Your are viewing a read-only archive of the old DiS boards. Please hit the Community button above to engage with the DiS !
mine went like this!
HES A CONDOM
you run your own body LET ME RUN MINE.
also, have you got the yes feeling or the no feeling?
@TheWza, it was basically if someone touched you inappropriately did that give you the "yes" feeling or the "no" feeling. We watched these cheesy American videos that I think dated from the 80's (I had sex ed in about 2000) that talked about flashers and paedo's and stuff and if it gave you the yes or no feeling. If it gave you the no feeling you were meant to say, quite firmly, "NO!"
A few science lessons in year 7 WHEN MY DAD WAS MY SCIENCE TEACHER D: I asked my form tutor if i could be excused, she told me not to be so silly :(
In year 11 it came to the schools attention that about half the year had Chlamydia so we had a morning learning about contraception. it was all a bit too late really.
In one, everyone got given a card with a cartoon of a sex act on it, and had to stand up and show it to the class and explain what was going on.
Mine was rimming.
Two blokes in the picture and all, couldn't catch a break that day.
except the carrots were too small, so it, err, didn't really work
we also watched an animation of a man getting an erection.
hopefully it was just an experiment to raise the girls expectations.
refused to talk about sex, so someone came in and taught us about various forms of contraception and STDs.
it was funny because we later found out that the health teacher was having an affair with the science teacher, so did she really need to be so uptight about sex?
she was worried people would find somehow or another and just avoided the conversation all together
"dont have sex, if you do you'll go to hell"
Were pictures. Polaroids of STDs. The kind that probably influenced the worst shock pictures of the deepest recesses of the internet.
Anyone remember those? Urgh.
Or if we did I don't remember it. Maybe we did, but it was so subtle or religion-heavy that I didn't notice. Big up catholicz.
Then just a loose collection of random PSE lessons and bits of biology. We had an overly informal PSE teacher who used to go into way too much detail about her own sex life and asking us about ours ("hands up - who masturbated today or yesterday?"). Pretty crap really.
Just the period lady came in and spoke to us about periods.
I remember in science they made us gather round and watch a video of someone having a baby. I had to leave because I felt sick and almost fainted (I don't like blood and I was only about 13).
Have you no sense of decency? The less we talk about these things the less they'll happen. Ignorance is bliss.
Because there was a nurse who came round each form in year 11 (bit late?), but she was off the day she was due to have my form, and it was never rescheduled. I did see a sheet that got handed out to one of the other classes, though - a list of about 30 dos and don'ts. The only one I remember was at the bottom in great big letters - 'ALWAYS SAY NO TO ANAL SEX'.
1 of them was in biology and fact based. the second one a lady came in and put a condom on a test tube. and the third one the lady came in and told us about HIV and that wanking was "Ok".
I'd suggest you go for it.
I definately couldn't do it. I think i'd get the giggles whilst showing them how to put a condom on a banana.
Which I suppose rings pretty true, actually
but that would probably defeat the object.
I remember as a teen going to a sex clinic with some friends to get some free condoms. The lady had a big plastic blue willy with viens on and she made us prove that we could put them on before we got our free condoms. I would use one of those.
We're talking about educating children
I was inspired to have safe sex.
Now that you know how to do it, NEVER EVER DO IT
I think you've misunderstood Catholicism
I got a B at RE GCSE y'know?
She asked everyone to think of reasons why you might have an abortion:
"Because you can't afford to bring up a child?"
"Nonsense! Children hardly cost anything!"
She also told us the best way to not get pregnant/catch AIDS was to never have sex. It's worked for me so far.
We had a weekly “life skills” course when I was 12, which included a month of sex ed. Highlights of that include our form teacher for some inexplicable reason standing in front of the class and demonstrating how you should wipe your arse – she actually balled up some actual toilet paper and made a squat motion and everything. It was stunning, not least because she was supposed to switch roles and teach maths an hour afterwards. To immature 12 year old boys, you can never be taken seriously again after bellowing ‘..always wipe up. ALWAYS UP!!’ to a semi-circle of cross-legged children.
Another lesson involved everyone coming up to the front and drawing one part of the human body on the blackboard – I was known for being the best ‘drawer’ in the class at the time, so when I hadn’t been called yet and nearly everything apart from the crotch area had been filled in, I had a terrible sinking feeling. Right on cue, “Lucien – please come up and draw a penis”. Longest walk of my life – it was like that bit in Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels when he realises that he’s lost the card game and everything goes out of focus and I Wanna Be Your Dog starts playing. To draw a penis at age 12 in front of a silent room of your friends, an adult teacher, and worse....all the girls in your class is a fucking tightrope. Do I draw it small, or big? If I draw pubes on it everyone’s going to laugh, but if I don’t everyone will think that I don’t have pubes (I didn’t) and that might be worse. Oh god, and the ballbag. Shakiest, slowest hand you’ve ever seen scraping chalk across a board. I fucked it up and had to rub out the scrotum because it was massively too big for the penis I’d just drawn, which made Michaelangelo’s David look like John Homes.
Grim, grim times.
however, the arse wiping bit - i have never in all my days heard of this being taught at school
You see headlines about that 5 year old passing GCSE maths and there is us at 12 being instructed on the correct direction to move toilet paper
Balling up the paper? Just scrunching it up? Really?
A lady told us always to wipe from front to back as to not spread germs from your shit into your minge. Not so much in those words but you get the picture.
A lady told us always to wipe from front to back as to not spead germs from our feces into our vagina.
(sorry for being so vulgar)
The colon is two tiny bits of faeces, showing the motion of it being brushed forwards to where it shouldn't be.
