Those Films that used to be on Channel 5 at 10.55pm on a Friday Night
These were on during a very impressionable time of my life.
Some notes:
1) Ones with Shannon Tweed (Mrs Gene Simmonds) were invariably better than those without.
2) They generally came in two varieties: Erotic dramas, and erotic thrillers. Dramas were usually better, and would typically involve a bored housewife exploring her sexuality. Thrillers would normally involve a cop trying to track down a weirdo serial killer, and becoming emotionally involved with the victim's sister.
3) Occasionally, Channel 5 would throw a curve ball and put on a Russ Meyer film (pretty good), or a 1970's British sex-com like Confessions of a Window Cleaner. These were not so good, though were interesting for those of us interested in the development of British cinema.
4) You could often work out from the number of women mentioned in the opening credits if there was a decent chance of a lesbian scene.
5) Because my bedroom was right above the living room, I had to watch all these on an incredibly low volume. I subsequently became a fairly adept lip-reader.
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don't forget Black Mask with Jet Li
where the dubbing was seemingly done in real time by two Australians
I banged many off in my youth to those
I like how you can really obviously see that they’re not actually having sex.
This is like finding out Father Christmas was just my dad.
especially when they have nylon sheets between them
so frustrating
I don't think I've watched Channel 5
since they stopped showing these
"These were not so good, though were interesting for those of us interested in the development of British cinema."
Good effort, dont believe a word of it though. I never had a tele, maybe it stopped me from being a sex pest though. I did watch a red shoes diaries once as David Duchovny was in it, I didn't watch all of it though :(
I really do thing films from that era are interesting.
It's so weird seeing Britain on screen in that period. It all looks so familiar, yet weirdly different.
Robin Askey falling off a ladder after watching some bedroom romp just got in the way.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Have you got an arsenal of porno threads in the barrel at the moment?
I'm done now, I swear.
I'm just working through some issues right now.
*tissues
SORRY, REALLY SORRY. I'LL TRY TO MAKE THIS THE LAST ONE.
:'D
WARNING: Do not get crying tissues confused with any other tissues. Just saying.
How to know you're getting old:
Last night's TV options were Late Night Hollyoaks, something called Spartacus: Blood and Sand (which should also feature the word 'Tits' and 'Swearing' in the title), so I watched Sky Sports News Carling Cup round up.
:(
I think I missed out due to Channel 5 not being available in my area.
(In the wilderness of Camberley in Surrey, just off the M3.) They've still yet to get Freeview there.
I’m sure I remember Lynda Bellingham cropping up in a late night ‘Confessions Of…’ film.
Which led me to face the conundrum of whether it’s right to knock one out over the Oxo mum. I always thought the documentaries about porn (often voiced by Davina McCall) used to contain more stroke-material.
Sex and Shopping was the king of those.
Was that voiced by McCall? Oh dear.
does anyone remember Beverley Hills Bordello on Bravo?
I didn't watch it, just wondered if any of you had.
We used to watch it in the TV room at college
surely this timeslot
was an exploratory experience for many chaps who are now around 22-25
i had a 14inch tv in my room, carefully setup so that even the red standby light wouldn't show if i had to quickly switch it off midsoftcore due to a parental murmur, i even had channel 5 not saved on the actual ch5 just in case
i remember one particular evening i was horrified to find martin kemp off eastenders and spandau ballet in one!!!! was one of those rubbish ones where everything was covered with sheets
"if i had to quickly switch it off midsoftcore due to a parental murmur"
There was an easier way around this, you know - just don't watch softcore while you're sharing the bed with your parents.
Hope this helps.
Poison Ivy 2
starring her off of My Name is Earl seducing her mates dad or something.
oh and these were the pre-freeview days
where channel 5 had an inexplicably poor signal, which frequently meant squinting through a snowstorm for a glimpse of nipple, or on rare jackpot occasions, a fleeting shot of pubic tuft.
I'm pretty sure I remember that one.
It was disappointing.
A Woman Scorned
Animal Instinct 2 was a particular favourite of mine.
Mirror Image 2, I remember quite fondly.
It featured an attractive lady getting it on with her female therapist. Which I'm pretty sure is against the rules.
Movies For Men
Sky 323, er, I'm told, pretty much has this covered now. Shannon Tweed seems to have been sent to the knackers yard, more's the pity.
I became an ice hockey expert
waiting for those films to come on.
That is/was always the best thing about channel 5...
The random highlights of American sport.
Keep your semi-porn films, I wanna know what happened in the NBA this week >_>
I'm pretty sure one week there was just one called
Blue Movie.
European Blue Review
because porn in the late 90s, early 00s needed low-brow critiquing from her of Bits.
Amazing thread ....
these were also on during an "impressionable" age and may I say
When the credits roll at the start and girls names come up like "Candy" or whatever that used to make me think god what were there parents doing when thinking up a name?!?! BUT NOW I KNOW THE TRUTH [its there "stage" name]
I remember scanning the Radio Times for the golden words
"contains sex scenes and nudity"
Life before the internet, so simple.
