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meths thread got me thinking...
(but yeah, I'd totaly kiss goodbye to the lips. MILKERS FTW).
one you just chose lips and the other you just chose boobs
like a salad?
I can leave that.
Both outcomes would make me very, very sad. Agh. I'm not allowed to interact with her boobs in any way? Or just not allowed to touch them with my hands?
Sorry, what was the question?
quicken up love
I had a bit of time to actually read it all. Love.
I'd definitely kiss meths' girlfriend's boobs.
is she allowed to kiss you on the lips?
is she allowed to put her boob in your hand even if she's not allowed??
just at some point having her breast put in my hand
of course she cant kiss you on the lips as then your lips would be touching and techinically, you'd be kissing her, also what kind of a dilemma would that be?!
no she isn't, cos, as you said in your nonsensical question 'she's not allowed' so NER
(i'll always chose balls)
or kiss his japseye
let it ferment and hey presto you would have........?
otherwise stroking his chest if he has a sexy toned chest like mine doesn't.
I prefer a kiss and a cuddle to a squeeze of his stupidly firm, peachy bottom.
Like a boob in a box.
that is weird
IN a box. Surely they are not very lovely if they are detached from their owner?
He thought it'd be great. Get it out and have a play whenever you're feeling a bit low.
(PS Very much liking Black Sands)
Does this mean you would like a boob-in-box, too?
[Basil Brush catchphrase goes here]
my big sisters weird interest in serial killers rubbed off on me a bit
I said it was omnipotent and the source of all my powers.
ROMANCE IS DEAD
I will leave you with this teaser- girls: how many of you can kiss your own boobs?
i wonder if there is any internet porn where a woman breast-feeds herself. cant wait to finish work.
and do regularly
Giving it some serious thought though.
I can picture it now.....you are in the kitchen....you blow it a kiss....you look up.....your neighbour is watching.....it is the same neighbour that witnessed the robot dancing.....it is angus deyton reprising his role in 'one foot in the grave'
anyone who seriously suggests that they would give this up, would appear to have issues with relating to people, and I would advise their gf to run away as fast as possible, unless they enjoy being seen as objects and not as individuals.
I dont want to be included in your pie charts thank you very much
but i agree.
then I wouldn't have to bother with either.
And the dirt is gone.
kissings good. I can still look at her boobs
an old friend of mine told me she had sex with someone without kissing them at all - not before, during or after the sex. I've never done this and I'm not sure I'd want to. Have you?
I think she works in a museum or something.
oops caps. I'm not retyping.
I wouldn't know.
have you ever asked someone how often they masturbate?
not just people in the street or friends, but like boyfriends/girlfriends/people you're dating etc.
Did you get an answer?
No, I don't think I have. I did have a conversation about the variety of techniques that my boyfriend used. Toothpaste was a winner, apparently.
I thought that was like a normal thing to ask but it turns out it realy isn't. I've asked boyfriends before.....maybe I am a little bit too curious!
erm toothpaste? with or without water?
I can't read
I imagine this was pre Durex Play 'tingle'.
Most of them said 'every day if I'm alone' IIRC.
'In incidents of randy clitbashing'
Especially for spanking.
At some point I'm going to cross the line in this thread. I can feel it.
Are we still talking about masturbation?
I have an amusing mental idea of someone kind of talking dirty to themselves now.
'Yeah, I like that, don't I?'
Had to leave the room.
I am still laughing.
(I have now asked someone)
Usually near the start of the relationship, post-coital time is spent chatting about past relationships, sexual peccadilloes, habits, etc.
ask vince cable....just tell us all and be proud of who and what you are
if you tell the truth then there is nothing to be ashamed of
Is it "to money shoot" or "to shoot money"?
We can therefore infer that 'money-shoot' (apply hyphen, space or otherwise as preferred) would be correct.
maybe you should start a daily sex thread
#1 has anyone pooed on you before?
that kinda thing. you may get a better response
I once had a bird that pooed on me.........name of Joey
It's been implied, mentioned, acknowledged etc, but I've never asked (or been asked) about an actual frequency.
Unless she had massive mams.
OMG BOOBZ EVERY TIME DEFO!!1!1 But then I realised I would much rather have a boobularly challenged girlfriend than one with particularly thin lips.
These two know the score...
Having said that, I once had a girlfriend who was basically completely flat-chested, and... no, never again.
adding to the misery of my life :(
Swollen lips, red cheeks, husky voice, cuddling up for warmth.
Also I love the way girls dress in winter more than I do in summer. An attractive woman in a nice belted coat, gloves, maybe a beret... yep.
less sweaty, layers (nicer than some ill fitting shorts and a top), legs covered up, scarves etc (grrrr don't mention the beret. I had a lovely knitted pink one that I left in a coffee shop. I'm still angry about that)
Re: thin lips.