Also one of my favourite ever lessons, when our teacher pulled the blinds down on the windows, locked the classroom door and stood at the front writing every single swear word he and we could think of on the blackboard.
The joy of saying 'cunt' at the age of 11, and sanctioned by the teacher, is not to be underestimated.
We'd see the preamble, in which a young man and women from the 80s laughed nervously and gingerly held hands while a colourful animated character narrated, but the moment anything looked like it was gonna get racy the entire class would explode like a gaggle of excitable baboons, jumping up and down, climbing on desks, beating our (watch it ... ) chests and hollering at where we thought the moon would be.
Don't know why, we all knew perfectly well we weren't gonna see anything good anyway.
i think i've told this before, but anyway...
the mouthiest kid in my class was called Socrates Protopapus (he could say his name in one burp) and he asked the following question when we were asked if we had any:
"sir right, i heard right, about this woman yeah, who had a fly fly up 'er cunt yeah? and then right, it laid eggs in there and then right, the eggs all hatched and all these flies flew out."
amazing, amazing scenes as the teacher explained how (thankfully for my 13 year old self) that wasnt possible and started his explaination with, "firstly Socs, you've used possibly the most offensive word for a vagina that there is..."
"do you wanna see this porno i bought called "sixty five plus"?"
Oh, the trouble I got myself into by claiming I had a copy of Deep Throat at school. I don't think I even knew what a deep throat was ...
The opening line was 'if I have nits and headbutt a girl in the fanny ... '
How niche can you take this?!
Sir, if I fart on a chair and then a girl in a skirt sits on it, will the fart germs fly into her chuff?
I'd have been a gobby sod (well, I was anyway, but that's not the point) if I had such an epic name.
bringing it up the Google rankings
Results (2,054) 2 secs
Socrates Protopapus...shit into your minge...ALWAYS SAY NO TO ANAL SEX...fly fly up 'er cunt yeah?...
'Return to Senga, Agnes unknown.'
theres a VERY good chance thats him! need a better photo, but he's the sort of kid who would never move out of whetstone and would probably end up running a shop or something. and he ws never that fat.
mind you, there are a lot greek-cypriots in barnet - his name wasnt that unsual.
the more i think its him.
Someone is going to have to jump a very high bar to unseat this as the line of the day
fair enough tho, most of them were called Barry or Peter, not Socrates.
couldnt have been a more inappropriate first name to be honest.
as her and her friend could fit in there. We were about 13 so I don't know why they were in the bath together.
Alistair Campbell himself couldn't have spun it better.
This lad called Jamie (who was one of the school's trouble makers) stood up to read his out
"R is for ready. Ready for love"
Teacher: "Ah Jamie, that's very sweet. Carry on"
*mischievous glint in his eye*
"E is for ERECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Jamie go to the deputy head's office"
i think there's a gap in the market for sexy acrostics
as part of a poem based on the word "relationship"?
Shitty no-confidence teacher by any chance?
The first was informing the teacher who informed us she slept with her husband before they got married because she wanted to make sure he "good at it" - may have refered to it as trying before she bought - that she was a slapper and he'd lost all previous respect he had for her
shame you never got to hear the rest.
and there was nothing after that.
my friend Jenny fainted but everyone just thought she'd fallen asleep on her desk and didn't notice till about 10 minutes later when she woke up and was promptly sick in one of the sinks.
It's more like what happens after sex education
i don't think we really needed to see that amount of blood/vagina though
posting on an internet message board under the pretence of being a 'music fan'?
"this is actually what happens if you have sex". scare tactics.
He was the subject of all school jokes until another kid got caught feeling himself up in a Maths class.
What's more perverted? Wanking to a birth or to long division?
Howard Can'trememberhissurname not only wanked off to a sex ed video, he caught the spunk in a coke can and tried to sell it to people.
I was 18 when I discovered that none of this was true.
Our scouse PE/Sex ed teachers Ms Warren fucking loved it.
We had to put condoms on cucumbers. Quite daunting. I remember asking a question and calling it a rubber jonny, and then when Ms Warren answered she called it that too, bringing it down to my level.
Apparently she used to be a bit of a babe, too.
Did you go to Walkden High?
Sure did, left in 2002. You?
left in 96 you youthfull bastard. I can confirm that Ms Warren wasn't fit back int he day though.
What about Ms Burks? Heard she was a right goer.
A fire in my trousers I tell thee. Was Ms Williamson(Geography) still there when you were? Joao D'Olivera got suspended for prodding her in the fanny with a pencil.
Yeah, I think I remember her. Always wondered why she was a bit of a prude.
so I never really got to see the sex ed videos they played to the class. Playing bassoon didn't turn out to be entirely irrlevant when it came to skills in that department, though.
We had a Jehovah's Witness named Blair who had to go out into the hallway and read. His parents were both teachers at the school and found out he could hear what was being said behind the door so from then on the teacher had to watch him move his chair at least 20m down the hallway before the class started - as if he didn't have enough on his plate as it was.
but there was a kid in my physics class who had to sit out when we were taught about the big bang. Although, I suppose the parents might have thought that the big bang was something to do with sex ed.
But we had this kid join our school who was from Venezula. He was cool, but he had a tendancy to flip out.
Seeing him argue with a teacher about Darwin was pretty LOL
"Yes, Chris, but Darwin's THEORY was..."
"NO IT WAS GOD"
that first sentence you typed sent me into a snorting free fall resulting in a very sharp exit.
kids should learn about these things on the street
She went to a different school from me.
We even glossed over reproduction in Biology. </Catholic education>