I remember once recording
'A handmaid's tale' because of those very words. lol?
"Tweed was born in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador, to a mink rancher."
Mink Rancher.
As in
'I used to be a right mink rancher until I was diagnosed with syphilis'
good thread
i managed to vhs record for the wank bank when i got a new tv with a video player built in, probably when i was 14 or something. it was a turning point that soon got me up to speed with consistent regular material before i got my own pc and therefore unprecedented tits on tap but before any of that, when i had a normal tv and a dodgy reception, some nights i used to have to watch shit programmes about brit sluts abroad, and i would have my dick in my hand just waiting for a nip slip or an up-skirt. those were dark days. obviously eurotrash and porn on five were the good times i cherished at the time.
oh fuck, also tarrant on tv had tits now and again. how embarrassing.
Hi, was wondering if you good chaps might be able to help me find the name of this film
okay, the film from what I remember was shown on channel 5 sometime between 1999- 2001. The plotline basically was about a husband (Ardee I think?) who had been cheating on his wife marion with a dark haired woman named annie. anyway towards the end of the film, marion having found out the goings-on between them, she convinces Annie that she wants to join them. so the sex scene commences between annie and Ardee, only later on Ardee is surprised to find that marion is in the room with them, instead of joining them, she them holds the couple at gunpoint and forces them to have sex, as she put it: "reache the finish line" lol... if anyone can tell me which film this is, It'd be a great help.
Cheers
The best ever first post?
It can't be far off...
Captain Orgasmo.
The one with Matt LeBlanc!
:')
anyway guys glad you found it amusing, it's not like you all didn't start a thread about soft porn films shown on channel in the first place right? ;)... but anyway in all seriousness, do let me know if you have any inkling as to what the name of this film is....
I forgot all about this thread,
but I'm still really proud of it.
Started on my birthday
There must be something cosmic in that.
Emannuelle 4:
Emannuelle in Space
Forbidden Desires
Dangerous Desires
Forbidden Dangers
Can't believe I never commented first time around
I loved how they put all the shagging up front and the plot into the back end. I became pretty adept at gauging the cut off point
i
kay, the film from what I remember was shown on channel 5 in the UK sometime between 1999 - 2001 I think. The plotline basically was about a husband (Ardee or Ardy maybe? I think?) a latin looking guy, who had been cheating on his older blonde wife marion with a dark haired woman named annie, this annie kind of reminded me of . anyway towards the end of the film, marion having found out the goings-on between them, she convinces Annie that she wants to join them in a threesome. so annie meets with Ardee, the sex scene commences between annie and Ardee, and during the couple having sex, marion is present in the room sitting with her back turned to them on one of those swivel office type chairs, she turns round to reveal that she is here to Ardy, and this results in a startled Ardy. Ardee is surprised to find that marion is in the room with them, instead of joining them, she them holds the couple at gunpoint. annie then says: "she's going to join us, menage a trois for example" Marion: "Shut up annie don't be a fool" Ardee: "Marion i'm sorry, do you want me to give you a divorce?" Marion: "haha, you give me a divorce?" "I want you to finish what you started, I've had to sit at home wondering why I wasn't enough, knowing that that bitch was waiting for you, so believe me I can get much worse". Marion: "finish what you started Ardee, you're a professional, got to reach the finish line". Marion forces them to continue having sex at gunpoint, she becomes unsettled after they continue after she's asked them to stop and then fires the gun at them both. She fires blanks at them... and then talks for awhile before the closing credits roll. She says: "I didn't shoot him, I fired blanks, come to think of it, I think he did too" lol "The gun was just to intimidate him".
if anyone can tell me which film this is, It'd be a great help.
Cheers
the film itself was made in the early 90's from what I remember. Could've been part of a tv series, or even a tv movie, i'm not sure as I saw only the last half an hour or so. But I thought this particular scene i caught at the end might stand out for someone who has seen it. I don't know the names of any of the actors/actresses either, just three principal characters Annie, Ardy (spelling?) & Marion.
Channel 5 is a terrestrial tv station based in the UK, it was notorious actually 10 years ago for showing after 10PM erotic movies from shannon tweed etc... I have contacted Channel 5 regarding this, but they said that they couldn't help me. I've written to them again tonight just asking for a list of films they showed during that time. I hope they do keep a list of them like you say mate. I'll give it another try anyway, and thanks a lot for your post, I will continue with my quest in finding my holy grail of softcore pornography! lol
it will make me so happy to one day find it :( if only i had the tv listings for channel 5 for '99-01 :((((
Have you thought of asking somewhere that isn't a music board full of bored pisstakers?
I've asked in a few forums and other places online, no such luck yet :( might start a facebook group soon, do you know how i can start a group to find this film?
the worst thing
Was when you were watching an erotic thriller like 'The Scent of Danger' or whatever, and you sense some tuft or nipple action coming on because its late-night onscreen and there's mood lighting and saxaphone and things are getting steamy - and then it cuts to morning. So no chance of sexiness, and you're left out in the cold with your dick in your hand. Sad times
They're sad times for me alright, wish I knew the title of this film :(