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as I get older, I'm favouring the death-by-politeness-and-ambiguity method.
and then actually doing it?
About six months, although two of them were forced (she was away and I thought it would be better to do it in person).
I mean you need to reeeeeally make sure it's what you want, which can take months sometimes...
That said my ex (admittedly of only 6 months) decided one night she didn't want to be with me and then the next night it was over. Weird.
i was having a discussion when someone said they'd been trying to break up with their partner for TWO years! I mean, this is a situation without domestic abuse/fear of life ending/someone having a terminal illness.
but on a personal level, i'd go for instant death, rather than drawing it out
But it happens. I mean 2 years is a bit daft but like with any important decision in your life it takes time eh?
Better that than to be one of these self-conscious "I'm a romantic, man, if my heart ain't feeling it then there's no point life's too short LOL" idiots who break up with people on a whim because the honeymoon period's over. And then spend the next 2 years trying to get that person back because they made a mistake...
Relationships in 'Not Being Straightforward' shocker.
Sounds like he/she has issues with being single and is waiting to find the next person first.
Though I haven't spoken to her about three years, so I assume she's got the message.
We had nothing in common, and she was near mute. I mean I would rabbit on about bollocks and she's sit there going "oh how nice" and I'd be like "No, not how nice, this is bollocks, tell me it's bollocks"
Anyway, having never split with anyone before, always being the receiver, I didn't really know how to do it, even though the relationship wasn't really anything formal.
So I decided, in my incredible 21 year odl mind, to just be a dick to her until she called it off.
But it backfired because she put up with it! In the end I had to man up and actually dump her for her own self respect if nothing else.
Since that experience, I always adopted the apporach of simply stop speaking to them, they'll get the message.
I'm so glad I'm in long term relationship now and I don't have to admit my cowardice to the world so often
you just stop talking to people?
but don't you feel guilty? i'm not saying you should (at all - in fact, your strategy is most sensible), but i would just feel really bad, thinking of what it would be like to be on the receiving end!
I have real confrontation issues
I'm talking people I'd been on a couple of dates with though, not actual girlfriends
I'm DEFINITELY too much of a coward for that shit.
I'd rather just carry on as normal and watch it disintegrate over time... That way, I get binned off, they get the satisfaction of doing so, both parties are better off.
Or something. Truth is I'm a just a massive pussy because I hate upsetting people.
I can't bear upsetting or offending people. It hampers my effectiveness at work massively
I've got to ring an agency I'm working with this afternoon and give them a bollocking and demand compensation because they sent some data back wrong. Thing is, they've made a mistake and it's caused a few problems (nothing unresolvable) but in my head it's JUST a mistake y'know? It happens. Human error. But my managers are saying "They've not delivered, you're project manager, you need to bring them to task".
I can't be doing with it. Just an apology and proof that a system has been put in place to stop it happening again is enough for me... I can't be the bad guy! Same with women. I'd sooner spend a year being a bit miserable about being in a crap relationship than end it...
I hate it when my manager wants me to tell off someone who's fucked up a bit, but not massively in my mind... I'm too laid back to get really angry, and because of that don't want to offend when looking more pissed off than I am!
is cuntish. don't be a cunt.
she hated me for about 18 months solid after that one.
sounds like when a CEO is forced to resign but pretends to be happy with it.
really shouldve dealt with it a long time ago.
people normally tire of me before i tire of them. not surprising.
Like I find it hard to break up with a girl if we're going to a festival together the following month. But then if you wait until all the 'occasions' are over to do it, new ones will appear and you're stuck in an unenviable cycle... I just don't like breaking up with someone when we've got things on!
I don't recommend that approach
to start the ball rolling
and thinking about this period is making me feel a little better about persistent singledom.
That, along with a morning of reading about STIs and the couple arguing in the coffee shop.
I tried to break up with him about 4 times but each time he almost cried or did cry so I felt bad and couldn't do it. In the end things got a lot better and then he dumped me! He dumped ME!
only a few weeks ago you were saying this guy had an amazing cock..
I'm glad I missed that thread.
I'm an awful, awful liar, and continuing to see someone I know I've gone off feels like lying, so I can't do it.
I don't think I've ever found it that difficult, actually. Wow, I'm so cold.
bake a him a cake and write "UR DUMPED" in icing on the top. The initial pain of being dumped will be assuaged by the tasty treat before him. It will also make you feel less guilty knowing your last act in the relationship was to bake him a cake (unless he eats the sponge part of the cake first and leaves the icing til last, in which case he'll be reminded about the dumping with no cake to cheer him up)
I'm surprised more people don't do this.
some way of concealing it within the cake. Ideally you want to follow the reverse sandwich model: hide the bad within two layers of good. So he sees the cake, he's like "oh hell son, cake." probably makes a cup of tea, puts the TV on in preparation. he's feeling good.
Cuts the cake, sits down, feet up. As he goes to take a bite, sees the words U R DUMPED LOL baked -into- the cake. consumes cake in tears, but blow significantly softened
inside a steak spell "sorry, i don't think it's going to work out between us"
I dunno, I'll have to call the lab on this one.
plus, you'd have to be sure he saw it. "didn't you read what was in the steak?"
...and stamp it all the way through an entire loaf of bread.
That way he's got no girlfriend and no breakfast. Winner.
bribe a baker with sex
You could even ice a positive message on the top, like "I LIKE YOU, HERE'S A CAKE" to make him feel even more better before the mid-cake devestation.
Even more better?
EVERYTHING'S GOING GREAT
...oh and there's a spongey bit at the bottom spelling out I DO NOT LIKE YOU ANYMORE AND GIVE ME BACK MY CDs.
I'm sure Konditor & Cook regularly do a batch of their Magic Cakes to send just this message.
! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
You should definitely consider doing this.
I'm a sex camel
It's the thought of YOU that makes ME vomit! kthxbye."
I think me and his girl spent almost two and a half years in a cycle of breaking up and making up, we could never synch up the times when we both actually wanted to be together and spent months and months putting each other through Guantanamo Bay style psychological warfare, breaking up, seeing other people, crawling back to each other until it finally ended. Worst thing it it took ages for me to realise that it wasn't normal and that it wasn't what everyone else did! <heavy hearted lulz>
im back in a relationship again... bagged myself a toyboy :D after more than a year out of the whole relationship business. six years isnt that much of a difference is it? ahaha. he's 21 - i'm 27
would you mind if they did
i met him through good mates of mine, who are the same age as me and happen to be his cousins. So im not sure.. i think he is mature for his age. But im sure something has been said along the way. I dont think i mind no, im sure its nothing bad :)
ach.. its nice to be all loved up again.. also, this means i get to kind of re-live my 20's from the start :P
and talked loads about how she sometimes got so depressed she was close to suicide.......now i dont know if she did it deliberately, it might have just me that made the connection....but I felt petrified that if i called it off she might top herself...........so I did something underhand, but with the best intentions.........she had always looked down her nose at men who just spent their time in pubs and watched football and guffawed with their mates (and farted) .........so I started to drift into this, with the deliberate intention that SHE should become sick of me, so that she would chuck me for being a rubbish bf (like other rubbish men) so she would just think I was like other rubbish blokes (Lads....or swillers as she used to call them)
I was her first bf...in due course she chuicked me (her freind slapped me) but that was good cos my ex gf did not loose the self confidence i was fearing she would if i split with her, instead of self pituy she had anger, and a story to share with her gf's about how crap men can be.........ok so i helped reenforce a stereotype, but it was worth it.......the next day the headaches i had had for 3 months continuously cleared up