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'You're sitting there, imagining that, with a big smile on your face. You dirty fecker...'
"Did they take much?"
"Oh you don't understand, Father. She was robbed. They stole her."
Father Dougal: God, Ted. D'you remember that fella who was so good at fashion they had to shoot him?
This is a piece of advice my father gave to me. Now this refers not only to lagging, but all forms of insulation. He said "dont ever"...no, wait, it was "always"...no er, "never, never" - oh wait now, I've forgotten. Never mind. Whats your favourite humming noise? Would it be mmm-mmmmm or would it be mmmm-mm? The first one there, now thats the sound of a fridge humming and the second one, now thats the sound of a man humming. You never hear a woman humming. I knew a woman once, but she died soon afterwards. Now if you push me to it, I'd have to say my favourite colour is grey. No, blue. A soft blue with a hint of grey. No, orange. Yes, orange. I remember now. I had an extension put on the house, and I put it on the extension, so the house is in a circle now, you see...
Bishop O'Neill: So Father, do you ever have any doubts? Is your faith ever tested? Any trouble you've been having with beliefs or anything like that?
Father Dougal: Well you know the way God made us, and he's looking down at us from heaven?
Bishop O'Neill: Yeah...
Father Dougal: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?
Bishop O'Neill: Uh huh...
Father Dougal: And when we die, we're all going to go to heaven?
Bishop O'Neill: Yes. What about it?
Father Dougal: Well that's the part I have trouble with!
"Heh, Funny how you get more right wing as you get older."
"You're gettin' married!"
"......is that a joke?"
'What's the problem there sister?'
his parents are gone away for the weekend and he has satellite'
'Dougal, he lives in Adis Ababba'
the scent of blood in their nostrils. Waiting, interminably waiting...and then..."
' The whole gay thing... I suppose it's a bit of a puzzle to us all. It must be fun though. Um, not the you know, but uh, the nightclubs and uh, the whole rough and tumble of homosexual activity. You know, having boyfriends when you're a man... Anyway, don't mind what the church thinks, it used to think the earth was flat. It's like, you know, sometimes the Pope says things he doesn't really mean, you know? We all get things wrong, even the Pope.'
'Don't call me Len you little prick!'
"I hear you're a racist now Father?"
Or if you just fell out. If the floor disappeared from under you and you just FELL OUT of the plane."
theres more in that bit where dougal says what he's heard about the beast but that line is just the funniest thing i've ever heard.
instead of a mouth its got four arses
except on Saturdays."
We watched a few episodes the other day. I did really like it but I think I need to watch more.
Dougal: A shower of bastards.
'i think it was a tenner..'
'TWENTY! it was a twenty! sorry, but let's just nip that in the bud - twenty.'
the pat mustard episode on NOW
I MADE the BBC....!
these cows are small, those in the field are far away."
"She was there that day we went to the zoo, when you fell off a rock and had to be airlifted my helicopter, and then you fell from the helicopter into the lion's cage"
"Nope, still can't."
"You were wearing your blue jumper."
"AHHHH, Sister Asumpta how are you??"
'And there's nothing at all stupid about the Annual All-Priests Five-a-Side over 75s Indoor Football Challenge Match, against Rugged Island.'
"What?! What are you talking about?! Of course it can land you in hospital!"
"Well it's not usually serious, is it Ted? I mean, I was struck by lightning a few times and I never had to go to hospital."
"Yes Dougal, but you're different from most people. All that happened to you was balloons kept sticking to you."