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"Please check your change as mistakes cannot be rectified later"
The sign in the window above some very kinky looking knickers reads:
"Be gentle I'm a virgin"
It disturbs every morning when I go past it in the bus.
I never noticed anything other than that.
It serves no purpose and should be destroyed.
he did of course look like the dodgy sex pest I had imagined him to be.
That's all I need to know...
i was shit-scared of these notices as a kid in souvenir shops on holiday
Nice to look at. Lovely to hold
But if you break it
Consider it sold.
see also: "touch if you must; pay if you bust"
TODAY'S NOT YOUR DAY.
TOMORROW'S NOT LOOKING GOOD EITHER
^usually in grumpy chip shops
TRY THE VEAL!
please do not read the magazines
used to have this old matriarchal woman sat cross legged on a raised bit, rolling out Borek flatbreads.
One day she wasn't there but I was relieved at seeing the sign:
"WE STILL MAKIN BOREK IN THE BACK!" with a smiley face.
It wasn't in a shop, in fairness, but conversations about signs often make me think of this one I saw in a livingroom window when I was living in Wisconsin.
As I looked up from the sign I noticed the inhabitant on his balcony. With a shotgun.
'This shop will close at 5.30pm on Thursday 16th July, and will reopen at 9.00am on Friday 17th July. Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience caused.'
I'll try and find a photo of it.
WILL GET WET
it stocks both fancy dress and builders' materials
"We're legally obliged to add on VAT when you eat in. Nightmare."
I think homesick_alien once started a thread about these stupid signs in Pret, but I can't find it.
"We have to charge you VAT when you eat in. How stupid is that?!"
When eating in, we have to charge you VAT.
Thems the rules. How stupid is that!?
...say the word vat (as in, a large recepticle) instead of saying it properly (as in saying the letters V, A, T).
...and Innocent Smoothies and their ilk. They can all fuck the fuck off.
How come I can eat-in in other places and not be charged for it? If it's because Pret, despite being a multi-million pound monolith, decide not to absorb it where others do, they can cut out the folksy "wha' happened?" nonsense and go do one
and the staff don't know the codes anyway!
everyone knows that is a lie. I used to work in a small local shop. We would have at least £500 at the end of the day.
oafish woman: *hands empty Bounty wrapper to cashier* "here you go - can you scan this? i was hungry - I couldn't wait. hope you don't mind"
cashier: *looks faintly disgusted; carries out transaction*
*oafish woman exits*
me: *joking* "yeah i've done the crossword on the newspaper already. hope you don't mind"
me: *exits, embarrassed at joke fail*
I do that all the time.
"Can you scan this empty bottle please? I got thirsty"
If I was that cashier, I would have let out loudest most sarcastic laugh ever.
the woman couldn't have been in the shop more than three or four minutes. what kind of person is so consumed with hunger/thirst that they can't wait til they get to the till before paying?
she must have wolfed that Bounty down.
just wait until you're food shopping with your little'un!
eventually she'll start demanding more interesting snacks.
you're a big girl now
sure you will be
"Please do not touch the sun. Thank you."
the 'freshy' in quotes, for some reason i didn't ask.
In sandwich shop: FREE SMELLS FOR ALL
(i made that one up)
Then it'll be "Sorry, toilet out of order".
Sorry for any inconvenience.
in north london was (very) roughly:
'Everyone must be inside by 10pm.
The leopard will be released at 10.03pm
This is because this is a residential area
you are welcome to drink here until then
irn bru £1
'Some of the adult publications were recently stolen, we know who did this and if they are returned we will take no further action'
but there's never anything good like "a minor defect with this product has been known, in very rare circumstanes, to cause an explosion"