not done one of these myself before so any feedback would be gratefully accepted provided it's not personally insulting.
Mikel Arteta nicks a point for Everton against Sunderland with a Lampard-esque deflected equaliser late on. Danny Welbeck bags a brace and continues rare example of a Man Utd player making a good impression on loan to a Premier League club.
Carlo Ancelotti plays down his own earlier suggestions that he could walk out of Chelsea due to interference from on high, while Leslie Hughes tips Man City to mount a title challenge - despite implying the polar opposite before they battered his Fulham side.
Newcastle defender Mike Williamson gets slapped with a violent conduct charge for an incident with Johan Elmander, Arsenal midfielder Henri Lansbury joins Norwich on a 28-day emergency loan and the Scots ponder whether to draft in Scandinavian and Irish officials to cover the impending refs' strike.
Fabio Capello linked with a move to Inter Milan to salvage their season after fat man Benitez alienates the entire squad with his weird training methods and general weirdness within just a handful of months.
Arsenal face Braga and Chelsea host MSK Zilina in the Chumps' League.
have I missed anything out? Probably. DiScuss.