'ROO MUST BE JOKING!' - Everton make a lot of people very happy by staging a cracking comeback to draw with a Rooney-less United.
'WHY DOES IT ALWAYS REINA ON ME?!' (this one doesn't really work) - Big Eck bemoans Reina's stirling effort between the sticks as the liverpool GK SALVAGES a draw for the scallies. That Cameron Jerome is a decent striker i reckon. Torres continues to look rubbish.
'BROKEN HART!' - Joe Hart becomes the latest English GK to be rubbish, BIG SAM says RObinson would consider coming out of international retirement if Capello makes him no.1. City fans throw bottles at their team of overpaid primadonna superstars. NO CLASS.
'LOOK WHO'S BECK!' - Beckham plays 20 minutes for LA Galaxy and is now a dead cert for 90 minutes and the captaincy in the next england match.
'WEST HAM ARE RUBBISH!' (i'm out of ideas now...) - Essien practices levitation in London and grabs 2 goals as the Hammers make their worst league start ever or something.
Spurs almost lose the final part of the 'spine' to serious injury but finally receive some encouraging injury news as Modric doesn't suffer a leg break. We continue to be a bit rubbish though and end up relying on cudicini to save us from defeat at WBA.
Zamora's less lucky and suffers a leg break.
Arsenal put 4 past Bolton.
Blackpool get the result of the weekend in the PL with a cracking away win against Newcastle.
Rangers and Celtic are still at 100%
Stevenage get a decent draw with Crewe.
There is a team in the MLS called Real Salt Lake. Amazing.