My ex used to cringe everytime he saw a lady with really really thin lips. He'd always shudder and say something like "ewwwww i couldn't receive a blow job from her. not enough lips" :D
My ex had an extensive beret collection, but our cat had a penchant for tearing the shit out of them, til she had none left. Thinking about it, that was the beginning of the end really.
I think any girl who has nice lips, not too small breasts, looks good in a beret, and likes decent music, is fall-in-love material for me. I am ridiculously fussy when it comes to the opposite sex though, and music taste is very high on the agenda. If they're otherwise perfect but listen to Mumford & Sons, it's all off.
I like to think this is me.
I am your perfect woman.
(I am joking, but I still like to think it's an apt description)
Lets combine and become one amazing mega-woman.
I don't normally suit hats but this beret was perfection. I do have another knitted number but it makes me look a bit weird.
THIS IS ME YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AUTOMATIK! :D nah, just kidding. I'm not sure if music taste is very high on my list of attractive qualities. Obviously, we'll have to have things in common but I really like going out with someone who can improve my music taste and I could hopefully do the same for them. For me, all they really need is: good hair, nice bum, give good cuddles, laugh at my jokes, not take themselves too seriously. Thats fall in love material. oh and it helps if they like cake.
I've met women before who should be perfect for me 'on paper' but there's not been that, y'know, spark; similarly, I've had intense chemistry with people I never would have picked out. I'm sure that's true for most people.
I think I meet your criteria, meowington, but I have no idea about the bum thing. It's not something I've ever been complimented on before so probably not! Cake though, yes. As I've said in the past I'm a very rewarding boyfriend for girls who cook/bake/make nice things. My last girlfriend actually MADE me a pair of TALKING PEEP SHOW DOLLS for Christmas. Super Hans and Jez. You press SH's stomach and he says 'Tell you what, this crack is really more-ish.' Jez says 'Is this a bad idea? It's almost certainly a bad idea; but I won't know for certain until I do it.' :D
I don't know why I'm telling you this. I do lots of nice things for loved ones too. Just saying. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME, HM?
Made me a book of all my favourite songs, with the lyrics on one page and the guitar tabs on the other... but like, each page was beautifully designed and had pictures in the background and stuff.
Basically, make me an awesome Christmas present and you're guaranteed a lifetime of misty-eyed reminisces on an internet forum somewhere.
I'm not sure if men get complimented on their bums very often but I love bums. You sound pretty good. I like to cook and bake things too. I'd say I was a fairly good girlfriend but I've never really been appreciated so I don't know!
WOW. Thats amazing. Theres no way I could live up to that. I'm not sure what i'd be able to make you but i'm in the process of making a comic book for my current crush. Like in the christmas episode of The Office US, Pam did one for Jim and I copied it but made it about him. I showed him it at the weekend but its unfinished. He wasn't impressed really but NEVER MIND. it passes the time. I probably wont finish it and end up throwing it away but I thought it was alright :(
I'd probably make you a massive cake (whatever is your favourite) and write "YOU HAVE A NICE BUM" on it. OR make a cake the shape of your bottom. I'm undecided at this moment. It'll be yummy though and i'll make you fat.
I used to make my own comics when I was a little'un. They usually took the form of 'gamebooks' - so each little chapter would end with: 'Should Matthew take the man's secret potion? Turn to be page 4. If you think he should run away, turn to page 8.' Took a fair bit of planning/organising but I was very proud of them. I've still got one or two I think.
I would totes make you a comic. It could be a Drowned in Sound gamebook! I've done enough normal, real life things in recent years that I think I could stoop to that level of geekiness without having to, you know, seriously reassess my life.
I always think things are a REALLY good idea but when it comes to it, they're really shit. I can't really finish this comic though as I don't really know where to take it. I've done the front cover and one page but I need to finish the last page....its very hard when you've never really read a comic before!
Tbh, I would be pretty chuffed if I received something hand made and thoughtful but I never have. I'd probably cry because i'm such a pathetic loser. I once got some chocolates in a kitten gift bag from a boyfriend and I was SO happy! It was the best thing ever and there was a little card in there saying that I was nice and things. Those are the best gifts.
Ah yeah that would be great! Geekiness is great though. I am really not a geeky person at all but i'll definitely go a bit geeky to please a boyfriend for a little while.
That's a crying shame. You're right, hand made presents are the best by far. I always seem to get presents wrong, personally. The last present I gave was two tickets to Primavera 2010, and that resulted in nothing but arguing and misery, followed by the worst holiday of all time.
