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I don't wish to boast but I've just spent 35 quid on a torch.
What's the most you've ever spent on a torch?
Yet I have TWO TORCHES.
How can this be?
people who think it's ok to return home from a camping trip and find someone elses torch in your stuff and go "ho hum finders keepers, I'm sure I lost something of equivalent value anyway".
I NEVER think it's ok to return home from a camping trip.
but we keep them in the cellar and it's too dark down there since the light stopped working.
Still lights things up.
way, or with the same level of reliability as a 35 quid one will.
to be honest I'm not sure I can afford the candles to test. Not after buying the torch.
buy one get 499,999 free offer on candles.
Ive been after those.
it was a fathers day present for my father
They are awesome - I want one but can't justify it :(
I only really got it because you could get a bicycle mount for it.
...good work! Do you do a lot of riding on unlit lanes? They are awesome for that kind of caper.
I got a bit scared the other week using my 7 quid from asda job.
...according to my dad who knows way more than me about such things, is a Lenser/Maglite combo; Lenser for ligthing up ahead of you, Maglite angled down towards the road for illuminating your riding surface.
could you BE any more Guardian saturday magazine?
to save me so much money?
My phone has a pretty good torch function on it.
Not the Torch Procurement Big Man (TPBM™) anymore, are you?
Meths, is this what it feels like?
I have no idea why anyone thought i'd want a torch at that age let alone 2 separate people.
It was probably so that you could read the magazines whilst hiding under the blanket.
Your uncle really got it wrong with the Thomas the Tank Engine comic that year.
I'll never need buy a radio or torch again!
decided to go with both?
I've got a headtorch. it cost about £10.
and festivals of course where you need to see what you're doing with all the drugs you're sticking up your bum.
On this BAD BOY! :-)
One I got as a gift, it's a torch that you can hang or prop up and change the setting to lantern so it's a nice diffused light but then you can hold it like a proper torch and put on full beam. It's bloody brilliant.
please tell us about the many other torches you have that don't quite make the cut.
The only person I know that owns a torch is my dad and he uses it to be able to see in the garden at night when he throws small spiders into a bigger spiders web.
stop reading my posts.
i'll let you play "burglars" with me to make it up to you if you like?
kind of essential.
can you lend me your headtorch?
Can we just play scrabble instead?
i'm guessing its you.
I don't even know what that game is.
Well there are other uses for torches apart from that... spider game thing.
I heard him say "ladies first" to my boy cat the other day and then held him back whilst my girl cat walked through the door.
this is truly incredible
1) does he do it on impulse when he catches a spider or does he collect several spiders so he can make an evening of it
2) does the big spider eat the small spiders
3) what the actual fuck?
1) He has a big spider that lives at the end of the garden. His web is huge and he's a bit of a big spider. My dad walks around the garden looking for smaller spiders/bugs. He then picks them up, takes them over to the big spider and watches as the big spider runs over to them and does his thing.
2) I'm not sure if the big spider eats the small spiders. I think he does. He wraps them up and leaves them there for a later date.
3) I don't know either. He's a bit odd. I once came home to find a pigeon in a cat box in my bedroom.
1) He has a big spider that lives at the end of the garden. His web is huge and he's a bit of a big spider.
(but the pigeon in a cat box has raised yet more questions)
However, I fear your dad is molly-coddling that big spider.
really fine thread and write messages to him "from the spider" in the web. (a la charlottes web)
can you bring me a stoat"
think like a spider
think like a spider
think like a spider
rents, it is a suprise to me that games worksop hasn't gone under. What say you?"
while someone brings him fresh small spiders every night. Yeah SOME IDIOT.
i dont know why.
Spider: 'What's my favourite film?'
Meths: 'Spindlers list'
Spider: 'Fuck off. Where's meowington's dad'
This spider can't actually talk???
"ask your daughter"
meowingon has to write these messages while he's not there.
"tell meths I hate him"
Dad walks into garden reads message then says "meths" and walks away.
meowington creeps out in dead of night....
It doesn't work as dialogue.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING MAN? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
this film is never going to sell if thats the case.
DADDY DADDY I WANNA SEE THAT FILM
about a slightly retarded* girl who can only communicate with her father via the medium of spider webs. And a father obsessed with feline etiquette?
*No offence meowington - just a bit of hollywood-style embellishment.
and we're nearly in business.
that will be the "twist".
M Night Shyalaman to direct.
THE SPIDER WAS DEAD
Nah. Saw that coming in from the first 30 seconds. Surely you noticed the recurring bird-eating spider motif???
