised but not quite there.

                                        xylopwn @Bamnan | 10 Jan '11, 18:43 | X
                                        • Actually, I think guntrip's a decent sort

                                          We may not see eye to eye all the time but he's never pretended to like either of us, unlike his 2-faced girlfriend and the rest of his gang.

                                          PickledOeuf @Bamnan | 10 Jan '11, 18:48 | X
                                          • "rest of his gang"

                                            has made me immediately start imagining the worst West Side Story ever.

                                            I'm aware, by the way, that by even making that initial post i'm likely starting something where Everyone Loses. I might just swan off and leave it to annoy a few folk now.

                                            x

                                            xylopwn @PickledOeuf | 10 Jan '11, 18:52 | X
                                            PickledOeuf this'd this
                                        • ...

                                          Anyone know who the guy was in the toilets at NYE something serious at around 2A.M wearing a red jumper, standing at the urinals and drinking whilst presumably pissing?

                                          He turned and winked at me and it was in equal parts exciting/ terrifying.

                                          He was really tall.

                                          Splenic_Artery @xylopwn | 10 Jan '11, 18:45 | X
                                          • Not that I've met him but a tall man winking in the gent's screams Theo at me.

                                            Balonz @Splenic_Artery | 10 Jan '11, 18:48 | X
                                            • he was screaming 'THEO' at me, too.

                                              Someone had better warm him.

                                              xylopwn @Balonz | 10 Jan '11, 18:54 | X
                                        • Because 4 days ago at the City Clerk's Office in Downtown Manhattan in a 55 second ceremony

                                          I was legally the fuck MARRIED.

                                          [airpunch]
                                          [second airpunch]

                                          NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS

                                          [crushes beercan]
                                          [bogwashes EVERYONE in the "why are you single thread]

                                          ehwhat | 10 Jan '11, 14:36 | X
                                          • :D

                                            Congrats!

                                            meowington @ehwhat | 10 Jan '11, 14:38 | X
                                            robluvsnic, nice_squirrel, deadonthestairs, tomatron, PickledOeuf, Scout, and marckee this'd this
                                          • :D

                                            Darcy @ehwhat | 10 Jan '11, 14:38 | X
                                            thewarn and joeymahone this'd this
                                        • I was at a friend's birthday bbq

                                          and we all ended up at the local pub. He came over to me a little tipsy and asked if I wanted a drink, we were standing at the bar and he in an honest state told me he really liked my boobs. Best pick up line ever!

                                          msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 14:45 | X
                                          • good story

                                            and nice boobs, by the way

                                            robluvsnic @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 14:48 | X
                                          • :D

                                            meths @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 14:50 | X
                                            meowington and PickledOeuf this'd this
                                          • Brilliant!

                                            Nice to see s guy getting rewarded for his honesty! :)

                                            Darcy @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 14:59 | X
                                            • "nice guys finish last"

                                              meths @Darcy | 10 Jan '11, 15:07 | X
                                              • Exactly.

                                                The "nice" thing to do would've been not to bring up her boobs at such an early convenience.

                                                Darcy @meths | 10 Jan '11, 15:09 | X
                                          • That's another two dozen profile views right there.

                                            And that's just from me

                                            spit-fire @msmonipenni | 10 Jan '11, 15:02 | X
                                        • Too fucking pretty.

                                          I try hard to be ugly, just doesn't work out though :(

                                          Sky_Box_Office | 10 Jan '11, 15:03 | X
                                        • Time travel,

                                          sedatives, bungee cord, a tractor tyre, a dozen goose eggs and a spatula.

                                          Not necessarily in that order either.

                                          mymiddlenameaintthor | 10 Jan '11, 15:17 | X
                                          • that's your answer to everything

                                            Anschul @mymiddlenameaintthor | 10 Jan '11, 20:19 | X
                                            mymiddlenameaintthor this'd this
                                        • because i sat next to a girl at a party who talked to me for half an hour about her plans to own a pet lobster

                                          prof-kitsch | 10 Jan '11, 18:21 | X
                                          • also i am a vaginal zeus

                                            great name for a sludge metal band.

                                            prof-kitsch @prof-kitsch | 10 Jan '11, 18:24 | X
                                          • <3

                                            she sounds brilliant.

                                            meowington @prof-kitsch | 10 Jan '11, 18:55 | X
                                            PickledOeuf this'd this
                                        • Girth.

                                          Both penile and stomachular.

                                          crablin | 10 Jan '11, 18:21 | X
                                          • 'cause my girlfriend is way hot.

                                            lemonbrickcombo | 10 Jan '11, 18:45 | X
                                          • GIRL UR AMAZINNN

                                            JUS' DA WAY U R

                                            diabetic_lucifer | 10 Jan '11, 19:17 | X
                                          • Because seven years ago I got drunk and asked my current girlfriend out

                                            and she totally said yes.