I know what you mean about finishing stories, though. I once started writing a 'Guide To Life' when I was seven, and never got further than illustrating the front page. I'm sure this represents some kind of Monty Python-esque metaphor.
SUBTHREAD: How often do you say PHWOAR?
me? at least 4 times a day.
I once successfully seduced a girlfriend with an opening gambit of 'PHWOAR!'
I think the indie types just don't see it coming.
I'm sure one day I'll be thirty-nine and boasting about successfully wooing my girlfriend into bed, but it's not that bad yet.
"how often do you masturbate?"
Not particularly weird, but I never lived it down.
Once broke up with his girlfriend during sex. As in, it was mutually agreed between the two of them during the act.
'Right, guys, you know when you're having sex, and you start having a conversation about your day, how things are going, etc...'
Not boring then to talk about it.
Really and truly.
Worst thing: Someone says something during and you don't hear what it is they have said.
'I said your flaps need to be tamed'
Do you actually voice your desire out loud, or do you just do as Blazin' Squad do and simply flip-reverse it? (Although, thinking about it, they wrote a whole bloody song in order to politely ask, so that's even less spontaneous.)
I used to go out with a guy who favoured missionary position, but done very rough. I told him it made his penis feel very small done that way and he soon stopped.
Kudos for the ice cold reprimand though :D
but it was just boring and unimaginative and the control freak in me couldn't tolerate it.
COME AND GET MY LOVE GIRL ON THE WIRE
1 2 WHATCHA GONNA DO
STAY AT MINE?
SAY YOU'RE GONNA FEEL ME
BABY THAT CAN THRILL ME
UP AND DOWN
ROUND AND ROUND
CALL MY NUMBER
WE'LL MAKE LOOOOVEEEE ON THE LINE
ALL SYSTEMS GO! ALL SYSTEMS LOOKING GOOD!
Oh. I see. I thought this was the reiki class. Awkward.
You just reminded me of the time I was cooking dinner for a date who was coming round, while listening to a mix I'd just downloaded. A few minutes after the girl arrived, she started to look a bit perturbed, and then said "Er... what exactly are we listening to?" Only then did I pay attention to what was coming faintly but unmistakeably from the speakers.
Very similar thing happened to me. THE EX invited me over for dinner and he was listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR20tjZEUww
It didn't bother me in the slightest! But he got a bit awkward :D
its not a time or place to be shy about things.
Usually no need to say anything is there? Just y'know, manouvre.
than grabbing a pair of norks...great as that is so the second one. *crosses fingers hopes that it's never the case*
Unless it was Christina Hendricks.
Actually, what am I talking about? As you were.
some kind of puerile PARP PARP sound accompaniment, so it's probably best for everyone involved that I am no longer allowed to touch them.
If you had the option to render your partner's various sexy bits in such a way that they made a loud HONK! noise whenever you squeezed them, would you take that option?
I say no. Novel at first, but it would get really annoying.
My nose goes Beeeeeeeeeeeeep when pressed but forunately my breasts know to shut the fuck up.
If a penis spoke back at me, I'd think it was coming alive and would hit it with whatever was nearest me. A bedside lamp, or a rolling pin, depnding on the location of the fright.
Ah, I know... Posh folk, bandy sex talk around, but don't swear. Whereas poor folk swear like troopers, but are uptight sexually. Amirite?
If it's all you care about, perhaps. But as one facet of a many-splendoured thing, I don't see anything wrong with it.
I'm dropping the ball all over the park today.
Talking about sex makes me feel uneasy. Can everyone stop please
it's as basic a human function as eating shitting and sleeping. In fact, it kind of inlovles al of tjhose things too, I guess. I never really understand why people are apalled by 'filth'. I guess it's nice to keep a modicum of mystique... actually no. Fuck that completely.
minds of the board, but I will play it safe with a This. And throw in a 'me top'.
you could probably ruin me.
when I read the first sentence I thought you meant it but the second sentence totally pulled the rug from under me.
like obviously I wouldn't talk to my family about it but friends and especially boyfriends, shouldn't be ashamed. Everyone does it and its not filty really is it?
I'm not gonna stop talking/joking about it if someone is really embarrassed as it'll be changing who I am!
I read the rest of the post in an Oirish accent
but I try to keep my shitting and sex separate. And mixing sex with sleeping is obviously fraught.
Whatever you say.
I want intimacy, not Razzle.
In which case...I'll gnaw her boobs and give her stubble rash on her grot.
It's about abstinence.
(sorry michael. I couldn't resist. And it's such a weak ggag aswell) :'(
Michael can't bounce. He sort of...sludges.
He's quite a basic walker.
What parts of her would I be allowed to jizz over?
OH HAI! ^
It's like returning to a fuzzy nightmare.