Or that the man has a daughter (meowington)?
Or something about catiquette?
noone will know until the end of the film except for him. and that includes the entire cast and crew.
"Keep your antiquated attitudes about gender to yourself"
cathouse*, you heartless bastard?"
its not a deal breaker but i'd like to know.
cat poos to form the letters. But whatever works.
as if he hasn't done this already
they made the wrong film for that title.
also I forgot the spider couldn't actually write messages.
Really, I'm just upset that your Charlotte's Web reference has take off so successfully while my perfectly adequate Harry and the Hendersons reference has died in the (spider's) egg.
"with like 12 eyes, or however many I've got"
would you see 2 million candles?
how many candles do you see?
who knows what they see. i'm just going off what hollywood movies have told me they see, and i see no reason to question hollywood.
should be the tagline of this film about me being a retard and my dad being a nutjob.
there's the title of your film.
And the last line in the film will be "I never realised how much you mean to me, until I saw you THROUGH THE EYES OF A SPIDER."
the spider hugs an aphid
it's a massive hug off. If we're not careful it could drag like the end of lord of the rings.
To play it safe I think the cat should be on bed then the spider, the dad and meowington come in and they jump up and down and hug. Then we cut to a scene and viggo mortenson sings the films theme song in elvish.
cat-faeces-spider-web-insane-dad crossover-film since... <checks IMDB> ...
oh and heres something i feel has been missed:
WHO THE HELL IS READING THESE MESSAGES, IF ANYBODY?
in the dead of night. She'll need a good torch though.
well we're hoping it's the dad? right? It's the only way meowington can communicate with her father since she was struck mute in that <TO BE CONFIRMED> accident.
did some damage
before it settled down and the her Dad managed to tame it.
I'm thinking an emotional scene where meowington finds this out and feels betrayed by the spider she had just begun to trust (even...love?)
Can we have scarlett johanson play me please? I'm not a child.
John Lithgow as the Dad
just like John Lithgow in Harry and the Hendersons:
AND it can flash
AND its wind up
i'd like to propose creaky as the man to take this to the box office.
i think that was what happened, I kept my 'Big' spider in a box and when i got a smaller one I would put it in the box also and close the lid (I wasnt into the crassness of the spectacle)
and then one day later I would reopen the box, and there would be an even bigger spider (sometimes)
I never actually knew whether the spiders just merged, or if one ate the other (although there would be a dried up light wispy spider remains)
although if you mean did it weave it into its web, then it is probably indeed what the spider would say....i mean for all its 8 legs it cant really grip a torch with them.
The torch goes on the head with a velcro-y thing
it does have a toy story projection function though
My Dad is immensely proud of his million candle strength mega torch
no lady, do not try and dress that up as Serious Equipment.
Me and your dad should have a torch-off.
you missed her "million strenght candle" claim.
noone has ever seen a million candles together. no way.
candles arent very bright anyway. a million of them would probably be like dusk on a foggy day.
but having googled you can now get 3 million power ones
he could just imagine what his candles would've been like if he'd had 500,000 times more of them.
if that man is not a wearer of glasses i'll be amazed.
it didnt get too bright, but it did get a lot warmer, in fact i was limited by space and that if there are too many candles too close to each other they start to melt each others sides and so you get them going molten on one side and going crazy, so i abandoned this idea, and just used to light a reasonable amount of candles(no more than say 30)
I did buy two candles once, one red and one blue, and two long gothic-y holders, in my first year at university. I thought it would impress girls.
I literally didn't have sex that entire year.
When I left home I took my dad's with me, for reasons I'm still not clear on.
is yours made of leather and walnut or is it a 'special' torch (that you can also use for other things ;) )
I can't remember what it does, I'd have to dig out the suprisingly large booklet that came with it.
Although reflective, it's not a torch.
(and equally rivetting) thread.
Wonderful! We can get that citrus juicer you've had your eye on!
citrus juice in the eye? that's got to hurt right?
Sorry not posted for a while. Think I'm a bit rusty.
I've got citrus juice in my eye.
under the flickering light of decade old sex candles. This is how Britain treats it's heroes
Will have impregnation and it's consequences to worry about next though.
Everything else pretty much takes care of itself.
I'm sure Balonz or zxcvbnm- will be kind enough to lend you one of their £35 Egyptian cotton handtowels
cos she will do if she reads this.....will you get into trouble?
spider that can write?
I should read the thread I guess.
Imagine if there was a spider that had torch beams coming out of their eyes (8 of them arn't there?) that would be soooo spooky (like the squidys off the matrix)
What a week its been