                                            brokenchairs | 10 Jan '11, 20:33 | X
                                            • asking out your current girlfriend = fairly safe bet

                                              nice one

                                              amnuck @brokenchairs | 11 Jan '11, 11:23 | X
                                          • Because I steal Quality Street from work to bring home to her

                                            risking life and limb.

                                            And 6 years ago after meeting her I embarked on a truly remarkable temporary transformation, using much smoke and many mirrors, which portrayed me as a thoughtful, romantic human-being. She now frequently say's she feels "conned" and asks when I'm gonna start playing guitar and writing poetry again. DR DECEPTION WINS THROUGH AGAIN.

                                            labmonkeya529 | 11 Jan '11, 03:11 | X
                                            • :D

                                              Brilliant. The deception thing happens to most people though doesn't it? I wish I could pretend just for a little while that I'm really cool and stuff but I really am not...or I just forget about 5 minutes after I decide i'm gonna come across as super cool.

                                              meowington @labmonkeya529 | 11 Jan '11, 08:40 | X
                                              • I did things the other way round.

                                                I was a bit shit for the first 6 months in many ways. Now I'm a solid gold boyfriend and her family love me!

                                                Darcy @meowington | 11 Jan '11, 11:16 | X
                                                • my gf's mum just saw me smoking on the balcony while she

                                                  was walking the dog about 30 mins ago. Kept it secret from her for 6 years because my gf says she "would be really upset due to family dying from it" etc. Disappointing multiple mums, I'm a monster.

                                                  labmonkeya529 @Darcy | 11 Jan '11, 11:22 | X
                                                  • .

                                                    last time I saw my gf's mum she said something like "Well I'm glad someone is looking after her". I'm a hero.

                                                    Darcy @labmonkeya529 | 11 Jan '11, 11:25 | X
                                                    • 45 minutes ago, I was a hero.

                                                      Now, I'm dead to her/dying from smoking. The mighty can fall Darcy, the mighty can fall.

                                                      labmonkeya529 @Darcy | 11 Jan '11, 11:27 | X
                                                  • My parents weren't really sold on my last boyfriend

                                                    because he was a bad boy. But now I'm going out with a mega geek, who they haven't even met yet, they're like "I like him"

                                                    :D

                                                    meowington @labmonkeya529 | 11 Jan '11, 11:26 | X
                                                • I'm usually brilliant for the duration

                                                  but just a bit needy.

                                                  meowington @Darcy | 11 Jan '11, 11:23 | X
                                          • Because I am cool?

                                            and lucky cos my girl is just better than me in almost every way.

                                            fullerov | 11 Jan '11, 19:15 | X
                                          • bumpymcbump

                                            (May aswell if the other ones up)

                                            meowington | 9 Jun '11, 20:00 | X
                                            • ...

                                              TheoGB @meowington | 10 Jun '11, 09:40 | X
                                          • my girlfriend has learning difficulties

                                            josh | 9 Jun '11, 20:03 | X
                                            • i'm gonna be fucked if that gets taken out of context in any way

                                              josh @josh | 9 Jun '11, 20:03 | X
                                          • because i'm generous with my money

                                            that's it really

                                            cat_race | 9 Jun '11, 20:03 | X
                                          • I ended a two-year relationship

                                            which had been an utter nightmare from, oh, probably day 10. So I was single for the first time in a while, and fucking loving it, just revelling in the freedom and the sheer relief of getting out of that emotional hellhole.

                                            Within 3 months I'd met Mrs Blisters and we've been together ever since. Everything's great, totally in love and all that, but I do think wistfully sometimes about that brief window of singleness and how I wasn't yet ready to close it.

                                            blisters | 10 Jun '11, 01:46 | X
                                          • I'm manipulative, arrogant, dismissive and insincere

                                            I'm also a drunk. It's a basically irresistible combo as you can probably imagine.

                                            Luis_Carruthers | 10 Jun '11, 02:03 | X
                                            • It is for the female characters in EastEnders.

                                              Mozalini @Luis_Carruthers | 10 Jun '11, 11:12 | X
                                              • Don't know what that is.

                                                Jersey Shore ftw bruh.

                                                Luis_Carruthers @Mozalini | 10 Jun '11, 18:26 | X
                                          • because i'm not a male feminist

                                            Ryu_ | 10 Jun '11, 02:09 | X
                                            • I'm too lazy to sort my life out

                                              moousee | 10 Jun '11, 10:15 | X
                                            • because i found a girl deluded enough

                                              to put up with me

                                              commandercool | 10 Jun '11, 10:33 | X
                                              this'd this
                                            • Honestly

                                              I have no idea how I ended up persuading anyone to tolerate me, let alone enjoy it. Other than the fact I'm a decent cook.

                                              Gashwrecker | 10 Jun '11, 14:01 | X
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